Title: Moving On
Pairing: references to Jeanne/Tony.
Rating: PG – PG 13
Cat: Gen/ Angst
Spoilers: Twilight and season 4 and first couple of episodes of 5
Tony stood in front of Kate's tombstone. That was all she was now, a tombstone in a graveyard, among thousands of other tombstones. He'd flown to Indiana for the 3 year anniversary of her death after having an urge to talk to her about everything that had been happening.
He wanted to hear her sarcasm and wit that would most likely be directed towards him, see her standing up to Gibbs, listening to Ducky's tales and plotting against the rest of them with Abby. But that wouldn't ever happen again, only in his most vulnerable of moments could he remember her voice, remember what it was like when he could take her presence for granted. In the deep recesses of his mind, he wished he could somehow immortalize her, feel her presence around him, if only for a little while.
He thought it was ironic that she always thought he couldn't keep a relationship with a girl for longer than a week, and here he was, still talking to Kate and having a 'relationship' with her, except she was dead. So really, it was a one-sided relationship. He wondered if she could actually hear him when he spoke to her and if she ever spoke back to him. What worried him even more was the notion that she could read his thoughts; he'd watched all those movies where the ghosts of the people who had died could read their loved ones' thoughts. Did Kate love him enough as a sister or a friend to be able to read his thoughts? He hoped she didn't, because he didn't think he or Kate could handle her knowing his deepest, darkest thoughts; the ones that he didn't like to share with anyone and would most likely take to the grave with him.
He decided to take the plunge and talk to her.
"Kate, I stuffed up." He paused to look around briefly. "I was undercover, so deep that I think I was becoming my alias. I fell in love with the target's daughter." He laughed self-mockingly at that.
"Me, the player – who gets a girl for a week and then moves on to the next one – fell in love with a woman. Like madly, deeply in love. She found out, or rather I told her once I realised that my cover was blown. The look on her face... it was...I won't forget for a long time, if ever.
"How am I going to get over it, Kate? She told me to choose between the team – my family, or her – the woman I love, and I chose my family. I wish I could've had both, but that's impossible for me isn't? Its always gotta be all in or all out, no middle ground. And that sucks, a lot."
There was a gentle breeze blowing through the cemetery that wrapped around Tony and made him feel warm, and he briefly wondered if that was Kate's way of talking to him, even if he couldn't understand the words of the wind. The sentiment of it would be nice. His special way of communicating with his best friend and partner, he liked the idea of that.
"I'm going to be okay, Kate. It'll take time but I'll get there. Teasing McGee and Ziva and getting head slaps from Gibbs will be a reminder of what I would've missed more than anything if I had have chosen Jeanne. I'll come and see you again soon, Kate, I promise."
Tony placed a photo frame in front of her tombstone. It had a photo of the team in it, taken when Kate was still alive. Everyone was smiling and looking at each other, including Gibbs; anyone who looked at it would know that they were a family. And the great thing was, thought Tony, they were still family, they'd just gained a few more members. He smiled.
As Tony walked back to his hire car, he could feel the warm, gentle breeze that enveloped him like a hug before return. It was then that he realized that Kate had immortalized herself in her own way. If it was possible, his smile got even bigger and more mischievous. He could have some fun, knowing that Kate could and was reading his thoughts.
A couple of days later, when Tony walked into the bullpen, everyone noticed that he was happier, more free, and content with himself. They didn't know what or who he did, though Gibbs had an idea – he went and visited his first wife and daughter regularly to sort out his thoughts. Tony was moving on from Jeanne and the other problems that he had been facing by himself, and no one was more happier for Tony than Kate.
A/N: Comments and Concrit are more than welcome :)