My Funny Valentine-Patrick/Mandela, Rated K+ just in case.

Summary: Patrick [SH] and Mandela find common ground.

Note: Patrick and Mandela seemed to be on better terms in the season finale, so I thought I would try pairing them up as...gasp...friends. As for Bow Tie Guy, he is based solely on a casting call spoiler.

I've been in a non-writing funk for a long time, for personal and professional reasons. In any case, here is what has been rattling around in my head for the past few weeks.

[SH]

Our suspension ended all too soon and we were back in school by the following Thursday.

Between us, we'd painted a living room and regrouted Wally's bathroom.

Pleasing Kat was enough of a chore without adding general contracting to the list. I was beyond exhausted and almost happy to return to another day in paradise.

We passed a very sweet Thursday and she dropped the bomb on Friday after a heavy makeout session.

"My Dad wants me to date other guys."

I feigned indifference. "So how does this work, do I get to see you on alternate weekends and holidays?"

She rolled her eyes. "Be serious."

I folded my arms against my chest. "Trust me, you won't like serious."

"Try me."

One of my hi-di-hos gave me the eye as she passed and I flashed a wolfish smile. "I get to see other girls. Why should you have all the fun?"

Her cheeks reddened. "Look, I don't...it's not my idea."

"Flushed away," I said under my breath, but she caught it anyway.

"Excuse me?"

Kat never missed a trick, so I said, "All that independent thinking."

"That's not true. Didn't I just walk out of school and get my ass suspended?" She knotted her nail-bitten fingers before jamming them in her pockets.

"So what? You've turned backpedaling into an Olympic sport."

Her umber eyes darkened to onyx. "I thought you understood..."

I cut in rudely, "I totally get it, Stratford. You're hell bent on getting into Brown, and will run over anyone who gets in your way."

Her jaw tightened at my tone and she got right up in my face. "Will you let me finish?"

The bell rang and we stared each other down for a long beat. "I think we're done here."

That interlude played incessantly in my head, and rose to a deafening crescendo when I saw her flashing those pearly whites at the debate team captain at every turn. Weeks had passed, but I was no closer to moving on.

******

[SH]

One perfect day, kissed by the fading gold of the sun dipping beneath the waves.

I looked down at my handiwork and crumpled up my sad poetry attempt in disgust.

Who was I kidding? My hands may work mechanical wonders, but the written word eluded me.

I glanced over to where she was laughing with Bow Tie Guy and felt my gut churn.

We'd had our ten minutes of passion, and I'd lost out to a brain trust.

Wally must be so proud that his little cactus had finally flowered.

"His name is Dex."

The sudden appearance of Mandela shocked me from my reverie. "Huh?"

"As in Charles Michael Dexter the Third."

I raised an eyebrow as she made herself at home on the bench across from me. "Ask me if I care."

Mandela took a single bite of her apple and rolled her eyes. "You so do."

Nailed it in one. "When did you get so wise?"

She shrugged and took another bite. "He's taking her out on Valentine's Day."

"Aww, should I send them hearts and flowers?"

"On your salary?"

I made a face and Mandela smiled as I got to my feet and stalked off.

His name was Dex? I would have burst a gut laughing if I wasn't already dying inside.

[Mandela]

I was on the other side of that gate when they rode off in the sunset.

Cheesy, I know, but they did it with such style.

Why do people like them always have the best exit strategies?

But seriously, what I mostly remember about that day was how wrong I was about Patrick Verona.

Yeah, he could totally mess with you if he wanted, but most of it was bluster. And since we had teamed up for a common cause, things had changed.

Take my fear and loathing. Totally gone. It was like somebody pulled the plug on my conspiracy theories and slipped in a happy chip. I'd worn my fear like armor from the moment Patrick kicked the back of my chair at Muir Elementary. He was the one that always got the class in trouble, even when his only sin was a perpetual smirk.

Puberty happened, and he morphed from this little shrimp into a formidable opponent. He took on all comers, and suspension became a way of life for him.

Until Kat stormed into our lives.

Dazzling raven perfection with a brain.

Staring down Patrick Verona without the slightest quiver of fear.

And that kung fu tongue? Totally awesome when it was directed at someone else.

So color me dazzled six ways to Sunday.