Author: Man, I feel like trash. I promised Frozen Paradise, I sat down to do it, and I did a little, but... I just couldn't pound it out. It felt weird. It didn't help that I decided, against my better judgement, to skip the edits. Heck, I even managed to write something like half a chapter of Kosuzu's continuation! Still, I'll keep going, some time. Just not now.
Author 2: Anywho, for those of you new to Undertale, you may pick up your real knife on the way in. For those of you new to Touhou, silly hats are handed out at the procession stand. For those of you new to both, you may take a seat, as you're in for a bumpy ride full of LOVE and sillies. Anywho, let's get on with the show!
Long ago, two races ruled over the Earth: HUMANS and MONSTERS.
One day, war broke out between the races.
After a one-sided battle, the monsters were swiftly defeated.
Deeming them too dangerous to remain, they sealed the monsters with a magic spell.
Name the fallen human.
MARIBEL
"Close, but no cigar, if what you seek is a bad time. Although, if you truely wish it, speak my name again and I just might tell you."
Name the fallen human.
SUMIREKO
"Back in my day, we had to work to pick a name. And we had to go uphill through snow! We didn't just steal names of friends and family left and right!"
Name the fallen human.
RENKO
"Well, well, welly, well, well. Seems you got it! I wonder just what you might pick from here?
Honestly, this may not be fun for you guys. However, your bravery just might be rewarded.
Or maybe you'll be right boned.
Ohh, and by the way, this mode may alter the plot significantly, if that worries you as much as it should. ...But sometimes, change can be a good thing, for perhaps you might enjoy what you find."
"Renko."
You bolt upright, looking about wildly.
You blink, slowly calming down as you look about slower, as you certainly don't remember it being pitch black. Did you fall asleep...? You rummage through your skirt, searching for your phone. After a few minutes of rummaging, you finally find it, pulling it out.
Pockets are a thrifty girl's best friend.
...When she doesn't need to find anything quickly.
"Damn... No reception down here..." ...Wait. How is there no reception...? Where could there possibly be no reception in this day and age? You've had a better signal going rock climbing, let alone...
You shake your head clear of distractions. First you need to find out where you are. Your hands and feet aren't bound, meaning that it's unlikely you were kidnapped, but still.
You use the flashlight app in your phone to look around, finding mostly nothing but stone and grass and... flowers? Are those daisies? How are they even alive? It's darker than night in here! You shake your head. No, no. Focus. Ignore the flowers.
"...Wait, no. Don't ignore the flowers." Remembering back to the last time you were trapped in a cave, you shine the light up above the flowers.
Nothing but darkness greets you. Where exactly are you? How high is this ceiling, to not show something? It must be night if it's like this... Maybe if you wait for day break and then climb? Sighing, you just pick yourself up, dust off your skirt, and then shine the light all around. You find a significant lack of anything considerably wall-like, making that idea rather moot.
"...Wait..." You shine your light down off the edge of the odd place you find yourself. "Whoa, that's a long fall." Don't want to go dropping down there unprepared.
You already likely fell down a hole. Two holes would be two too many.
Shining the light ahead, you spot something flash, and you recognize it instantly, rushing to it.
"Ouch..." You stop, nearly tumbling over. "Great, my ankle got twisted when I fell..."
Sighing, you instead limp towards the great doors, shining the light up them.
And up them.
And up them.
"...What sort of monster was this door made for?" Sighing, you open the door, half expecting to start puking blood.
Thankfully that doesn't happen this time.
However, the door is also freakishly heavy, meaning that you're a bit hard pressed to actually open it, what with your foot like this.
You grunt and shove, wondering if this is what it's like to be pregnant. However, suddenly the door shoves open in a single fluid motion as you pale at the thought of how much that would hurt, and you realize that you're an idiot. "Great, it opens outwards... Nobody had better have seen that."
The light from within stings your eyes. Just how long have you been down here for it to do that...? You must have fallen from somewhere while searching.
