Sometimes I feel like I'm wandering in a desert with these characters. I didn't steer them here, I promise you that.

####

There was no need to go to the front desk of Mountain View Hospital, Grissom saw Catherine outside of a room. He walked toward her, searching her face as she stood to greet him. His chest tightened as she shook her head at him, her expression sympathetic and pained. Coming abreast of the window of the room she had sat next to, he looked in and saw nurses unhooking equipment and tubing from his mother. The EKG screen was blank.

Placing a hand on the glass as his legs began to feel weak, he parted his lips but nothing came from them. A pain started in his throat as he walked unsteadily into the room, dropping into a chair next to his mother's peaceful form. He grasped her hand with both of his and leaned his head upon them, looking at her face. Her eyes were closed like she was simply asleep. Her hand was still warm.

Grissom's breaths came in quick puffs. He held her hand as if it might change something, as if she might open her eyes.

Kneeling beside her friend, Catherine put her arms around him and leaned her head on his shoulder. She held him tighter as she felt him start to shiver, whispering for his mother. She closed her own eyes tightly against the tears this evoked.

####

"What a piece of work that guy is, hey?" Tripp chuckled as he lifted the bourbon to his lips. Horatio didn't respond, so he continued, "brain the size of a bowlin' ball, for chrissakes. He's outta touch a bit, you know?" He was speaking about the Vegas entomologist who had helped break the case.

The two officers sat at their shared watering hole. Their serial killer caught hours before, neither man had suggested they have a drink, they had both simply gotten into Tripp's car and drove off together. After the incident with Ryan and his team, Horatio needed the steadying presence of his old friend. Especially as he had hours to while before his flight to Vegas and far too much to think about.

"Um," Horatio lifted an eyebrow briefly and looked askance at his friend, "he certainly can come across that way."

"So what in the hell was he doin' here?" The detective was talking like this was a barstool debriefing of a case, something the two officers had done for years.

Horatio sipped his coffee, cleared his throat. Part of him had known this would come up if he went out for a drink with Tripp. In his heart of hearts, Horatio had wanted it too. "We've been seeing each other for a year and half," he said casually.

"Yeah but for what? Don't tell me he's been solving all our cases this whole time, makin' you look good." Tripp smiled to himself, missing the meaning of Horatio's words. Whereas, to the people Grissom knew, his dating a man had not seemed terribly incongruous, everyone Horatio told took a minute to actually process the information.

"Well...he certainly has offered his insight on a few cases...over dinner, drinks..." Horatio looked up at the rows of liquor bottles standing at attention behind the bar and waited. He felt Tripp hesitate as he lifted his glass to his lips, then set it down and slowly turn his head towards Horatio.

"How do you mean?"

"You know what I mean, Frank." Horatio looked aside at him again, a small smile on his lips.

Tripp stared at him, his face growing more incredulous by the minute. "You sorry son of a bitch. That's why you've been so damn happy this last little while, travellin' all the damn time. I thought you had some hot little thing down south or...somethin'."

"Or something, Frank." Horatio sipped his coffee, relieved when a smile gradually formed on his friends face.

"Why in the hell didn't you tell me?" He said this a bit quietly, with as much hurt as Horatio had ever heard in his voice.

Horatio shook his head. "I've been fairly private about it, Frank, I um...I don't really know why." Frowning, he subconsciously raised a finger to his swollen cheek.

Running his fingers around the lip of his glass, Tripp took his time thinking it over. "I hope you didn't think I'd have a problem with it."

A smirk crept on to Horatio's face. "You know I wouldn't have given a damn if you did."

Both men laughed, leaning on the bar with their elbows, a couple of cops having a drink. Even when Horatio had gotten promoted, the red head had never treated Frank differently and they hadn't stopped socializing. For a cop from New York, Horatio was fairly no-nonsense, Tripp thought, and he liked the man.

"You know, we've known each other for almost 20 years."

"That we have, Frank." Their glasses met, coffee cup to tumbler, as conspicuous together as the two men holding them were underneath the suits and behind the job.

"Grissom, he took off in a hurry."

It wasn't framed as a question but Horatio heard it in Tripp's voice. "He did...his mother's in the hospital."

