Medley

by Sev-chan

Written for MyKa Holly Jack/Spot, Sprace, Javid Present day. What happens when you hold on for all the wrong reasons? Meeting the right person, but not wanting to be the bad? One day, maybe you can put it all together and then put it all behind you.

Disclaimer: Dont' Own, Don't Flame, Don't Sue.

Warning: Uh...the f-bomb gets dropped in a lyric...

Pre A/N: All the songs are Darren Hayes songs and all so perfect to me. Each piece sort of signals the mood for the next part.

Last note: keep on your toes because as each new lyric is presented so does the point of view change. And it will switch around all four characters.

Medley

-x-

Struggle with this town
Cause you love to hate it
But hate to let it go
And we're all alone
And so tired of being underrated

-x-

The brightness of the day as the sun hit noon only seemed to heighten the fact that they were unhappy. Of course they were young, only eighteen and seventeen, but they were sure as hell trying their bes. It was hard to get a job, they were merely seen as flaky teenagers. All they wanted was recognition that they were serious, not only as simply possible employee candidates, but as people as well. He and Jack had been seeing each other for a good six months now, not that it was widely known. No one would have guessed either, but they somehow managed to exist together.

Jack lived on his own in a beat up wooden scrappy apartment, which was by no means a comfort. Other existing tenants were always rude as hell and were up at odd ends of the night. They simply had nothing better to do. It was either drive forty five minutes to the next town and spend your money or drink. It was a mediocre small town. They spent their afternoons either in Jack's apartment or driving the back roads into acres of lush fields of grass and tall trees.

Shawn slowly raised his eye from the door handle to gaze out the open window. Lukewarm air brushing his hair sending wisps into his face. The sun was starting to set and out of all the things in this town, the only thing Shawn loved the most was the scenery. At least there was one thing out there in the world for him to enjoy without ridicule.

-x-

What is it with this town?
Every time I win it just feels like loosing
We were never gonna fit in
I was a mixed-up kid
And you were my sanity

-x-

Jack didn't know if he should tell Shawn yet that he planned on moving. It wasn't that he didn't think he could find a job or a better one for that matter. What it all boiled down to was the fact that he had nothing here and he would continue to have nothing as time progressed. His mother had died when he was twelve and years later his dad got sent to prison. There was simply no up for him, never would be.

Yeah, he had Shawn, but his options had been pretty slim. Not that he was trying to insult the boy. It was just a small town, not that many opportunities to try and find the love of your life.

Everything had been fine the first few months, but then after the fourth month Shawn had just became bland. It was like they were together now were merely for the sake of being together. Jack understood exactly why they'd gotten along so well at the beginning. He'd had so many things he'd kept bottled up and so did Shawn. It was a mutual agreement that they'd never let the other lose it.

Jack had been as wild as Shawn was cocky. That first time Shawn had hung out with his friends had been pure anarchy. Shawn was obviously use to being the leader by sheer intimidation, he apparently had a reputation. Cocky little thing always got into fights, but the fact of the matter was, he won them. Jack found he himself was a leader by sheer charisma. There was apparently something about him that people just loved. He didn't like the thought of being loved for loves sake. It annoyed him.

Somehow though, the two of them had managed to balance each other out. But soon Shawn's parents found out ans Shawn had been booted. That dad gotten out pretty quickly and Jack's friends had become somewhat distant. There really was nothing left there, not even for Shawn's sake.

-x-

When you go
Can you come and find me?
I wanna be beside you when you leave this town
I'll be waving goodbye pretending not to cry
I wanna be someone
If you take me away all the pain will change
Into a memory
When we were amazing , Casey.

-x-

Jack being the uppity bastard that he was had gone and left and Shawn had no choice but to go crawling back home. Shawn knew how pathetic it was to go crawling home and hated Jack for making him even feel slightly how it looked. Shawn had known Jack was going to leave, but he didn't think it was going to be without him. There was no damn excuse for why Jack couldn't have taken him with him. Every day he rode his bike now out to the fields near the outskirts of town and hoped Jack would be driving back to pick him up. Not that he'd admit that's what he was doing, but on all occasions it never happened.

