This is my first attempt at a Holby fic, it's slightly AU in that Alex never came back to Holby as a locum anaesthetist, she's been in Afghanistan ever since Bernie came home. I'd love to hear what you think to the idea.
"You've reached Alex Dawson, I'm sorry I can't take your call right now but…" It was the fifth time Bernie had listened to the recorded message in the last hour but this time she decided to leave a message.
"Alex, it's me, Bernie. I erm, I guess I just wanted to see how you were, I, I never got a chance to thank you for saving my life, but you're probably busy, and I doubt you'd be tripping over yourself to speak to me even if you weren't busy, so erm, yeah, thank you for what you did for me, I, I'd love to hear from you if you ever get a spare few minutes. Look after yourself Alex" Bernie ended the call and dropped her phone into the pocket of her scrubs, taking a moment to compose herself before heading out onto the ward.
She'd just finished her ward round when she felt her phone vibrating in her pocket, and her heart stopped, it couldn't be could it? Alex couldn't be calling her back. Her heart sank as she saw an unknown number flashing on the screen, she'd been stupid to get her hopes up, "Bernie Wolfe" she answered the call, making her way out into the stairwell for a small amount of privacy. She felt her stomach twist, a lump forming in her throat as she was told that 24 hours ago Alex had been injured by another IED and she'd had Bernie listed as her next of kin. She listened silently as she was told about the 'incident' how another soldier had stepped on the IED and been killed instantly but the resulting blast had thrown Alex into the air, knocking her unconscious, a state she'd yet to come out of. Bernie felt her heart racing in her chest as she was informed of all Alex's injuries, how they couldn't be sure of the damage to her internal organs until they opened her up but the medic in charge of her care wanted to wait to see if she 'stabilised' before operating.
"Is she stable enough to be flown home?" The words slipped from Bernie's mouth before she had chance to even think about them.
"What are you thinking?" the commanding officer asked Bernie even though he had a pretty good idea of her intentions.
"I'm thinking that I'm probably her best chance at survival so you either need to stabilise her enough to fly her back to England or you need to keep her alive for as long as it takes me to fly out to Afghanistan."
"I couldn't possibly…"
"Look" Bernie interrupted, "you and I both know that I've saved men others would have written off, I'm not sure what the medics are thinking if they don't even know what they're dealing with so what's it going to be? Can you get her back to Holby or do I need to start looking at flights to Kabul?"
Bernie wasn't even sure how she managed it, but less than 3 days later she was stood outside the hospital, arms folded against her chest in a desperate attempt to hide how nervous she was as she waited with Ric and Guy for Alex to arrive, neither of the men able to believe that Bernie had managed to convince Hanssen and the right people in the army that Alex should be flown to Holby for Bernie to treat her. They'd had several phone calls about Alex's condition and all three of the waiting medics were surprised that Alex had managed to survive the flight from Afghanistan. The army medics had been vague about her injuries, so they were planning on assessing her as soon as she arrived, if deemed fit, she'd be sent straight for a CT scan to give them at least some indication of her what they were dealing with, otherwise there was a bed in ITU waiting for the soldier and they'd do their best to stabilise her before beginning her treatment.
Both Guy and Ric had expressed concerns about Bernie treating the woman she was obviously so fond of but she'd been insistent and Hanssen had agreed, Bernie was the best trauma surgeon the hospital had, she was Alex's best, possibly Alex's only chance at survival.
"They're here." Bernie had been so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't noticed the army ambulance until Ric had pointed it out. She vaguely wished she'd had a cigarette to calm her nerves as she stepped into the ambulance to examine Alex, it was her call as to whether she went to CT or straight to ITU.
"Oh Alex" Bernie whispered as she took in the other woman laid before her, intubated and covered in a mass of tubes and wires, "what happened to keeping yourself safe?" she asked before turning to the army medic who gave her as much information as he could about Alex's current state, including the fact she'd lost output twice on the flight and again on the way to the hospital.
"Well?" Ric asked once Bernie had examined Alex for herself.
"Lets get her to CT" Bernie decided, "I don't think we're going to gain anything by taking her to ITU first."
"I'll let them know we're on our way" Guy nodded, heading back inside.
"Can you call Jac too, tell her I think we'll be needing her expertise?" Bernie called after him, seeing him nod as he disappeared into the lift, before turning her attention back to Alex. Ric said nothing as he watched Bernie gently take hold of Alex's hand, "you're okay now" she whispered, dropping her head, gently brushing her lips against Alex's bruised and bloodied knuckles, "you're okay, I've got you."
It felt like weeks passed before Bernie flopped exhaustedly into the chair beside Alex's bed in ITU, her shift had ended hours ago but Alex had only just made it out of surgery and Bernie hadn't wanted to leave. She wasn't sure the hospital would have agreed to do such extensive surgery on one person in any other situation. Almost every surgical department in the hospital had been involved, and, although they said they were just doing their jobs, Bernie could never thank Ric, Jac and the younger doctors on Kellar and Darwin enough. As soon as she was sure Alex was stable she'd be putting a hefty sum behind the bar as a thank you to her colleagues, buying Jac a bottle of something nice as the cardio consultant never ventured into the bar after work.
"You gave me quite the fright" Bernie whispered as she sat by Alex's bedside, pale fingers held gently in her own, "I, I know you're not out of the woods by a long stretch but we've done the best we can, it's up to you now, but I know how strong you are Alex, you can pull through this, I know you can." Bernie kissed Alex's knuckles again, a little voice in her mind reminding her that their efforts could all have been for nothing. Alex had a large amount of swelling and what Guy had described as a 'moderate' bleed on her brain, Bernie was all too aware that even if Alex made it through the recovery period, there was a large possibility that she'd suffered a life changing brain injury, that Alex would never be the woman Bernie once knew.
Bernie felt her eyes filling with tears as she failed to stop memories from earlier that day flooding her mind, Alex losing output whilst Jac was trying to repair one of several tears in the veins and arteries leading to her heart. Bernie had literally watched Alex's heart stop and, before Jac could even ask her to she'd reached inside Alex's chest to begin the rhythmic squeezing of her heart that would continue to pump blood around her body until it began beating of it's own accord.
"I think we've done all we can" Ric's voice echoed in her head, "this is the third time she's lost output and…"
Jac looked up at Bernie, the older woman's hands holding the heart of the woman she was so obviously fond of, gently massaging it, encouraging it to beat again. Bernie's eyes met Jac's and Jac saw the fear, the desperation staring back at her, and that was when she'd made up her mind, "right now she's my patient, that means she's only dies when I call it, and I'm not calling it until I'm certain I've done all I can." Jac said firmly, Bernie nodding in thanks as Jac gave instructions as to what she wanted next.
It was at that moment Bernie realised she loved Alex, as she stood in theatre, Alex's heart in her hands she had to fight back tears as her feelings hit her like a tonne of bricks, she loved Alex. She loved her more than she'd ever loved Marcus, she needed to save her, she needed Alex to pull through this so she could tell her, so she could say those three words she should have said so many times already.