Lost Without You

by MustardGal

Songfic to ‘If I Never Knew You’ as Naraku is defeated and a realization comes upon Inuyasha during the battle. Sometimes you don’t realize you had something before you lose it... Rated T for violence. InuKag Oneshot.

Summary: Songfic to 'If I Never Knew You' as Naraku is defeated and a realization comes upon Inuyasha during the battle. Sometimes you don't realize you had something before you lose it…

'If I Never Knew You' is owned by Disney's 'Pocahontas' sung by Jon Secada and Shanice. Inuyasha is owned by Rumiko Takahashi. I own nothing…

If I never knew you
If I never felt this love
I would have no inkling of
How precious life can be

I shouldn't cry.

I shouldn't.

It was the end.

Inuyasha could barely stand on his legs as they were wobbling so much. He shouldn't be here.

Heshouldn't.

He clenched his fist and closed his eyes, trying to stop the tears from coming. One by one the tears rolled down his cheek unbidden. His legs gave out and he fell to the ground, clenching the ground harshly with his claws. His stomach hurt and his felt like he could barely breathe. He didn't want to give in.

He forcefully opened his eyes and gazed at the long piece of wood in front of him, stuck out from the ground. His eyes flicked up to the long, jagged lines cut into the wood. Silently pronouncing the sounds, he crept closer the grave.

"Hi-gu-ra-shi…" he whispered them out. "Kagome."

And if I never held you
I would never have a clue
How at last I'd find in you
The missing part of me.

Kagome was dead.

This precious girl, this precious young woman in his life was gone from him forever. His heart ached like it shouldn't. What did he lose? A friend. His love. Why did his heart ache so? Inuyasha held his head in his arms, thinking back early, back to where he first met Kagome…

He thought she was annoying. Irritating and in the way. Couldn't fight or defend herself. Her face, so much in likeness of Kikyo's… just that annoyed him. That damn wench dared to be around him with that face, that betrayer. Yet she stuck with him, throughout all the troubles they went through. They went to gather the Shikon no Tama, the shard that one day ruined their lives.

Naraku murdered Kagome.

Heslaughtered her.

It was all Inuyasha's fault.

He hadn't been there for her.

Naraku had come while Inuyasha was off visiting the soulless Kikyo. It was just now that Inuyasha realized that Kikyo was not and will never be again the real Kikyo that he once loved. It would never happen. She would never be the same. She was soulless and did not care if Kagome was rid from this world. While he was with Kikyo, Kagome and the others had to defend themselves against Naraku.

Naraku fought harshly against Miroku and Sango, while Kagome rushed Shippo off to safety. Quickly he overpowered both Miroku and Sango, using poison to defy them. Naraku dived to Kagome, who fought back with her arrows…

Inuyasha had discovered the scent of Naraku and headed back, despite Kikyo's calls. His heart beat fast, his palms covered in sweat.

He remembered it, seeing Kagome fight so viciously against Naraku. She was truly able to defend herself now and she was an accomplished fighter now, both long ranged and close combat. Inuyasha was a hundred feet from her…

Fifty…

Twenty-five…

In this world so full of fear
Full of rage and lies
I can see the truth so clear
In your eyes
So dry your eyes

Not enough.

Inuyasha's voice caught in his throat as he watched Naraku use his claw like arm to thrash at Kagome, who had grown tired from the fight. Naraku knocked the bow away and slashed at her chest. She crumpled to the ground, blood drenching the front of her shirt. Inuyasha had never seen Kagome look so helpless… so in pain. "Kagome," he whispered frantically. "Kagome. Kagome. KAGOME!" His voice became shrill and unsure.

He wasn't quite sure what happened next. He had rushed so quickly, so violently at Naraku, he hadn't given the bastard time to think. He decapitated the bastard and watched the body form again. He didn't know what to do, not knowing what to think.

The Shikon no Tama. Where was it?

A hand grasped his ankle and he looked down to see Kagome clenching with all her might. She held the complete Shikon no Tama in her hands. Her face held pain, but it also held determination. She stood up on shaky legs, and without any words she pushed Inuyasha away with all her might and rushed at Naraku with the Shiko no Tama.

In the next few seconds, she purified him.

The Shikon no Tama shattered and disappeared.

But then she crumpled to the ground, blood spurting from a new wound on her neck. Inuyasha didn't watch the black form of Naraku crumple to the ground and fade to dust. He rushed over to Kagome and watched her eyes become vacant as she gazed up as him.

And I'm so grateful to you
I'd have lived my whole life through
Lost forever
If I never knew you

"It's the end," she said, her voice barely audible.

"Kagome," he whispered her name. He didn't want to stop saying it.

Her eyes became vacant. "I'm so tired…"

"Don't go!" He held his hands to the wounds, trying to stop the blood from pulsing out. "It isn't your time to go!"

