This is a fic about Jin when he's a kid. (like 6-8 or something) From the game BlazBlue. Which by the way, I don't claim to own. I'm also not saying that this happens, it's just supposed to be a cute little story. Well it's kinda sad I guess but still. It's Ragna/Jin, but (for once) it's in a brotherly way. Really! It is! I swear.
~Misconception~
Jin wakes up from his dream crying.
"Nii-San…why?" he whispers brokenly. "Why…Why does it have to hurt so much when you say it like that? Maybe…maybe you're right…Maybe I really am too clingy. Maybe…maybe I really am just a bother. Just in the way of you and Saya…But if that's the case, and I know it's true then…why? Why does it have to hurt so much Nii-San?" His voice steadily increases in volume, and he sits up, cradling his legs with his arms and leaning his forehead on his knees. "Why…?" he voice suddenly fades, and he begins to sob. Thinking of his dream, mixing it with reality and twisting the meanings. Twisting it to mean that his brother hates him, hates him more than anything and considers him to mean nothing.
Whatever Nii-San wants…and if he hates me, then he doesn't want to be around me right…? The tears refuse to stop flowing and he wipes them away, frustrated at his own weakness. Maybe Nii-San would like me better if I was stronger. With this new thought in his head, his tears finally stop, he leaps out of bed, wiping at them furiously and quickly splashes his face with water. That being done, he goes to find his brother. I'll have to ask Nii-San first, because if he won't even like when I'm stronger…then I might as well just except it and not get my hopes up too high.
When he finds Ragna he is (as always) with Saya. Jin stifles his jealously and dismay, so that he can talk calmly to his brother without breaking down. He walks into Saya's room, about to ask Ragna, when his brother turns in glares. Jin stops midstep, wondering why he's glaring. Oh right…he…he hates me. How could I forget? He swallows nervously.
"Jin."
"Y-Yes Nii-San?" He tries to keep the nervousness out of his voice, but fails.
Ragna's glare doesn't falter. However, Jin doesn't notice the flash of reluctance in his eyes. He doesn't like making his brother nervous, or disciplining him-but he must.
"Saya said that you were bullying her again yesterday." With Ragna staring at him like that, Jin can't bear to look at him anymore. Can't bear to look at those intense eyes. He interprets it as hate, shifting his eyes to the floor.
"If you're not going to apologize…then get out." He has to force himself to say it; it's difficult, especially when Jin looks down like that.
"…Sorry. Nii-San I-" Jin begins to say as he suddenly looks up, but Ragna interrupts him.
"That didn't sound very sincere Jin." Ragna says, frowning a little. With the bizarre look his little brother just gave him, he's kind of curious as to what he was going to say.
"… I'm sorry. I'll leave now." He abruptly turns, desperately trying to keep the tears out of his voice, luckily for him, he succeeds. So…he really does hate me. He wouldn't even listen to what I had to tell him? And he told me to get out…He…I just bother him! Always always always! And all he ever does is put up with me, and I can see the reluctance in his eyes… But I just refuse to believe what I know to be true. He doesn't want me. He never did. He wants Saya now, I'm…meaningless. I have face it. He was just doing what was expected of him. Nothing more, but I don't want him to have to deal with another nuisance. He's already taking care of Saya… As his depressing thoughts consume him, he walks out of the room, and then begins to run. Thinking as he races out the door and past the Church Yard, into the forest.
He's running, charging through the forest as branches whip his face, slashing little red lines across his face that begin to bleed. The branches hitting the same cuts. It stings. But he continues. His thoughts overwhelming him, leaving a trail of tears in his wake as he tries to hold the sobs in. Hate hate hate! He…hates me but I-I love him! My brother…Nii-San! Why can't you just love me? Even a little bit! Please just…Please just love me…
Jin can't run anymore, he walks off the trail, but doesn't get very far because he collapses into a broken heap on the forest floor. He sobs uncontrollably, his fingers digging into the floor. P-Please! Just love me! Don't…please don't hate me! I'd do anything for you…Nii-San! Just…Just please…I just wish… but no, I guess I don't deserve it do I? Always putting myself in your way, and being mean to the only thing you truly care about- Saya. You love her so much Nii-San…why can't you-? Why can't you just love me? Oh Please stop hating me! I can't stand it! I just can't…
Jin gasps for air- due to his panicked breathing during his run, and his hyperventilating as he sobs. He begins to cough, gasping even more desperately for air-but it gets him no where. Suffocating. His own misery suffocates him as he feels like he's slowly dying. Feels like every heaving breath that doesn't give him nearly enough air is another piece of him being ripped out.