Tripp's eyes flashed over to Horatio, still sometimes astounded by the perpetually cool demeanour of his friend. "Should you be there?"

"I'm booked on a flight. I had some time...I wanted to talk to you." They shared a brief look, a look between old friends.

The silence was broken by Horatio's phone. He looked at the display for a second longer than he normally would. "Catherine?" There was the slightest trace of a question in his tone but somehow, he knew.

Tripp watched Horatio's face. It was immobile for most of the brief conversation, the person on the other side doing most of the talking. He winced, though, before he spoke, as though his words were painful to say. "Tell him..." his tone quieter than normal, "tell him I'm coming." He closed his phone and looked down at it, troubled.

Tripp clapped a hand on his friend's shoulder and they both took a drink.

####

Horatio unlocked the front door of his son's apartment and entered. It was spotless, as usual. Kyle had inherited his father's penchant for keeping things in his surroundings orderly.

The blond teenager came down the hall from his room at the sound and smiled at his father. "How's your head?" There was a lot of affection in his voice, squeezed into three tiny words meant to convey so much. This he also inherited from his father.

Horatio smiled with his eyes and gingerly touched his temple. "Uh, it's getting better."

"Uh huh," Kyle's smile faltered somewhat. He hadn't liked the fact that Horatio had checked himself out of the hospital early. "What are you doing here anyway? You should be at home. In bed. With Gil." He punctuated every sentence with a small bob of his head, knowing he was pushing boundaries a little, pushing his father a little.

His father loved him for it and smiled outright at him a moment before letting his head drop, hiding the frown that followed. Kyle caught it anyway.

"Where is Gil?" He tensed at the look on his father's face when he looked up.

Horatio searched his son's face a moment before speaking. "I took him to the airport three hours ago." Kyle didn't bother asking why, just frowned in kind at his father. "His mother..." Horatio cleared his throat, looked to the floor then up again, "his mother just passed away."

The boy's shoulders slumped and he looked aside for a moment. Shaking his head, he asked "what can we do?"

"My flight leaves in an hour and a half and I'll be gone at least a week. I am...I am here to ask if you want to come." Though exhaustion was in his face, Horatio was giving his son a fortifying look.

"I didn't...I didn't know her," he said quietly, casting his eyes to the floor with the uncertainty of a child.

"Well...Susan won't be there-"

Kyle lifted his head quickly to fix his father with a slight glare at the obviousness of that statement. It was an annoying habit of Horatio's.

"-But Gil will be," he finished, looking pointedly at Kyle.

He sighed as he looked at his Father, at the strength he exuded even when injured. He thought about Grissom and the conversation they had inadvertently had about love. He thought about the look in Grissom's eyes before he decked the man that had grabbed him the night prior.

He thought about his own mother and family.

####

Horatio stared at his phone as it started up, absentmindedly pushing past other travellers as they exited the security area. Briefly casting his eyes up to see where he was going, he caught sight of the high-cheeked brunette waving and looked up again to be sure.

Sara waved him over and Horatio snaked through the throngs to get to her. "Sara." It was hard to tell but he sounded happy to see her.

"Hey. We didn't want you to have to take a cab-" her line of thought faltered. "What happened to you?" She couldn't help herself as she stared at the outline of purple around his glasses lens.

"Um, long story. Thank you for coming." He snaked around discussing the injury and she took his cue.

"Don't worry about it." She looked around the tall Lieutenant at the lanky, blonde teenager standing awkwardly behind him. "You must be Kyle." She was certain Grissom didn't realise how much he talked about Horatio's son. Knowing Grissom as she did, this meant he cared a great deal for him but likely hadn't realised it quite yet.

Shyly, Kyle extended his hand from behind Horatio. Sara smiled her wide and lovely smile at him as she took it.

"Kyle, this is Sara. She's a good friend of Gil's." Horatio looked fondly from his son to Sara.

She caught his eye briefly and read what was implied there, that she was his friend too even if they weren't close. He was genuinely grateful that she had come to get him.

"Nice to meet you," Kyle said meekly, thinking her smile was heartstoppingly pretty.

She waited with Kyle while Horatio made a quick stop at the duty free and they left the airport. Horatio's head was splitting but he kept his sunglasses on and successfully hid his pain.