"Yes… it is…" Kagome spoke slowly, losing her voice as the vocal cords failed. "Please… stay with me."

"Kagome!" His eyes looked at her face frantically.

She tried to smile, she really did. He didn't have the will to smile back. He felt a tear rush out, then another. He leaned down and put his forehead against hers, closing his eyes. "Don't go." He held her hands tightly.

He felt her raise her hand and put it against his head, rubbing the side of his ear. It brought back to so many memories of where he first met her. Why? Why wasn't he the one hurt? Before he knew it, he had leaned down and pressed his lips against hers, not caring about the salty tears on his lips. He broke the kiss and whispered the three words he had wished he said earlier:

"I love you."

If I never knew you
I'd be safe but half as real
Never knowing I could feel
A love so strong and true

He felt the hand drop from his head. He gave a small cry in distain as he watched her lips move, but no voice came.

"I love you," was the words her lips said.

I'm so grateful to you
I'd have lived my whole life through
Lost forever
If I never knew you

Her breath stilled and she gazed vacantly up at him. Miroku, Sango, and Shippo both wandered up, tears covering their faces. Shippo began wailing as he walked near Kagome and he collapsed on her body next to Inuyasha. Inuyasha looked down at the kitsune and reached out to put a hand on the small head. Shippo, without looking at him, rushed to Inuyasha and put his small arms around him, wailing loudly. Inuyasha, for the first time in his life, hugged the kitsune back, tears rushing down his face. Miroku and Sango stood sobbing quietly near them, holding each other. Miroku let the cloth on his right hand fall to the ground and he looked at it quietly. His curse was gone.

And now, as Inuyasha sat near her grave a day later, he gave into the tears. He didn't know what he would do now; he didn't know how to continue.

I thought our love would be so beautiful
Somehow we'd make the whole world bright
I never knew that fear and hate could be so strong
all they'd leave us were these whispers in the night
But still my heart is saying we were right

Dammit, Kagome was only 19 years old! There was no way of letting her family know of her death; the well had sealed its power forever. What would happen in the future? Then Kikyo had disappeared once Naraku disappeared. He guessed that she went back to being soil again.

Inuyasha clenched the grass around the grave and yanked it out in anger. "I didn't want this," he choked out. "I loved you."

Oh if I never knew you
There's no moment I regret
If I never felt this love
Since the moment that we met
I would have no inkling of
If our time has gone too fast
How precious life can be...
I've lived at last...

And yet he failed to act upon his love.

I thought our love would be so beautiful
Somehow we'd make the whole world bright
I thought our love would be so beautiful
We'd turn the darkness into light
And still my heart is saying we were right
we were right

He was so foolish.

So foolish.

He felt lost, but here…

He curled up into a ball next to her grave, letting his tears run down. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath… Kagome. He knew that he would stay here with her. He wouldn't stay lost. He knew he belonged here. He would stay here… forever.

And if I never knew you
If I never knew you
I'd have lived my whole life through
Empty as the sky
Never knowing why
Lost forever
If I never knew you

Xxx

There is a story of a Hanyou named Inuyasha. He was a hero, for both Demons and Humans. He was known for the defeat of Naraku and the savior of many lands. He was said to have been kept to a tree for fifty years and released upon the coming of a human Miko, Higurashi Kagome. They worked together with the help of a small child kitsune, Shippo, a monk named Miroku, and the demon slayer Sango and her two tailed fire cat, Kirara. With all their powers combined, they defeated the merciless demon Naraku.

The story gets quite sketchy from there… it is said that Sango and Miroku lived together and lived a long life with many children. They helped many towns and reestablished the demon slayer clan. The curse that had befallen Miroku cursed him no more and they prospered in life.

Shippo, the great demon kitsune. Now that is a great story to tell. He was said to be charming and helpful in many ways, helping rid villages of evil. It was said that he fell in love with a nice kitsune girl. His story ends from there.

The story of Inuyasha and Kagome are told throughout the land, young and old. The love between human and Hanyou, the everlasting love … nobody knows what happened to the Hanyou after the Miko's death. Some say he killed himself after her death, but others say that he disappeared along with her soul. Nobody ever noticed any trace of him, except some claim that they see his form in the wind or the clouds… staring down at them…

It was a tale of hardship and friendship.

A story that survives generations and generations…

The hand of a Hanyou, silently reaching out…

A human's hand, reaching out and grabbing his.

The silver haired Hanyou floats throughout the land, his image barely visible…

And that of a young girl standing next to him, holding his hand, both smiling at each other…

It was never the end;

It was only a beginning.

And if I never knew you
If I never knew you
I'd have lived my whole life through
Empty as the sky
Never knowing why
Lost forever
If I never knew you

I really intended to make a Sesshoumaru and Kagome fanfic… but alas, I made it Inuyasha/Kagome. Sorry if it was depressing.

Please review!