Like Weed in Grass
The wooden floor cracks underneath her feet as she carries her toddler back into the room, her child's night-light flickers on, shooting soft sparkles of light across the room.
In her arms, Natalia is held, warm and secure, and she gently places her in her crib. Tali's thumb finds its way into her mouth, as she looks up at her mother with sleepy eyes; "Kelev?" she asks. Ziva is already familiar with her requests, with mouth filled with thumb and all, and pulls the stuffed toy from beneath Tali's little feet.
"There he is," She whispers to her baby, and Tali's thumb leaves her mouth, for her small arms to reach for her favorite toy. She loves this toy more than her diaper, Ziva recalls buying it for her few months back, Tali never wanted to lose sight of it, ever since.
The girl holds her toy close to her chest, blinking at Ziva. "Shir?" she softly asks for a lullaby.
Ziva offers a slow nod, reaching for the blanket to cover her up, making sure the window is closed. Even though it's a warm May, the nights are chilly. Smiling softly at her angel, she starts singing-
"Night, night time… the moon is looking down," her voice is soft and comforting, "At the flowers blooming in the garden…" Tali smiles at her, her sleepy eyes fighting to stay open, much to her mother's amusement.
"…The blossoming hyacinth… at our little garden…" she continues singing, watching her precious daughter drifting off to her own little dreamland, "Night… night time… the moon is looking down…" Tali's chest rises and falls, hinting of a much needed sleep. She played away all day today.
Breathing in deep, double checking her little one is covered and warm, Ziva turns to exit the room, shutting the door closed behind her.
Making her way to her own room minutes later, she doesn't feel like reading tonight. Usually she tucks herself in with a good book before trying to find sleep, but tonight, she's exhausted. They both had a rough day.
She snuggles under the covers, no doubt will fall asleep in no time.
Barely 3 hours later, flames dilapidated the farm house.
As firefighters and rescue team find their way to the rubble, smoke and fire, they hear the bone-chilling scream of an infant.
They find Tali standing in her crib, tears covering her face, the black of smoke all over her body. She's screaming her head off, poor lamb, but miraculously, all intact, unharmed.
Firefighter Azulai picks her up in his arms, trying to calm her down as he struggles through the rubble. Once outside, he's glad to realize the fire's under control.
There he finds Peretz, melancholically staring at the house. There is one thing eating at Azulai, as he gently rocks the still crying child, hushing her with soft words. "Her mother?" he asks Peretz.
The firefighter turns his head to look at them both, the sorrowful eyes don't leave much for guessing.
"She never woke up." He answers.
At first, it doesn't fully register.
This entire day, this case, has been one hell of a roller-coaster, so it's understandable why it doesn't immediately set in. The pain. The numbing fear.
The newsflash offer nothing but humming voices, blurry images, but as soon as he translates it all to a language that actually makes sense… he's out of there in matter of seconds.
His mind screams in protest, that this is Ziva- The woman who stared at death's eyes, and it lowered its gaze in admitted defeat.
She's fine. She's fine.
There's no other option.
As Leon Vance walks slowly towards the group, he hears Monroe making a half joked, half snapass comment about finding her neck, and Clayton adding something about getting a job done correctly. However, he makes no attempt on answering either of them. He's focused. That's a job requirement.
"Gibbs," he calls, interrupting the chatter, "Where's agent DiNozzo?"
As Gibbs takes his eyes off the computer screen, he answers, "Headed to Israel."
McGee checks his watch, then adds, "His plane leaves in a few hours."
All stares are at him, and Vance suddenly feels a bit dazed. He leans back at the table, fist turns to rest on his lips, thinking.
Bishop catches on his strange expression, "What is it, Director?" she asks quietly.
A sudden memory flashes in front of his eyes. A fierce, down to earth agent, with rare bravery and loyalty to her team. It's a sudden, unspecific memory, but it's enough to make his voice tremble as he stares back at Gibbs, who knows enough of his expressions to guess.
"I just got a call… from Tel Aviv," Vance says, the blank expression finally surrendering to true, cut to the bone sadness.
Gibbs swallows loudly. McGee seems curiously naïve, but Gibbs knows. There's no need to sugarcoat anything.
He knows.
