Disclaimer: I don't own FMA.

"Oh no. Oh nonononononono. Oh Hell no."

"Oh Hell yes!"

"You lost the bet, Ed. It's only fair."

"This is not fair!! Come on, guys! Spare me some dignity!"

"Nope."

"Please?"

"Nuh-uh."

"Al…some help here??"

"Sorry, brother, but a bet's a bet…and I don't think it'll look so bad on you anyways…" "WHAT?!"

"You shouldn't have added that last part, Alphonse."

"But it's true!"

"He's got a point there, man."

"Touche."

"AM I INVISIBLE OR SOMETHING?!!"

The tick mark that appeared on Edward's head grew even bigger as he glared frostily at the four people in front of him. Havoc waved the articles of clothing in his face, causing the blonde to jump back in disgust, emitting chuckles from Breda, Alphonse and Falman.

"Alright, time's up. Wear it."

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes. You will."

"N-O. No."

"Boss, if you don't take it now, I'll put it on you myself."

"Gross! You perverted adult! I'm not wearing it and there's no way you're going to make me!"

"Ohohoho. Really now?"

"Face it, Havoc, you're old bones aren't in any condition to chase this young and vivacious youth."

"Vivacious? Ha! That's a laugh. Stop stalling and put them on."

"Make me."

"Alrighty then. I'll give you three seconds to change your mind before I make you do it….by force." Havoc stretched his hand out, grinning madly.

"Cha right."

"Three."

"Brother, I think you should take it."

"What? Why?!"

"Two."

"He means it."

"How many times…?! I already said no!!"

"Two and a half."

"Ed, he's not joking."

"Right. Like I'd believe that."

"Two and three fourths."

"NO. Nononononononono. No. No. NO!!!"

"Two and two fourths…"

"Where in the world did you get those anyway?!"

"…"

"…"

"AHA! Gotcha! You sweet talked one of the girls around here, didn't you?" "No…I…Havoc…plan…AARGH!!"

"Oooh. Who knew Breda was such a chick magnet."

"It wasn't me!!!"

"One."

"Hah. So what're you going to do? Flirt me to death?"

"Nah. I'm just going to go spread a rumor that the Fullmetal Alchemist, Hero of the people, is into other guys. Nothing big, really."

The orange haired second lieutenant shrugged, trying to keep from laughing at the horror on Edward's face.

"You wouldn't."

"I would."

"He would."

"I don't believe you!!"

"You should."

"He will."

"He is."

"….FINE!!! Give me the damn stuff!!!"

"That's the spirit~"

"And don't forget the hair!"

"Whatever."

"And—"DON'T push it."

"Roger that, boss."

The alchemist hissed angrily as Havoc raised his hands in defeat. Snatching up the clothing and shoes, Edward stormed into the nearest bathroom, slamming the door as loudly as possible.

"Wow. I can't believe you pulled that one on him."

"He left me no choice."

"Man, Jean, you pissed him off bad this time."

"I know~"

Havoc chuckled, knocking on the bathroom door a few times.

"RAAAAUGHWR!!!!"

Everyone froze at the sound.

"What the hell was that?!"

"I believe that would be brother saying "FUCK OFF!!!" in his 'severely-pissed-and-in-no-mood-to-talk-coherently-and-just-roar-and-growl' language."

"Ah…"

Falman groaned, rubbing his forehead in circles.

"God, he's good at that. Now I'm positively glowing with consciousness."

"Well, he does get his practice with the Colonel."

"Breda, man, that sentence just sounded totally wrong."

"What are you talking abou—Oh. OH. Ohhhh…ahm…just…just forget I said that…"

"What? Why? What was wrong with what he said?"

"Ah, nothing! Nothing, Alphonse. Ahhh…I just meant that he has a lot of practice with his voice with the Colonel because of their shouting matches…THAT'S what I meant."

"O…kay…?"

An awkward silence descended upon them as they waited for Edward to finish dressing-up.

"I would ask why you are standing outside the bathroom in silence, but I think I'd rather not know."

"Lieutenant Hawkeye!"

"Ahh…ahm…Hey, Riza…"

"What brings you to this part of the…of the headquarters?"

"I believe I work here, Havoc."

"Pathetic excuse, man."

"Oh, shut up Breda."

"Why are you here, lieutenant?"

"I arrived to find the office empty, except for Colonel trying to burn his paperwork….again. And, may I inquire, why is Fuery doing all of your work?" The woman's eyes blazed in unquestionable anger.

"Ah, about that…you see…"

"We had a bet with Edward…"

"And he lost…"

"Alphonse, care to explain to me, because I can't understand anything these useless men are saying."

"Well, as they said, they had a bet with brother, and he lost. We're just waiting for him to come out and start his punishment…"

"Mhm. And why can't they wait for him in the office…while working?"

"Maybe because work can be so—"

Riza put her hand on her holster and cocked her pistol threateningly, raising one eyebrow.

"I will ask you to continue the sentence properly."

"—fun. Yeah, fun. That's what I was going to say."

