Disc: Standard Applied / lyrics are translated from Aqua Timez's Sen no Yoru wo Koete
_To Be With You_
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I love you, but it seems like you didn't love me.
I walk around the repetition until I found the answer...
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Orihime Inoue was sitting alone on her futon in her apartment. She had changed into her pajamas but she wasn't sleepy yet. She had her dinner already and done her homework, she had nothing to do. Alone in her room and sleepless, Orihime didn't know what to do so she sat there on her futon in the middle of her room, looking around her room absentmindedly before then sighed and bit her lower lip.
She hugged her knees and closed her eyes. She had been used to be alone. She had been through so many lonely nights after her brother passed away. It was just another lonely night, she would live it.
If someone asked her, Orihime wouldn't say that she hate being alone. She wouldn't say she really like it but she didn't hate it. No, Orihime hated nothing—not even those naughty house elves who often hid one of her socks.
Being alone like this gave her time to think about many things and recently there was only one thing—or rather one man—on her mind whenever she was alone like right now: Ichigo Kurosaki.
When she closed her eyes, it was his face she saw. It had been almost three years and her feeling for him had grown from an innocent crush into love. During these past one and half year she had been making it sure that no, she couldn't stop loving him. No matter how oblivious he was, no matter how deep was his feeling to that other raven haired girl, she knew—she didn't knew how she could know, she just knew—she couldn't stop loving him.
She knew, almost sure, he loved that girl. After all, she saw it with her own eyes.
She watched him everyday so she knew, ever since she was gone, he had been different.
She loved him so much so she knew, thought he tried to act casual and denied it whenever his friends confronted him about it... He missed her.
Orihime loved Ichigo, really really really really loved him. It hurt her to see someone she loved so dearly falling in love with someone else but it hurt her more to see her Kurosaki-kun putting that facade when she knew he was breaking inside.
She really really really really really loved him.
He didn't love her, she knew but she couldn't do anything about that.
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Do you love me? Do you love me not?
Either way, it's fine with me...
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She wanted to see him happy. That was all what she wanted. If only he wanted to talk to her about everything, she would always ready to hear him out. Though it might mean that she had to listen about his love for Rukia, she didn't care, if Kurosaki-kun were happy, she would be happy.
Orihime picked up her phone and flipped it open. She never let her friends to see her phone, the reason was her wallpaper. It was her photo with Ichigo. Of course actually there had been also their other friends in the photo but she cropped the photo so it was her and him only—she felt bad, really, for cropping the photo but she didn't have any photo of herself and Kurosaki-kun, so...
Orihime smiled sadly when she looked at the photo. In the photo she was smiling brightly, next to her Ichigo was also smiling, one of his ultra-rare smile. She had been smiling in that photo because he had been there, standing so close to her, but she knew—ironically—the reason for him smiling had been another girl who had been cropped from the photo.
Orihime knew when Rukia left them it wasn't because she wanted to, it had been something inevitable so she shouldn't blame her. But somehow she wished she were here. If only Rukia were here, maybe, even though he was losing his power, he could feel better.
There were many things Rukia could do to make Ichigo smile, things she couldn't do no matter how much she wanted it.
She didn't care anymore whether Ichigo loved her or not, she just wanted him to be happy.
She didn't care though there was a really big chance that Ichigo actually really loved Rukia, she loved him and that was all she needed to know.
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No matter how I wish it,
There are many unchangeable things in this world, right?
That's right, because the fact that I love you is something that nobody could change.
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Orihime smiled bitterly, still looking at her phone screen.
Tonight, again, she knew she would dream about him. Last night and the night before, she dreamed about him so she had been prepared if she dreamed about him again tonight. It wasn't always a nightmare, she couldn't call a dream where Ichigo Kurosaki there a nightmare.
Sometime, she would dream about those days when she has been kidnapped and when he had come to save her. She would dream about him in his hollow mask, covered by blood. Sometime, she would dream about him and her going to Hawaii and dancing under the moonlight...
She wondered if he ever dreamed about her though if he didn't, she would understand that.
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In this world, I can't find a word to express how happy I am to be able to meet you,
So we smile, sing about the vividly passing autumn in do-re-mi,
Turn our backs on winter, wait for the sunlight streaming through trees in spring,
And become reborn anew, so that we can protect someone...
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Suddenly she wanted to hear his voice.
She wanted to hear his voice to ease her mind, just a word from him would make her feel better.
So she bit her lip again before nervously as her fingers danced on the keypad, she remembered his number too well, she had been attempting to call him many nights before and chickened out before she could even pressed the call button. Tonight, she would call him.
Maybe, he's sleeping already...
She hesitated for a moment and looked at the clock on the wall. It was almost midnight, it was not the right time to call someone. Ichigo might be angry if she woke him up right now, after all, she didn't really know what she wanted to talk about, she just wanted to hear his voice.
She closed her eyes, if she called him, would it mean she had been selfish?
She hesitated for few more seconds before finally she tapped the dial button.
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On the path we came from and our destination, when we looked back, I'd always have timid eyes.
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"Hello?"
She gasped when he answered his phone right away. She was relieved that he didn't sound sleepy, or angry. Maybe he hadn't slept yet. She was lucky.
"Inoue?"
Orihime giggled nervously, "Uh, hello, Kurosaki-kun, do I disturb you?"
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I want to face you, but I can't be honest
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A sigh.
"No, of course no," she could imagine he was wearing that scowl again right now, "you can call me anytime. Though I didn't think you would call me at this time."
So, she did disturb him.
"Ah, sorry! You were waiting a call from someone else? I would hang up now, then..."
"Wait, Inoue, don't hang up yet!"
