My first ever Vampire Diaries story, though I have another one- a multi-chap coming soon, so please look out for that. Anyway about this one, takes place on the same day as the season 2 finale. I apologise for inconsistencies with the show or if the characters are acting out of character I've only ever seen the first 8 episodes of season one and half of the Last dance along with the kiss between Damon and Elena, but I am steadily working my way through the series I should be finished by September 15th. Anyway please read and review and like I said I hope it isn't too bad. Thanks, from Elle :)
Elena had never been afraid of the dark, not even when she knew that vampires and other supernatural beings existed. She guessed that was down to the fact that she knew Stefan would be there to protect her, or more often than not Damon. After all what could be scarier than a vampire? As she lay awake in Stefan's bed, her mind too active and her nerves too shot to pieces to allow sleep to set in, she felt scared of the darkness for the first time. Not because now she knew there was something scarier than a vampire in existent, in the form of a werewolf/vampire hybrid but because she was alone. And being in that eerily dark room, she'd never felt lonelier- not even after her parents' death. Even though she knew Damon was just a few rooms away, she still couldn't feel at ease. Damon would die for her and at times she'd felt more sure of him saving her than Stefan, but at this current time he was still recovering from his bite. He was a lot stronger than he had been, but nowhere near what he was normally. In comparison to his normal healthy and well fed self, the Damon currently present was only about as strong as the average human, but he reassured her he would be fit and healthy by tomorrow so they could plan how to rescue Stefan. It had taken a lot of negotiating to get to the point where they had agreed to go look for Stefan, the next day and not that very moment in time. As soon as Katherine had left, Damon had struggled to leave the bed, adamant that he had to go now to save his brother. It had taken Elena quite a few minutes to convince him he was still unwell, and it was only a bout of dizziness that had convinced him that she might be right. However, he also had to convince her not to go after Stefan and eventually a compromise of phoning their friends and having Caroline and Tyler do a quick search that night, and Bonnie promising to look into tracking spells to find him, once she felt well enough-as apparently she was feeling rather drained, though she didn't say why- and the arrangement of a meeting the following day to plan things in more detail, that had persuaded her to stay. However, if she was honest with herself, it was also partly to do with Damon himself. She had seen how he had reacted to Katherine's news and he'd looked more upset and frightened than she had ever seen him, which further added to her own feelings. She knew he blamed himself for what had happened, and he being unable to help made him feel even more guilty and frustrated. Seeing him in such a state and still not well, unnerved her and she knew there was no way she could leave him, at least not now.
Loneliness, helplessness and an over-whelming feeling of being down-right frightened swarmed inside her as she tried to find peace in sleep, but having no Stefan beside her or Damon near enough to protect her meant finding sleep was a futile process. Her mind constantly played the events of the day, repeatedly on a loop. She'd gone from nearly losing one Salvatore brother, to completely losing the other and not being able to go look for him. She was his girlfriend, she should be out looking for him, not Caroline and yet here she was, keeping an eye on his brother, just like she had been doing when he'd decided to hand himself over to Klaus. And in here lay her other problem- guilt. She felt sharp pangs of guilt whenever she thought about kissing Damon as Stefan sacrificed himself. She was no better than Katherine, the elder's words echoing in her brain –'It's Ok to love them both.' It wasn't Ok to love them both, and she didn't- or at least she hadn't thought she did till Katherine had suggested she did. Could she possibly love them both? After all she had kissed Damon, but then he had been dying and it was more an acceptance of his feelings towards her and their friendship mixed in with goodbye, sort of kiss. She loved Stefan and would never choose Damon over him, but then she'd thought he'd never choose Damon over her and he had. This angered her; that he could turn himself over to the dark side without a second thought about her, infuriated her. Had she meant nothing? Was she just a replacement for Katherine? Maybe she would be better off with Damon. As soon as these thoughts entered her head, then the guilt followed again. She shouldn't be angry at Stefan; he had done it to save his brother. She would do the same for Jeremy and she was glad Damon was going to survive. The relief that had flooded her when Katherine had announced she had a cure was indescribable but it was soon replaced with fear and shock when she had learnt of the price