He knew how much worse it was to go riding around town like a lost puppy looking for its owner, but he couldn't help himself. He knew their relationship was more or less crap, but it was theirs. All the snappy comments and wafty attitudes had been what built them. Jack was, nice to look at, but sort of lacked ambition not counting his actually leaving town.

Shawn had wanted to get out of the town as much as Jack did. He really couldn't understand it, not one bit.

-x-

In a world so cynical
You came in and changed the ball
From black to white
And made me right
This is all atypical
No one else has had the time
To read the signs
You are the only one

-x-

Anthony knew how it looked. Most people figured that he wanted to be off on his own doing his own thing. Cigarette smoke curled up into the air and he watched as that one boy parked his bike by a treee and wondered off into the field of grass. He'd seen him on many occasions, just planting himself in the middle of the field staring off into nothing. It kind of made him wonder what the other boy was waiting for. Maybe his lover had gone off and killed himself. Who knew, All he knew was that the gy looked as lonely as he felt on a daily basis.

Carefully Anthony made his way down the water tower and into the field. He tried to be as quiet as possible, though it didn't seem like it mattered as the boy was apparently in his own world. Anthony gently took a seat next to the guy and exhaled a plume of smoke and stared off in the same direction. The boy turned his head and looked at him for a moment, but didn't say anything and promptly went back to staring.

"You know, nothings going to come out of those trees," he pulled the cigarette from his mouth and licked his lips enjoying the taste the cigarette left.

"I know," the other boy continued to stare, "I kinda just got use to staring."

"Whatever floats your boat."

"Sort of like you on your perch..." he finally broke away from the distance.

"You should get one, you look like you belong on one," Anthony smiled and stuck the cigarette back in h is mouth.

"Then you should invest in cigars," muttered the other boy.

"I'll put that in my suggestion box," Anthony exhaled another plume of smoke.

"Shawn..." he was staring out into the trees again, but was holding his hand out.

"Anthony," he smiled and shook Shawn's hand.

-x-

And when they make the call
For one last drink
When my self-esteem sinks below
And when no one knows it
When the colors all collide inside
Well, I can barely hide
You are the only one , The Only One.

-x-

It wasn't like it was new for him to be sitting alone in a diner by himself. No not new at all. But David had long ago accepted the fact that he was indeed part of the forgotten ones. A middle child, but still the oldest boy. Off at college all on his own with no family for miles. None of his friends had bothered to apply. They enjoyed the lackluster buildings of old town. Here it was like the world forgot him.

The bell over the door clanged loudly like it always did and in walked the most attractive guy he'd seen in ages. He sighed and turned his head back to his half finished plate of food. The guy pulled the chair next to him out and sat down. David wasn't use to company this late in the evening. The waitress walked over to the counter and stared over at the guy then glanced at David then back at the guy.

"If you're gonna order anything tonight better make it now, else you gotta go else where," she chewed loudly on the gum she was chewing, who knew someone as pretty as her had such disgusting habits.

"I take it you're closing soon?"

"Some of us got people waiting for us at home," apparently her politeness died out with the sun.

"Ain't you a bottle of sunshine, I'll take what he's got," he jerked his head in David's direction.

She nodded and walked over to the kitchen and yelled, "David's midnight usual."

David winced.

"It'll be five forty five," she held out her hand.

The guy simply smiled and pulled out his wallet, "Here, keep the change."

"Aren't you the sweet heart," she took the money and rung it up and stuffed some ones into her cleavage and closed the register and walked off to get him a drink.

"Oh yeah, that's attractive," he smiled and turned to look at David, "So I take it you come here often, David?"

"Yeah..." he raised his gaze from his plate and stared into an amazing set of eyes.

"I'm Jack, Kelly," he smiled and lifted his hand up to David.

"Nice to meet you," he shook his hand and smiled in a way he knew he'd never smiled before.

They spent the rest of the evening finishing up their meal and the guy, Jack, well he seemed intent on starting conversation. So by one in the morning it wasn't much of a surprise to have the less the happy waitress shooing them out the diner. It didn't seem to bother Jack in the lest a smile so bright and genuine it lit the night and an upbeat tone to his voice.

