Disclaimer: None of this is mine. Just the rambling ideas of a womb-to-tomb TOS fan and a lover of music!
Post-Journey to Babel- This follows "Flawlessly Logical". Christine realizes some things about Vulcan marriages that make her see absolutely red. But Sarek has some advice for his son that sets him on a path he had not previously considered.
Chapter 1- Realizations and Enlightment
Christine Chapel was no longer sympathetic in regards to Spock rebuffing the love she had offered him. She was furious. He had made her believe that he was incapable of bringing anything to the table in a relationship with a Human woman.
Then Spock's parents had come aboard the Enterprise. The more she watched, the angrier she became. Amanda's humanity had not been sublimated by Vulcan expectations. It was obvious that Sarek and Amanda had a strong and intimate marriage. Conspiratorial glances at each other from across the room, the slight softening of Sarek's eyes as he touched fingers with his wife. Why, it was even whispered that the front of Sarek's trousers weren't "quite flat" when he and Amanda had disembarked from the shuttlecraft!
So Spock couldn't love her the way a Human could love her because he's a Vulcan, eh? Looks like the Vulcan way of loving someone wasn't such a shabby thing, because Lady Amanda sure didn't look like someone who only got it every seven years! Then, when Sarek woke up from the anesthesia and saw his wife's face, she could have sworn he whispered the word "beloved".
"Breathe, Chapel...you don't want to make a fool of yourself again and particularly not in front of the Captain and Mr. Spock's parents."
So, to calm herself, she went about her duties in the Sickbay, softly humming as she often did when doing her more mindless tasks. It was reflective of her situation, but she still loved the tune. Shift ended, she headed for her quarters.
Unbeknownst to Christine, however, both her general feelings and the tune she hummed had an audience. Vulcan hearing acuity identified it immediately. He had seen it once with Amanda, before their marriage. Many elements were illogical, but the music was compelling, all the same.
"Nurse Chapel seems to be in great turmoil, my son."
Spock turned over to look at his father. "If you are referring to her illogical ideas about me, Father, I assure you, that is nothing new."
Sarek, still weak from the surgery and drugs, gave an uncharacteristic human sigh.
"It's illogical for her to desire to not shame your Vulcan sensibilities in front of your Captain or your parents?"
Spock had never heard his father so candid, especially in such a non confrontational manner. Still leery of the past, he warned, "That is not what I meant, Father. Nurse Chapel harbors feelings for me that I cannot return."
"Cannot? Or will not?"
"What is the difference, Father? I am a Vulcan. She desires Human love."
Sarek gave a half-smile. "Would your forsake the love your mother offered you as a boy, Spock? I am Vulcan as well, but have been the recipient of Human emotions for nearly 40 years. Though it is not the Vulcan way, it is also illogical to expect a Human to cease in experiencing these emotions. Our emotions, not controlled, are dangerous for us. Most humans find strength in their emotions. Even grief and sadness can fortify a Human's resolve to accept what must be. I would not trade the things that your mother offers me for a bond with any Vulcan woman."
Spock was stunned. "Mother said you would never speak of these things to me."
"Normally, I might not. On Earth, there is on old Latin saying. 'In vino veritas.' Now, I have not been drinking any wine, but certainly the pain medication from my surgery has somewhat lowered my control. Your mother would say I should take advantage of it. Your mother is Human, but she has instincts that defy Vulcan logic. She knew the betrothal was wrong for you, but I insisted on it anyway. Yet, in the end, your mother was vindicated and my logic was shown to be in error."
Spock's eyebrows lifted. Sarek had never admitted to be in error, ever.
"Father, while your control is uncertain. I'm going to ask you a question. Even I knew you were teasing Mother earlier. How did you come to marry her?"
"I was ambassador to Earth. I met your mother there. We began as colleagues at the Embassy, as she taught the Vulcan delegation the finer points of Terran colloquialisms. We became friends. Soon, I knew that I did not wish to leave Terra unless I had Amanda at my side. Thankfully, she was agreeable. Otherwise, I do not know if I could have accepted another."
Spock flushed at his father's subtle reference to the Time. Between what his mother had said to him before he reported to Sickbay and now Sarek's candid confession, he was beginning to realize that he had never known his parents as a couple. No one had ever dared to ask him the most blunt of questions regarding a relationship with a woman, Human or Vulcan. His father's voice echoed in his mind. "Cannot? Or will not?" Sarek had admitted to not wanting to live without his mother, and inferred that he felt he could not live without his mother. His mother, in all of her Human frankness, put to rest the notion that she was a martyr and her life was an unhappy one. She had a point about T'Pring as well. No warmth, no caring. Even if she had not challenged, he would have fulfilled his Time with her, he would have returned to the Enterprise, and she would have borne him an heir. No sense of family, no sense of belonging.
"There really was no bond between you and T'Pring, was there, my son?" Sarek turned to his son. "I must apologize. I think we have both been through an ordeal and our shields are not what they should be. I did not mean to violate your privacy."
The human half of Spock was overjoyed to be conversing with his father once again, without rancor or contention. His Vulcan half was curious about the Vulcan marriage bond, and what it should entail. "No, Father. It is quite alright. I have been having some questions since my experience on our Marriage Grounds. I never felt anything towards T'Pring. She was always beyond my reach, even mentally. From the time of our initial betrothal bond, I felt her contempt for my lineage. I could ascertain nothing of her intentions before she chose the Challenge. I certainly never envisioned her being the constant companion that you have had in Mother. Our bond was so tenuous that we did not even require a Healer to sever it once I emerged from the Fever."
"My son, you are free now to choose for yourself. Despite T'Pau's inquiries, I have no desire to present you with a list of women you've never met, simply because they are appropriate according to their Clan status. Remember, the one you choose literally holds your life in their hands. Loyalty is not something that one can purchase with dynastic mergers or dowries. Your mother is fiercely loyal. It took all of my logic to convince her that confronting T'Pring with a lirpa was not among her choices in dealing with your ordeal." Sarek quirked an eyebrow at his son.
Spock had never seen his father look so amused. No doubt it was because it was the image of his petite Human mother storming Stonn's family home dragging a lirpa. "I must admit, Father, if I were Human, I would laugh at that mental image." Then lowering his head almost instinctively, he reiterated, "If I were Human."
Sarek shook his head, Human style. "Do not lower your head. In retrospect, it is an amusing thing to think upon. But at the time, I had to not only deter your mother from her desired course of action, I also had to purge the negative emotions that T'Pring's traitorous actions had stirred in me. You are my son, Spock. It was not logic that allowed you and Captain Kirk to emerge alive from that ordeal. It was Human craftiness and what your mother would call luck. I did not want this for you."
Spock looked at his father with new eyes. He realized that his father did care. It felt logical to him. His mother loved him. That felt logical as well. Spock realized that no matter what had transpired, he would always cherish them both in turn. If there was room for that in his existence, then he must find someone who accepted him as he was, and be able to return the same sentiments. His life depended on it. Even more importantly, if his father could do so as a fully Vulcan male, then he could do so with both sides of his heritage.
"Rest, Father. You nearly died. The doctor would not be sanguine on you spending less time recovering and more time conversing. In the meantime, I will rest...and meditate on what we have discussed." Spock then ordered the computer to dim the lights, and contemplated things such as familial ties, the true Vulcan marriage bond that his mother asserted that could not compare with anything a Human man could have offered her in the way of love, and even the melancholy tune Nurse Chapel had been humming in the Sickbay.