I'm going to be completely honest with you, I'm not a big fan of Twilight, never have been, but I'm a fan of writing. The only reason is because I really enjoy doing. Did you know Twilight Fan-fiction is one of the most read Fan-Fictions out of any of them. And its a classic boy girl story, so easy to change, mould into something people want to read. So I come on here to write, if for no other reason. If I have to change the names of my character to 'Edward' and 'Bella' to get help with my writing, then so be it. I come on here because I need practice, I need to help, comments and to know if I am any good or not. I have nothing against Twilight, I've read the books a few times, and they are good. I'm just not into it. Sorry!

I've stopped with the writing tbh, but I remembered about it and reread it, and realized its was pretty badly written, so I've redone it, and I hope you enjoy this! I need the practice if I'm going to be any good. Thanks for the help!

BPOV

Driving my big red Chevy truck along the old, worn road, leading to Charlies, I had my doubts. Leaving Edward was something I'd been debating since my birthday. True love. Is it really a reason to be in danger? I used to think it was enough, but now? I wasn't so sure.

The thing about mine and Edward's relationship, is that everything was about passion, all of his feelings much more intense, than say, Mike Newton's. It comes with being a vampire. And sometimes, intensity is not always best. Somethings need to be taken slow, or they don;t work. And I wasn't so sure we, me and Edward, were working anymore.

I know I needed to tell him this, the things running through my mind. He could never read my mind, but we agreed to share. Which I guess was only fair, but yet another reason this wasn't working. I needed privacy, my whole life, being an only child, I just wasn't used to it. Being around vampires, I didn't feel comfortable.

My birthday was what pushed me over the edge. Made me see shit how it was. Made me realize this wasn't the life for me. Whether that meant I was with Edward or not. I didn't want this.

Sure, I love Edward. If we had met when he was human, in another life, I'd jump at the change to love him. To share my life with him. But in this life, where I was a 18 year old girl, and he was over hundred. He may look 17, but he wasn't, and I needed to remember that.

And when it came to Edward Cullen, you didn't just get Edward, you got the whole Cullen family. Bitch please, if I wanted to date his whole family, I would say so. But that's the problem; I didn't want to. I wanted him, albeit as a 17 year old human boy, not a vampire, not everything else.

I didn't want to love Rosalie, who didn't want to love me. I couldn't love Jasper, who tries so hard to not lust for my blood. I shouldn't have to love Emmett, who tries not to crush me with every hug. I hadn't wanted to love Alice, with her inability to listen to me. Carlisle and Esme, no, I won't love them. I won't see them as parents, its too hard. It's unfair on my parents, who spent 18 years raising me, just so I could ditch them for a new set? No, I wasn't a complete bitch.

It was going to be hard to tell him, but if I can't live with him, I can;t lie to him. He deserves at least a little respect. Damn, this is going to be hard.

He was there, waiting for me, it seemed like he was always waiting. Waiting for me wasn't a life for him. Waiting for me to grow old. Waiting for me to die.

I flashed him a bleak smile, as I got out of the trunk. I think he could tell something was up, he always was attuned to my feelings. More than Jasper ever was. I was going to miss him. Miss the way his eyes changed color, miss the way he looked at me like he couldn't figure out what I was thinking, how he used to touch my face, like he was memorizing it. God, and I would remember his smell until the day I died.

There it was, that look, where he was memorizing my face. Only this time, it was mixed with agony. What the hell? Agony? That made no sense. As I gazed at the emotion in his eyes, the weirdest thing happened, it disappeared, completely. Turning his once vibrant, nectar coloured eyes flat. Dull, turning them into an unattractive shade of amber.

Before I could debate the meaning behind this change, he began to speak. "Would you like to go for a walk with me?" His usual lulling tones, with the undercurrent of pure music, were duller, flatter. Just like his eyes.

He held out his hand, in a gesture that didn't make his eyes. We walked a few hundred meters in silence. It was all totally confusing. Nothing went together in my head, the way it should. Why was he being so quiet? What was with his eyes? His voice? Like he was taking a burden on himself, one I wasn't quite clear on yet. I'd find out.

We got deeper into the forest, bringing us to a glade, free of flowers, just low hanging evergreens, filling the glade with the sent of winter. The grass was a deep green, the color of grass in the movies. Vines climbed into the overhanging branches, cutting off the oxygen, creeping their way into the space.

As he turned towards me, I took in his eyes. No change. I guess I was hoping they'd have changed back to their normal, enchanting colour. This may sound melodramatic, but I didn't want the lest time I saw him to be this. I wanted his eyes to be bright, enlightened with the knowledge that I was doing what was best, that he'd always have a place in his heart for me, no matter what. The unspoken promise that we would see each other again, whether it be in 5 years, or on my death bed. That he doesn't ever forget me.