"How is he?" His rough tone masked his discomfort, at the situation and of his wound.

Sara sighed and shook her head, keeping her eyes on the road. "I've never seen him so upset. I didn't know Grissom could get this upset. I'll warn you now..." she left her lips parted as she paused, "he's bottling it up." She looked aside to Horatio briefly, to see how Grissom's lover would respond to this information.

The red head exhaled deeply but said nothing. He would see what he could do when they got to Grissom's place. In the mean time, he closed his eyes and tried to quell the nausea he was feeling.

####

Grissom leaned with his elbows on his knees, the fist of one hand grasped in his other, his lips pressed against the knot of his hands. Blankly his eyes stared at a spot on the coffee table, next to the cup of tea he hadn't touched. A hand on her friend's back, Catherine sat with her head leaned on his shoulder still. She knew he wouldn't talk but couldn't stop herself from trying to comfort him all the same. He looked drawn, not helped by the bruise on his chin he hadn't yet explained. The few times they had contact like this, it rarely lasted more than a few moments. But Catherine took her cue from Grissom and he hadn't pulled away yet. So there they sat together.

The door opened and Sara stepped in, looking to Grissom. It took a minute for him to become aware that the door had opened and look up. Horatio followed Sara in, setting down his suitcase and immediately going to his lover's side. Tucking his sunglasses around his neck, Horatio knelt infront of Grissom and stared intently at him, bringing a hand to his face to stroke his bearded jawline.

Pivoting his head on it's resting place upon his hands, Grissom looked at Horatio distantly. "She's gone," he whispered.

Horatio's face clouded as he shifted to envelop Grissom in his arms, bringing his lover's head to his breast. "I know," he whispered lamely in kind. A dull ache throbbed in his chest to match the pain in his temple. He felt helpless to stem the heartache he knew Grissom was feeling. Looking at Grissom from the corner of his eye, Horatio saw the near grimace of confusion and pain on his lover's face, etching his crow's feet even deeper.

Eventually, Grissom's glassy grey eyes looked up to see the tall, skinny frame of Kyle after he was released by Horatio. "Kyle."

"Hey Gil," he responded, putting on a braver expression than he felt. "I came to help...if I can." His body language gave away his discomfort anyway, though Grissom didn't note it. Under other circumstances, Kyle would have been excited to come to Vegas and see how the other half lived. But he had known that seeing Grissom upset would shake him. He was right.

"Yeah...I'm glad you're here." As was becoming common place around the boy, Grissom felt the need to reassure him, regardless of the circumstances. As hollow and unsteady as he felt, subconsciously he wanted Kyle to feel like he was as much a part of his and Horatio's lives as he truly was.

Grissom's living room filled up, Kyle sitting on the floor across from the couch. Sliding his hand into Grissom's, Horatio held it firmly as he sat beside him. Catherine and Sara sat back, not wanting to make Grissom uneasy with too many eyes on him. But he felt the expectancy of the situation anyway, his mind sluggishly starting to work.

"I...I need to start thinking about where she's going to be-" He stopped short. How could he put his mother in the ground? The thought seemed so brutal and abstract, he couldn't finish it.

Leaning in, Horatio struggled to catch his lover's unsteady gaze. "Hey. You do not have to think about anything today or tomorrow...not if you don't want to." His voice was quiet, steadying. This tone was perfected after years of dealing with the grieving and he was never more glad of it than now.

Squeezing Grissom's hand before he rose, Horatio said "in fact," he slipped from his luggage a small wooden box "I suggest you do...whatever it takes to think as little as possible today." Opening the box, he set the bottle of 21 year old Bushmills on the table in front of Grissom.

"You're suggesting he get drunk? Healthy," Sara opined. The comment hand a hint of snap in it which she hadn't intended. She couldn't help it and felt a blush of guilt afterward as she avoided Horatio's eyes.

Horatio smiled briefly at her before returning his gaze to Grissom who had picked up the bottle, his eyes a little wide. "Gil knows better than to get drunk on that, no, this is just to celebrate..." Grissom looked up to him, his expression still far away, "to celebrate Susan among family."

Jaw clenching as he gripped the bottle with white knuckles, Grissom looked back down at the table.

