I own nothing. Lyra is me (name borrowed from Philip Pullman), Wufei and the gundam folks belong to whoever owns Gundam Wing. "And The Way I Love You" Belongs to that amazing gal Taylor Swift.
I twisted the beautiful gold engagement band on my ring finger. Quatra was wonderful, really, so why was I getting knots in my stomach thinking about the wedding scheduled for eight months from now?
He is sensible and so incredible
And all my single friends are jealous
Hilde, Relena, Sally, and Noin all rant about how amazing he is. He's sweet, kind, loving, never jealous, never possessive… He's "The Perfect Man". He gives me little gifts, sends me flowers just because he can- like clockwork every Monday morning at 11 AM. He's thoughtful and wonderful and they never let me forget it.
He says everything I need to hear and it's like
I couldn't ask for anything better
I could look like a drowned rat and he'd still call me a lady. He sees my moods- sometimes before I do- and says just the right things. He's always able to soothe my rage, and burn away my melancholy. He doesn't even need to say a thing, he'll have a cup of Earl Grey ready for me every morning, and plum tea at night, he'll rub my back when it aches- even without my asking. The man was perfect and there was no one better.
He opens up my door and I get into his car
And he says you look beautiful tonight
And I feel perfectly fine
He pulls me from my thoughs as he knocks on my apartment front door. I open it and smile. He looks dashing beyond belief, the man is always well dressed. Tonight he's wearing a designer suit it dark grey with a pale blue button down and a darker blue tie. He offers me his arm and I take it, smiling. I'm in a dark blue gown, sweetheart neckline, cap sleeved and calf length, with bright silver heels and a silver, blue and green clutch.
He leads me to his car and opens my door for me. I slide in gracefully, feeling myself sigh as he walks around and slips into the drivers seat. He leans over and kisses my cheek, still slightly shy even after all these years, "You look beautiful, as usual." He murmurs against the skin of my cheek. I don't shiver in delight as I might have, instead I smile.
"Thank you Quat." I say sweetly, but my heart does nothing…
But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
And it's 2am and I'm cursing your name
At the banquet I see HIM for the first time in over two years, since I left him. His hair is slightly longer, but still in that too tight ponytail, it makes me smile. He looks amazing in his Preventer's uniform, the green and brown make his skin seem to glow… but maybe that's just in my head.
He turns and I catch sigh of his dark eyes and my memories take me away on a tide of emotion…
The anger and rage that boiled in my chest fading as if it never existed as he pulls me against his chest a little roughly and kisses me, headless of the pouring rain…
It's well after 2 am and I'm worrying enough to make my Mama proud, but she'd box my ears for the cusses I'm muttering at my boyfriend. He SWORE he'd call and tell me what was going on, what he had to do and WHY he was late. Urg, I glared hatefully at the kitchen table set for two with candles… Fuck it. I fall into oblivion, tossing and turning and waking fitfully, my worry as strong as my anger and hurt…
You're so in love that you act insane
And that's the way I loved you
I blink and come back to myself, smiling sadly. He'd brought home my favorite flowers and candies for a week, trying to appease me, finally he'd just broken down and apologized verbally, and I forgave him. He was just so damned proud, but… perhaps that's why I loved him. His pride, his rage, all the flaws that I'd never, ever of changed…
Breakin' down and coming undone
It's a roller coaster kinda rush
Loving him HAD been a roller coaster ride, really. So many ups and downs but still that kept the wild feeling in my chest alive. But not just that… I LOVED him, even when we had easy periods, not high or low but just… okay. Still I loved him. And when I'd left… I'd completely come undone, broken and hurt and pathetic…
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you
I swallowed reflexively, realizing with a start, I'd loved him… honest and true… not what I'd tried to tell myself. That it was hormones, a silly crush… I honestly loved Chang Wufei. I bit my lip to keep from frowning, the people around me would notice and fret. I'd known I loved him then… but I'd convinced myself I was wrong… to protect my heart.
He respects my space and never makes me wait
And he calls exactly when he says he will
I look sideways at my fiancé. I smile slightly. He's charming the pants off of some poor diplomat and his wife. He really was… too good to be true. Even though he has a key to my apartment he NEVER just lets himself in, he always knocks. And when I asked why he smiled and pressed a sweet kiss to my knuckles, saying "Because it's yours. Your personal area, where you go to hide from the world. I'd never violate that." Perfect or what?
AND he'd been right on time to pick me up, as always. He was never late, we were never late, thus I had to write on my calendar that whatever event we were going to started half an hour before it really did. I am ALWAYS late. And he's perfectly on time for silly things, like calling me when he says he will. He says he'll call at four then at four, on the DOT my phone is ringing.
