A/N: I wrote this at around 3am without any inspiration, so please forgive. I dedicate this thing to Dale Coco because she is rad.
Dear Dale Coco, I'm sorry to disappoint but I suck at everything I do lmao. Enjoy!
Dried leaves danced along to the singing of the wind as the sun gently submerged in the horizon, painting the merely cloudless sky a mixture of orange and red. Orange, just like his jacket. Red, just like his blood. Breathtaking, just like his eyes. Eyes that can no longer express life. Eyes that will never see the cruelty of this world ever again. Eyes in his favorite shade of green, and the most tantalizing Levi has ever seen. Those eyes… Those eyes.
Levi sits alone in his office, staring straight ahead at nothing, repeating that scene over and over in his head - asking himself why and how for hours but never coming up with an answer. Finally, he stands and walks toward the door, pausing as he touches the handle.
He breathes out a heavy sigh and takes a step back. He could hear gunshots. Screaming. Screeching. Shrieking. Someone is screaming. Are screaming. People are screaming - their voices all too familiar. Levi backs away from the door until his upper thighs hit his desk. The voices are getting louder and louder; piercing through his ears, ringing in his head. Leave me alone, he commands mentally and so they did. It's quiet again.
Levi let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He sits on the couch and closes his eyes. "It's okay," he says. It's what he tells himself everyday. But it's not okay. It will never be okay. Nothing is okay, and he knows it. But he tells himself otherwise. Because he has Eren. Eren can make him forget his nightmares, this hell. Eren can brighten his day. Eren can make him smile. Eren's lips against his own can drive him insane in best way possible. Only Eren. So, it's okay. Everything will be okay.
On the same couch lays his Eren. "It's okay," he says and brings his lips to kiss Eren's forehead. Levi pulled Eren's body closer - carefully so he wouldn't disturb his lover's slumber - and rested the boy's head on his lap. Stroking the teen's hair, Levi whispers, "You brat."
"You forgot to say goodnight, you little shit," he says in a low voice. "You didn't even bother saying thank you after I cleaned you up." After I removed every crimson filth.
He keeps stroking Eren's hair. "I thought we were supposed to swim in the ocean, hm?" Something stirred in his chest, but he ignored it. "What about your dream? What about your promises?" His voice was slowly increasing in volume.
"Wake up, Eren," he commands. "We have unfinished business."
No answer. Of course.
Now he's shaking the boy. "I said wake up, brat!" he yells.
The voices are back. To his surprise, he finds his own amongst them. He's screaming; hoping it would wake Eren up. Levi is not stupid. He knows Eren will never wake up again. But he couldn't help himself.
For years, he have watched his comrades die, witnessed his friends get eaten, have people under his command get devoured, but not once has the Corporal ever done what he is doing right now.
Levi held Eren's body against his chest, screaming. "I'm so sorry, Eren! I'm so sorry!" The stoic facade shattered for the first time and tears streamed down his cheeks. He kept yelling until his throat burned. He could still see how the life in Eren's eyes were taken away. He could still hear Mikasa and Armin's cries.
His eyes sting and his chest is in severe pain. Everything is not okay. This is not okay. I am not okay.
Without thinking, Levi pressed his lips against Eren's. He kisses his cheeks, his forehead, his chin, his entire face. He kept kissing him over and over, muttering his sorry's after every kiss. Eren's body isn't warm anymore. Eren doesn't return Levi's kisses anymore.
As he brings his lips down to the teen's neck, he notices the basement key dangling. Levi stares at it coldly. He lifts a shaking hand to brush the item with his fingers. Levi is fidgeting when he said, "I'm so sorry, Eren," for the last time.
Nothing will never be okay again. Because he no longer has Eren. Eren cannot make him forget his nightmares, this hell, anymore. Eren cannot brighten his day anymore. Eren cannot make him smile anymore. Eren's lips against his own can never drive him insane in best way possible ever again. Eren. This is not okay. Everything will never be okay.