"Yeah right."

"Shh!"

Falman received questioning looks as he shushed them, nodding his head towards the door, where the handle was turning slowly.

"Here he comes~"

"I can just imagine what he looks like…wait…no…nevermind…"

"His expression might just ruin the whole thing."

"Who are you talking about?"

"Edward."

The door opened slowly, revealing a small figure standing behind it. Havoc whistled lowly.

"Holy.,,!!"

"Wow. I mean…wow."

"Oh my God, Ed! Is that even you?!"

"Told you you'd look fine, brother."

"Edward, please tell me that isn't you."

"I can't wait to see the Colonel's expression!"

"Don't even dare let the Colonel get a glimpse of him, you three. He'll never believe it's Edward and he may end up taking him home."

"Yuck! Poor brother, subjected to such things…"

"Heh. Look, even Al's so shocked he's being sarcastic!"

"SHUT UP!!!"

Riza tried to hide her smile from the fuming blonde standing before her. Edward looked cute and badass at the same time wearing the solid black colored mini jacket over a plain white tank top and miniskirt followed by black, knee-high boots. He also let his hair down, one side tucked behind his ear--She had never noticed how long his golden hair had actually grown, currently being below his shoulders. And, of course, his gloves. Now, no one would ever have to make up a mental image if they thought about Edward as a girl, because if he were a real one, this would be exactly what he would look like.

"Sorry, Ed, it's just that you really look like a girl."

"…"

"Are you still mad?"

"YOU THINK?!"

"I'll take that as a yes…"

"If you ask my opinion, Edward, I think you look quite stunning in that outfit. You do know very few men can pull those kinds of clothes off and end up convincingly looking like a female."

"Lieutenant! Not you too…!!!"

Edward moaned in frustration and slammed his head into the wall, leaving a small dent.

"And that goes to show how hard headed you are."

"Al, don't start with me."

"Okay, okay…just pointing out a fact…"

"Better not push him to his limits, Alphonse—"

"FINALLY! SOME MERCY HERE!!!"

"—because you have to save some patience for later. Colonel Mustang's still has to see him, remember?"

"Oh yeah…"

"…"

"Now let's go back to the office!!"

"THERE IS NO WAY IN HEAVEN OR HELL YOU WILL TAKE ME TO THAT GODDAMN BASTARD'S OFFICE DRESSED UP LIKE THIS!!!!!"

"Ed, this was the whole point of the punishment!"

"And I care because…?"

"Falman's been taking pictures and will have them posted in the newspaper if you don't cooperate with whatever we say?"

"WHAT?!"

Groaning in exasperation, Edward gave up trying, fighting a losing battle was a waste of time, so might as well go with the flow…even if this could be described as a counter-current that completely went in the opposite direction from the healthy flow of normal.

"Aww...don't pout there, boss, we are doing this for your own good."

"HOW IN THE WORLD IS DRESSING ME UP TO LOOK LIKE A GIRL GOING TO BENEFIT MY OWN GOOD!?!"

"Now, now, no need to get all fiery. Calm down a little. I swear, Ed, mark my words, you'll be thanking us for this one day."

"I WILL WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER!!!"

"You know, for someone who doesn't believe in God—"Atheist, Breda, atheist.—"you sure like to use the terms 'Heaven' and 'Hell' a lot…"

"Now that you mention it, brother does seem to say it frequently…"

"See?"

"Hush now. Ittle, bitty Edo-chan is getting pissed"

"Oh no, I'm not pissed."

Everyone, minus Riza, stopped to stare at him in surprise, eyebrows rising up and figurative question marks popping up in the air.

"You aren't??"

"Nope."

"I find that hard to believe."

"I agree. For someone who practically had smoke billowing out through his nostrils, 'not pissed' is the totally the wrong category for you."

"Why would I be pissed? I mean, yeah, you guys are subjecting me to the worst humiliation ever, and you're even putting me at risk of being hit on by Mustang, but it's okay. Nothing can get worse than everything else I've been through. Oh nooooooo, this is just an ant bite compared to past situations."

"…."

"Way to set-up the guilt trip, eh, Ed?"

"Guilt-trip? What guilt-trip? I don't know what you're talking about…"

"Yeah right…"

"Does this mean you're dropping the death sentence?"

"Now who said anything about a death sentence?"

"Please, spare me the pathetic-ness. My pride is on the verge of shooting itself in the head!"

"Don't be so overdramatic, Ed, you're pride isn't, and will never be, suicidal."

"Says the guy who's wearing pants."

"Just take it like a man!!"

"NOT WHILE I'M WEARING A DAMNED SKIRT!!!"

"It does throw everyone off balance. Look at all the stares he's attracting."

"When has he ever not been stared at? I mean, hello! The Fullmetal Alchemist, who is said to be male, is dressed like a woman!"

"If there was a term for anyone much more stupid than an idiot, it would be named after the three of you."

"Hey now, what's that supposed to mean?!"

"If you haven't noticed, Edward is only receiving stares because of his looks."

