CHAPTER 1

Even though they had been lovers when they thought they were brothers, somehow now that they knew they weren't brothers, it was somehow worse. Thor, crown prince of Asgard, was drenched with sweat all over his chiseled frame as he laid in bed next to Loki, the man he had grown up thinking was his brother but was actually from another mother, his muscled torso sweaty from a rough night of pounding his brother with his hammer. This is how it was most days, they fought and made love and then fought some more. They could not stand to be around each other, but they could not stand to be apart. Thor looked over at Loki, who was not as built as Thor but had a lean toned build. Loki was handsome of course, Thor had always thought so when his interest in men had been stirred at a young age, he had realized he was interested in other men but specifically one man, his brother Loki. He knew it was wrong but it felt so right, especially as they had shared a tender kiss the first time they felt their affection for each other. He thought Loki was graceful and beautiful and he thought that this is probably what it felt like for most men when they were interested in a woman, except in his case it was a man his heart belonged to. He never understood why he was the more popular one, all the other Asgardians (male and female) both swooned over Thor because he was drop dead gorgeous with a hunky body, but they never seemed to have much interest in Loki. And at the time this is why Loki was so special to Thor, he was all his.

Thor remembered the tender and passionate kiss, the one he had shared with Loki many moons ago, as Loki leaned up and pressed his lips to Thor's, but this kiss was neither tender nor passionate. It was aggressive (but not in a sensual way) and it was also forceful, Loki nibbled on Thor's lower lip like Thor was his property. In a way he was, after Loki had betrayed him Thor vowed he would never trust Loki again, and he didn't trust Loki but still found his way back into Loki's arms as well as his bed.

"I hate you Thor," Loki whispered into Thor's ear, nibbling on his ear as he whispered to Thor.

"I hate you too Loki," Thor responded back in a rough low growl, but not a sexy growl but rather one filled with animosity and hatred as well as lust.

It was not typical or what you would expect of lovers, but then again Thor and Loki were not typical and their lives were full of unexpected things that defied all expectation.

Loki ran his slender fingers through Thor's luxurious locks of golden hair, which fell across his face like blond glorious sunbeams from the heavens above, and he pulled on Thor's golden hair but Thor thought it was more painful than playful.

"DON'T TOUCH ME," growled Thor with a gruff voice as he shoved Loki's hand away.

"Brother," said Loki and it made Thor sick to his stomach. Not the type of sick to his stomach like when he drank too much ale, but rather the type of sick to his stomach that was full of revulsion, he was revolted, absolutely revolted by Loki but the feeling made him feel so alive. Why couldn't he stop, why couldn't he get enough of Loki?

"Don't call me that," scowled Thor, even though it secretly drove him wild with passion when Loki called him "Brother," despite the fact that they both knew they were not actually brothers. That feeling, the feeling of brotherhood, had died a long time ago once they had found out they were not brothers and Loki had betrayed Thor. "You are not my brother Loki, that feeling died long ago for me, the feeling of brotherhood vanished when you betrayed me."

"Ah but you see," said Loki, who grabbed Thor's wrist like the way a mother might grab her small child on the wrist, "You knew you had it coming to you. You know that you are nothing without me, and that your thirst for me, your absolute passion for me keeps you bound to me for life. That bond is deeper than brotherhood Brother."

"One of these days you will regret that you ever broke your vows of brotherhood," said Thor threatfully, "and of love…" His massive chest heaved with heavy breaths, breathing hard from his frustration. He wanted Loki to feel threatened, he burned inside with a desire to make Loki regret the day he betrayed him.

Unfortunately that desire, the one burning inside of him, the desire to make Loki rue the day he had broken his vows to Thor…was in eternal conflict with a desire to be bonded to him by a force more powerful than hatred or love….

Steve Rogers was having one of those dreams again. It was one of those dreams that started out pleasant, a sweet dream, the sweetest of dreams because he was with Howard. Howard, who was so smart and brilliant, and also suave and sophisticated and sexy, and a lover with as much prowess in the bedroom as in the laboratory. Howard, who had helped make Steve the man he had always wanted to be, the man who made him into Captain America. Howard, who had bestowed upon Steve the shield and style that made him Captain America.

This dream was a sweet dream because it was Steve and Howard, just how it should have been…when Howard was around he felt whole, complete, like his missing half was finally complete, that Howard and he were two halves of a whole.

Then the dream turned dark, just like it always turned dark as soon as Steve was at the pinnacle of happiness and contentness. Howard was gone and the plane was crashing, it was going down and Steve knew this was the end. As the plane crashed, plummeting down into the Arctic Ocean, Steve could not bear to look. He closed his eyes even though the tears welling up in his eyes burned his eyes because he kept them closed. He would always remember his final words, "I love you Howard Stark," because he knew this was the end.