Why does that flower look so cheerful?
Why does it have a face?!
"Hi, I'm-"
"Holy crap, it talked!"
The flower jumps. "Holy crap, this one's not mute!"
You both stare at each other a long moment.
The flower clears its... throat? "Uhh... ...Right. Howdy! I'm FLOWEY! FLOWEY the FLOWER!" ...Stunning creativity, there. "Hmm... You're new to the-"
The flower stares at you a long moment, cutting itself off.
You feel a little uncomfortable under its gaze as it looks you over. "That hat... I know that hat" The flower stares a moment longer. "No, it can't be." Flowey shakes... his head? "No, never mind." Right as you open your mouth, it continues. "Now, uhh, where were we? ...Right, right." Clearing its oddly squeaky throat, it continues its seemingly rehearsed spiel, "Golly, you must be so confused! I should teach you how these things work!" While it talks, you study it, looking it over. Just what is it...? "I suppose it's only right, being that I'm the only one here! Ready?" You open your mouth to speak, but again it cuts you off. "Here we go!"
You feel an odd sensation in your chest, but nothing else really seems to happen. You look at the flower oddly, as it seems to be staring at your chest.
You aren't sure how to feel about a flower checking you out.
On one hand, it's a flower.
On the other, it thinks you're hot.
That has to be some sort of compliment in certain cultures, right?
Fight
Act
*Check
*[Flirt back...?]
*Listen
Item
*Empty
Mercy
*Run
*Spare
"...I, uhh... You have a very nice... stamen...?"
"See that h-" The flower stares at you.
It looks not sure how to take that.
You decide to call it a she to make this less weird.
"...You're an idiot, aren't you?"
You glare at her. "Says the one coming on to me!"
Flowey's eyes look like dinner plates. "Wait, you thought..." Somehow she both blushes and pales at once.
You don't think flowers have blood, but that makes things easier.
Maybe.
You hope.
The flower grumbles as it looks off to the side, her oddly dangerous-looking vines start poking together nervously. "This girl..."
Fight
*Now's your chance
Act
*[Check out]
*Flirt
*Let her speak
Item
Mercy
*Run
*Spare
You feel determined to return the attraction: +1 Determination. Determination increased to 6.
You eye the flower's... tight body.
You decide that her shade of green is particularly attractive, and that her leaves are... shapely?
You try to blush at the sight. You try to do so very hard.
It doesn't work.
You look to her yellow petals, and think of what it might be like to kiss them.
...You feel rather silly doing so.
Flowey looks back to you, and opens her mouth to speak, only to close it. She is now looking at you strangely.
You think you deserve that.
Fight
*Use the confusion to your advantage
Act
*[Check]
*Flirt
Item
Mercy
*Run in shame
*Spare
You stare at Flowey intensely.
Flowey flinches.
FLOWEY - Lv 4 ATK 99 DEF 1
Seems to be hiding something big...
Flowey blinks a few times before rubbing her eyes with a thorny appendage. "Did you just use magic...? You freaking blinded me..."
...Did you? "No?"
"No, seriously, what was that? Humans that can use magic are freaking rare. ...Ignoring the fact that all of you that end up here seem able to- Wait, no, no, I need to get this done with! Where was I..."
Flowey seems to have frozen up.
As you are about to ask if anything is wrong, Flowey says, "Okay, screw it; I'm just going to shoot my friendliness pellets at you, now. Catch it with your face."
You blush furiously at being told that.
The ground under Flowey cracks before said flower begins to rise. Soon after, you find yourself nearly kissing a cannon whose barrel is as thick as your torso, Flowey smiling as if nothing is wrong from the top of what seems to be the hatch of a tank.
Strangely, the cannon doesn't go off, and Flowey's expression grows complex as she hesitates. Taking full advantage of the situation, you begin to climb up the cannon.
Mind you, you climb up the mouth, but you get points for trying.
