Watch From Afar
By gorgeousbowneyes
One Shot
I sit here, at the dining table, deep in thought. I sit and watch her, constantly thinking of what it would be like to have her love. I love her, I know that, and I can only hope that one day my love will be returned. We were forced into this, but even if I had gone into this without love, I'm now consumed by it. I have no idea what she is thinking, I have no idea how her mind works, but I do know that I want to. I want to be part of her. I want to know her as well as she knows herself.
Our son grows within her belly. One night of fool-hardy mucking around, brought on by an excessive amount of alcohol, has led us forcefully into marriage. We have to uphold the name of our ancestors. There was no other option. Abortion is not recognised in either of our families, while having a child out of wedlock is forbidden. So at the insistence of our parents we were married in a hurriedly planned wedding, three weeks after the conception, hoping that nobody good at mathematics would figure out the dates.
We are currently six months into our marriage. My wife's stomach swells drastically, and I swear it looks bigger every day. We argue tooth and nail about the smallest of things, but this fiery passion I see in her makes me fall ever so much more. Of course I will never admit it to her, but I hope that we can both learn to love each other, and not just 'make it work.'
I realise I've been staring at her. She suddenly looks up and meets my eyes. For a split second, I swear I can see warmth towards me in them, but it is quickly covered - like it was never there in the first place - by harsh coldness. She resents me for the changes to her body. If she had had her way, there would have been an abortion, and her life wouldn't have been ruined.
"Lucius, what are you staring at?" she questions me.
"Nothing, Narcissa, just lost in thought." I can see my response doesn't convince her. She will never love me.
So I will watch from afar, hiding my love for her deep inside me, protected by my hard, cold, outer shell. This is no life, rather an existence of necessity. But I promise myself that my son will have the love of both parents, even if they do not love each other.
-
I see how they are together. I know what is really going on. He tries to tell me otherwise, always professing his love for me, but I'm not blind. I see what he tries to hide so desperately. We both entered this marriage willingly, and I thought at the time that our love for each other was certain. We were happy for a time, and we still are, but I noticed the shift in him. We have a child, growing inside me, and I can see that no matter his feelings, he will make it work between us. He is an honourable man, and will stick to his commitments, if only out of respect. Of course he doesn't know that I know he doesn't love me any more.
We're at a Christmas gathering with all our friends from school. The Marauders are just as they always were, my husband no different. I see them loitering in the corner, planning their next prank. I'm sitting at a small table with a few other women who went to school with me. One has already had a baby, she tells me, and two others are pregnant. Narcissa is the furthest along, at six months, while I'm the least at two and a half months. I see my husband rushing over to me.
"Lily! You have to see this! Sirius and I came up with it." he exclaims in a rush. I smile and nod, and stand as gracefully as I can, whilst being pulled along by my energetic husband.
"James, slow down! I can't keep up with you in these crowds!" I exclaim, as he gets further and further ahead of me. I manage to see that he heads outside the main door, and follow him there in my own time. When I step through the doors, I see the four figures standing around something.
"James?" I say cautiously.
"Lily, come see!" James says when all of a sudden something makes a loud cracking sound and I see sparks above their heads.
"I think I'll keep my distance, thanks."
"Oh well, your loss," Sirius says. I see Remus grin awkwardly and Peter smirk. I look back to James and Sirius, and my suspicions grow deeper as I watch the way they interact, they way they talk to each other, so animated and passionate, and the way they touch each other, even if only in casual gestures. I have no doubts about the feelings they both must have for each other, but I know that James would never cheat on me, if only out of respect for our unborn child. He will do the right thing, and take care of us both. That at least I can depend on. I still love him, and it hurts to think about the fact that he doesn't love me. But I can watch from afar, what it would be like to be on the receiving end of his love.