"Nii-San…" He just cries.
Ragna on the other hand, in both unaware and confused. He frowns as he looks where his brother just was, then lets out a sigh. He's probably just upset that I got mad at him. But I can't just not discipline him! It's not my fault that he can't handle me being mad at him. But…I have a bad feeling. Like…no. It's nothing. He'll be back later, and I'll let him say whatever it was that was on his mind. Ragna swallows his guilt and fetches Saya a glass of water for when she wakes up.
Hours pass. Jin hasn't returned.
Ragna's guilt grows as the day continues, thinking about all the times he chose to take care of Saya instead of playing with him. Usually…Usually when Jin gets upset he comes back after half an hour…so much time has passed. But why? What's so different this time? Ragna keeps thinking about whether or not he should just let his brother be alone, or to go find him. His decision is made when Saya breaks out into a fit of coughing and she is left gasping for air.
"Nii-Sama…where is Nii-Chan?" She asks him as she recovers.
"…" Ragna doesn't know how to answer. Saya frowns at him.
"Don't you think you should find him?" She looks innocently at him. He only smiles and ruffles her hair and replies with "I need to take care of you right now Saya. He just needs to be alone right now."
"But Nii-Sama…Jin is alone a lot because you're with me right? How much time does he need?" She tilts her head to the side, her pure, young eyes twisting Ragna's soul about. He shifts uncomfortably and doesn't say a word. The subject doesn't come up again.
Lunch time comes around. Jin is still missing.
Ragna worries, bringing Saya her lunch and sitting outside her door alone. Usually he eats lunch with Jin, but today there is no sign of him. Just as Ragna decides that he's going to look for him, Saya starts another coughing fit. Ragna runs in to find she is choking. He pushes his worries about Jin to the back of his mind as he tends to her.
Hours pass. Ragna worries and his guilt nearly drives him mad.
Jin paces around the forest some more, lost. Even if he wanted to go back home, he wouldn't be able to. Hunger gnaws at his belly as he lifelessly trudges through the trees. He lets out a sigh, all tears long gone by now, as he looks around himself. Where…am I? Nii-San…why? Why don't you find me? Aren't you even a little worried about me? I guess not… You must be glad to finally get rid of me. He closes his eyes in misery, then shakes his head, dispelling his thoughts. He sees a tree that he thinks he can climb, and first the first time all day, he smiles. He runs over and leaps up, branch after branch, disregarding how high he is climbing. He reaches the top, and nearly screams. The wind sways the branches that he clutches onto wildly. He takes a deep breath, heart pounding, nails digging into the wood. He looks around and finally sees it- the path. About 13 meters away is what looks like a dusty brown line, a cleared patch in the ocean of green. He gulps as he slowly, slowly makes it down to the middle of the tree, branch by branch. I guess I wasn't as far off the path as I thought I was… That's good. Panting due to his previous fright, he goes down to the ground much faster than he was at first. With one final leap he lands, and races towards the path. Home…I want to go home! With Nii-San…no. I can't bother him. But I can't…I just can't leave him! If he won't love me, if he'll only hate me for it, then I'll just try to stay out of his way and not talk to him. Maybe then at least, he won't be as mad at me. Maybe then he won't feel as sad around me. As Jin reaches the past, racing towards it like it's the last life boat on a sinking ship, he looks up at the sky. Dark…it's getting so dark. What was it that Nii-San said about the forest at night?
~Flashback~
"Never go into the forest at night, Jin." Ragna looks seriously at him one night.
"Why? Nii-San." He tilts his head to the side, so happy, even when he's puzzled. So foolishly happy, just because his brother is near.