I didn't want this impersonal Edward. The one with dull eyes. And as long as his eyes were dull, I don't think I was ready to let go.

I stayed silent, knowing he was working things out in his head, knowing that whatever was bothering would come out of him when he was ready. I stayed silent, completely still, like that for 7 minutes. I thought at one point he had forgotten I was even there.

"Bella, we're leaving." His voice cold and emotionless.

Just like that, all of my breath whooshed out of me, leaving me completely speechless. I opened my mouth once, twice, three times, but nothing came out. I stood there, like a fish, trying to find the words, any words that would make any rational sense in this conversation.

"Wha-?" I coughed, clearing my throat and started again. "What do you mean 'we'?" There, I got it out. I'm not so sure my voice was steady, but what are you going to do?

He ran his hands through is hair, making the light catch it. Oh, did I mention I was going to miss his hair?

"My family and I, Bella. We are leaving Forks. And not coming back." Keeping his voice dull, it sounded like he couldn't even have the common decency to pretend to care. He was going to drop a bombshell, I could tell from his posture, from the way he looked at me, with those emotionless eyes. "And you're not coming with us."

"Why?" I had to ask, even if I didn't have any thoughts about going. I just needed to hear him say why, to see if he was lying to my face.

He took a deep breath, one he didn't need. "I don't love you anymore."

What I couldn't get my head around was why. If he didn't love me anymore, he wouldn't have sucked the venom out, wouldn't have stop Jasper from killing me. And he didn't love me? There must be a reason as to why he was feeding me this crap.

I turned my face upwards, towards the overhanging branches. The sun was falling lower in the sky, creeping towards the horizon, the birds soaring up, free. I wanted to be free. Free of this obligation to everyone. I wanted to be me, is that so much to ask?

"Well, this makes my job a lot easier." I muttered under my breath. I'm not entirely sure if I forgot about his super hearing, or whether I wanted him to hear. It didn't matter. He's heard me.

His head whipped towards me, away from the ground, where his gaze had been fixed. "Job?" His flat eyes were searching my face, trying to read my thoughts. Apparent he came up with a blank, because when I didn't answer, he asked again. "Bella? What job?"

I sighed. "Might as well kill two birds with one stone." Again, this was muttered. And again, he heard. "Could you take me to your family?" I asked.

He didn't say a word. His eyes searching, fixated on my face. "What job?" He asked again through clenched teeth. He wasn't going to let this go, so I played the guilt card.

"I'll explain. But only when they are there to hear it." When he looked like he was going to refuse, I tried one last time. "You brought be out here to let me you don't love me, you own me at least this."

He stood perfectly still, then out of no where, at vampire speed, swept me off my feet. The rush, it was so familiar that it scared me, I guess I would miss it. Even if it made me want to empty my stomach of all its content. I would miss it.

As the green of the forest blared together around us, I felt as if it was just us two, in our own bubble, invisible to the world. I savoured it, one last time. It was over too quickly.

As we landed at the lone white mansion, all the good memories played out within 3 seconds in my mind. The first time he brought me here, the make over sessions with Alice, when he played the piano for me, my birthday; the first part, at least. But I refused link my birthday with the good memories. That's not what I wanted to remember when I thought of this place.

I stepped away from Edward, and made my way slowly towards the house. The front door opened, as six vampire glided gracefully onto the porch to meet me. Their six faces as blank as the seventh.

I stopped before I got too close, the closer I was, the harder it made it. I wanted it to be easy, it was only fair. But life was never fair. Of course it would be one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

I pulled my gaze away from them and forced myself to look at Edward. He looked pained. When he saw he looking, he wiped his face, making him appear like the statue I know he could be. God, he was even more un-lifelike than he was normally. Crap, this makes it harder.

I decided to address each of them, well, at least I planned to. In my head it all worked out perfectly, we'd see if that that the case afterwards.

I took a deep breath. "Carlisle." I started with his first, it was only right, since he was the head of the house. "Everything you'vr done for me- I can't even begin to express how much it means to me. And I'd be proud to call you my father. But, Carlisle, I have a father. It's okay, you can stop. I'll be okay." I finished off.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding, as I gave him a look that I poured all my feelings for him into. The compassion, the gratitude, the appreciation I felt for him, telling him I'd be okay. In turn, his eyes filled with all the compassion he felt for me, the gratitude, and the appreciation for loving his son. I saw that he knew I'd be okay, that he was telling me to go and live, the way he couldn't.