He's close to my mother, talks business with my father
He's charming and endearing and I'm comfortable
My Mama would have loved him… as it is my Step Mother adores him. As does Daddy, they talk shop whenever they're together. It's almost annoying how well he gets along with my family. But what could I expect? He's perfect, charming and wonderful. He could charm the pants off a straight man if he tried. And I lean slightly against his weight and bite back a sigh of boredom. Life was pretty darn good… but I wasn't really…
But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
And it's 2am and I'm cursing your name
You're so in love that you act insane
The flash of dark hair catches my eye again. I look up to see Dragon at the bar with Trowa, a good friend of ours, drinking shot after shot. Shorter than most of our friends and Asian he might be, but he held his liquor better than even Heero. His eyes were watching me, and my guy twisted slightly.
The last time I'd gotten that look from him… Well there was a huge fight because he, insanely, accused me of FLIRTING with… well with Quatra. And he'd been crazy jealous, and we'd argued all the way home, him yelling, me making cold snarky comments… And then we'd finished up the night ( after like three hours of arguing) with absolutely amazing make-up sex.
And that's the way I loved you
Breakin' down and coming undone
It's a roller coaster kinda rush
Well that was why I was with him. Sure we fought but… life was GOOD with him. I was HAPPY. On our off days He'd work on teaching me martial arts and I'd bully him into dancing (which I maintain he secretly enjoyed). Life was always crazy, but it was a good crazy.
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you
And I hated to admit it to myself… but I missed that feeling. I missed loving someone like that…
He can't see the smile I'm faking
And my heart's not breaking
Cause I'm not feeling anything at all
Because I don't love Quatra… Not at all. If that was love, what I had with Dragon… I felt no love for my fiancé. Companionship, affection like one feels for a close friend, some mild sexual attraction (lets face it, I just don't like blondes as much as I like others…) that was all I felt for him.
He turns his bright blue eyes to me and smiles slightly, and I return the smile, my face feeling numb. He doesn't seem to notice that it doesn't reach my eyes. And surprisingly I'm not upset about not loving him, only about possibly hurting him. My heart was just fine, not even cracking.
And you were wild and crazy
Just so frustrating, intoxicating, complicated
Got away by some mistake and now
I looked up at my Dragon. He was still looking at me, his eyes hot with anger and hurt, and… desire? My stomach clenches as I felt that burning low in my stomach begin. I remember the feel of his hands, the memory coming unbidden from the box where I trapped it, the feel of his hands ghosting across my cheeks, my lips, brushing hair from my face, across my collarbones, down my sides…
I smile to my fiancé and make excuses, all but fleeing the oppressive crowd to the balcony, where the memories continue to rise from where I'd locked them away, making the fire of my arousal grow higher and higher…
I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
The memory of kissing in the rain… how hot he had been in contrast to the cold of the rain… his hot chest pressed against mine, his hot lips assaulting my lips, my jaw, my throat, his hands leaving a trail of heat as they roamed my back and hips and rear…
I quivered at the memory, letting my eyes close as I leaned against the railing, savoring the memory.
It's 2am and I'm cursing your name
The memory of that last drive home takes over, dousing me in pain and hurt, smothering the desire and replacing it with a cold emptiness…
I turned off the car and bit back my tears. I know what he's planning, what he intends… and I can't let him do that to me. It's just not fair. I love him… but obviously he doesn't love me enough.
I walk into the apartment silently. Happy to find him sleeping. I strip and slid into our bed, but instead of curling up alone I curl up against him, cuddling for the last time. "I love you," I whisper, pressing my face against his warm skin, breathing in his scent.
I'm so in love that I acted insane
Well leaving that been idiotic. If I loved him I should have stayed and fought for him. I was stronger than to just run away… but run away I did.
And that's the way I loved you
Breaking down and coming undone
And It's not like I didn't love him. I DID that's why I had to go. I loved him too much to let him leave me. It wasn't fair, loving him and letting him leave me. If he didn't love me then it wouldn't hurt him, so to ease my pain I'd leave on MY terms. But it had destroyed me anyway…
It's a roller coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you oh, oh
He had been my roller coaster. And I missed that, that insane, stupid, slightly out-of-control feeling tat he gave me. I missed loving someone like that, being loved like that… Why didn't know that before I left? I should have fought like hell to keep it…
And that's the way I loved you oh, oh
Never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I love you
My eyes still closed I breathed deep, surprised at how well my memory conjured his scent. I breathed deeply again and tears began to leak slowly from my eyes as I realized, with horror, that I didn't miss loving someone like that… I still did. I loved my Dragon still, even after two years and four months, even after no contact and lots of pain… I loved him. What I missed was… being loved like that…
An incredibly warm, heavily calloused hand stroked my cheek, brushing away my tears. I leaned into the touch, smiling slightly, even as the tears continued. "I'm sorry Dragon," I whispered. The hand on my cheek stilled, and then disappeared. I turned, startled. He wasn't there… he was no where around, and even the heavy curtain that separated me from the party was still.