"You wanna go for a walk? I figure I ain't getting no sleep tonight and it seems you don't on a regular basis, so?" he wouldn't pull his eyes away from David's.

"Sure," David found himself smiling again and the two of them set off into the dark streets.

"It's nice out here, nothing like home," said Jack as they turned a corner.

"I take it you come from either a boring or excruciatingly large town," David felt strange, he was never so quick to talk to random people, even if they were good looking.

"I come from the old town, bearing bitterness and a small amount of guilt," Jack cocked an awkward smile at him for a moment.

"Guilt?"

"I left someone, somewhat important back home, I feel guilty because I know how much he wanted to get away too," Jack seemed sullen for a moment moonlight casting shadows on his face.

"I take it you were really close?" David felt somewhat jealous.

"If you want honesty, we were seeing each other," Jack smiled at him but then quickly turned his head to the deserted playground just at the end of the block.

"And you just left him?" David felt a little bad for being a wee bit happy about that.

"...yeah," Jack stared over at the old creaking swing set.

David sighed, hating himself as he made his way to the metal spin wheel and sat down, "Maybe you shouldn't have."

"Probably," Jack shrugged and took a seat next to David.

"It doesn't sound like it matters to you, but your body language says other wise," David was a really good person through and through.

"My body language doesn't usually come into conversation," Jack quirked an eyebrow at him.

"Its not like I'm staring," muttered David quickly.

"You're not very subtle in your staring," Jack inched just a little bit closer, there was just something about this boy.

"It was rarely one of my specialties," David realized how low he was speaking and exactly what he was trying to do.

But then so was Jack, "Not that I mind."

David knew how stupid he was being letting it happen, the guy was seeing someone. Even if they weren't in the same town. It didn't sound like Jack had ever told the other boy he was leaving, like he just suddenly decided he was going. It was all new to David, but he wasn't home anymore and people change. They didn't find sleep till dawn and when it came David told Jack to just go home and try again.

-x-

This time I'll try to love again
I'll never lose you my friend
I'll be there till the end
Forever
This time I'll take the happy pill
Chew off more than I can spill
Play until you stay forever

-x-

Jack hated how he somehow found himself back home. Yeah it had taken him a grand total of a week to actually get to going back, but he was back whether he wanted to be or not. He'd told David he'd actually try. Maybe there really was nothing wrong with his and Shawn's relationship, maybe he'd just gotten scared. Nothing like running for the hills when you got freaked. David was right, Shawn hadn't deserved to just be dropped like nothing after spending six months of his life devoted to Jack.

Jack tried not to point out the fact that while David was trying to help he was also now a problem. David liked him, it was way beyond obvious and Jack had liked him back. So Jack had devised a bit of a plan. He told David that when it didn't work out, not that he was trying to doom himself, he'd come back. Even if a failed relationship wasn't the case, he wanted to see the other boy again.

He stared over at Shawn asleep to his left. It hadn't taken much to get Shawn back. He was easily swayed because of how shitty his parents treated him even though Jack was no longer a factor at the time. He wasn't about to say Shawn was desperate, he was anything but, the thing was Shawn liked him for some ungodly reason. It kind of made him want to bash his head in.

He supposed Shawn deserved to be happy and if that meant them staying together, well that's what he'd do.

-x-

This time I'll try to make believe
Wear my heart upon my sleeve
Just take it when you leave
It's better
This time I'll be the better man
I know the world will understand
Cuz greatness is overrated
You'll see

-x-

Shawn wanted to strangle Jack at first, but the moment had quickly passed as his mother had chucked what ever was available to her in Jack's direction. He'd shoved Jack out the door and headed straight for his room and shoved a random assortment of clothes into a duffel bag and hopped out the window. He told himself this time around he'd try to be more honest with Jack and if in the end Jack still wanted to leave, so be it. He didn't want to have to deal with the sudden ground pulling beneath his feet again. He'd actually kill him this time around.

Hewas going to make an effort. He'd be the one to say I love you and not in the flippant way Jack would. Sometimes he really thought that Jack had no idea what he was even doing. It was like he was going through the motions, but nothing was really coming from it. So he had to be the one to try.