of this cure. Part of her had blamed Damon for the situation but when he had started to blame himself she realised he was beating himself up enough without her adding to his suffering ; after all Damon hadn't purposely gotten bit and ordered Stefan to sacrifice himself to Klaus to cure him. Then she felt guilty again for blaming Damon when he was also suffering and she had probably further added to his sufferings by leading him on. The disgust she felt at herself for being like Katherine sickened her, but then in another way she wasn't like Katherine because Katherine had admitted she'd loved both brothers and Elena didn't. But then if she was like Katherine enough to kiss Damon, maybe she was also like Katherine by loving both brothers. The confusion of her feelings towards both Salvatores along with her maelstrom of emotions, had given her a major headache and she was still no closer to finding answers to her questions or sleep, no matter how many times the cycle of emotions ran through her head. Loneliness. Helplessness. Guilt. Anger. Guilt. Relief. Anger. Guilt. Disgust. Confusion. They were on a constant loop in her head and the feelings got so intense that she burst into tears. Loud sobs escaped her as her body shook, overcome with emotions. She tried to quieten herself, aware that Damon was nearby and even though he was ill and most likely asleep he seemed to have an extra sense where she was concerned, most likely stemming from his love for her. The thought of him being in love with her and her treating him so horribly and leading him on, caused a new wave of sobs to escape her, louder than before. Before she could calm herself down, she heard a door opening and footsteps coming towards the room. Great, now she'd woken Damon up and he really needed his rest, and by her being selfish she'd disturbed him.
Moments later the door opened revealing a rather concerned Damon, he took one look at her and instantly went to her aid, wrapping her up in his arms. 'Shush, come on. I understand.' His compassion and the fact that he didn't understand everything, how selfish she was and how he didn't deserve the way she treated him, made her sob harder. He pulled her closer to him, till she buried her head in his chest, noticing for the first time it was bare. The scent of him was comforting and feeling male flesh against her calmed her somewhat till she realised how wrong it was that she was finding comfort in Damon. He had feelings for her and here she was again, leading him on while her boyfriend, his brother was in danger. She pushed herself away from him, wiping desperately at her face, she was being foolish and self-centred; Damon didn't deserve this.
'Damon, you shouldn't be out of bed.' She tried to sound concerned and stern, but the crying still affected her speech, making it sound nothing like she intended it to.
'I know, but you were crying. It's not like I could sleep anyway, not with the noise you were making.' He teased, nudging her slightly with his shoulder, but she sensed the truth in his statement, and it reinforced the fact in her head that she was a truly awful person. Fresh tears trickled down her face.
'Oh, God! I'm so sorry Damon; you should go back to bed. I'll help you.' She sniffled and tried to lift Damon from the bed to guide him back to his own room, but even with his weakened strength he was still too strong for her to move.
'Not until you tell me what's wrong- besides the obvious. And anyway I was already awake, not like I could sleep. So you might as well tell me what you're thinking about.' He lay back on the bed, arms behind his head as he rested against the pillows, closing his eyes. Elena just looked at him, not knowing what to do. In her current state of mind she couldn't be around him, it made her feel to guilty, but it was clear he wasn't going anywhere fast. On top of that, in the few minutes he'd held her she'd felt a lot calmer, despite the internal conflict she was experiencing. He opened one eye to look at her. 'You going to just stand there? Come on, there's room on this bed for two.' He patted the bed in invitation, but still she didn't move and he could see conflict in her eyes. 'The beds massive, but if it makes you feel better...' He moved over even further, creating more space on her side of the bed. He looked at her, doing the eye thing, that if she was honest with herself had always made her weak, and she gave in, moving to lie on top of the bed. She lay close to the edge, on her back, hands on her stomach, staring up at the ceiling, in silence. She could sense that Damon had rolled over and was looking at her, most likely with his head propped up by his arm, that curious smile he did and an eyebrow raised in question, but she still didn't look at him. He reached across and gently stroked her arm, causing her to flinch, which caused him to frown. 'Elena, what's wrong? I know you. I know this is more than about Stefan.' She sighed rolling over to look at him. She could try and lie to him, but with him that wouldn't work. He knew her far too well. Sometimes it felt like Damon knew her better than she knew herself.
'It's just everything.' He cocked an eyebrow.
