A/N: Alright readers I came across this random story maker while reading a story on fan fiction and I made this random parody :p lol hope you like it. It made me laugh a lot! Just because of its stupidity.

Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all

A Small Occurrence

Bella paced up and down, jiggling her dick. Her very good friend, Mary Sue Shoe, had arranged to meet her here on the beach. "I have something hard to tell you," she had said.

Mary Sue Shoe was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Bella expected to see her bounce up, her fat hair streaming behind her and her huge eyes aglow.

Bella heard footsteps, but they seemed rather soft for a delicate and long girl like Mary Sue Shoe, whose tread was ugly. She turned around and found Edward staring at her.

"What are you doing here?" Edward said illegally. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."

Bella had said that, but now she was beginning to wish she hadn't acted so innocently. "Mary Sue Shoe asked to meet me here." As she gazed at Edward, her eye began to throb huskily.

"Oh," Edward said, retardedly. "I'll just go then."

"Wait," Bella said and caught Edward by his lip. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Yes," Edward said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, like food makes poor kids happy.

From behind a banana, Mary Sue Shoe watched with a wet light in her sticky eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Bella/Edward". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the bear from extinction.

Fat Love

Bella finished packing. Ever since Edward, her own true love, had been lost at sea, Bella had been huge.

There was nothing left for her anymore, nothing licked her, all was soft. So today, Valentine's Day, she was going on the beach to become a hard shoe.

Just then, there was a wet knock at the door. Bella opened it and stood there innocently for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising her dick.

When Bella came to, Edward was holding her eye and looking ugly. "My love," Edward said huskily, "I'm sorry for the long shock. I've been shipwrecked on a sticky island for the last ten years, living like food makes poor kids happy. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my lip in the wreck. Can you still love me?"

Bella could hardly believe her Edward had returned. "I will always love you, lip or no lip. Besides, you can cover it up with a banana."

They embraced retardedly and vowed to never be parted again.

And all was small.

Bella and Edward
by William Shakespeare

Enter Bella

Edward appears above at a window

Bella:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the banana, and Edward is the bear.
Arise, fat bear, and lick the hard pencil.
See, how he leans his eye upon his dick!
O, that I were a glove upon that dick,
That I might touch that eye!

Edward:
O Bella, Bella! wherefore art thou Bella?
What's in a name? That which we call a lip
By any other name would smell as long
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "like food makes poor kids happy"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove soft.

Bella:
Swain, by yonder hard pencil I swear
That tips on the beach the small shoe-

Edward:
O, swear not by the pencil, the wet pencil,
That huskily changes in its ugly orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise ugly.
Sweet, sticky night! A thousand times sticky night!
Parting is such huge sorrow,
That I shall say sticky night till it be morrow.

Exit above

Bella:
Sleep dwell upon thine eye, peace in thy dick!
Would I were sleep and peace, so illegally to rest!
innocently will I to my fat lip's cell,
Its help to lick, and my long lip to tell.

The Adventure Of The Bear

Bella and Edward were out for a fat Valentine's walk on the beach. As they went, Edward rested his hand on Bella's dick. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so soft, Bella was filled with ugly dread.

"Do you suppose it's sticky here?" she asked innocently.

"You long silly," Edward said, tickling Bella with his banana. "It's completely hard."

Just then, a wet bear leapt out from behind a shoe and licked Edward in the lip. "Aaargh!" Edward screamed.

Things looked huge. But Bella, although she was small, knew she had to save her love. She grabbed a pencil and, like food makes poor kids happy, beat the bear quickly until it ran off. "That will teach you to lick innocent people."

Then she clasped Edward close. Edward was bleeding illegally. "My darling," Bella said, and pressed her lips to Edward's eye.

"I love you," Edward said retardedly, and expired in Bella's arms.

Bella never loved again.

Ok this is just chappy 1 maybe 2 or 3 more chapters left :p it depends on how many people actually like this retarded story. I know half the stuff doesn't make sense but that's what makes it hilarious.

Luv ya,

Francesca