The Utter and Complete Annihilation of a Village

by Lord Exon


It was the day after the festival in honor of the new god of the village of Monlinshire. A fierce battle between two gods had raged over the course of several weeks for the village, and now, finally, the challenging god had won. In the struggle, the previously reigning god had been wiped out, his temple leveled to the ground. The villagers built their new god a marvelous temple. Since they had pledged their fealty to their new god, they had yet to see any trace of him.
A group of farmers returned from the fields after a long day's work, carrying the wheat they had reaped to the village store.One farmer went to a nearby pond to fetch some water for his livestock. As he gathered some water into a small pail, he could see the water suddenly shake. The farmer could've sworn he heard a faint quaking noise. The water shook again. And again. It grew louder. The ground itself shook, knocking the farmer to the ground. And then it came.
A monstrous beast lumbered over the hills. It only slightly resembled a tortoise. It had a shell and a tail. That was where the similiarities ended. In addition to this shell and tail, it's skin was blood red. It had saber-tooth teeth that jutted out of it's gigantic mouth like huge stalactites. It had purple-tinged horns growing out of it's forehead, almost like the statue of liberty's crown. It also had spikes growing in neat little columns down it's tail. Finally, it sported claws on his hands (if that is what you could call them) and feet the size of people.
It roared. People all over the village ran in circles in complete panic, covering their ears, trying to protect themselves from going deaf. The creature scanned the village with it's menacing eyes. It then drew a diagram in the air with it's index finger claw. Instantly, a red dome of energy encased the entire village. Electricity crackled along it. All the while people cried and screamed and begged for their old god with their old creature.

"AND NOW YOU ALL SHALL PERISH CRUEL, EXCRUTIATING DEATHS!" roared a voice from the sky above, which was quickly becoming a swirling black cloud.

Suddenly the temple the villagers had constructed did not look so friendly. In fact, it did not resemble how it had looked when they first constructed it at all. When they had made it, it was a neon shade of pink, with little scribbles of rainbows and cute little creatures etched on it by some of the village children. The temple was now a very dark shade of red, it loomed several stories in the air, the pictures of cute little creatures now looked like demonic beasts, and razor-sharp spikes decorated it. Someone tried to run away, through the red dome. Upon touching it, he was instantly electrocuted by a Lightning Extreme miracle and incinerated into a small pile of black powder. As the skin slowly sizzled and crackled off the villager, he screamed and wailed all the while.

A really big rock was suddenly suspended above the village, casting a huge shadow over it. People screamed and begged some more.

"DO NOT WORRY...I SHALL NOT CRUSH YOU ALL WITH THIS ROCK. THAT WOULD BE A PITIFUL WASTE."

The rock then floated over to a clearing and fell to the grow with a thud that knocked everyone down onto their rears, save the tortoise, who was busy picking his nose.
The rock suddenly exploded into two pieces. People fled and cowered, fearing the shrapnel from the blast would hit them. The rocks continued to explode into halves until nothing but a field of small boulders remained. There was silence for a moment. With a thunderous *whoosh*, the boulders were suddenly engulfed in flames as the tortoise lit it up with a Fireball Extreme miracle. The flames dulled down and left some glowing red coals.

"AND NOW THE CARNAGE BEGINS! WELCOME TO MY BARBEQUE!" roared the voice, again. It was followed by some monstrous cackling.

Suddenly, a roof was torn off of a house and flung several yards. The people hiding in the house screamed. The house itself was then torn out of the ground, lifted up into the air, and turned upside-down. All of the contents of the house and the people inside it fell about ten feet and landed on the ground right before being nearly-crushed to death by tables and dressers and whatnot. Fatally wounded, the people tried crawling away but their feeble attempts were in vain. A woman was picked up by her clothing and brought to a hover over the coals. She screamed bloody murder.

"MUAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

The woman was then dropped onto the coals. She burst into flames and slowly broiled into ashes. All the while the other villagers and the tortoise were watching.The tortoise licked his lips.

