Would I be called crazy if I say that I hate the way Lucy walks? Cause there she is, finely swaying her hips while walking on the side of the canal. I hate it.
I hate it because her grace makes every man turn their heads on her. And she was so dumb not to notice it and whine about being not graceful enough to catch attention.
She waved a hand at me and I shouted, "Hurry up! Im hungry." Of course, it's just a way of keeping her away from other men.
She puoted. "Just so you know, I ain't your cook!" She said while poking my chin.
"Just so you know, you're the one who insisted we eat here." I mimicked her gestures which made her pout more.
I poked her lower lip. She is so cute in her plain outfit. Nothing too revealing, just perfect. I wonder if I look fine cause I'm wearing my usual.
"Whatever. Let's go inside Natsu." She flashed a smile, making my tummy twirl like a salted worm. For a moment, I am sure that my hunger for food disappeared.
I hate the way she talks. How can she persuade me into every little thing? Like this for instance. It's not like I hate sweet cakes and pastries and teas and latte. But that's no what I want to eat today.
If only I hadn't promised her that I would accompany her in this pastry shop, I would hit the road and find something more delicious. Well, truth is I can ditch her or make her go with me instead. But it's the way she talks with me that hypnotizes me. Making me want to nod my head yes and fulfill her simple wishes.
"Hey Natsu. I heard there's a newly opened accessory shop nearby. Want to check it out with me?" She asked.
"I don't want to." Cause Im sure she's gonna take hours before buying an item.
"Fine. I'm just asking though."
And so we walked back heading to the train station. But as time goes by, as we converse happily, laughing about something ridiculous, making silent yet rude comments about something we both find unpleasant, I just found myself asking the townpeople for the direction of the accessory shop.
It made Lucy happy of course. And that makes me happy too. Even though I practically did nothing but stare at the blings and jewelries, I endured the boredom.
She stopped by and stared at something inside the store. I peeked over her shoulder to look at what caught her attention.
"Pretty." I say.
"Yeah." She said while looking at me with those dreamy eyes.
That instant, I already knew what she's thinking about. What would any girl fiction writer think when they see a brilliant ring? Of course, romance.
Our guildmates always tease me for being an idiot, but... Am I really stupid if I hate even the way she looks at me?
We went home with Lucy buying nothing. I went home with something, of course. Being the gentleman that I am, I lied about forgetting something when we were about to board the train then dashed off to the store to buy the ring she probably dreamed of.
I bought it for her because a part of me is hoping that she could see me as a man capable of doing the things she dreams of.
I went home without giving it to her though. I was pissed. I was upset. I just lost confidence. I lost trust in myself simply because I realized the gap between the way she looks at me and the way she looks at the man who peaks her interest.
I hate that feeling. I just went off to buy something and hurried back as fast as I can because I know how much she hates waiting and missing the ride, only to find her chatting and laughing sweetly with some blondie guy with a book in his hand.
And from the way she looks at that blondie, I know Lucy was already interested in him. So I just sat the whole time during the ride, enduring my motion sickness.
I think I was already used to her head massage (which I didn't get that time) because when I got off the train and headed back home, my head is still spinning. Until I fall asleep, all I can remember is Lucy talking with another guy.
And it just hurts.
I didn't know how long I fell asleep. But when I opened my eyes and started feeling everything, I realized I was naked with Lucy beside me.
"What did you do to me?!" Is my initial response while badly covering myself with a blanket.
"Oh shut up!" She said with flushed cheeks. Then she turned her head to the side in an attempt to avoid my gaze.
"You didn't do that with me while I was knocked out, did you?" I joked.
"Exactly the reason why you're naked, dummy! I was worried when you didn't show up at the guild this morning so I have to cancel my lunchdate with Haru, only to find out that you were sick. What happened to you? You sweat a lot that I changed your clothes thrice already." She nagged loudly, so much for my sensitive ears. I must really get used to her voice. I winced a little due to the tingling sensation in my ears. I was about to say sorry for joking and worrying her, when my stomach growled.
"I figured." She voiced softly.
"I made a soup. You better eat that so you can regain what you lost." She said while combing my hair. She shifted in my bed to get the soaked towel beside her. She started wiping the sweat off my face, off my back, my arms, my chest. And while she do that, I was just looking at her intently.
I was wondering if she can feel my heart going wild. I wasn't used to being pampered like this. I was always beside her ever since we met, right? I was always supporting her, helping her in any ways that I can. Yet, here I am, being nursed by the last person whom I want to be seen weak.
"Natsu, you're staring too much." She commented to probably ease some tension, which I felt was hanging around a while ago.
"Sorry." I muttered.
"Just tell me if you want a staring battle. Im on it whenever you feel like it." She chuckled, I grunted.
I just remembered something she said about a lunchdate with a guy named Haru.
"Don't take me as a kid. I'm a grown up man too."
Did I mention that I hate the way Lucy walks gracefully, talks sweetly, smiles warmly, and looks softly? Well, add her big brown eyes that I love. Seriously, how can we hate something we so love?
I'm getting crazy.
I love them so much. I love Lucy so much. I only hate the fact that they everything she does are not for me, that she is not for me.