"At night…monsters come out." His gaze does not waver.
"Monsters?" Jin is even more confused, but now a little bit frightened.
"Monsters that I wouldn't be able to protect you from. Demons that have been mutated by seither. Glowing red yes. Sharp, pointy fangs. Razor claws, and a ferocity that would make a scientist fall to his knees, eyes to the sky." Ragna pauses for effect. "Stay out of the forest at night. You shouldn't go into the forest without me anyways though."
Jin Shudders. "Nii-San…you'll protect me…right." He looks up at his brother with terrified eyes, on the verge of tears.
"Of course. Always." He hugs his little brother, and Jin squeezes him as hard as he possibly can.
~End Flashback~
Jin stiffens, looking wildly around himself, suddenly alert. If I start going home now…maybe the monsters won't come after me. He bolts towards the path, even though he knows he's very deep in, he tries not to panic.
Monsters. A rustle of leaves. The wind…just the wind! He fervently tells himself.
Monsters that I wouldn't be able to protect you from. A stick snaps. It's just a deer or something!
Demons that have been mutated by seither. A whisper in the darkness. A shadow, out of place. N-nothing! I'm just…seeing things!
Glowing red eyes. A flash of red. No…
Sharp, Pointy fangs. A howl in the night. NO.
Razor claws and A ferocious growl from the shadows. St-
a ferocity that would make a scientist Footsteps. Stop it!
fall to his knees, Jin falls to the ground, panting, hyperventilating from panic. NO! STOP IT!
eyes to the sky. A voice calls to him, intentions unknown. PLEASE! DON'T DO THIS TO ME! STOP IT! NO!
.
Something grabs Jin, and he screams. Screams bloody murder, thrashing about.
"Jin."
"No no no no no no no no…" Repeated over and over.
"Jin!"
"Leave me…Leave me alone! Stop it!"
"Jin it's me!"
"N-No! Leave me alone! Let me go!" Tears streaming down his face.
"Jin it's Ragna! Nii-San! Stop it! Calm down, it's okay!"
"Nii-San…" He stops, but refuses to look up. "Nii-San…came for me?
Ragna nods, grabbing Jin's shoulders, trying to make him look up.
"No…Nii-San couldn't have…You're not him! You're an imposter! You're just messing with my head!" He screams and shoves him away. Ragna falls to the ground, groaning in both surprise, and a bit of pain from hitting his head.
Nii-San would have never…would have never come for me. He hates me. Jin runs, runs down the path, but he hears footsteps. His name. Please just…just leave me alone! He runs off the path, jumping up a tree. He climbs quickly. The footsteps grow louder. He holds his breath creeping back out of vision from the path, closer to the trunk.
Ranga stops, breathing rapidly. Jin…I finally found you but…you ran. Don't…don't get hurt. Please…let me find you, let me take you home. He looks around, and hears the branches move. Immediately, he goes into alert mode. He gets a feeling though, and he doesn't attack. Jin…that must be you. Heh if you hadn't moved I wouldn't…I wouldn't have found you. Jin…stop this. Just come out now. Why are you so afraid of me?
"Jin. I know it's you. This isn't funny." He frowns. He hears an intake of breath.
Nii-San…it really is him isn't it. Saya…she must have told him to look for me.
"Jin if you're not coming down, I'm coming up." Jins heart stops for a moment. No. Just let me be…I don't want… I don't need…you. I can't be around you when you hate me so much. And then he's sees green eyes, about a decimeter away form his face. He gasps, and automatically jumps back…which isn't a very idea, due to the fact he's in a tree. He loses his footing and falls down, his back slams into another branch, but before he can falls he grabs onto it, wincing.
"Jin!" Ragna gasps, looking at him with what looks to be horror.
Why is he looking at me like that? He hates me that much? So much that he's upset I didn't fall to the ground? Anything Nii-San wants…and if he want me to fall… Jin looks down, his grip loosening.