Catherine looked at him, concerned, before looking up to Horatio and shaking her head a little. She spoke quietly, as though Grissom might not hear her if she did. "He hasn't been drinking or eating much of anything, I think-"

"Get us some glasses," Grissom whispered. "Five," he said pointedly to Horatio.

Kyle grinned as his father hesitated before going to the cabinet and fetched five tumblers. With a practiced hand, Grissom filled each glass, spilling not a drop as moved between them, filling the last with half the amount of the others.

Both Catherine and Sara had thought it a strange idea even though they both knew of their friend's proclivity for the Irish drink. But Grissom was suddenly more focused than he had been the entire afternoon thus far.

Passing a glass to everyone, the least full to Kyle, Grissom leaned in slightly and fixed the boy with a serious stare. "Have you ever had whiskey before?"

Kyle swallowed and shook his head slightly. Whenever he did drink at friend's parties, which was rare nowadays, it was usually beer. Horatio never let him drink, unless Grissom suggested they let him indulge a little bit. His eyes dropped momentarily to the honey coloured liquid in his glass before returning to Grissom.

As strained as the situation was, he could see a hint of the Grissom he was used to in the man's face right now. Grissom was about to impart some bit of wisdom upon Kyle, he could feel it. It made his ears tingle at the adult-ness of it all.

"This whiskey," Grissom held up his glass next to his face, "is older than you are. Respect it. Appreciate it." Grissom was dead serious, all the more so because his mind was jumping on the chance to think about something, anything, else.

Catherine and Horatio exchanged surreptitious, amused looks with one another. Above all else, Grissom was a scientist and a teacher and it shone through. Not only that, Horatio could see the father in him. Traces of this trait had surfaced more and more often as Grissom spent time with Kyle.

"How do I appreciate whiskey?" Kyle asked sceptically, narrowing his eyes and awaiting some sort of trick.

"Breath it in, deeply. About three quarters of what you think of as taste is actually information your brain is receiving from your olfactory receptors," Grissom explained.

"Your what?"

"Your nose," Grissom clarified.

"That's cool," Kyle said after sniffing the slightly sweet smelling liquid.

"That's biology," Grissom inclined his head and made Kyle smile, shake his head. Ever since he had confessed to struggling with his sciences, Kyle had found Grissom trying to tie whatever he was learning about to some tangible phenomena.

"Don't exhale after you inhale it, that's when you sip. Don't swig it, just take a little and let it run over your entire mouth so you can pick up on the different flavours." As Grissom was explaining, his attention mostly focused on Kyle, Sara and Catherine both found themselves following his directions as well.

Horatio stood aloof, his glass held casually at waist level. Much as he loved Grissom and appreciated his attempts to instil a healthy respect for alcohol in his son, he still hated whiskey.

"After you've held it in your mouth for a minute, swallow and breath out the fire," the whiskey profit continued in explanation.

"Breath out the fire?" Kyle couldn't help but smile in the face of Grissom's seriousness.

"Breath out the fire." Grissom maintained.

Clearing his throat, Horatio raised his glass and waited until four more joined it. His eyes met Grissom's. "To Susan."

"And family," Kyle interjected quickly, nodding to Grissom.

The ritual was followed by all save Horatio, who let the velvety liquid caress his lips out of respect. He did not drink it.

Catherine and Sara let out hearty exhales along with Grissom. Kyle began to but started to cough, garnering a few well meant chuckles. He gratefully accepted the glass of water Catherine fetched for him.

"I think some of the fire got kinda stuck," he rasped before gulping his water.

This managed to make Grissom smile just for a moment before his eyes clouded again.

"Where did you learn that?" Sara eyed Grissom with intrigue, curious every time she learned something like this about him.

He met her eyes fully, his expression sad, and replied, "my mother."

"Your mom taught you how to drink?" Kyle smirked at him.

"Among other things," Grissom whispered, sitting back and letting his eyes lose focus as they rested on the glass held in his lap.

Horatio sat next to him again, grasping Grissom's hand in his own and stroking it slightly with his thumb though Grissom seemed not to notice. Quiet descended on the living room as everyone sipped their whiskey. When Grissom had finished his, Horatio discretely swapped his full glass for Grissom's empty one.

The quiet, thoughtful atmosphere was interrupted by a mammoth growl from Kyle's stomach. "Sorry," he said sheepishly.

