Author's note: Since this is my first attempt at publishing a fanfiction, I decided to do something simple and relax. I tried to add a bit of humor in: it's not awfully funny, but I do wish I can at least make you smile a little and not just facepalm! Ahah... ah... aherm!

Of course, reviews would be appreciated as always. I wish this is well written: I certainly must write diffrently then people native to the English language, but I think I'm not half-bad at it myself. If there is anything I should correct in this story or that you think is off, I'd be glad to receive your feedback! :)

A BIRCH TREE, A CHIPPER FELLOW AND A PSYCHOPATH

I was driving in the American country, haven taken a sabbatical year after I completed my bachelor in psychology. Yes, I was pride of myself, but I still didn't know what I wanted to do in life, but I knew what I wanted of it: simple happiness and comfort.

I thought a yearlong ride in that tired, slightly rusty pickup in the neighboring country could help me set my mind and practice my English,

I had travelled through all the states on the East Coast during the autumn and I was planning on spending winter in the south: finally, I would be able to live a winter without three feet high of snow!

I was yawning as the sun was slowly reaching for the horizon: I was lost in the middle of nowhere and the only buildings I could see were surrounded by high, barbed fences covered of flashy danger signs: it did make sense since I could see flashes and smoke and hear explosions coming from that direction earlier today.

But now I had no choice: I had to stop and ask for directions since I had almost no food left and nowhere to sleep. Yes, I'm old fashioned like that… and also too poor to have a GPS and even worse, to use one! I was relying on a gigantic map, but right now I didn't know where the heck I was on that map!

I slowed down and saw a small, dusty trail father ahead that was leading to the entrance to one of the forbidden buildings and I could see this one had a van and a pickup parked near it. I decided to follow it, a bit nervous; scared to anger someone for blatantly ignoring the obvious, yellow signs… or maybe even for breaking the law! Yikes! And then I remembered I could always play the dumb Canadian tourist card: it sometimes pays off to be underestimated.

I parked my car as far away as it is reasonable from the building's entrance, just in case, and got off, map in hand. A bit scarred, I approached the door and finally knocked.

There was a desert-like silence for a while (where the heck do I think I am anyways?), then the door opened on a man quite a bit taller than I am, wearing an old fashioned military helmet, an uniform all in blue, and holding firmly in his right hand as a weapon… a frying pan.

"WHO ARE YOU? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? ARE YOU A PSAH?" He said, or more like yelled in a thunderous voice. I took a few backwards steps away from him while wiping my saliva-splattered face.

"Uhm, so, sir. I'm just a… very lost tourist. I just want directions, d'en I'll leave." He pondered a moment, rubbing his chin with his fingers.

"Wait here a moment, private." His tone or intonation didn't change a bit, but at least he wasn't yelling anymore.

I did wait, but it wasn't very long. The soldier-like man came back behind two other men, both matching in clothing color with him. I was only getting more and more confused about what this place was, since the others were visibly not soldiers. One was about my height, maybe even shorter, but very bulky, wearing a single yellow glove, a construction worker hat and protective goggles. The other was very tall, even taller than the soldier, but he was as thick as a birch tree and looking like a cowboy while wearing sunglasses… indoors.

The shortest of the 3 showed me a gloved hand and a large, friendly grin. I shook his hand and caught his smile like it was a virus of some sort.

"Hello there, young lady! Our friend Soldier told us you needed some directions around here." I took the map from under my arm and unfolded it in front of him and he peeked over it with interest. The other two were just staring at me, the birch tree with a bland, pouting-like expression and the soldier with a suspicious one. Why were they even here?

"Yeah, I'm trying to get to Tucson, but I t'ink I took a wrong turn around d'ere…" I was interrupted by the thunder-like voice of the soldier.

"Hah! I knew it! THAT GIRL'S REALLY A SPAH! She talks just like one!" I talk like a spy? What? Oh, he must have meant my accent. But then again, if a spy should have an accent, it would be English or American: French Canadians are not really known for their secret agencies, but more for maple syrup, poutine and Rayman (and maybe Assassin's Creed?) if you ask me.

I didn't have the time to make that reflection to myself at the time as the maniac whipped out a rocket launcher from behind his back. I threw myself on the ground with my map over my head, scared shitless. (well, not literally per chance!) The electric pole grabbed the weapon, trying to take it away from the paranoiac American while the sympathetic man was pulling on the soldier himself, trying to off his aim.

It did work, but not the not the way it expected: just before the tall cowboy could take the weapon away, the psychopath had pushed the trigger, firing a few feet above me, but directly into my truck's motor. A strong explosion followed and a piece of metal about the size of a pinkie finger lodged itself in my arm. My pickup was now a simple heap of burning metal.

The shock I felt was so great I didn't even let a sound when the piece of metal lodged itself in my arm. I just remained silently sitting there, on the dry ground, with a map over my head like a hat and tree strange men standing behind me.

That's it for today folks! I wish I didn't completely waste your time! Hehe... oh my, sincerely, I wish this story is at least a bit interesting... or funny!

By the by, most of the things about me in this story are true... except that I don't have a car. Oh, and I'm sorry if it seems like I'm bashing a particular character: I will correct this in further chapters and I personally do like everyone of them. Especially Soldier... but not in this chapter.

Chapters 2 and 3 are already written down, but not on my computer, so I may update soon. But I won't make any promises, since I'm awful at those!

Bye bye friends, see you soon! :)