But if the day ever came that Jack met someone that he really fell for, well then what else was he to do? He would let Jack go and be happy, really happy and he'd hope Jack would do the same for him if it ever happened.

-x-

But nobody said it would be easy now
We live in a lucky town
But the foundations are shaking
The bridges are breaking in two , Lucky Town.

-x-

The two of them seemed to tear and do more damage then good as the months progressed. Jack would occasionally take off and come back three days later.

On those days Shawn would wonder off to meet with Anthony and the two of them would spend hours on end together. Anthony tended to forget such things as personal space existed, but at the same time he liked that they were so close. They talked with such ease, like they'd known each other their whole life. Anthony didn't have a care in the world. Though anytime Jack was brought up Anthony seemed to get more annoyed.

Jack for all his talk about trying didn't fare too well on that front one bit. He was constantly thinking about David, what he was doing, whathe was thinking about. The hours they spent on the phone in the middle of the night as Shawn slept were somewhat sacred to the two of them.

David had said he didn't want to be the bad guy and preoccupy so much of Jack's time, but at the same time David was happy Jack wanted something to do with him. He was even more happy that Jack had said he loved him and the way he'd say it, made all the the inky darkness flitter away.

Shawn didn't know what was honestly going on, he knew something was up, but couldn't really pinpoint it. Jack was spending a lot more time on the phone or computer typing or talking away the night. So Shawn figured it didn't matter anymore that he was starting to ignore Jack, Jack was happy and well, yeah...so was he...oddly...

-x-

You're beautiful
In an asymmetric kind of way
You're face is not a cliché
And you complicate
In a helpful kind of messed up way
But you have good intentions

-x-

Anthony knew should say something, maybe something along the lines of 'hey Shawn, you're screwing up you life staying with this guy,' but didn't know when the best time would come along to say it in such an eloquent way. Shawn deserved so much more then this guy he was sticking with. The guy had already left him once, what was stopping him from doing it again?

He'd never met someone as perfect as Shawn before in his life. Well, maybe his friend David, but the guy was so perfect that he up and left town. God him and Shawn's boyfriend should just hook up and that would probably solve a lot of problems. Shawn's boyfriend would be gone for one and then also out of town like he'd initially wanted.

It didn't help though when he sometimes thought Shawn was flirting back at him. It wasn't so much obvious flirting either. Shawn was too good for that, no he did it subtly and then they'd do it for hours, mostly while watching TV shows they could bash. It wasn't so much a one up contest, but rather a I want to make you laugh thing. He loved Shawn's laugh. He wondered if Shawn's boyfriend did. He really wanted to kill the guy.

Shawn had a tough guy hot thing going for him. It really made Anthony wonder what he was still doing here. Oh wait, the boyfriend. Yeah, that was probably something to tie you down, but at the same time when the guy had gone Shawn had done the weird staring thing. Anthony smiled to himself. At least that was one thing he could thank the bastard for. If Shawn's boyfriend had never left...the two of them may have never crossed paths.

-x-

I'm beautiful
In an ugly kind of fucked up way
My face is not a cliché
And I complicate
In a disconcerting heartfelt way
But I have good intentions , Random Blinking Light.

-x-

He really didn't know what to do, Shawn was at a loss. He was usually so composed about everything, except when he was angry, but this wasn't one of those moments. He'd realized the other day ago that he may have feelings for his new comrade. Err...friend. There was something about Anthony that just made the world seem somehow perfect. All the problems he and Jack had would just fade to black and there would only be he and Anthony. It was like the world existed only for those moments. Of course everything would come crashing back the second they parted, but that was a minor detail.

He felt like such an asshole. He was in a relationship, a relationship with Jack, whom he'd been seeing for quite a while. To give up everything they'd built would seem like such a waste. Not that it was going anywhere, except for Jack. Yeah he wasn't going to let that go. But at the same time here was Anthony and he wasn't going anywhere, though he really didn't think there was anything to spring from their friendship, other then that, simply deep friendship.

"Hey Tony," he sat down next to him dangling his feet over the edge of the water tower.

"Shawn, you're screwing up your life staying with this guy!" Anthony had simply blurted it out.

