Blaze The Cat slowly wakes up to the immensely boisterous noise of her alarm, a piercing sound that indicates the geographic location of the Earth in relation to the all-powerful sun is at a zenith, implicating the rise of a new morning. A few weeks ago, her online boyfriend, who is assumed to be nothing short of George Clooney levels of handsome, told her that they were finally within the distance to meet and perhaps engage in fornication.
Blaze, pondering the intimacy she can express with her sweet prince, rolls out of bed, a veritable armadillo of sheets, and proceeds to her dresser. She chooses her thin purple bikini, forged in the fires of Asgard and made from the skins of angels, that she bought from the store on Monday in order to impress her boyfriend, a feat that she will certainly succeed in, with minimal to little effort. She makes sure to slightly stuff her bra, creating the illusion of the most illustrious of breasts. She stares at herself in the mirror and winks, thinking to herself "I am the most powerful creature in the universe, and all will bow before me in time". She adjusts her ponytail in early Mesopotamian (certainly not Sumerian) fashion and walks out to the beach, where she will partake in events of polygamy and perhaps dare I say it, revelry. But dear reader, her story is far from being a smooth road; but there are indeed veritable speed bumps, construction, and merging lanes.
Bananas The Echidna rolls across the valleyside in a sideshop cart made with his own fingertips, resting in the safety of the chilly, yet soothing ecosystem of the Hidden Bapalace. His cousin Knuckles told him that he was going to the beach to finally be an acquaintance to his one true love. But there was an absolutely dreadful event which had been of occurence; that Knuckles had indeed doth been unfaithful to another woman. Realizing the ultimate tragedy of all tragedies, Bananas' tears come down in streams as he journeyed his way to find his cousin's abused lover. Bananas' heart, is a valley of compassion and philanthropy, of which there is a plethora and surely up for the taking. He is a veritable gold mine of emotional value, the essence of generosity itself. His sacrifices are only matched by his intelligence, which rivals the concept of intelligence itself. He is truly an enigma, wrapped in a paradox of parallel bananular power and control. If he were to lose his restraint, he would surely kill us all with minimal effort and maximum potassium ferocity.
The voluptuous beast made of the most glimmering of bejeweled diamonds and krypotnite, Bananas found the Master Emerald, which automatically wrung his mind with the darkest of temptations and led him to consider a deeply considerate chain of events. He sneaks up to the Master Emerald, stroking his hair back gently as he whistles the tune to, "I Wish I Was An Oscar Meyer Weiner".
Bananas whispers into the ear of the Master Emerald, "You must be so lonely, Knuckles doesn't treat you as good as he should..." His words are an ointment, a panacea to the rash that is sadness.
"I know, but I deal with it... I just wish that I could have a strong man around..." The Master Emerald then grabs Bananas' knuckle bananas and gentally strokes them.
"I never thought... That you felt this way."
"Just take me to the beach... I want it to be us, together..."
"Alright..."
Bananas picks up the Master Emerald and walks off the floating island to the coruscant beach.
Blaze walks near the ocean, waiting for her Romeo, which had helden the power and pretentiosity as that of Julius Caesar. From behind, many footsteps leave trace and make haste towards her body as it dangles in the wind swirling ravenously around the beachside. Knuckles the Echidna, a spiny anteater of true magnificent beauty and power beyond the utmost of gods in over half of the burning universe, onlooks to Blaze with loving eyes, holding his arms out in the highest of adoration.
As she happily starts making her heel-turn and leaping with such intense overbearing of love and awestruck wonder, Blaze runs up to him at full tilt speed, only to be interrupted by the life guards. A massive pair of the most masculine men she had ever seen had run by. A kind resembling a water foul, squealing out an exclamation of "Gooby, pls" to the humanoid canine figure opposite of him. They were truly an example of a Matisse painting of the canvas used by God.
Then came the dangerously handsome figure known as Dr. Eggman, the sinister large monster of a man with a hefty mustache. Trying to win Blaze's affection, he released from his body a mass of four extra fattie rolls and two extra arms in a half-arsed attempt to make sure he could confess his admiration of Blaze's gorgeous bikini. Disgusted in the utmost of ways, Blaze walked away without hesitation.
Finally making it to her lover, here a dark figure appears with elegant stripes of red, this ebony being twas not a factor of this dimension that should not be dealt upon, approaches behind her. He wraps his arm around her shoulders and gives an evil, toothy glare, akin to the most frequent of dental patients, pushing Knuckles aside and everything else with quite uncouth mannerisms and actions.