I smiled and him, and turned to Esme. "Oh, Esme." I sighed. "I think I'm going to miss you a hell of a lot. You were a great mother, remember that, yeah? You never failed, and I'm so grateful for everything you've done for me. But I already have a mother. I'll always be okay without you. But don't get me wrong, I'll miss you, so much."

Vampires can't cry, but her eyes grew shiny, and I'd like to think, if she could cry, she would be. I flashed her a watery smile. I wasn't crying yet, but I know by the time this was wrapped up I would be.

"Emmett." I smiled at him "You are, hands down the most awesome person I've met in a long time. Don't change for anything, you got that? I'm going to miss you. I don't know what I'm going to do without your jokes, but I'll be okay." I kept it short and simple, just like his personalty.

He shot me a huge grin, as was Emmett's custom. His eyes were shining to, but I wasn't sure it was sadness. He winked and I knew he's be fine.

Right, this next one was going to be painful. I looked at her in the face, and she knew what I was going to say, but it didn't stop them.

"Alice." I started. "This physically hurts, you know that right?" I paused, gathering my thoughts. "I hope you know how much you mean to me, because I'm going to miss you so much. Everything you've done for me. You know I'm calling you my best friend, for the rest of my life, because no one's going to top you. I love you. I'll be okay without you, I hope."

Her eyes were watery, and she smiled so big, and so sad, it almost undid me. I was going to miss her so much.

There was even more silence. I cast my gaze over the blond southerner. "Jasper." I said "Jasper, Jasper, Jasper. I really don't know what to say. What am I going to do without someone knowing exactly how I'm feeling?" I grinned at him, and he grinned back. I could still see the guiult in his eyes, remaining from my birthday. "I owe you an apology, sorry fo making you feel guilty. And Incase you think you have something to be sorry for, I forgive you, yeah?. I'll miss you. But I'll be okay."

We shared a look, one that let each other know were we forgiven and that we wouldn't forget each other. I took at deep breath and turned to the blonde haired beauty.

"Rosalie" I started. She gaxed at me with cool indifference, and it pissed me off. Why was she not happier? This is what she wanted all long, was it not? Why did she always have to have a problem?

I laughed, enough with over thinking things, I'd just do it, she could take it.

She raised a perfectly sulphured eyebrow and bit one cherry lip. "What do you want?"

"Oh, Rosalie, I have a lot to say about you. Some good, some not so much, but if I'm think right, you can take it." I imitated her, the raised eyebrow, biting my lip, mirroring the ice queen.

I didn't dare glace at anyone else, lest my emotions get the better of me."To be honest, you're a bitch. And I think you know this." I gave her a look which said come one, you know it's true. "If it wasn't, you wouldn't talk about me like I'm not there. You're love yourself, and its perfectly reasonable, if I looked like you, I would too. But it doesn't mean you have to treat people like they don't matter."

I stopped and forced myself to look at her, truly. I was surprised with what I found, understanding. It make the next bit easier.

"Look, you hate me because I'm human; I'm choosing to be with Edward. But I'm not anymore. I'm choosing everything you wanted, the reason why you disliked me so much. I'm picking a human life, with children, a husband, grey hair, wrinkles, death and heaven." And then something appeared in the ice Queens eyes, something I'd never even begin to imagine seeing there; respect.

"Why?" she said quietly. Barely a whisper.

I put it into my eyes, so she'd know, so she'd understand, so she'd comfort Edward long after I was gone, when the guilt got to him. "Why? Simply, because I was in love, you understand that, right?" She barely nodded her head, a slight indication that she got me.

"How can I explain this? That feeling, when you first realise it, the simple feeling that you're flying. Almost like there is no way in hell you can fall, because you'd always get caught." It was all a little too much, actually getting your thoughts out. The pain was there, the pain that builds up in your chest when you try to hold back tears.

But I carried on, even when the first tear fell. "Trust me, even when you feel like that, in love, you can fall, and when there is no one there catch you, that is when it hurts like hell. You realise you are falling and its unavoidable." More tears were following that one, streaming down my cheeks, dripping off to fall onto my t-shirt. "You just have to deal with it."

I was crying now. And I was so angry at myself for getting like this, I forced myself to stop. It was hard, but cutting of a sob, I squared my shoulders, and stood up straight. Rosalie's lips twitched slightly.

"Bella, what do you want?" she asked, not at all to spite me, but to genuinely ask me what I wanted. It was a genuine question, and she deserved an honest answer; and I was going to give her one.

