The hot leather of the car seat seemed to melt into my skin in the summer heat, making the car trip more uncomfortable then it needed to be. Flying along like a lemon yellow bullet in Jay's car, the tension in the air between him and I was absolutely palpable. I had decided to drive back to East Egg in order to calm my nerves after the argument in the Plaza: although, I didn't think much could have helped calm me down.
"Daisy…" said Jay, his voice was cracked. I stole a glance of him out of the corner of my eye. Broken was the only way I could've described him in that moment. He was a broken man, with the dreams he had held on to for so long crushed in mere moments. "Daisy, please. Just listen. You love me. I know you do. And I love you as well."
"I can't Jay. I just…" I trailed off from there. I didn't know what to say; I was slightly confused by my own swirling emotions and slightly perturbed at the tone that was rising in his voice.
"Tom, he was just playing with yo-…"
"Jay, just let me think, please," I begged him, my voice breathy, "I just need time."
Silence had once again engulfed the car. This time the tension was lessened, as if our brief exchange had taken away some of the intangible weight pressing over the car. The breeze had continued to rush past, threatening to tear our hats away from our heads. The sky had been a mixture of deep reds and oranges as the sun sunk below the horizon and the air became thick with smog as we approached the Valley of Ashes.
I used the newfound quiet to reflect on all that had transpired over the past hours; thoughts were whirling around like clouds before a storm.
Jay was right; I did love him, even if Tom had shared my heart for a short period of time. Ever since I had first met Jay, I'd loved him and I always would in the depths of my heart, but he had left me. He left me for months and months on end. Tom offered me money and protection, safety and security for my future. That was something Jay just didn't have.
Then he had come roaring back into my life after five years, spinning it around like a whirling dervish. Jay made me remember why I had fallen in love with him in the first place; he had just asked too much of me.
After I had found out where his money had come from, how could've he expected me to follow him? How could he offer me protection? There was no guarantee his money was secure. What about my future? The future of my daughter?
"DAISY!" Jay yelled, pulling at the steering wheel. Pulled out of my reverie, I saw a woman running out onto the road. She looked battered and bruised but her eyes, they were so full of hope. She reached out, as if to say something to us, stopping in the middle of our path.
I knew what was going to happen before it did. There was a car heading in the opposite direction on one side of the road, and the woman on the other. There was no time to make any other decision.
It was a horrible decision to make, but I had to make it. As the woman hit the front of our car there was a sickening thud and a crash that seemed to deafen me. She rolled over the top of our heads, her body flailing through the air, a silent scream on her lips.
The car had slowed down about a hundred or so meters away from the accident. Under a bright red sky, Jay looked back to where the woman was laying in the middle of the road.
"I think she's dead." He whispered morosely. I had known that that was probably true; no one could have survived that. Hearing it aloud though, it gave it a whole new depth. It was then that I had known what my decision was going to be. Life was precious; you never knew when you were going to die. I had to treasure it in the way I thought was right.
Jay would love me unconditionally but there would be no safety. I had security with Tom. He could take care of me in the way that I needed. The way I was used to.
I hardly registered the fact that Jay had started to drive again, almost home.
As he pulled into my driveway, Jay said, "Now, you yell if anything funny goes on with Tom. I will not let him take you."
If only he knew that he already had.