"Boo! Got your damn bra!" Blaze's tissues follow the path of the wind, seemingly possesed as if by the ghost of an irate Frenchman, blistering and blustering in the tumultuous path of the wind. It's destination unknown, it was up to God Himself to decipher its ultimate destination.
But between you and me, dear reader, I feel that it could end in the hands of one who could perhaps need it. Perhaps it could land in the hands of one with a runny nose, or the greasy hands of one who has just enjoyed a most elegant and magnificent of cucumber sandwiches that only one with the most sophisticated of palates could enjoy.
Blaze turns her head left and right with elegance and pulchritunity as if struck with bewilderment and scare, in a panic, soon she finds Sonic The Hedgehog, this dimension's world renowned hero, his acts and commitments to guarantee friendships between their two contrasting and decipherable universes brought the two closer than the mere blades of grass in the hilly hills of the bodacious green hill. Sonic, a most beautiful animal, heeds her call and arrives faster than a frightful impala, scared by the most ferocious of lions.
"Sonic! That dark hedgehog took my bra!" Blaze's concern overtook the circumference of the beach, jittering her voluminous strands of hair, to most men, this would be rendered a stridulation of abasement to the omnipotent deities above. Blaze has become the new Aphrodite, an avatar of sexuality and lust.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Sonic's shrieks pierced the sound barrier and formed a new universe, a paradigm of loudness and incoherence, of which only an omnipotent being could ever decipher. He was already in previous plans of slapping Shadow's shirt as of earlier, and also shooting him to the ground for taking Blaze under his wing, but this was quite the final straw, soon this medium sized cup of pepsi had to spill. The balance of power between these entities in the veritable chess game of life was soon about to be tipped.
"..."
At Station Square, we find young Jim going to the local Gas Station to buy his mother a newspaper, after his father died, Mom lost all motivation. Jim, an illustrious steel mill worker, manages to balance a life of revelry and labor, whilst still taking care of his personal and geographic communities. He is a strapping lad of five feet and nine centimeters, blessed with a wreath of strawberry blonde hair, cursed with the height of a garden gnome. However, despite his apparent deformities, he has the posture of a virtual Adonis, that most mortals could not even comprehend. Also Bria was there.
"How much would this newspaper be?" his voice shrieks due to his inquisitive nature, inspired by the naivete of a young rat coming out of the womb of a beautiful fully Rapunzified creature.
"5 dollars," replies the newspaper salesman, furrowing his brow.
This salesman's name is Bria McHunterkara, not to be confused with the Bria from earlier, who is a perfectly nice person I'm sure. He has a family of five that he supports by bringing the events of the world to curious readers. He also attends church on Sundays and makes a mean pulled pork sandwich, trust me I know.
"What? Isn't that a little excessive?" inquires Jim, his fury akin to a starving cat's.
"Just pay up kid." Expressing his assertiveness with a sprinklement of apathy like the stars in the night time sky, forming constellations upon this situation, that astrologers of all breeds will want to observe, I'm sure.
Jim digs into his pocket and pulls out 5 dollars in change, that he would have given to starving orphans, assuming his mother did not wish to read the news. The orphans will just have to forage somewhere else.
He lays the currency on the counter and walks out of the gas station, newspaper in hand. To the untrained eye, he may have seemed apathetic, but his thoughts were with the salesman and the plights of his existence, this man's enigma is merely rivaled by that of a particular potassium induced Echidna of extravagant and tremendous wit.
As Jim walks around the thrusting and bustling people, who were like a beehive of the most busy of bees, free bees even, he smells a strange egg odor. He looked up to see the giant whiskers of a mustache, strikingly resembling the hairs of the forest of his mother's unshaven legs, which is adapted from the ethics of most European cultures, hiding behind a building. Transparent tentacles emerged from the building, like the Play-Doh toys of old, and started tearing apart the buildings, starting with the motel Jim's mother was attending to.
"Noooooo! M-m-mother..." Jim's soul was then placed in a maelstrom of bereavement and rage. He was a but a captain, the captain of the ship of his emotions, which was banking hard to port amidst the waves of his feelings.
Jim and many other innocent civilians' last moments were spent hiding from the tyrannical appendages of the new terrorist within the borders of what was once our safety: Perfect Eggman Chaos, a mutated monster created by pure lust and feeling of remorse after the lack of mutual affection from Blaze. This response will be rendered most efficacious to the eyes of his one desired love.
"I AM THE EXEMPLAR OF PERFECTION! I AM THE ESSENCE OF OMNIPOTENCE! I AM BANANAS THE ECHIDNA!"
To be thus continued...