It was a gloomy night. The sky was as dark as a chimney and the stars shone like beakers. The ugerly elf, Arya, was galloping fast on her horse. Nobody actually knew WHY, but i have a suspicion it was cause she knew I WAS AFTER HER!!!!!! Being and author ROX!!!! You can do whatever you like to whoever you like!!! woot woot!!
But anyway, story. Arya had blonde hair and greeney-bluey eyes, even though she was MEANT to look exotic and beautiful. Phhhhh.
Her horse suddenly stopped, as a Hott, Sexxy young man stood in front of them. His hair was golden blonde and his eyes deepest chocolate.
"Move! I must hurry!" the elf cried.
He laughed. Again and again. He would stop and look up only to see how Slightly Disgruntled she was and fall over again gigling and snorting. He could do all these things, and still be super Sexxy and Hott!! HOW DID HE DO IT???
Unfortunatly, the Ugerly Elf (Arya) didn't have a brain to conect images from her eyes to, and she saw him as Adverage (Which he totally was NOT.) Another disadvantage to not having a brain was that she was liable to say whatever the hell she liked.
"Eragon, i simply must object!"
At this point the Most Brilliant Author Ever (me) jumped out from a nearby tree stump and poked the horse sharply in the eye, while screaming, "EDDIE MADE ME DO IT!!!!"
The horse stumbled over, blinded by her brilliantly coloured nails.
My eyes!!!
It fell to the ground, utterly defeated. The Ugerly Elf jumped off her fallen horse, still twitching on the ground as Arya had NO compassion for it whatsoever, and glared at the Most Brilliant Author Ever (lets call her Emmeline, m'kay?). Emmeline then proceeded to poke HER in the eyes.
"Wtf was that for!!!"
Emmeline looked startled.
"But...but Eddie said-"
"WHO THE HELL IS EDDIE!!!!!"
Emmeiline then sat Eragon and Arya down on a log. While they roasted marshmellows, she told of Eddie The Magical Penguin, a purple penguin Emmeline had as a best friend the year before.
"So then Emily says to me, she says 'Oh yeah? Well i have a Magical Penguin called Freddy!' of course, i was utterly outraged! So i got Jan to sit on Freddy and i never heard from him again. THEN Eddie went on a cruise to Barbados and he-"
"Wait, so Eddie's REAL?!" said a dumbarse, aka Arya.
"Well, DER!!!! Of COURSE Eddie's REAL!!!"
Arya being stupid, believed Emmeline. Eragon, of course, being Hott and Sexxy, started to make out with Emmeline.
"Hey! Hands off!!"
The Hott and Sexxy couple (Eragon and Emmeline) unlocked from each other and stared at Arya with one eyebrow raised.
"I thought you weren't interested in me?!"
Arya blushed, as she CLEARLY did love Eragon. Who doesn't?!
"Well, yes! But that doesn't mean i can PRETEND!!"
There was a silence. Then Eragon and Emmeline made out again.
After several Fun Filled hours, Arya interuppted.
"Uh, so why was i riding furiously?"
"Oh yeah, about that..."
"Yes?!"
"Galby's on 'is way." said Eragon through a mouthful of Emmeline.
((EWW! NOT LIKE, A BODY PART!!! I MAY BE OBBSESSED WITH ERAGON, BUT I STOP SHORT OF BEING PROMISCUOUS!))
Arya stood up just as Galby charged through the forest nearby, his Urgals singing "Like a Virgin" and him humming the Rubber Ducky Song
((YOU KNOW THE ONE BERT AND ERNIE OFF SESAME STREET SING!!! RUBBER DUCKY, YOU'RE SO FINE! YOU MAKE BATHTIME LOTSA FUN!!! RUBBER DUCKY IM AWFULLY FOND OF YOU!!! RING ANY BELLS?!))
He looked ahead and saw Arya standing there like a Fool (Who says she ISN'T?!) and Eragon and Emmeline still making out.
"So, uh, can i invade or what?"
Eragon and Emmeline looked up again, Slightly Disgruntled at being interuppted AGAIN!!
Eragon looked around and found a large stone, perfect for crouching behind while an elf got captured and possibly raped.
"Yeah, just wait a sec." Eragon and the Incredibly beautiful girl creeped behind the stone and made themselves comfortable while Galby filed his nails. Arya seemed to come out of a trance at the sound of mutinous nails on the filer. "Hey! Eragon and Emmeline, you just betrayed me!!"
Emmeline popped her head out from behind the rock and mumbled something.
"What???"
"GOD, WHAT ARE YOU, DEAF?????!!!!!!!!!!! I SAID 'THAT HAPPENED QUITE SOME TIME AGO'!!!!!! TURN UP YOUR HEARING AIDS, WOMAN!!!!"
Arya looked at them solemly. Emmeline and Eragon burst out laughing.
"What's so funny??" Galby enquired.
Arya turned around, her face still trying to remain solemn. Galbatorix and his entire army burst out laughing.
If you, my friends, had been a crow flying north-east at eleven twenty-four point five PM that night, you would have seen a sea of men crying while clutching their stomachs. You would have seen a Hott and Sexxy couple shaking each others shoulders while hysterically breathing into Hippoventilating bags ((Long story, don't ask. I'll explain at the end.))