Flowey just looks at you in disbelief, but ends up just sighing. "You idiot... If you're going to do something dumb, at least be smart about it."
The odd feeling in your chest ends, and you find yourself staring down a flower. ...You know, till now, you didn't realize how big she is. "You have really pretty eyes."
Flowey just stares.
And stares.
You think you might have given her an aneurysm.
"Uhh... Flowey? Are you okay...?"
The flower takes in a deep breath, before sighing. "Get off my tank." Her eyes are averted as she says, "A girl really shouldn't be sitting like that."
You look down, finding yourself sitting on the barrel in the least comfortable way possible, which is also not very skirt-friendly.
Well, this just became awkward.
You carefully climb closer to the flower, not giving up on flirting just yet.
"Wait, what are you- Wait, stay back!"
You soon plop down next to the flower.
"...How are you even alive?" Flowey grumbles in frustration. "You really are too much like her."
"Like who?"
She looks to the top of your head. "...Where'd you get that hat, anyways?"
"My grandmother gave it to me when I was little."
A dawning look of mystified horror rises to the fore on Flowey's face. "She reproduced...?"
You raise a brow. "Well, that's kind of a given. It's a little hard to have a grandchild otherwise."
Flowey looks to you. She looks you up and down, looking for something, yet you aren't sure what. "...And she's still human. Good."
"You knew her?"
"You could say that." She looks to you, her petals brushing across your face. They feel almost like the membrane of a bat's wings. "She still alive?" You nod, earning a- actually, that grin is downright terrifying. "Then I'll have to pay her back for leaving us all here..."
Fight
*How dare she threaten your grandmother! Kill her.
Act
*Check
*Comfort
Item
Mercy
*Hug her
*Pinky swear that you'll do it for her
*Flee
"That must have been a long time ago."
Flowey sighs. "It was; a lifetime ago, practically." She shakes her head. "I know what you're doing, kid, and it won't work."
Being brushed off fills you with determination: Determination +1! Determination increased to 7.
You pull her into a hug. You learn quickly that it's difficult to hug something so thin, but keep going anyways.
You decide to aim higher, however, hugging her head.
"...This is extremely uncomfortable."
"I figured."
Flowey doesn't say to let go, though, so you take that as a small success.
Flowey eventually sighs. "Idiot... You really think all this can be solved with just a hug...?"
"Yes."
Flowey just sighs, unsure of what to do, it seems. "...You really think my eyes are pretty?"
"They're like onyx."
This gives her pause. "That... was a compliment, right?"
"Onyx is beautiful when it shines right."
The flower sighs, thorny vines wrapping you just a bit. "Thanks."
You smile. "Think nothing of it." You wince at being pricked by a huge thorn.
19/20 HP
18/20 HP
Flowey blinks. "Wait, what's that warm wetness..." She lookes down at your badly bleeding stomach. "Wait, I didn't mean to... Ugh..."
With a jerk, the thorns are removed. "Oww!"
17/20 HP
Sadly, that made the bleeding worse.
"Crap, crap, crap... Kid, do you have anything to stanch the bleeding?"
16/20 HP
You begin to rummage for a bit.
15/20 HP
You eventually find some gauze.
Flowey proceeds to snatch it, awkwardly unbuttoning your shirt.
10/20 HP
After a bit, you find yourself feeling a little woozy, but the bleeding has stopped.
Maybe you should have helped.
Flowey flicks blood from her vines. "Man, I forgot how much humans bleed..."
Well, that's more than a little concerning.
You give the flower a smile. "Thanks, Flowey."
The flower blinks, surprised by that. "...I just nearly killed you and you're thanking me?" You nod. Flowey gives you a flat look. "And you see nothing wrong with this." You nod again, earning a sigh. "Seriously, if you keep that up, you're going to die. Maybe not down here, but when you head outside? It's kill or be killed." She frowns. "And I don't want that to happen to you, too."
"Well, why don't you come with me?" Flowey blushes. "...Flowey?"