"I know what you're thinking, Pookie, but you don't really want to eat that. Have some nice, wholesome food."

"Pookie?!?!" stated a villager in disbelief. A house then fell on him. It was then lifted back up, revealing the bloodly pulp of the villager, then slammed down on him and picked back up fifty more times. Once the god was done with that, he got to feeding his creature. Before anyone could react, all of the food the village had harvested that would last them the rest of the year was sucked up into the air and handed to the tortoise. The tortoise showed it's delight by smiling, and then popped the food into it's mouth and *CRUNCH* it was all gone. People's mouths drooped open in shock.

Several more people were well-grilled before the god grew weary with that. The tortoise was suddenly in a playful mood and begged it's god to play a game with it.

"I KNOW! Mwehehehee...Pookie, how about you play hide and seek with the villagers?"

The tortoise laughed and grinned evilly. It then eyed the villagers who still remained outdoors. They took off in all directions and hid.

"Go forth, Pookie, find them!"

The tortoise proceeded to one house and peeked in one of the windows. He kicked in the door, but because his foot was so large, he kicked in the entire wall. He reached inside and plucked out a villager. He then dangled the villager by his leg over his wide-open mouth. He dropped him in and chewed him up and then swallowed him. The tortoise whipped around and saw a few villagers run into a big house. He proceeded over to a tree and lit it on fire with a Fireball. He then uprooted the tree and stuck it into the window of the house. A few minutes later, out came all of the villagers, clutching their throats and coughing and hacking. The tortoise then clubbed them into the ground with the flaming tree.

"Enough, Pookie! Now I shall have some fun."

The tortoise reluctantly went over to a clearing and laid down and took a nap.

"GOOD! NOW THAT HE'S ASLEEP I CAN PLAY WITH MY DOLLIES!"

Immediately a man and a woman were picked up and held in the air.

"KISSY-KISSY! MUWAHAHAHA!"

The man's face was smashed into the woman's face and rubbed in it. They screamed and tried to fight the force that was making them do that but they were unable to do anything. The man suddenly headbutted the woman. The man then was forced into the ground and smothered like a cigarette butt.

"STUPID DOLLY! YOU'RE NO FUN ANYWAY!"

The woman was then tossed through the air and hit the red dome, which fried her like a misquito in a bug zapper.

It was well past noon by this point, and everyone was very hungry.

"AWWWW....ARE YOU WITTLE BABIES HUNGWY???"

The torched bodies from the human barbeque were lifted up into the air and placed in the village stores.

No one went to go eat the roasted bodies at first. And then not even for a while. But soon they realized they would die if they didn't, and they gave in and extremely reluctantly ate them.

The tortoise was off in a corner, plucking some large, white mushrooms out of the ground and eating them. His eyes looked clouded and his tongue lolled out of his mouth. When his god wasn't looking, he reached for a toasted villager and ate him in one bite.

Soon, the people needed more toasted bodies. At this rate, there'd be no one left to kill or feed the bodies to. So the god made everyone a breeder disciple, much against their wills. Days became weeks, weeks became months.

The village had been reduced to a barren, blackened landscape of extremely scrawny and weak villagers. They ate their own people three meals a day. It had become a daily ritual for the god to toast his people and place them in the village stores. Anyone who tried to farm actual food was quickly and painfully put to death.

"I GROW TIRED OF THIS! NOW YOU ALL DIE!"

The sky began to swirl violently. The winds picked up. People cried.

"I SUMMON... THE OMNIPOTENT MEGA BLAST EXTREME!"

Abruptedly dozens of tree-thick blasts rained from the skies, hitting the ground and exploding with the effect of a nuclear blast. People screamed, and then suddenly all of their cries were silenced. The only thing remaining was a smoking crater.

"Well...that was fun. Shall we go convert another village, Pookie?"

The tortoise grinned and nodded, then plodded off in the direction of the closest village.


THE END