-
I see the happiness marriage can bring a couple. It's all around me; so many people are tying the knot these days. I can't even be with the one I love. The one I love happens to be my best friend, and he is happily married. What I wouldn't give to have that happiness. If only he could openly declare his love for me, because I know he does love me. But he is too honourable to cast aside his wife in favour of me. Me, Sirius Black, best friend to James Potter since forever.
I can only look in on the happily married couples, watch from afar.
-
I watch as Lily makes her way back to what I've deemed to be the Pregnant Wives Table. She sits down on one of the chairs and takes a sip from the orange juice she has just bought. I see the traces of worry about her eyes. I can tell her marriage is like mine, and that even though at school we hated each other, maybe now we should start to get along. Maybe even to share our troubled thoughts. I move to an empty chair next to her.
"Lily," I say.
"Narcissa," she says back in acknowledgement.
"Lily, I'm hoping we can put our school days behind us," I say, jumping straight into the deep end. "They were childish disputes, and I'm hoping we've both grown since then."
"Yes, they were. School days are well behind me, even if they aren't left behind for my husband."
"So you are having troubles? With your marriage I mean."
"Yes and no," she replies vaguely.
"Well the same goes for me. I was hoping we could talk, maybe some time soon, but not now, about our troubles?"
"Definitely," she insists, surprising me with her immediate acceptance. Perhaps she has been thinking along the same thoughts as I am?
I move back to my original chair, and wait out the rest of the night, speaking to Lucius about three or four times during the whole duration of the evening. We then head home. As I leave, I watch from afar as I see happy couples leaving, and wish my life was like that.
-
"I don't want my son to be unloved," Narcissa says. We are sitting in the little tea room adjoining the kitchen and dining room in my house. James is out at work, so we have the house to ourselves, free to gossip to our hearts content. Which is what we have done for the past half hour or so, and the conversation doesn't show much sign of slowing up.
"At first I didn't even want a child," Narcissa continues. "But now that it's six months old, and I can feel him living inside me, there is no way I could ever get rid of him. And I want my son to have the best life available, and I don't want him to feel any of the stress or hard feelings that radiate between Lucius and I."
"I understand. I know James loves and respects me, but I have a feeling its not the same kind of love that I feel for him. We just don't mix well. And if I wasn't with child, I probably would save him the heart ache of having to do the right thing and stay with me by letting him go. But as it is I need the support, if only for the child. I think he knows and respects that, too. And I know he loves this child."
"Our children should be friends, Lily. They should grow up together and play together, as they have similar family situations. It would be good for them to have someone else to rely on."
"Yes, that is an excellent idea," I say, and mean it. Although I don't think James would agree with me. James hates the Malfoy's with a passion. But I know that at least I have a friend to support me when things get difficult, and in return someone to support when she is in need. And by doing this, I think I have secured a life-long friend for my child.
-
Harry woke with a start. He had seen so many thoughts, so many impressions in his dream, that it was so hard to keep track of what was said and thought. Was it just a dream? Or something more prophetic? He could remember all the details clearly, much more than an ordinary dream. He had a feeling he was meant to know this information. His mother and Narcissa Malfoy friends? Could it be? And what about his father, could it really be true that his parent's weren't in love? That Sirius and his father were in love? But if that was so, why wouldn't anyone have told him? And Draco was an accident child! He suddenly laughed. All this talk about pure blood and he had been conceived in a night of drunken pleasures!
He stopped laughing just as quickly as he had started. The full implications of what he had seen just hit him. He and Malfoy weren't that much different, and if Voldemort had never gone after his family, then even today they could have been friends.
But his mother wasn't to know that her plans for his life would go horribly wrong because of the night Voldemort came. She wasn't to know that she would die that night. And because of it she had to watch her son grow up, with no input whatsoever.
She had to watch from afar.
-
Alrighty, just a little one shot I thought up. I wanted to write something short, but I didn't have too much idea of what to write when I started. But it kind of evolved into this. So hope you enjoy. Please Review!! Any reviews with questions will be replied to via PM if needed. Oh, and if you liked my writing, please go check out my other stories! Now click the review button! You know you want to...