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I repeated those days, when I was being alone,
When I couldn't straightforwardly love people I love,
When I seemed to love people without getting hurt...
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"Yes?"
He sighed.
"I didn't wait for anyone, so please don't hang up yet."
She was surprised but she was happy to hear that. She knew maybe he was just trying to be nice to her, but nevertheless it made her happy. She knew her Kurosaki-kun was really nice to her. Though she tried not to make herself put her hope too high.
"So, I didn't disturb you?"
"Of course no," he chuckled, "So, what do you want to say?"
"Well..." she actually didn't have anything to say. She called him because she just wanted to hear his voice, but she couldn't just hang up now, could she?
"Inoue?"
"Uh, I..." she stammered, she didn't plan this, "I have something to tell you."
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I'll overcome the thousands of nights and go meet you now,
There is something I must tell you...
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"Yes?"
"I," she closed her eyes, now or never, "I love you, Kurosaki-kun."
He didn't say anything to answer her.
She waited for three seconds but he said nothing.
"I really, really love you..."
Now that she had said it, she couldn't stop herself.
"I know, you love me not. It's okay. I just want to tell you properly this time. Maybe you've known but I need to make it clear, you're the only one I love, Kurosaki-kun," he didn't say anything but she didn't care, at least he was listening, "You've been always nice to me, Kurosaki-kun and I am really happy with that. You've done so many things for me and I cannot do anything for you. I... I am not Kuchiki-san but I am doing the only thing I could, loving you. I... I know you love Kuchiki-san, but I..."
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I love you, but it seems like you didn't love me.
I walk around the repetition until I found the answer...
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"Inoue..."
"Yes?"
"Wait... I need to tell you something, just wait, few more minutes."
"Okay."
She didn't understand why she had to wait but she didn't protest.
Maybe Kurosaki-kun needed time to think. Maybe she had said the wrong thing. She frowned, she had been really insensitive, mentioning Rukia's name... It must have been making him sad. She felt so stupid now. She hoped he wouldn't hate her, no, he was not a man who hated someone easily... But still...
He didn't say anything yet but somehow, Orihime felt relieved. She had said it properly to him, whatever his response would be, she didn't really care anymore.
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I found one answer; that even if I'm scared
Even if I'm hurt, I can always say "I love you" to the person who I love
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She waited but he didn't say anything. She looked at the clock. Maybe Kurosaki-kun was sleepy?
It was twelve o'clock and Orihime was about to say something when Ichigo beat her to it.
"Happy birthday, Inoue."
"Eh?"
She heard him chuckled, "You forgot?"
Honestly, she had really forgotten, "Ah, yes..."
These past few days she had been busy thinking about him and she forgot about her birthday. He remembered her birthday!
"Thank you, Kurosaki-kun," she said shyly, she didn't know how to react, it was too sudden, "For greeting me..."
"You're welcome Inoue..." he sighed, "Now can I respond what you've said just now?"
A gulp.
"Uh, yes... Sure..."
"Inoue... You 're aware that we're going out right now, aren't you?"
"Mmm, yes..."
"Do you really think I would date someone I don't love?"
True, they had been dating but that didn't mean he loves her, did it?
They'd been going out for almost six months, it happened naturally. No confessions from both of them, it just... happened. Maybe it happened because everyone around them kept saying that they should be together, maybe it happened because they both were lonely, but she was almost sure it wasn't because he loved her.
They hadn't kissed yet and he never told her he loved her, so she didn't think that he loved her. Besides, the one he loved was Rukia, right?
"Inoue, you know me, right? I... I don't know much about this thing, I never dated anyone before. I don't know how to be a good boyfriend. Maybe, sometime I act really selfish and..."
"Kurosaki-kun has never been selfish!"
Another chuckled.
"Thank's Inoue," he spoke softly, "But what I'm trying to say is, I don't have any experience. I don't even understand about my own feeling. I would make, ah maybe I've done it... You know, I make many mistakes but I learn too... True, I am not sure about my feeling for you but I know I care about you so I want to give it a chance..." He took a deep breath, "About Rukia, I don't know about my feeling for her. Maybe you're right it was love, but..."
She waited for him to find his next word. Her brain was working on auto-pilot mode to process all information he had just told her.
"I am not sure about it, but Inoue, I know one thing..." this time he sounded sure and determined, "I want to protect you, I don't want to see you cry, I..."
She held her breath.
...love you?
"I wanna be with you."
Orihime released her breath. She smiled. She had wished he would have said he loves her but she knew, coming from him, those simple innocent words were more than enough to make her eyes filled with tears. She was happy.
"You're crying?"
"I am not," she lied, "I am... Happy." That was the truth though...
"You're upset because I cannot say the right thing?" he sounded worried and somehow it made her giggled, "Inoue?"
"No," she whispered, suddenly she didn't want anyone else but him to hear her, it was just two of them, "I'm happy, really... Because, you know, Kurosaki-kun, I want to be with you too... Always."
"Good then," she heard someone knocking on her front door, "Now can you open the door? It's cold out here..."
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Even if those thoughts aren't fulfilled, I can always say "I love you" to the person who I love...
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Author's Note:
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY INOUE!
Sorry for bad grammar, I don't have BETA and English is only my third language (excuse... excuse...)
So, I hope this fic isn't too bad... I got the idea after several days listening to "Sen no Yoru wo Koete" (Abarai Renji and Kuchiki Byakuya version). The song is originally sung by Aqua Timez but I think Byakuya's version is more Angsty... My friend said it was weird because the song was sung one or two keys lower in that version...
Oh well, I hope you'll like it :D
I will update My Girl and Love Story *and some other fics too* soon when I have time, now, I can only present you this one shot.
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Recchinon