"… I'm past saving. I know how my story ends, it's at the edge of a blade or the barrel of a gun. So the question is, is that gonna to be today? It gonna be that gun?"
That was my line. That was my fate. I was supposed to fucking die bloody and alone with a knife in my hand and my guts spilled on the ground. Or maybe, it would be with my eyes black and The Darkness next to me.
Not Sam. Never Sam.
He was supposed to live and have a family and a home. A warm bed and somebody to hold at night.
Then why was he so cold and lifeless? How could I lose him again? How many times was it now? I had lost count. I remember the first time so vividly. The first time he died in my arms. I remember the feel of the hard ground beneath my knees, I remember how time just stopped in mid-second, I remember how Sam's body became limp, his blood covering my hands.
I failed him then; I failed him now.
Sometimes I wish I had never gone to Stanford to get him. Sometimes I beat myself about it, about all the ifs and buts. He'd be a lawyer now, married to Jess, probably have a couple of kids, but most importantly, he'd be safe. He'd be alive right now. Being a hunter, you learn to embrace death a long time ago. There's no getting out alive from here unless you run for your life but what's out in the dark; they can run just as fast as game isn't for the fainthearted and I knew what the stakes were going into it, so did Sam. Heck, everyone does.
But that don't make it any easier.
I leaned over him and brushed his hair out of his face. I knew I had to go but I didn't want to leave him here all alone. I guess I can never stop being a big brother, even when he's not there anymore.
"You know, we always talk about taking a break, going camping. This could be like camping. It could be fun."
I ran a hand through my hair, leaving smears of blood on my face. And now I'm gon' have to bury you, Sammy.
The sound of a vehicle approaching shook me out of my thoughts and I looked up at Michelle and Corbin, my vision slightly blurry.
"It's them", Corbin said fearfully, his eyes darting towards the door.
"Oh God! No, no, no!" Michelle cried, clutching Corbin's arm, her nails digging into him.
I looked at both of them, and out of nowhere this feeling anger and resentment came over me. Why were they still here? Why didn't they just leave if they were so scared? It was their fault I had to leave Sam in the first place.
"Let 'em come", I said coldly, pulling out my silver knife from its sheath. I was going to finish them. The fucking sons of bitches! I was gon' fuckin' kill 'em dead.
"Look man … listen, you can't stay here. You have to leave. If you don't, we'll be dead."
There was an angry retort at the tip of my tongue but a voice inside my head, which was suspiciously like Sam's, told me to stop. I looked down at his face and even with all the blood he was covered in and the giant cut in his middle, which was no joke, he still looked peaceful. Like he had made peace with everything before he died. Made peace because he knew I was still out there, still saving people, hunting things, you know the family motto. I couldn't let him down now. As much as I wanted to stay and fight, I knew Sam would have wanted me to get Corbin and Michelle to safety. Other's first. I put the knife back into its sheath and looked back up at them. I could see the fear and desperation on both their faces. Fuck, what was wrong with me! They were just civilians, for fucks sake! They were probably going to need therapy for the rest of their lives.
For me it was just another day at work. Even though God and all of Heaven and Hell knows I wish it wasn't.
I bent down more so I could get closer to Sammy and put my hand on his chest, subconsciously hoping to feel a heartbeat. I put my lips closer to his ear even though I knew it didn't make a difference now.
"I'm gonna come back for you, okay? I promise." I whispered softly, my voice cracking.
I knew what my job was and I was going to get it done, no matter what it took.
A/N: Hey guys! So this is something I wrote while taking a break from studying for finals. It's just something so I can get back into writing. The title is from the Three Days Grace song "Get Out Alive" - I was listening to that while I wrote this.
The first italicised quote from the Supernatural episode "Girls, Girls, Girls" 10x07 and the second italicised quote from the Supernatural episode "Red Meat" 11x17.