"Dinner time," Horatio said.

"Time for work," Catherine corrected. She and Sara stood. "We've gotta go."

This shook Grissom from his introspection and he stood as well, opening his mouth to say something but closing it again as he shook his head at the two women.

Catherine shook her head right back at him. "Don't say anything. We'll be back tomorrow afternoon." She pulled him into a tight hug.

"Lindsay needs to see you, too," was all he managed to whisper.

Pulling back from him after a moment, Catherine gave him an all encompassing, loving look. "I'll be here." She brought her lips to his beard and kissed his cheek, the unspoken strength of their friendship showing through briefly. Somewhere in the backs of both of their minds, they were thinking of one another as family. Siblings who irritated each other often, but were there for each other when the chips were down.

Sara wrapped her arms around him next, holding him a bit longer than Catherine had. It might have felt awkward with Horatio there were it not for the fact that she wasn't thinking about him in that instant. She was thinking about how her friend looked like a fire-gutted home and how unsettling it was. "Call if you need anything." Her eyes swept fearlessly between Grissom and Horatio as she said this.

Then they were gone and Grissom found himself hearing all of the small sounds around his house, outside of it. He couldn't quite focus for long enough to comprehend what Horatio and Kyle were talking about right beside him.

####

Horatio was wide awake, staring at the television as the credits for King Kong scrolled down it, pinned between the sleeping figures of Kyle and Grissom. His mind was awash with thoughts of his own mother, unbidden and intrusive. He didn't think about her often, he couldn't without thinking about her death.

He extracted himself carefully but disturbed Kyle anyway who grumbled sleepily, sat up and rubbed his eyes.

Rousing Grissom, Horatio could see a weeks worth of pain, confusion and sleep deprivation in his face. His features were obscured and puffy because of it. Horatio didn't speak to his lover, merely hauled him gently to his feet and led him by the hand to his room. Once there he sat Grissom on the bed, readied his toothbrush and passed it to him before returning to the living room.

Kyle, in the way of teenage boys, would barely let a sheet and blanket be placed on the couch before he tumbled into it, still in his clothes. Just inside the hallway, Horatio turned, his hand on the wall, and looked at the teen. Then he looked to the ground, expressed his gratitude to the ether that his son was okay, and walked back to his lover.

Grissom stood leaning with his palms flat on the bathroom counter top, toothbrush sticking out of his mouth, staring at his reflection in the mirror. Leaning in the doorway, Horatio crossed his arms and looked his lover over. After a moment Grissom removed the toothbrush from his mouth and spat. Then he turned his lost looking eyes to Horatio.

"Does this feeling go away?" His voice was high pitched with emotion even as he whispered. The last person he had truly been close to that he had lost was his father and he had been a child. The ability to over analyse that came with adulthood was not helping him process Susan's passing.

Horatio frowned and sighed. "You...you won't feel it as strongly...after a while." He felt it was a lame answer to the question but it was at least truthful. The weight of the deaths of those he loved was an appreciable burden still, years after the fact. It always would be, he had come to understand.

Slipping a towel from the hook, he stepped to Grissom and dried the froth from his lips, his hand on the back of Grissom's neck. As his eyes darted up to Grissom's occasionally, he was thought of how he was grateful atleast that Susan had gone naturally. Though there hadn't been time to say good bye, there was also no questioning what might have been done to stop her death. Those were the questions that routinely played through his mind whenever he thought of his brother, his mother, of Speed and of Mari. He left the bathroom and retrieved a fresh pair of pajamas, laying them on the bed before he turned to see Grissom enter.

Silence reigned in Grissom's bedroom as they changed. Though they stood facing one another, Grissom was looking vaguely at Horatio's stomach as he went through the motions mechanically. Fingers deftly working fine buttons, Horatio undid his dress shirt as he watched Grissom intently, noting the seemingly permanent crease of crows feet about his eyes. He was aware of every move Grissom made. Grissom was barely aware he had finished changing until Horatio threw back the covers and pushed him with a hand on the small of his back.

Still clearly more awake than Grissom, Horatio held his lover from behind as they lay on their sides. He held him tightly, as if he could shield him from even this, the pain of loss he knew so well.