The flower shakes her head. "I can't protect you out there. The, uhh..." She blushes. "The tank won't fit through the door. It's the one oversight I made while putting it together."
"Well, why not make the door wider? Or, you know... make a tunnel?"
Flowey stares at you.
"What...?"
Flowey sighs. "Why didn't I think of that...? ...But still, I shouldn't. Then they could get in."
"What, are you a wanted criminal?"
"Well..." Flowey peters off. "I don't want them getting to Satori. She's all I have left anymore, and, well..." She shakes her head. "Still, maybe I could give you a phone."
You wave yours. "I have one."
She eyes it. "Give it here. No reception, right?"
"Yeah. What's up with that?"
"We're underground. I'm going to boost the signal."
"...How much?"
"Huh?"
"Well, if you plan to boost the signal... it's not going to give me cancer like cellphones from the early 21st century, will it?"
Flowey's flat look returns, mixed with disbelief, before sighing. "Just give me the damn phone." You hand it over, and Flowey carefully flips it over a few times, looking it over. "Hrm... Where's the sim card go?"
"The back. Right under the battery."
"They still use those crap batteries up there?"
"No, we use fusion cells now."
"Took you long enough..."
You raise a brow. "You've been using them longer?"
"Well, we practically have a smorgasbord of bored geniuses down here who can do just about anything." Her eyes light up as she pops open the back, and she then gently pries out the battery pack, looking it over. "Not bad... They're really almost as compact." Flowey snorts. "Although, I'll bet they could get it smaller than this if it was custom made." She pulls out the sim card, before using several vines to pry open the back of the phone that was offered. Within five seconds, the cards have been exchanged. "There. Take both; it'll still give you a way to talk if you hit the surface." Her face turns threatening. "And you better not be alone."
You jump at the sight. "I wouldn't dream of it."
"Good."
You look at the phones. "Why do you even have a phone? Or a tank? ...Or the ability to speak? Aren't you a flower?"
"Because people die, because I'm that good, and because I'm not a flower."
"Well, what are you?"
Flowey sighs. "Anymore? I'm honestly not sure what to call me. So I stuck myself to a tank and called myself Flowey."
"Well, what were you before?" Flowey is silent. "Flowey?"
She sighs. "The past is the past."
You frown. "If that were the case, you'd have forgiven my Grandmother."
You earn a grumble for your troubles as you pocket the phones.
"Hey, can I get your number?"
Flowey just stares at you.
You waggle your brows 3/5ths of the time.
Flowey just sighs. "Your eyebrows look like they're having seizures."
Waggle not-waggle waggle waggle not-waggle.
Flowey can't help but crack a small grin.
The grin fills you with determination: Determination +1! Determination increased to 8!
You pump your fist. "Got you to relent to my charms!"
Flowey rolls her eyes. "If being an idiot can be called charming."
You chuckle. "Well, seeing as you smiled, well..."
"That was a pitty smile."
"Sure it was."
"Do you what my number or not?" Upon getting your rapt attention, she just rolls her eyes. "1."
You open your mouth.
You aren't sure what to say to that, so it closes again.
"...The loneliest number that you can ever choose, huh?"
Flowey wilts a bit at hearing that. "...I guess, yeah." She sighs. "But two can be as bad as one."
You nod. "It's the loneliest number since the number one."
Flowey can't help but chuckle at that. "I guess that transmission came from outside the barrier, then."
You have to wonder whose phone number is 2, though, judging by her words.
She sighs. "Anyways, I really should be going. Watch out for Satori."
Before you can ask what she means, she just kind of... sucks into the ground.
The whole tank goes, too.
How?
...Wait, what was that about a barrier?
You take out your phone, hitting just the 1 button, putting it to your ear.
You hope it works.
"...Err... You know, I was intending you to call later." There's a pause. "Not that I mind, I guess. I mean, I really just wanted to put my tank away." Another pause. "...And I didn't want to keep you."
You smile at her saying that. "Thanks."