"WHAT?!"

"You heard her."

"HAHA! Edward Elric has been found out to have been actually a girl!!!"

"I'm not listening!!"

"This will be the biggest controversy ever to hit Central!"

"LALALALALA!!!"

"We'll be rich!!!!"

"Technically, we wouldn't since you don't get any money for telling such things to gossips…"

"Tch. Moron."

"Look who's talking."

"Feh! You're just being hypocrite!"

"Am not!"

A gunshot rang clear across the hallway as a small bullet hole appeared in the wall. Havoc looked severely shaken as he stared at Hawkeye's pistol that aimed right between his and Edward's foreheads. Gulping audibly, the two stepped away from each other and continued the journey to the office quietly.

"Alright, so here's the plan: Everyone except Edward will walk back in and resume their tasks, someone will give a signal and you, Ed, will walk in holding this."

Breda paused as he pushed a small lunchbox into Edward's arms, then, continuing his game plan. While he talked, the group had huddled, including, surprisingly, Hawkeye, and listened intently to the instructions.

"Ed, don't let anyone see you, or you'll be sent out, but make sure to stay clear within range of the office so you can listen for the first gunshot Hawkeye lets out."

"So what am I supposed to do till then?"

"Keep out of sight but within perimeter of the office."

"That's no different!!"

"And what about us?"

"Well, Ed's supposed to enter and give the lunch to Havoc, all of us have to stare, because you know what handmade lunches mean..."

"YOU'RE MAKING ME LOOK LIKE SOME LOVE-STRUCK HAVOC FAN?!?!"

"Shh!"

"Brother, you're going to give it all away!"

"I am not!"

"Both of you shut up!"

"Shutting up."

"What is the whole point of this thing anyway? I mean, why target brother?"

"One: Because I want to see how good his acting skills are. Two: Because he lost the bet, and consequences are consequences. Three: I want to see Colonel's reaction. Four: If I don't do this now, I'll never get another chance. And five: Everyone in here has always been curious as to how Ed would look like in girl clothes, with his feminine looks and all."

"You're despicable."

"I know~"

"Breda, continue."

"Okay, now where was I…?"

"Ed enters and gives lunch to Havoc…then…?"

"Right. Then, knowing how the Colonel reacts to girls Havoc tries to date, he'll do the same to Ed!"

"You want him to take me out?!"

"Yehp~"

"Al, please, you cannot let them do this to me!! Knowing Mustang, he might try to kiss me or something!!"

"…."

"That would be bad…"

"Now you say it…"

"But since I don't have a heart, I'm not backing out! Right guys?"

"Colonel won't do that if you pull this fast and as good as you can!"

"Don't reveal anything, Ed!"

"Yeah! Or we'll post the pictures on the newspaper!"

"This is blackmail!"

"That's how it's supposed to be."

"Real friends don't torture each other."

"Noooo…on the contrary, they make each other's lives a living hell."

"What kind of friend is that?!"
"A BEST friend, Ed."

"I beg to differ."

"Be my guest! I've never seen you beg before."

"Quit putting words in my mouth!!"

"But you're the one who said it!"

"Guys…."

Al stepped in between the two and pushed them away from each other, which he didn't really need to do because the space he filled was enough to drive them apart. There was a loud 'thunk' as Riza hit Havoc over the head with the back of her pistol. ("OW!!! Why didn't you hit him too?!" "Because he isn't a moron.")

"Back to the plan. No interruptions, no arguments, no nothing. Got it?"

"Yeah, yeah…"

"I said 'Got it?"

"Y-yes sir!"

"Very good. Breda, continue."

Breda swallowed nervously at the annoyed glint in Hawkeye's eyes, adjusting his collar a bit before continuing his speech.

"So, Ed, you go out to lunch with him, the Colonel. If you can keep up the act till he gets back to the office, then we're on the right track."

"So all of this just comes down to my acting?"

"Yes. If we guess right, the chief would be all dreamy about 'the girl' he went out to lunch with and then that's when we can swoop down and tease him mercilessly about falling for the Fullmetal Alchemist, his subordinate! Make sure you enter at the right time, Ed."

"That's quite a fool-proof plan you guys have there…"

"Ah! Fuery! What are you doing here?!"

"More importantly, how much did you hear??"

"Pretty much everything, it's not that hard to hear Ed's shouting. The colonel asked me to check on what's going on out here, so…yeah."

"You better keep your mouth shut about this, because if you blow our cover, you'll be the next target."

"R-r-right!"

"Good. Now, Ed, we'll be heading inside. Wait for the signal, practice your acting, and get ready. Everyone, move out!"

The group stalked off towards the office, each one, except Al and Riza, struggling to keep the smirks off of their faces.

This was going to be one hell-of-an ordinary office day.

Finally! My first fanfic for the year 2010!! 8D

I'm currently working on the second chapter of this, so don't worry, I won't leave you on a cliff-hanger for too long :)

Hope my humor's improved XD I don't want this to end up being too corny "OTL

Thanks for reading!

-Corsiva V.