Title: The Emperor's not quite so new clothes
Author: maharet83
Timeline: Season 4., Dean, Castiel.
Rating: PG-13? Some minor language, is all.
Warnings: Just the crack.
Disclaimer: Based on the characters and world created by Eric Kripke. No violation of copyright intended, and no profit made.
Summary/Notes: This is for a friend of mine, so I'm just gonna put the blame on her *g*

The Emperor's not quite so new clothes

Maybe it should worry Dean that he's thought about it more than once, but with every hell-thing from here to Nebraska gunning for him and Sam, not to mention a few heavenly dickheads keen on his brother, it's not topping his list of concerns.

Dean has however had time to come up with ample theories as to exactly how it works, this thing he's been wondering about. Because it's unnatural. And freaky. It could be Dean's attention to this particular detail has been hardwired into him by living out of a bag year after year, sorting through countless heaps of soiled clothing, calculating which ones could be scrubbed clean and which ones were lost causes. Being a hunter isn't only a dangerous business, it's also a dirty business, and no one's going to buy your cover(or let you buy her a beer) if you smell like the sewer you appear to have crawled through.

So that leaves Dean his fascination with Castiel's wardrobe, and several scenarios that might explain the phenomenon.

Hey, a guy's got to have something to occupy his mind when he's stuck in a car for several hours at a time. With the End of Days approaching and the gap between himself and Sam only growing wider despite the fact that he's right there in the passenger's seat, he'll pick his little obsession any day. It's a lot less depressing.

Dean's favorite is the image of Castiel sitting under the cold light of some run-down laundromat in nothing but white cotton briefs, watching his clothes' foamy tumble through the circular door of the washing machine. (Fear not, for I have come to do the laundry.) But he's never heard the telltale jingle of change from Castiel's coat pockets, and he's sure an angel's got more important things on the agenda. Besides, not only is that damn coat always spotless, it also appears to have been ironed or some shit.

It's possible that he air-dries it. There sure is some major flapping going on whenever Castiel appears, and there's no telling how fast those things can make him go. He probably dries his hair that way as well.

That would actually explain a lot.

Dean steals a look in the rearview mirror, and Castiel is still sitting upright, stoic as ever, though somewhat less extraterrestrial looking. There's nothing like a good dunk in filth to bring about that down to earth, lived-in look.

So much for all his varied theories, because Dean can't stand the stink any longer. His eyes are actually watering, and there's a limit to what his baby should have to endure. He'll just have to ask.

Any minute now, he'll ask.

Five minutes later and Dean still hasn't asked, because asking would make for a very awkward talk. Not that any conversation with Castiel veers all that much towards normal, but Dean really has given this too much though, and now he's feeling self-conscious about it. He'll ask, and Sam will look at him funny, and Castiel will look at him- Well, Castiel will just look at him the way Castiel usually looks at him.

So Dean clears his throat and keeps driving, Sam keeps drowsing next to him without a clue, and in the backseat Castiel keeps not doing his magical dry-cleaning thingy.