"WHY do I have to clean out the fridge!?" Autolykos crossed his arms, one hip protruding farther than the other in an unknowing imitation of his father, and gave Hermes his most displeased look.
"Don't you give ME any of your lip, son. You know perfectly well why you have to clean out the fridge! You knew better than to work for Cronos! You know I'm proud of you for getting past all the security systems, and, well, for taking after me so well…I'm so proud of you, son!" Hermes clapped his boy on the shoulder affectionately, wiping a dramatic tear from his eye and then using the same shoulder to lean against him. "But you still worked for a crazy tyrant and I can't just let that go unpunished, now can I? What kind of a father would that make me?" Humming happily he handed Autolykos the compost bucket and a garbage bag.
"You know why I worked for him" Begrudgingly taking the proffered items, he hid a pout as he turned towards the fridge.
"Yes, because he offered you immortality. Believe me; living forever is starting to feel a little daunting. Watching the years fly by like days, seeing most of my loved ones pass away, seeing empires rise and fall, why, no one even talks about the god's in the same way anymore. We're myths, and I don't know about you, but fading from glory days to story days isn't particularly appealing."
There was silence for a short while, save for the sounds of items being pulled from the fridge.
"…You never offered me immortality…" All noises stopped.
"I…You never asked." Hermes winced as the sounds of the bag and bucket were thrown to the floor, something wet sliding out.
"Yeah, 'cause that's a great excuse. What thief doesn't want the opportunity to steal for an eternity? If you're so proud of me and upset over watching 'your loved ones pass away', you could have done something about it, and you didn't!" Autolykos turned away from him and coughed.
"…I did…Well, rather, I tried…Zeus wouldn't let me…"
"Why not? Pan gets to be immortal, why not me!?"
"Well…I don't really know, actually, he mumbled something about 'one Hermes is more than enough'…Son, I swear, I tried numerous times to-"
"-Apparently not hard enough! The only reason I'm here now is because of Cronos!-"
"-And do you know just how it pains me to think I owe him so much!? "
"You wouldn't have to if you'd just lived up to your name! King of Thieves, you couldn't even steal an apple! We could have placed the blame on someone else! He wouldn't have hurt you anyways, you were his son!"
"…Son…he castrated his own father…"
"…Good…point…"
"Never the less, it was a chance I was willing to take for you…unfortunately, Zeus figured me out before I could even try and made sure I was too busy too far away to even get near the Tree of Life…" Autolykos quirked an eyebrow.
"Really?"
"Yeah, I even tried sneaking out to it while he was asleep, but…"
"He didn't catch you, did he!?"
"No…Hera did…" Autolykos winced.
"Ooh, ouch…"
"Yeah, she wasn't too fond of me back then, you know, being the product of her husbands affair with a nymph and all…I conducted the rest of my duties with a limp for a week…"
"There wasn't any…permanent…damage…to…your pride…was there?"
"No, thank God! I was just very uncomfortable for a while" again there was silence. "But…you have to understand…I did try…" He took a step forward and placed a tentative hand on Autolykos shoulder. When it wasn't shrugged off, but met with his son's hand, he pulled him forward and gave him a hug, kissing the top of his head.
"I can't tell you how proud I was when Odie said that all the thefts were executed perfectly! I knew it was you right away! No one else, well, no one else besides me, could have pulled it off! And right out from a different time, too! My clever, little Prince of Thieves."
"Daaad, knock it off! Someone might come in! You think I want them to see me being coddled!? It's bad enough that I got wrestled to the ground with one of my own moves, but nobody else needs to hear your 'terms of endearment'!" He gave Hermes a shove, trying to hide an embarrassed smile.
"Oh, you don't have to worry about that anymore, they've already heard most of them" Hermes grinned and pet him on the head. Autolykos blushed.
"What do you mean!?"
"Well, they just kind of slipped out while I was talking about you, sorry…I still love the story about the baker and the baklava! It's so cute how adept you were when you were so young!" Autolykos blush deepened.
"You told them that story?"
"Of course I did! Two feet high and able to snatch a whole tray! If I didn't know I was the God of sports, I would have asked you how you did it!" Autolykos scratched the back of his head shyly.
"It was a pretty good steal, wasn't it? For my age, I mean…"
"You bet it was! It was nice sitting under that tree together, eating treats"
"Yeah, but you had to pull the father card and not let me eat too much!"
"Hey, I let you eat nearly half the tray! Most parents only let their kids eat a single piece! And I saved a bunch for you to eat after you'd gone to bed!" Autolykos spaced out for a moment.
"Yeah, I still remember how happy I was when I found a box of honey treats under my pillow…"
"That's my boy, always one to take advantage of a favorable situation!"
"Well…I learned from the best."
For a while, neither of them talked, both happily reflecting on their memories.
"You still have to clean out the fridge."
"Oh, come on! We just had a moment, and all you can think about is still punishing me for helping Cronos!?"
"And you have some floors to sweep"
"What!?"
"And mop"
"WHAT!?"
"And the statues need dusting"
"They're so high! How am I supposed to reach them, we don't have any ladders that high!"
"Get climbing, we have plenty of rope"
"Oh come ON!"
"And Apollo said something about the Cha Cha"
"Ok, dad, no way!"
"Oh, come on, son, give poor Hades a break, Apollo manages, and I don't know how he manages it, to haul him up here to teach him how to dance! And besides, Hades told me if he has to eat any more pasta, he's going to explode"
"So I get to eat it all and explode!?"
"I'll come and help, he makes good cannelloni!"
"THAT ISN'T GOING TO HELP ME!"
"I could leave the two of you all alone, if you'd prefer?"
"NO! That isn't fair! If I have to suffer, then you have to suffer with me!"
"Good! Father-Son bonding time…with Latino music"