"I know," he cast his gaze down to the ground below them.

"And I'm sure I like you more then he doe- wait you do?" Anthony jerked his head to look at Shawn who'd raised his gaze from the ground to stare at him oddly.

"You what?" Shawn had now raised both his eyebrows.

"Like you..." Anthony shrugged and found himself a cigarette to occupy his attention.

"Oh," Shawn was somewhat really happy about that, and yet guilty because he'd never felt that way even when Jack casually tossed around the words, I love you.

"I don't want you to feel obligated or awkward, but seeing as you know you're screwing up you life, it gives you something to toss around," Anthony hadn't lit the cigarette, he was simply fiddling with it.

"I don't feel obligated," said Shawn, well it came out more like he was snapping at him, which wasn't his intention, he was only angry at himself.

"Well gee thanks!" Anthony tossed his cigarette at him.

"I'm not saying I don't like you, asshole!" growled Shawn as the cigarette hit him in the side of the face.

"Then what's with the attitude!?" Anthony found it odd they were sitting yet still yelling.

"I'm just saying I don't fucking feel obligated," Shawn picked up the cigarette and tossed it right back at Anthony.

"Well, whoop de fucking doo!" Anthony tried to catch the cigarette and it snapped in his grasp causing the insides to come busting out.

Brown flecks flew into Anthony's face as he flung the cigarette and was frantically trying to spit out the flecks as they landed in his mouth.

"Why the hell do I like you!?"

"So you say!"Anthony attempted to calm himself down now.

"I do, but in all fairness, Jack was here first!" Shawn moved to stand and Anthony caught hold of his wrist tugging him down, "Are you trying to kill me!"

"Shut up!"And with that Anthony kissed him.

Shawn felt every fiber of his being come alive and wanted so desperately to meld himself to Anthony right then and there, but his mind got the better of him and he told himself he'd stop in a moment. But the moment never came.

-x-

And we were dying from the get go
I was dreaming but you never believed
I was trying to fit myself in the spaces between,
And you were kind and sometimes cruel
You said all the world's love couldn't satisfy you
And nothing could have hurt me as much as the truth

-x-

David shook his head and stared out the tall window in his living room. It happened again. They got themselves into another argument. Well to be on the fair side David had started it, but he felt like he had every right to. Jack had lead him on for so long. He knew Jack loved him, but at the same time he was stuck in a relationship he'd felt he'd placed too much stock in. Even said so himself. David had wanted so much for the thing they had going to keep going and continue until forever.

He found it hard to believe that all the times he and Jack spent together had been meaningless. They were anything but. David knew how much he and Jack cared for one another, but Jack felt the need to just separate himself some. It took so much effort not to get upset about how Jack handled himself when he got confused about the things he wanted.

David knew Jack hadn't meant it when he'd said all those harsh things, he was just upset. Only this time he wasn't going to try and talk him down from it, no. This time he'd told Jack exactly what had been on his mind. He didn't know this guy that Jack was seeing, but figured he deserved something better then what he was getting. David didn't want the short end of the stick, but he couldn't live with himself much as it was.

Jack was just a guy who both wanted and needed all the love he could get and on some level Jack himself knew it too, but everything happened on a subconscious level for him. He hardly realized what he was doing, it was all just second nature for him. He needed or wanted something and just went for it. It was something David both liked and loathed. It all boiled down to the fact that Jack wanted more then just one person to want or need him.

That's when David told him to go.

-x-

Love is elusive when you search for it
Don't I know
Happiness sometimes it just creeps in
Don't I know
I'm going crazy
I've been wondering
Do you still feel alone? ,California.

-x-

Jack stared into his glass filled with the liquor he'd acquired, he never felt so much like shit in his life. Shawn was different somehow, had been for a while now. What bothered him the most about it all was that he knew it had nothing to do with him. It wasn't him who'd done that for the younger boy. It irritated him. Shawn was happy and he had nothing to do with it. Worse yet, David made him go.

He really wondered what he was up to right now. Was he off by himself at the diner again ordering the same thing he did every midnight hour?