'Nothing in particular then?' She shook her head. 'So not the fact that you kissed me or what Katherine said, then?' Her eyes widened, and he smirked slightly knowing he was right. The smirk instantly made Elena defensive and she rolled back onto her back to avoid his gaze, which seemed to bore into her, revealing all her secrets and turmoils.
'No, why would it?' She was lying, and she knew he mostly likely knew it, but she was hoping he wouldn't push it further. 'Katherine was just stirring things.'
'And the kiss?'
'Was nothing, just a goodbye between friends.' She continued looking at the ceiling as tears leaked from her eyes, as she knew this lie would cause Damon yet more pain.
'You're lying.' His tone conveyed his anger, but Elena could also sense the hurt and desperation for it to be untrue. She remained silent, not trusting herself to speak. She reached up to wipe the tears from her eyes yet again, before she spoke.
'What do you want me to say Damon? That I'm in love with you? That I'm going to run away with you, and forget all about Stefan?' She was now looking at him, and he could see the fire in her eyes as she tried to hide her true feelings.
'If that's the truth, then yes.' It took Elena a lot of inner strength to utter the next sentence, and it was probably only her moral compass and loyalty to Stefan that caused her to say it.
'It isn't. I kissed you to say goodbye Damon, I'm with Stefan.' More tears spilled, as the lie left her lips and she saw his heartbreak reflect in his eyes.
'You're lying.' He was angry now.
'I'm not.' He suddenly, pounced on her, looking down on her, gazing into eyes, staring into her soul, seeing the truth there.
'So I mean nothing to you?' There was no reply. 'I thought so. I'm not suggesting you leave Stefan for me, I'm just asking you be honest with me- and yourself.' He stroked the hair out of her face, his eyes full of emotion, never leaving hers till she turned away, not being able to cope with his scrutiny any longer. She bit her lip to stifle the sobs that were trying to escape at his understanding and compassion towards her, despite how she had treated him.
'I think you should go Damon. I'm fine, I just need to sleep and so do you.' He remained above her just looking at her, while she remained staring at the wall, refusing to play attention to how close his bare flesh was to her, or how he smelt, or how much she wanted to just let him hold her.
'If that's what you want.' He got up, leaving Elena feeling bereft and disappointed that he gave up so quickly.
'It is.'
'In which case, I'll see you tomorrow, when we discuss what to do next.' She nodded not watching as he made his way to leave. He paused at the doorway, 'Just so you know, you could never be like Katherine, not even by loving us both.' With that he exited the room, leaving her to break down yet again. He was so understanding, she didn't deserve it. As Damon's words sunk in she realised that she was already like Katherine as she was hurting both brothers by not being honest with herself, like Damon said she should be. The problem was she really didn't know how she felt about Damon. It sort of crept up on her and it wasn't till Katherine mentioned the word love did she even consider the fact that she loved him. She knew there was something between them. The connection they had was deeper than her other friendships and in most cases deeper than her connection with Stefan. He understood her like no other and didn't try to smother her like Stefan did- granted he would do anything to protect her, even going to extreme lengths such as forcing her his blood, but she could understand why he did it. Even with his volatile nature and his temper, he still made her feel safer than she usually did with Stefan. She'd usually contribute this to him being stronger than Stefan as he was on more human blood, but now she wasn't show sure. When she thought he was going to die, everything felt a bit more clearer. She knew she had to kiss him, let him know she knew how he felt, if she didn't she would regret it for the rest of her life. It suddenly dawned on her as she lay reflecting, that in the moment she kissed him she wasn't just acknowledging Damon's feelings but her own. She loved him. The realisation scared her. She couldn't love both brothers. It was wrong and immoral. Yet being with Damon felt so right. Stefan had left her. All she had left was Damon, that didn't mean she had to instantly run into his arms, but it did mean she couldn't lie about her feelings anymore. He deserved that. She got out of bed, determined to slightly remedy the situation she'd caused with her denial, especially the hurt she'd caused tonight with her lies.
She tiptoed across the hall to his room, and stood silently in front of the door, not knowing what to do now she was actually there. She could just turn around and pretend she hadn't moved since he'd left her in the bedroom, but she knew he knew she was there, waiting outside his door. The only thing she could do, was what she planned to do in the first place. She gingerly knocked, but unsurprisingly received no answer, so she walked in anyway. The room was dark, and she could just make out his figure on the bed, barely covered by the covers- his bare back tempting her. 'What are you doing here, Elena?' He didn't even roll over to look at her.
