Disclaimer: I do not own anyone involved with Deadliest Catch. I do, however, own my original characters and the scenarios in which I place them. This is a work based not in fact but in a basis of fiction (meaning it's not real (0: ).

I stood and waited. It wasn't supposed to have taken this long. "We'll only be gone for 8 weeks", my father had stated. However, those 8 had turned into 9 which in turn become 11.

11 weeks. Never had their being gone felt like an eternity. Normally, I would have waited back in Seattle, but since they had been gone three weeks longer than originally planned, I had chosen to fly up and meet them at Dutch Harbor, Alaska. It was cold, as December always was, but I just pulled my coat tighter around my body. I knew that the boats would be arriving soon, I'd found out that information from the harbor master, so I would continue to wait in the frigid night air.

Off in the distance, hovering above the blackened sea, I saw small balls of lights. My excitement and anticipation levels begin to rise quickly; the waiting was going to be the death of me. I had always been in love with the ocean; the smell of it filled my mind with countless memories. For generations my family had been fisherman, not just regular fisherman but Bering Sea crab fisherman. My father was the captain and his two brothers worked on the deck of our family owned boat. I'd always been a daddy's girl and every crab season when the boats would leave Seattle, I would cry as they faded off into the distance. I had a love/hate relationship with crab fishing. On the one hand it was something I knew, something that I had been around my entire life, but the flip side of that was it snatched away the ones I cared about most for weeks on end.

The lights grew closer and I could soon make out the dark outlines of the crab fleet's many boats. I couldn't yet make out the one I had been waiting for, the proud Northwestern, but I knew that it was there, I could feel that they were close. I wasn't sure how long I'd been out in the cold but I could no longer feel my toes or my fingers.

I hadn't noticed the boat already tethered to the dock a few yards away, nor did I hear the approaching footsteps behind me. I jumped and whirled around when a hand was laid on my shoulder. Staring up at the figure before me, a small smile danced across my lips. "Hey", I muttered quietly. He didn't say anything as he wrapped his arms around my cold body. "I missed you," I whispered into his ear.

"So, what brings you out here on this icy cold night?" His arms tightened around me.

"The season lasted too long I couldn't wait for everyone to get back to Seattle." I leaned my head against his shoulder, breathing in his scent. "I figured it was easier to just fly up here. That way at least I'm here when they get off the boat."

"But you didn't come up here to see me did you, Lexi?" His eyes questioned me.

"I wanted to see you, I really did." I sighed as I realized just how much I wanted to see him. "You know how it is Crosby, I'm with Josh." I pulled away from him, my arms dropping down to my sides. "We can't Crosby. I can't."

He just shook his head, "I know you're not happy with him. Hell, Lex, you know you're not happy with him. Why are you doing this to yourself, to us?"

"I promised him, I can't back out on him now. Besides that, I'm not unhappy being with Josh." I glanced up at Crosby, trying to read the expression that crossed his weathered features. "I love Josh, always have."

"I get that, he's been there for you. But are you 'in love' with him?" He reached out for my hand but I moved it out of his reach.

"You should go. My dad is going to be here soon and you know that Josh's boat won't be too far behind." I wanted him to walk away, to make this easier on me, easier on both of us. He just stood there though, hands stuffed deep into his pockets, his eyes never leaving my face. "Crosby please," I begged, "this isn't easy for me. I don't want to hurt him."

"You know you're going to eventually have to make a choice." He simply stated.

I knew he was right it wasn't fair to either man.

I turned my attention back to towards the expansive sea, noticing that the lights had grown closer and I could now make out the Northwestern against the dark sky and sure enough the Cornelia Maria drove though the waters right alongside.

"Nothing changes between us." His voice broke through the still night air and I turned to look at him once again. "But I can't wait forever Lex, someday I won't be here waiting."

I watched him walk away from me, wanting so badly to go after him, to have him hold me in his strong embrace but knowing that it couldn't and probably wouldn't ever be that way. Standing alone once again on the dark pier made my thoughts wander at will. I had met Crosby a little over a year ago at a Discovery Channel sponsored event. I hadn't wanted to go, but through the eager encouragements of both my Uncle Edgar and Josh I had given in and joined them. Crosby had caught my eye right off, standing above most of the other deckhands and captains that mingled throughout the room. He would throw his head back as he laughed, the sound of it echoing throughout the entire expanse. I couldn't stop myself from staring, from watching his every move. I fought the urge to go over and talk to him, to make my presence known. I wanted to be included in whatever conversation he was having, I just wanted to be near him. He was infectious; he pulled at every single one of my senses. His own gaze had caught mine, his smile growing with every second. As he had made his way towards where I was sitting, knots in my stomach begin to grow. My heart had flip-flopped within my chest and my hands had started shaking. I had been so nervous, yet I wanted nothing more than for him to be near me. I hadn't felt this strongly about anyone and there I had been with someone else.

With the crab fleet being like a giant family, staying away from someone who was in the midst of it all was a very hard thing to accomplish. I tried to keep my distance from Crosby but the harder I tried the easier he seemed to reel me in. Crosby was right, I had to choose but how could I? How do you choose between the guy who has been with you through the good and the very bad, the guy you made a certain promise to and the one who had stolen your heart?