Yet still, their world quakes as the judge's gavel comes cracking down, with Leon's words-
"Ziva didn't make it."
Tomorrow, I'll be far from here
Don't seek my out, I'm the flying dove
He, who'll know to condone
He will forgive me for my love
Gibbs's expression is of one who've been smacked. His already pale skin loses any leftover color, and he bites his bottom lip strong enough to draw blood.
He frowns deep, breathes in and out, trying to find solid ground, a silver lining somewhere.
He's realistic enough to know there isn't one.
In front of him, McGee sinks in his chair, shocked and horrified, his eyes sting and throat burns.
Ziva… Oh, God, no!
Bishop seems lost, on her end. She heard stories, know how much the former agent meant to her team. What can she possibly say to make this better? Words will be meaningless here.
Clayton and Monroe exchange meaningful glances, an understanding passes between them.
The silence breaks once Gibbs rises again, stable, focused, uncompromised.
He turns to leave, to make sure DiNozzo is informed of the change of circumstances, his voice thunders at them all – "Find Kort. I want that bastard in the ground."
Anthony DiNozzo is one of Gibbs' best in the field. He learned to trust him over the years. A good man, a strong man, who can both feel and detach himself, whenever duty calls.
But there is no "Duty Calls" in case of Ziva David.
His meltdown the previous night pretty much proved it, Sr. had to drag him back home, his body shook with uncontrollable sobs and build up anger the entire time.
Gibbs understands. Of course he does. It's his own expression after his family's demise. The feeling of indescribable pain, which makes every breath painful and torturous.
But he can't deal with him right now. He's anguish will not help them get justice for Fornell and Ziva. They must get hold of their emotions, all of them, in order to see this through.
He sends him home with his father. In the morning things will look different.
He has no idea.
Her name is Natalia.
Tali.
Her Aunt's namesake.
She has Ziva's smile and skin color, but the eyes are all his.
Once they let her in, once they tell him who she is, his entire world shakes to the size of one and a half meter of soft curls and shy smiles.
She's his.
And she's perfect.
Yearning and anger are two emotions battling inside him as the day crawls forward. Yearning for Ziva's presence, for her warmth, her comfort. Yearning for her voice, her touch, her simplicity yet undeniable complex. To everything she was.
He loved her. God knows, he loved her with passion, with everything in him. Yet he was never a part of her world, he dreamt of bringing her wall down, but he barely succeeded in moving some bricks.
And now, he has a child who was denied from him, for nearly three years; that's where the anger kicks in. It was a choice she made, and she chose wrong. They would have made it. They could have their own small family if only different decisions were made.
If only…
In a nutshell.
I want to open my eyes
To grow out slowly
I dreamt much
Alas, the dreams devoured me!
I wanted to console
Ah, but my passions rebelled me!
There was my childhood's charm
There was a storm in my arms
I know,
A foreign flame mercilessly consumed
All my nights
Ducky is getting old.
He's responses not as fast as used to be, his body more tired, patience doesn't come easy as once did.
In his old days, he finds himself sometimes rolling back in memory lane. He'd seen more dead bodies than he could possibly count. He lost good ones, friend and colleagues. Once you get close to death, you don't fear it like others do. You treat it like an unwelcomed guest knocking at your door.
And you are the perfect of hosts.
But reading the report about the farmhouse-attack, he doesn't want to be a polite host. Hell, he wants the rude guest to get the hell out of his property, and next time it dares approaching, it'll find an electric fence instead of an open gate.
The things human being are capable of doing to one another never cease to amaze him.
Ziva was a good and brave girl. She saw so many deaths, experienced so much grief… to be so cruelly taken from this world, is that the price for redemption?
Ducky sighs, going through the files again, trying to make sense of this entire chaos.
He'll get Jethro the answer he needs. He'll bring Anthony his share of retribution.
For Ziva.
And for her poor child.
There were,
There were eves of yearning
There were crazed days
There was a hidden ache
Enchanted moments…
She points at the framed picture, her lips form an insistent "Ima!" and a small smile follows.
Sr. asks him for the meaning, and Tony explains that the child simply recognizes her mother in the photo. Probably misses her. Still waiting for her to show up.
But then her tiny finger points at him in the frame, and she calls "Abba!" clear and loud and knowing.