Except it wasn't the end. Somehow he had survived, frozen in ice. When he was frozen his body was preserved in the ice, and S.H.I.E.L.D. thawed him out. Then his heart had thawed out too, not literally but metaphorically, because the first thing he saw, after waking up after a 70 year's sleep, having been frozen since the 1940's and it was the 2010's decade now, was the man of his dreams…

Except it wasn't.

Steve had been all confused, S.H.I.E.L.D. had put him in a room with 1940's décor, the room was all decorated as if to trick Steve into thinking he was still in the 1940's. There was an antique radio, old ugly wallpaper, and other sorts of 1940's décor meant to decorate the room as if Steve had woken up from a bad dream and was still in the 1940's.

Except when Steve woke up from this bad dream he was not in the 1940's. He was in the 2010's. And this was the feeling he felt every time he woke up from his nightmare, the one that haunted every waking and sleeping thought he had, the pain that he had to suffer day by day.

And seeing Tony made it worse because every time Steve woke up from his dream, returned to this world from his terrible nightmare, he woke up to a reality that was worse than any dream could possibly be. Every time he saw Tony he thought that Tony was Howard, but it was not Howard, it was Tony. And Tony was nothing like his father. He was cocky, pompous, arrogant, full of himself and seemed to care for nobody else but himself…

…and he was sexy. OK that was one area in which Tony Stark resembled his father, the only area of resemblance in fact.

Every time Steve saw Tony, after waking up from his horrible dream, he had to remind himself that Tony was not his father. He was not his father at all, literally not his father but also nowhere near the man that his father was…

And it made it worse every time Steve saw Tony with Bruce. He knew he could never be the man that Bruce was. Even though Bruce was more timid he also had a wild side and not just when he became the Hulk. It made Steve sad because he felt he wasn't good enough for Tony, every day feeling saddened by the prospect of not being good enough. It was already enough of a heartbreaker to find out that Howard had moved on, not only moved on from Steve's apparent loss but to a woman at that. He wondered why he wasn't good enough. Even though Bruce never really did anything to Steve, Steve was jealous of Bruce just because of the fact that he was Tony's. He felt guilty for thinking negative thoughts about Bruce, that he was a freak, that he was a watered down version of Steve who could not control his outbursts. He knew he would be better for Tony than Bruce was. But why couldn't Tony see that? So what if Steve wasn't smart like Bruce was, he knew that Bruce and Tony talked about science all the time but there was more to that in a relationship. Maybe it was his body. Of course Steve was very well muscled and had the body of an Adonis, the body of a Greek god, and Bruce didn't have a notable body but when he turned into the Hulk he was massive. More massive than Steve could ever hope to be.

For that reason every day Steve started his day in the gym, each morning pounding the punching bag with all his might, pounding with his heavy fists, imagining that it was Tony he was pounding instead of the punching bag. Tony made him so angry and yet this anger intermingled with the passion burning inside of his heart…

Steve punched the bag so hard that it fell off the hook and broke the chain, and then he heard clapping behind him. Not actual clapping for a job well done, but a sarcastic clapping, the kind of clapping meant to mock and make fun of him. Of course he knew was behind him and didn't have to look, who else would be sarcastic and mock and make fun of him?

But he did turn around, and he saw Tony standing there smirking at him, with a mocking smirk on his face and clapping in a sarcastic fashion. Tony standing there looking so sexy, just like his father did, but with a sarcastic smirk and a mocking look. "Looks like someone has some anger management issues," chuckled Tony, laughing to himself.

"Yeah your boyfriend," snarled Steve, with a bitter bite to his voice. He could see that his biting tone stung Tony and this made him feel good, even though he felt bad for going to such a dark place. It was his only defense, of course he had super strength as a defense but this defense was for his broken heart, the one that had thawed out to find a man that stirred so many passionate feelings inside of him…

"Whoa simmer down Cap, I'm just playing," said Tony with his hands up in defeat, except Steve knew that he was the one who was defeated and not Tony. "I don't get it Rogers. Why are you so jealous of Bruce?"

"I think you know why Tony," said Steve harshly, conveying the harsh feelings inside of him, even if Tony had no idea why…

"Honestly I don't Cap," said Tony even though he knew exactly why, and was just being dishonest, "honestly I don't." Tony turned around and walked away, walking out the door of the gym.

Steve watched Tony walk away, turning around to leave the gym, and knew he was the one that was defeated and not Tony. Tony had won this round, just like he won every round. It was a sick little game that they played and Steve totally bought into it, as much as he did not want to, but he could not stop.

One day I will win the game, thought Steve to himself, his inner thoughts devouring every last thought in his mind. I will win this game and I will win you Tony.

Except the games were only just beginning and neither of them knew just how bad it would get.