'I… I came to apologise.' She was still standing just inside the doorway, unsure of how to handle the situation, how to handle Damon in his current state and unsure how to handle her own feelings.
'What for? You didn't do anything. I was just making a fool of myself, yet again.' Even though he still wasn't facing her, she could tell he was upset; the bitterness evident in his voice. The fact that he was hurting caused her to move cautiously towards him till she stood at the bottom of the bed.
'No you didn't.' Now he turned to look at her, his brow furrowed.
'Did I not? Seemed like it to me. You said your piece, there's nothing more to say, so leave. We have a busy day tomorrow and we need sleep. By we, I mean me, you can do what you want.' He rolled over again, burying his face in the pillow.
'Damon, don't be like this.'
'Like what Elena? An arsehole? Why? It's what I am.'
'No, Damon it isn't! You just pretend to be like that. Instead you're kind, sensitive and would do anything for me. That's what you're really like, not some monster.' He snorted.
'Sure. It wasn't a monster that attacked your friend or killed your brother, or attacked you. Course I'm not a monster, you keep telling yourself that Elena.' His walls that had been broken earlier while he was dying, were well and truly back in place and it pained her to know that she was the cause of it. She moved around the bed, to the side he was lying on so that she could face him.
'Damon you were hurt. I understand all that, but please let me explain.'
'Explain what?' His eyes were closed, refusing to look at her.
'Explain myself. You told me to be honest with myself. So I am being. And I'm going to be honest with you too.' She saw the flicker of confusion in his brow, while his lids remained closed. 'You were right, I do have feelings for you.' His eyes shot open, boring into her, urging her to continue. 'Not just feelings for you as a friend, or…Stefan's brother, but proper feelings.' She reached out to touch his shoulder, and he shivered under her touch as he placed his hand on hers, his gaze never leaving her face. She avoided his gaze as she continued, looking only at their hands. 'The thing is, I'm scared. I'm scared of how I feel. I'm scared of hurting you. Of hurting Stefan. Of being like Katherine, but I know if I'm not honest about my feelings it will hurt more. I love…'
'Shhh.' She looked up at him as he placed his finger on her lips, 'You don't have to say it.'
'I want to. Let me, just this once. I know things are complicated. I'm still with Stefan, and once everything with Klaus is sorted we can all talk about this. Me, you and Stefan. But for now, I just wanted you to know that I do love you.' As she said her little piece, Elena's eyes never left his, demonstrating how honest and heartfelt her words were. She noticed Damon's eyes well up and so did her own as he pulled her down onto the bed beside him. He shuffled so that he could face her properly, before he spoke.
'Elena, you will never be like Katherine. Never. She just toyed with us both, but you've already differentiated yourself from her by admitting your feelings for both of us. Until earlier, she'd never admitted having feelings for me, but you have. You are so much more than she could ever be, and once we've found Stefan we'll talk about this more, but thank you for telling me. It means a lot.' He smiled at her, and she weakly returned it. She wasn't sure what her little confession would bring, but promises to talk further were better than nothing and by the look on Damon's face, she'd managed to ease some of his pain. She nodded in agreement.
'I best get back to bed, busy day tomorrow.' He nodded a flicker of pain flashed across his face as she removed her hand from his shoulder.
'You going to be, Ok? No more tears, I mean?'
'I'm not sure. It's just a bit… weird being on my own, in there. If you know what I mean.' He nodded.
'You could always take one of the guest rooms or…' His voice trailed off and they both knew what he was implying.
'I don't think that's a good idea, but thanks for the offer.' He nodded in understanding and she smiled before turning to leave, but then stopped returning to him. 'Night.' She briefly, kissed his forehead, her hair tickling as she leant forward. As she pulled away, his hand clutched at her, bringing her down again to place a searing kiss on her lips. It was longer and more passionate than the kiss they'd had earlier- if that could really be described as a kiss. This was still brief, but more feelings were felt through it and it left Elena breathless. She couldn't help but smile at the smirk on his face.
'Night, Damon.'
'Night, Elena.' With that she left. Both of them contemplating what would happen next.