Everything changes
Yesterday you weren't there.
Yesterday there was only me.
Yesterday there was merely the idea of you but suddenly, this morning, you're here and now everything has changed.
I woke this morning and opened my eyes to the rosy autumn sunshine. A shaft of sunlight like a lighthouse beam shone through a gap in the mottled green curtains. Tiny dust motes dance in the beam turned into sparkling flecks of gold, so close that I can almost reach out and grasp them. The light strokes your cheek as you lie there and your beauty takes my breath away. I lean over, to watch more closely, and marvel at the texture of your skin, like a rain washed pearl. Even in sleep there's a tiny smile curving your lips, sweet and red as a wild mountain strawberry. Great fans of black lashes shadow your cheeks and cover eyes as blue as the summer skies. Hesitantly I hover a hand over your golden curls that shimmer with life. From here I can count tiny gleams of red and wonder where you got them from. Love, so strong, so overwhelming that I find it hard to breathe it rends me speechless and fills my eyes with tears.
What the hell am I going to do now! All my plans are blown away with this moment, everything that I'd planned so carefully is now just so much nonsense. There's no way I can leave you, I was an idiot to ever imagine that I could. Still, it's amazing just how easily you can fool yourself when you have to.
You stir in your sleep, a gentle sigh, signalling your awakening and I hurry to take you in my arms before anyone else can become aware. Your weight in my arms is surprisingly heavy, yet one more astonishing revelation that I hadn't been prepared for. During the pregnancy I'd never been large; a godsend when I'd had to hide you from everyone, and it had been a complete surprise to Vesta and myself just how large a baby you were. Quickly, before you can cry, I put you to my breast and feel you suckle. Yet another thing I felt would be so alien that now feels so right. I know when Vesta hears you she'll be straight in here and this will be over, Just for now I need to be alone, alone with you, to try to understand this maelstrom of emotion and sort out what has happened.