Shocked, Tony asks Tali to repeat it. He probably didn't hear her right. But oh… the magnificent child that she is, she does, even more insistent.
"Ima. Abba!" her eyes are round and wide and expectant.
And starting that moment… he's a goner.
They take down Kort.
He collapses like a trashdall on the dry ground, eyes still open and haunting, even in death.
There's a silence that follow, for long seconds following.
Tony expects to feel some kind of relief. His love's blood has been redeemed, her death didn't go unpunished.
There's supposed to be some kind of deliverance. A fresh breather, maybe.
That's what tony expects.
Instead, he feels… nothing.
He shows up at Gibbs' basement that night. Trying to explain his motives.
But there is no need to. Gibbs understands. Better than anyone.
Tony has a daughter to think about now. Every risk, every wrong move, any uncalculated step- will reflect on her directly.
He must take that into account.
Taking a deep breath, Tony paces around the basement.
"When McGee called… something hit me…" he says, inhaling, "Something I've never felt before…" he turns to face Gibbs, "In that moment, I didn't want Trent Kort dead… all I wanted to do, was to take care of Tali."
He pauses to think, to consider his words, "Everything that she head in her life was gone…"
Gibbs ponders, "Mhmm," he hums, "Except you…" he says usefully.
"Except me…" Tony nods, wondering, "I'm everything to that little girl now…" his voice expresses amazement, deep sense of responsibility, and… love. Deep and instant love, and the natural instinct of a parent protecting their young.
And that's it. He's done. In a matter of days, hours, his life turned upside down like a wrecked boat, and he's trying to find a lifeguard.
His lifeguard is shaped as a jumping, bubbling little girl. And he's going to stick to it, never lose sight of it. Embrace it and cherish it.
He's going to Israel, with Tali, and Ziva's memory in his heart. There he'll get the answer he needs. There, among her people, among the scents she took comfort in, among the cities she called home, among the fields she ran in, he'll grieve for her. He'll remember their summer romance and the departing gift she gave him.
From there, they'll go to Paris. Ziva loves Paris.
One day… when he's up to it. When he feels he can move on from this pain… he'll be back. A different, better man. Perhaps he will.
I will recall the gaze
A gentle hand that touches me
A spirit in shadow's pass
A hidden secret
Farewell, I lived among you all,
Among the grass
Abby's emotional. Before he leaves, she wants to make sure he knows and recognizes the depths of Ziva's love.
He knows, deep down. He felt it. He remembers her love, comforting and hidden, fresh as the olive trees, eternal as the sky above. But with that, there's also the pain and anger.
He'll muddle through it.
Abby understands.
He offers McGee a brotherly hug, and their familiar banter. He wishes Bishop much luck, trusting in her.
As he makes his way towards the elevator, to go pick up his daughter to the airport, he takes one last breath, one last look at the place that was his home.
That once, was Ziva's home, too.
'I'm doing it for her, for us…' he vows quietly. If destiny wishes it, he'll see his team again, one day.
Maybe.
As the door closes, he also closes his eyes, and a tiny whisper, her whisper, fills the air abruptly.
"…With time all things shall pass
For I will now be on my way
The one who loved me
Will return to roam your fields
From desert sands
"….And he will know, I lived among you all along
….
Like weed in grass…"
A/N- So, this was my take on 13x24. Hearbreak, yet a beautiful goodbye to both Tony and Ziva.
The lullby Ziva sings to Tali is a Hebrew lullaby, called "פזמון ליקינטון", 'Pizmon Layakinton' ('Hymn to The Hyacinth') which is very pupular even nowdays.
The song in italics is a Hebrew song- "כמו צמח בר"- 'Kmo Tzemach Bar' ('Like Weed in Grass', 'Like a Wildflower'), it's a very known song in Israel, written by Rachel Shapiro in 1975. It's a song in tune of the feelings of post- Yom Kippur War in 1973, one of the cruelest war Israel known in its history. The song speaks the pain of both loss and rejection. I found it fitting.
Those of you who're interested to listen to the original song, can search youtube "כמו צמח בר לי קורן", or remove the space and copy this fully utu be watch ?v= U8ujgtQ _ of4
Thoughts and reviews are love.