We are just friends and we can never be more than that. I already know, and it hurts pretty much everytime I close my eyes and think about her.
I am now doing my best in forgetting my feelings for her by avoiding her whenever possible. But it's useless.
She trapped me. Literally.
Alone. I. She. No one else. Where? I dont know. Remember when I said that I hate the way she talks? Cause she can persuade me into everything. She makes me want to crumble down the wall I had built around my heart. Eew, so poetic.
She looks so sad. I don't want to ask her why, but will there be a time when I can finally resist her? Maybe, no. So I asked her.
Another thing that I hate, I hate it when she is sad.
"What have I done to you? Why are you avoiding me?" She asked. "And don't you dare lie or tell me that you weren't meaning that to happen cause you suck at acting." Okay, she knows me too much that it makes me feel giddy.
I hate the way my heart feels right now. Those times when I avoided her, I only missed her a lot. I can't pretend it's alright anymore.
I'm not good at acting. I'm not a pro in lying. I suck at saying romantic words. How can I tell her my feelings when it already hurts knowing that even though I confess, we still can never be?
"Do you hate me?" I asked her. That surprised her. If she knows I suck at acting, I know how to read her expressions.
"Of course not!" She smacked my chest slightly.
I locked gazes with her. I hate seeing her worrying and on the verge of tears.
"You're avoiding me. You're the one who probably hates me." She whispered. If it is not for my sensitive ears, I wouldn't have heard her.
I took her hand which was still on my chest, clutching my shirt.
"I don't hate you too. But you'll probably hate me after knowing that..." I started getting nervous.
"I don't hate you. It's wrong, you know." She looked at me, confused.
"I can't understand."
"Okay, listen. Okay?" I told her. She nodded.
I glanced sidewards to catch some breath. That's when I realized where we are. We are standing near the old guild my guildmates used to live in for seven years.
"Im going to say it only once. Truth is, I don't hate you. What I hate is your ways.-"
"Ways? Wha-" Before she could say something, I hushed her, cupping her face with my thumb on her lips.
Instantly, she flushed pink.
Too cute. Augh. I must not loose my concentration. It's a one time thing only.
"I hate it when you give other men a smile so much different than the one you give me. You look happier that way. And I keep on thinking 'Am I not making you any happier'?"
She was about to pull my hand off her to protest, but I beat her to doing anything. I pulled her into a hug, her head leaning in my chest.
What a way to confess. -_- Yeah I know. But this is not my forte and I'm doing it first time. I just hope I'm doing it good.
"I hate it when you talk and flirt with men. I hate to see you do that, but who am I to stop you, drag you away from them? Sometimes, I think, I really don't hate your ways. I just hate the fact that you weren't doing all of that for me." I tightened my hold on her.
"I hate that we are friends." I said. "Though I don't regret that we became one."
"I like you. I don't know when I started liking you. I just found myself in deep shit, knowing that I'm falling for my partner, my bestfriend, my nurse two weeks ago, my confidante everytime, my adviser during rough times. Student and teacher relationship is prohibited, right? But I like you. And I'm sorry for avoiding you."
She managed to get away from my grasp. Now, we both stand, feet to feet, hand on hand, nose to nose, forehead to forehead. Such proximity is making my heart beat wild. She's blushing way too much, I can feel the heat of her face. Such nice warmth.
"I thought if I give you time to hook up with that blondie with a book, I can finally start moving on. I thought I can forget my feelings for you. But being far from you only made me want you more. I'm afraid I'm getting selfish when it comes to you. I find it so hard to keep my feelings in check, while pretending that I only see you as my friend."
Our eyes met.
"Lucy, I love you."
She smiled.
"I guess we're both good at pretending." She said. I don't want to think of it that way, that she's pretending to see me as a friend too. But if it is not that, then what is that supposed to mean? I must think faster.
"I love you too. When it comes to you, I don't know how to show it. I'm afraid that when I show it, you'll reject it. Then we will be called friends, but deep within our minds, we can't really see each other as friends anymore. We will be companions, partners, bestfriends with limitations." I was about to say something, but like what I did earlier, she cupped my face with her thumb on my lips.
"I don't want that to happen. I don't want that because of my feelings, we will be bound not to talk anymore. But I love you. I don't want to lose you, so I pretended."
Without saying anything more, I let go of her hand and pulled her closer almost in an embrace. Only, we didn't hug.
I kissed her.
She kissed back.
And that's how our story begins.
I just feel wonderful that I didn't let my doubts get the most of me. If I didn't get honest with her, we won't be here. I won't have her here in my arms, cuddling under the moon.
E.N.D.
Thanks for reading. Comment whatever you feel like saying about this story through reviews. Seriously tho, my ending sucks. I think even the narration of the story sucks. Meh.
Inspired by a song called 'crazy love' by kim chui. Then I thought, what if Natsu feels that way? Hating everything about Lucy, but at the same time, he loves her. Then my mind worked itself out and I slept late last night to finish the climax, then woke up with this in my mind. And I got up early in the morning to finish, and boom. The ending sucks. I lost the flow. T..T Sorry guys. I still love you. Thanks for reading. Goodnight.
Thank you again!
-Aia D.