Jack supposed the problem really was himself. He'd wanted so bad for things to simply fall into place, when all he really needed was to kick himself in the ass and actually try to make things work and happen. He'd never been that sort of guy though...He glanced over at the clock and shot up from his chair.

Maybe David would be home...

-x-

I don't want someone telling me what to do
I don't wanna find out my temper grew wings
And flew to you

Don't want somebody telling me what's not right
But I just want you to love me

-x-

He and Jack were sitting next to one another and wondered why he felt so bitter. Well, he knew why, but at the same time could barely bring himself to care. After that day on top the water tower he'd been so angry. Anthony had gone and left so that he could head off to his job and Shawn was left alone to stew in his self hate. He'd yelled at the top of his lungs for any and all to hear.

Shawn had known that he was messing up royally staying with Jack, but he didn't need someone else pointing that out to him. When he'd gone crawling back to his parents he'd heard enough of that to last a life time. They'd ridiculed him, demeaned him, made him remember why he'd been so happy the day they'd kicked him out. When Jack had come back to town and he'd jumped right to taking off, well his parents were right back to square one. It was a meaningless victory.

All he really wanted out of life was for someone to love him. Honest to real god love him. He'd had his fill of Jack's meaningless bland attempt at caring. Jack hardly gave a damn about himself how could he possibly share something he had nothing of. Jack had no love to give, not to anyone. But Anthony, god, Anthony had all the love in the world to give. Anthony may have been the third child out of four and Shawn realized how screwed over you could get by simply being born second to last, but Anthony was oddly happy.

He wanted nothing more then to keep Anthony that way and if it was by the two of them being together then so be it. He was going to give up everything he'd ever had with Jack so that he could make himself happy. That's what really mattered. He figured if the right person came along and you knew you were in a crappy relationship, why stay? He wasn't so petty as to put up with another person simply because of time.

He was in love, with someone who loved him, and that was something truly amazing.

-x-

I don't wanna have to lie bout what's inside
When there's always been a tiny part of me
I'm trying to hide

I don't wanna see your expression when I let you down
And I just want you to love me , I Just Want You To Love Me.

-x-

Jack knew that he should say something anything, but he couldn't bring himself to. He'd promised David he'd do it, but in the end he was too chicken-shit. Jack wanted Shawn to know what was going on in his head tell him all the things he'd kept inside. Be damned to the whole I won't let you lose it agreement, he just wanted to toss it all aside and let Shawn know, he didn't love him anymore. If he even had.

He'd tossed around the words like they were simply that, words. They didn't have meaning when he'd ever said them to Shawn. Just something he did to make himself feel better about their relationship. Like that by saying them made up for how much passion they truly lacked for one another. That had died out long ago.

But when he said the words, I love you, to David they'd carried all the meaning in the world. And when David said them back he could understand every single emotion he'd pretended to have over the course of his life. All the hurt he'd inflicted on the other boy, that he'd felt when his mother had passed away. All the love he'd told Shawn he'd had, that he truly felt now that he'd met David. All the hate he'd had towards his father for getting sent away, that he now held for himself for damaging not only his relationship with David in the beginning, but for dragging both he and Shawn through his internal battle for someone to carve himself into. For wasting so much time...When all he really needed in his life was for David to love him.

The front door the the apartment opened and slowly someone strolled up to the pair sitting at the kitchen counter, hand in his pockets.

Jack watched as Shawn quirked a smile and turned to stare at him.

"Jack, this is Anthony," Shawn gestured at the short dark haired guy simply dubbed Anthony.

Jack nodded blandly at the guy.

Shawn raised an eyebrow as he casually spoke the words, "There's something I think you should know..."

-x-

Break through the silence.
The gulf that's between us.
Take all the heartache and bullshit that builds up.
And we will unravel
Unravel the moments.
Yeah we will unravel
Unravel the moments, The Tunning Of Violins.

-x-

A/N: So the concept came to me at around midnight and I stayed up till two in the morning picking out verses and such and well, some things got cut out to fit the situation, but it still retains its beauty. I wanted to fit in the Jack and Spot thing she initially wanted and still wanted to make it sprace at the same time. Hope you enjoyed it MyKa Holly!