"Trust me there are many things I want. Some are easy to achieve, some not so much. But I'll get it all, one day." I answered her. I continued. "The one of the things I want is something I have to give up to get achieves the rest of the list." I took a deep breath. I'd been working myself up to this.

I turned towards Edward, the thing I couldn't have, but wanted, maybe even needed, the one thing that was forbidden, out of reach. I wanted him, but the other things on my list meant more; having children, growing old, dying a natural death. Why give up 20 things for one? It just wasn't logical. But God, I wanted him.

"You." I breathed. I stared into his eyes, some distant emotion he was working so hard to try to keep hidden. "I want you. Even if you don't want me anymore. But you've got to understand, I've come to realise, there are things I want more." Well, at least quantity out weighted quality this time. I tried to explain, but I wasn't sure he was getting it.

"I want a real life, go to university, get a real job, move to the city, get married, have children, grandchildren, and to die an old age." I listed off, not trying to make him feel bad, just giving him the truth. "And I will never have those things with you. And I'm tired, so tired of trying to convince myself that's okay with me. It's not."

I turned to look at them all. "And I think I'm ready to give you all up, because without a future, what's the point of living?"

I raised a hand to them and stepped back. "Well, I've got to go and live my life." I gave they a watery smile, and took another step back. I don't think I was ready to have my last look. Knowing I'd never see them again.

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, ready to have a final look and to leave, content with that much. As I opened my eyes, I gasped, because it wasn't what i expected. Instead of a family stood by the door, I was looking into deep gold eyes.

Edwards.

Except now they weren't empty, dull and flat. They were filled with anger, dinale, greif, and a whole lot of pain. These weren't the emotions I excepted from someone who just told me they didn't love me.

"Edward?" I breathed. Not able to pull my gaze away.

Edward fell to his knees, holding my by the forearms, and I fell with him. We were both kneeling, gazes locked. His head dropped to my shoulder, burring his head into the curve of my neck, breathing my scent in.

I rested my cheek on his head, my nose in his hair, breathing him in. And if I was being completely honest with myself at that moment, I didn't know how I would live without him. But blocking all thoughts out of my head, we just stayed there, for what felt like a life time, and yet wasn't quite long enough.

As I pulled away, his warm breath brushed my bare neck, goose bumps erupted all over my skin. His breath was surprisingly warm, compared to the chill in the air.

"Bella." Sounding like a pray being carried on the wind. I closed my eyes, looking for strength.

I opened them and pulled away, looking at him. "You understand?" I asked him.

Nodding his head once, to let me know that he did. "If this is what I wanted, then why is it so hard?" he asked himself quietly. "Bella." He said to me. "I should be happy, I should want you to have everything you want. To lead a normal life." He took a deep breath. "I planned this, why I told you I didn;t love you." He paused.

Suddenly, understanding dawned. He loved me. He just wanted me to be okay with him leaving me. But now I was leaving him, he didn't want me to think he hadn't love him.

"You don't know how much that means to me." I smiled. Knowing he loved me would get me through the long nights when he should have been with me. To know that it was as read for him as it was for me.

"I'd do anything for you to be happy. Even if that means you have to leave me. I understand." He stated.

I was tired, so tired of worrying, so tired of thinking everything through over and over again in my head. "Oh, Edward, I'm going to miss everything about you."I put my hand on his cheek, gazing lovingly into his eyes. "You will always be the love of my life. But I'm finally doing what Rosalie wanted me to do."

I looked over his shoulder, individually looking at each Cullen, taking in every detail to save for later, when I was feeling alone.

Carlisle, and his handsome face, the compassion in his eyes. Emse's classic beauty, her caramel hair and loving smile.

Jasper's handsome face, golden hair and constant understanding. Alice's sweetness, her dark beauty, and the looking her eyes that promised to make everything better.

Emmet's giant form, his little boy dimples and the mischief in his eyes. Rosalie's breath taking face, her charming smile and pose that knew nothing to get to her.

I looked my love in the face, one last time. I smiled at him, forcing the tears form my eyes, putting everything I had felt for him into my smile.

His eyes were shining. But this time, instead of anger and hurt, it was love and understanding. I knew I was the love of his life.

They'd be alright, I was just a short chapter in their long lives and in two hundred years when I was long gone, they'd reminisce about me with fond memories, and talk about Edward's girl. And wonder if I'd gotten everything I wanted; kids, a husband. And maybe visit me, put flowers on my grave and be happy for me, that I got the life I always wanted.

"I'm finally letting you go."

I think I'm going to rewrite all of this story, and maybe finish it. I'll give me something to do now exams are over, something to do over summer. Let me know what you think of the new and improved version.

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