"Jin! No! Don't do that…I'll get you just…please. Don't fall okay? I'll be right there." Jin just stares blankly at the look of desperation on his face. He wants to push me off himself then? Ragna quickly descends to his level and holds out his hand. Jin flinches away.
Jin recoils. Recoils away from him, nearly falls to his death, or at least sever injury, whenever he gets near him. Why? Jin…what is wrong with you? He swallows.
"Jin." He takes a careful step forward. Jin takes two back.
"Jin…what is wrong with you." He asks, trying to hide the pain in his voice.
Jin takes another step back. He's slowly making his way to the thinner edge of the branch, step by step.
"Jin!" He says, more desperately now, he takes two steps closer. Jin stumbles back three. The branch makes a noise.
"Jin! Stop moving! Just come over here! You're going to-" He takes another step forward, due to his growing panic. Jin jumps down to lower branch. It snaps and he falls.
"JIN!" No…Please! Be okay! Jin what happened to you! Why? You…You have be okay!"
Pain. Agony in his legs, his back. Everything hurts. His breath is knocked out of him and his ribs feel like they're on fire.
"JIN! Hey Jin are you okay." A frantic voice he can barely register.
"Jin… you have to be okay. Say something."
"…"
"J-Jin say something! Please! I'll spend more time with you I promise! Just…" Drops of salty water touch his face. Something touches him. He gasps in sheer agony.
He can't even speak, the pain is too much.
"I'm sorry! I have too…I have to take you back to the church though."
Something lifts him up, and a strangled sound erupts from his throat.
Pain. Pain. Pain.
Not just physical. He thinks back to his dream.
~Flashback (last night in Jin's dreamworld)~
"Monsters. Seither. Red eyes. Fangs. Claws."
"Nii-San?"
His brother grabs him painfully by the shoulders, his nails digging into his skin. Making him bleed. Jin winces.
"What are you-"
"Monsters with red eyes. Demons with sharp, pointy fangs. Razor claws and a ferocity that would make a scientist fall to his knees, eyes to the sky."
"That sounds…Nii-San, you'll protect me…won't you?" He stifles a groan of pain, his brothers hands had gripped harder and fiercer during his little speech. He could tell that there would be deep gashes on his shoulders.
"No."
"W-What?"
"I won't protect you. I do enough for you already."
"What…What are you saying? What do you mean? Nii-San!" His eyes start to water at his brother's cruel words.
"Always! You always get in my way. Always bother, pester me. You never leave me alone. You're much too clingy. Have you ever thought that maybe…I don't like you."
"W-What? What are you saying Nii-San? That's not a very funny joke! Why are yo-"
"Joke?" He scoffs condescendingly. Jin swallows, his heart shattering. "It's the truth. Actually, I'm not being honest with you…" Jin's heart slowly tries to piece itself back together. "When I say I don't like you…" You don't mean it, right? That must be it, Nii-San has to love me…if he didn't, I would- "I hate you." It would surely be the apocalypse.
"What." He says in a small voice.
The four horsemen riding across the land. 666 imprinting itself everywhere. Famine and plagues washing across his own personal hell.
"I. Hate. You." He glares fiercely at Jin. An expression or rage and absolute hatred morphs him into a monster. His eyes run red and flash, fangs grow, his hands grow claws that dig so deep into Jin's skin, that he can't help but scream.
"St-Stop it! Nii-San!" He pleads, terrified.
"Never. Never will you be able to make it up to me." He promises. He retracts his hands, and promptly throws Jin onto the floor, strangling him.
"N-Nii-San!" He gags and tries to gasp for air, but he can't. Suffocating. He looks up at his brother, only to realize his hands weren't anywhere near his neck. He was standing.
His hatred. His Hatred suffocates him, drowns him until he's dying. Dying as his brother walks away. Tears streak down his face.
I hate you.
No.
I. Hate. You.
No!
I HATE YOU!
Nii-San! Why!
HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE!
His throat burns and his vision goes black, he wakes up.
~End Flashback (Jin was reliving it)~
Tear are streaming down Jin's face, and his eyes snap open. Looking at him intently… is his brother.
"Jin. You're awake. I was so worried. Are you okay?" He asks it as if he really does love him.