You would also have seen a king bowed down with mirth, a small plastic duck clutched in his hand and a More Than Slightly Disgruntled elf trying to act solemn. You would also have pissed yourself laughing and fallen to a camp of urgals set up nearby.
But anyways. Story. Galby finally stopped mid-laugh, as all evil villains do, and growled. "Enough of this! I want the blood of the person responsible for taking that dragon's egg from me!! Which one of youse was it?!!"
Eragon and Emmeline shrugged and "meh"ed and sunk back down behind the rock to talk about how Un-hott Murtagh was.
Arya, being a dumb-arse and all, stayed where she was. She blinked once, twice, thrice...
Galby stored his plastic ducky away in the fold of his robes and took out a sword. His face went blank as he called someone unknown.
He took several short strides forward. "SHORT ARSE!!" One of the soldiers called. Unable to reply with a decent comeback, Galby went with the standard 'Whatever'.
Suddenly two dark figures appeared in the sky above their heads. As they drew closer, they could be identified as a red dragon and a puff of smoke that somehow resembled a dragon. On the red dragon, a very un-Hott, un-Sexxy figure lurked in a lurky kind of way. On the puff of smoke a very UUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHH figure giggled in a giggly way.
"Dagnammit!! DURZA!!!!! WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT THE SACRIFICIAL WINE!!!!!" Galby screeched.
The dragon landed heavily while the puff of smoke sort of floated, but not unheavily. Don't ask me how smoke can float heavily, this just COULD.
Murtagh stepped off the sie of the red draggy, and fell flat on his wide, wide face.
"WHAT'S WITH THAT!!! GALBY, WHEN'RE YA GUNNA INSTALL THE ESCALATOR!!!!!?????"
Galby said sarcastically, "The same time as the indicators."
Murtagh nodded, then spotted Arya.
"You're hot." ((I COULDN'T BRING MYSELF TO SAY HOTT...NOT ABOUT ARYA!!!))
"Yeah, i know." She ran forward and kissed Murtagh. A chorus of "EWWW!!!!! HOW RANK!!!!!" echoed around the forest.
"Meh." came from the Ugerly couples lips.
"THAT'S MY WORD!!!!!! SHUDDUPA YOUR FACE!!!!"
Emmeline slapped Arya. She poked her in the eye again.
"Hey! Don't tell me...Eddie The Magical Penguin..."
"No actually. See, Harry Potter came and he put the Imperius curse on me and THEN what happened was-"
Arya slapped her back. Emmeline screamed in her extremely loud scream and threw Arya into a nearby pot of boiling elephant crap.
Arya didn't notice the pain.
"OMG!!!!! MY HAIR!!!!! MY HAIR!!!!!!!! ARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!"
She leaped out and cleaned herself with magic and pushed Emmeline over.
"Omigod! Bitch fight!!" giggled Durza.
A (mock) look of total calm settled accross Emmeline's face.
"I am sorry, dearest Arya. Please forgive me?"
Arya shrugged and grunted "Meh-uh-uh."
Emmeline ground her teeth.
That's my word...
"M'kay!!! It's a deal! So uh, you wanna learn a great song?? AAAALL the guys in Alagaesia will have the hots for you if you sing it!!"
Arya looked like she was thinking, which proved two things. One, that she didn't have a brain, as she came to no conclusions and two, that she must have been in physical pain as her face screwed up.
"WEEEEEELL, i AM hot enough to get any guy already-"
"NOT ME!!!!!" Eragon interjected.
"-but i guess i can't complain if it works!! Teach it to me!!"
So Emmeline enroled in the help of Eragon while Galby, Durza, the puff of smoke, the red dragon, Murtagh and the soldiers waitied with ciggies.
Everybody look at me, me
I walk in the door you start screaming
Come on everybody whatchu here for?
Move your body around like a nympho
Everybody get your necks to crack around
All you crazy people come and jump around
I want to see you all on your knees knees
you either want to be with me, or be me
Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, of her love
She's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cords
make you fall, real hard in love
She's a maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, of her love
She's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cords
Wish you never ever met her at all
And when she walks she walks with passion
when she talks, she talks like she can handle it
when she asks for something, but she means it
even if you never ever seen it
everybody get your necks to crack around
all you crazy people come and jump around
you doing anything to keep her by your side
because, she said she love you, love you long time
Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, of her love
She's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cords
make you fall, real hard in love
She's a maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, of her love
She's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cords
Wish you never ever met her at all
Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, of her love
She's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cords
make you fall, real hard in love
She's a maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, of her love
She's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cords
Wish you never ever met her at all
never ever met her at all
you wish you never ever met her at all
you wish you never ever met her at all
you wish you never ever met her at all
you wish you never ever met her at all
you wish you never ever met her at all
Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, of her love
She's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cords
make you fall, real hard in love
She's a maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, of her love
She's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cords
Wish you never ever met her at all
Arya continued singing this and eventually Galby and his men ran away in fear. Emmeline attempted to high-five Arya, but the body contact sent Mary Sue vibes, so she hastily pulled away.
M'kay!! The Hippoventilating bag... My sister Emily spelt 'Hypoventilating bag' as Hippoventilating bag, so we just say that now. Don't bother flaming me, i didn't ask yall to read this. Any suggestions would be welcome. Bu bye!!!