"Still, why are you calling?"
"Well, I was wondering how you made that tank. It was really cool."
You can practically hear the blush on the other side as she says, "You really think it's cool...? None of the others really get it. And the others that do get it also want to experiment on me."
You decide to move while you talk, heading for the stairs, limping as you do so. "Well, you are a fine specimen." Silence greets you, and you rub the back of your neck. "...Sorry."
She sighs. "No, no, I know you're weird. Just not sure what you meant by that is all. I'm not so good at figuring out what people mean over the phone."
You chuckle, before trying to push- pull open another set of doors you come to.
It's embarrassingly easy.
"So, tank?"
"Right! ...That's kind of a broad topic, though. I mean, there's a lot more to my tank than meets the eye."
The sight of the ruins looming over you fills you with determination! Determination restored!
Game saved!
Lv1
HP10/20
DT8/8
You know, now that you think about it, having that hard, thick, very sharp thing driven into you wasn't unpleasant. "Well, what can you tell me about the, uhh... the thorns?"
There's a pause. "Thorns...?" A long silence reigns. "Well, I suppose I used briar thorns as inspiration in the design of the vines and as a way to deter people from trying to climb the main body itself."
"In simpler terms?"
"Pointy bits keep hands off me."
"...Less simple terms?" You head up the stairs, opening the next door. What greets you makes you raise a brow.
Puzzles. And is that riddle you spy?
Dastardly...
"Well, I worked in concert with the local botany expert, though she insists it isn't her field of expertise. However, she was able to not only improve upon my hybrid of flora and steel, but even recommended how to add a passive defense that does wonders against the graffiti of the courts of the fae and other less desirable creatures. This works by not only taking advantage of the defenses of the rosa family, but I also employed ideas I got from reading a book on quilled fauna. I managed to make the thorns not only less liable for breakage by incorporating a steel endoskeleton of sorts, but also was able to make them tear through flesh when pulled out due to a barbed tip, magnifying any damage done and leaving horrible wounds behind. I considered making them also inject a weak neurotoxin, but in the end it seemed like a bad idea, as they are easy to prick yourself on. Yuuka also said," She takes on a grouchy, squeaky old lady voice, "Sometimes, why not isn't the question that needs be asked, but why." Her voice returns to normal. "Now, to get the rose bushes to breed with solid steel unsurprisingly didn't work, so I instead decided to dabble in manipulating them on a smaller scale, and over the course of a few decades had a viable steel briar to use in my armor. It was far simpler to make the vines themselves work, as all I had to do was breed the briars with thicker and thicker plants and then introduce species' with more flexibility and finally a hollow stalk. However, the first issue came when I had to actually make an armor out of it, as I only had roses and tree-thick spiked noodles. So, I used the experience I gained to splice a little hedera into it and make them grow. Now, normally that's useless, but that's the best part! The frame of the tank is simply steel, so I added small arches for the vines to go through. Normally that wouldn't add much, but then I turned it into a woven layer of thorny vines that are actually 12 inches thick in total! So, from there I had my armor, but that left only one loose end."
Reading walls of text fills you with determination! +1 Determination. Determination increased to 9!
"Yes, the thicker vines."
"Yes, the- wait, you were actually listening?"
"Well, why wouldn't I be?" Flowey thorns. The thought alone makes you shiver.
Flowey gets a little quieter. "Well, I, umm... I was trying to tease you..."
Ohh. "...Ohh god, not the talk of vine-steel-rose-sorta tree hybrids." You gave your best rendition of forced acting.
You receive a snort for your troubles. "You know, if you didn't go through all the trouble of listening to that, I'd say you were horrible..."
You stare at the sign with spite.
Many try and fail, and many fail to try;
prove you are neither and wind up.
dead
You see a circle of 8 square buttons, no button in the center of the 3x3 button square.
Who makes riddles in this day and age?!
Author: For those of you wanting to read the story as it updates, as this isn't the newest update by far, please PM me!