"Nii-San…" I don't want to see you. Not right now…not when you hate me! I can't! I can't deal with this!
"Nii-San!" He sobs.
"Jin! Hey what's wrong? Hey does it hurt that much?" He asks frantically.
Jin nods.
"You." Is all he says. Ragna looks at him in confusion.
"What?"
"It hurts me…when I'm around you." He calmly states, tears streaming down his face relentlessly.
…Why? I hurt him by being near? But he loved me so much yesterday! And all the days before… wouldn't stop following me around…What I wouldn't give for him to be doing that instead. Instead of this. Lying on the bed in pain, saying he can't bear to be with me… Why? What did I do to him?
"…Jin. Please tell me, what I did to you. Why are you so upset with me? Is it because I haven't been paying attention to you? Whatever it is…please tell me so I can do whatever I can to make it right." He looks at him as sincerely as possible.
"…" Jin looks a bit confused.
"Jin?"
"Why…Why are you acting like this? Did Saya put you up to this?" He asks, as if that's the only option.
"What? No of course not…to be honest, I haven't told her yet. I don't want her to worry."
"Then why are you here?"
"… Because you're hurt! Jin you almost died, do you have any idea…"
"Any idea about what?" Jin asks, tilting his head in confusion, wincing a bit as he does so.
"How worried I was! Jin I was so…I was really…" His brother swallows, and looks down. Letting out a sigh as he does so.
"Jin, I was really. Scared. That you were- God I can't even say it." Jin just looks on with wide eyes, and then blurts out.
"But why? You hate me!"
"…what." A statement- not a question.
Jin doesn't reply. He looks down, waiting for his brother to hit him for being so disrespectful.
"…I'm sorry." He says quietly, not wanting to make his brother too mad.
Ragna leans closer and reaches his hand out towards him.
"I'm sorry!" He says louder, terrified of the hate he is sure is about to released upon him. He flinches back, and then gasps in agony. He bites his lip to keep from screaming. Ragna freezes, then proceeds to gently rest his hand on Jin's face.
Jin slowly looks up, astounded, but still timid.
"Jin…how could I ever hate you? You're my brother." He looks like he's in pain, his eyes soft, yet still agonized. Confused.
"B-Because I always bug you when you want to be with Saya. And I'm always in your way and-" He is stopped by Ragna suddenly reaching forward and hugging him. Jin gasps in pain as he is moved a little bit, Ragna apologizes.
"Sorry that I hurt you…"
"It's fine."
"Sorry…Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry! Jin! I should've- Look I don't hate you. I love you, and I always will. I'm really, truly very sorry." Ragna wants to cry, the guilt sucks him under, the pain of his brother thinking he hates him. All because he kept choosing Saya over him.
"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry" he mumbles over and over.
Jin just looks up, tears in his eyes, and says in a small voice.
"Really? You don't hate me?"
"No of course not!" He fervently promises. What made him think that all the sudden? Has he been thinking that for a long time?
Ragna leans back a little and asks him, "What made you start to think that? Or have you been under that ridiculous impression for a while now?"
"Well…last night I had a dream…But I've been wondering about it for a while now."
Sometimes people dream about the things that are bothering them…Oh God poor Jin, I feel terrible now. Maybe he'll tell me his dream…
"What happened? Can you tell me?"
Jin nods, and does.
Ragna looks down, utterly depressed now.
"Jin…I know I spend a lot of time with Saya now but…I still love you too okay?"
"Okay." Jin says in a small voice. After a moment of hesitation, he gives his brother a huge hug, and cries in relief into his shirt.
"Nii-San…I-I love you too!" He says to his brother, clinging on to him.
The End.
(I just really wanted to end a story with The End. Because really, who does that anymore?)
Okay this was just supposed to be a little one-shot…it got a bit out of hand. Oops. But aww fluff at the end (finally, it was kinda angsty wasn't it.) PLEASE PRETTY PLEASE REVIEW! And tell me if you see any mistakes, (when I was editing, I saw that I accidentally put 'eye' instead of 'I'. I was like wtf)
~Cieltsuki