Chapter One: I am Not a Bad Date

"Sam, will you stop messing with my stuff?" Freddie said, becoming more than annoyed. The relentless blonde had hijacked his computer and was doing who-knows-what with it. Freddie didn't feel comfortable with the number of clicks she was making.

'I told you, I'm just giving you a new background." Sam answered, smiling mischievously. Freddie sighed and shot at Carly, who was sitting on the bean-bags in the middle of the iCarly studio.

"Oh, just let her do it. What's the harm in changing your background?"

"Nothing. But last time Sam used my computer she renamed all my files 'Lord Dorkison'. It took me hours to fix everything." Freddie huffed out. Carly giggled and rolled her eyes. When would Freddie learn?

"Here" Sam said, shoving Freddie's laptop into his gut. "I'm done." She gave another hard shove, drawing a painful grunt from Freddie. Satisfied, she went and plopped down next to Carly.

Freddie, trying to make it seem as though that last shove hurt less than it really did, flipped open his laptop to see what monstrosity Sam had put as his background. What he saw was a photo-shopped picture of himself in a tuxedo, holding a cantaloupe that was in a bridal veil.

"What's this supposed to mean?" he asked angrily, turning the screen towards the girls. Carly tried to hold her laugh back as Sam explained.

"It means that unless you fall in love with a fruit, you're gonna be a lonely nub for the rest of your life."

"Hey! Who's to say I won't find anyone?"

"Dude!" Sam said, jumping up to stand face-to-face with Freddie. Carly sighed, knowing that another epic argument was inevitable. She decided she might as well sit back and enjoy the show.

"You scare away any girl that's actually crazy enough to go out with you!" Sam continued. "I mean, shoot, you even let Carly go!"

That struck a nerve. Freddie tried to respond, but his words wouldn't come out right. "That was because you said…and then I… I mean circumstances called for…"

"Face it! You must be one bad date to scare EVERY girl away."

"I am NOT a bad date!"

"Oh yeah, I'm sure you're a real stud." Sam said, hitting Freddie's shoulder. Freddie ignored the pain.

"Well at least I get dates!"

Sam's glare went ice cold. Freddie realized his mistake too late. All he could do was gulp down what may be his last breath ever.

"I get plenty of dates. And I'm sure as cheese a way better date than you, Fredwart!"

"Oh, I'm sure you're a little angel!" Freddie spat sarcastically, finding new courage once he realized he was still alive.

"I bet you anything that I'm a way better date than you!" Sam fired back.

"Uh… guys….?" Carly tried to cut in, not sure of where this was heading, but Sam and Freddie either didn't hear her or didn't care.

"That's a bet I couldn't possibly lose!"

"Then prove it Fredderly!"

"Fine! Loser has to do Gibby's laundry for a month!"

"What? That's disgusting!"

"What's the matter, Sam? Afraid you'll lose?"

"Uh, guys, how are you going to…?" Carly began, but was cut off by Sam.

"I never lose, Benson. Mama always wins." Sam leaned in close to Freddie's face, staring at him menacingly. "Always."

"Yeah…well…not this time!" Freddie said, shakily.

"We'll see." Sam said confidently, heading toward the elevator. As the doors opened, she turned back toward Freddie.

"Pick me up here, Friday at eight…. And come ready to lose." With that, she stepped in, the doors closed, and she was gone.

"So…you and Sam are going on a date?" Carly said, still not sure of what had happened just then.

"It's NOT a date!" Freddie was quick to answer.

"But she said to pick her up and…"

"Look, I WOULD NEVER date Sam Puckett!" Freddie huffed, and stomped out of the studio.

Carly sat there in silence, still trying to figure out exactly what led to these recent events. This would be an interesting weekend, to say the least.