"Sir, can I come in?" She asked knocking on the Super's door.
"Of course, Nikki."
"I would like some time off." She had asked a moment later, after the pleasantries.
"Is everything at home all right, Nikki?" John Heaton asked.
"No, and that's why I need to change it." She replied, grateful that he didn't ask any more questions.
Today, holding Adam's hand and comforting him while he died, was painful. It was never an easy task, watching someone die, but knowing that it was coming had made it so much harder. His words kept going through her head; his words about being happy in life, and doing what would make you happy.
After he had passed, and the debrief, she had sat in her office and instead of doing the paperwork that she was meant to be doing, her brain had swirled around.
She couldn't seem to lie to herself any longer. Her relationship with Doug wasn't working anymore. If she was truthful, it hadn't been working in years. That was the main push for her to get the Sun Hill post; they had hoped that it would make them closer. Yet it hadn't. Their problems hadn't gone away like they had hoped. They had stabilized, but the problems were still there, were always there, they just didn't talk about them.
It had all come to a head when Doug had gotten stabbed and Billy had died. It had been in that moment, when Doug had asked her to lie for him – for him and Billy, he had said — when Nikki knew without doubt that it could never be the same again.
Yet she had stayed with him. She had to. What was she going to do, file for divorce and risk losing the stability that she had, even if it meant being unhappy? And then there were the kids to think about.
Maybe that's why the affair with Diane had started. It had never been intentional, but that day in the hospital bathroom, when Diane had found her and Nikki had told her everything Doug had asked of her. Diane had been so angry at Doug for putting her in that position. For Nikki, it seemed to fall into place instantly why Diane was so angry. Then and there she had kissed her, and after a moment Diane had kissed her back. She knew then what she had possibly known since Doug had asked her. No, she was not going to lie for him, and that it was over with him.
Yet watching Adam die today had stirred something inside her. He had been gay and his one regret was not finding a loved one. Yet here she was locked into an unhappy relationship and having an affair. What was really important in life? Being in an unhappy relationship just because it was 'safe'? Her experience today told her no…
A moment later she got up; she knew exactly what she had to do. As the super told her to come in, her knees shook a tiny bit at the thought of what she was about to do, but then she remembered the reason and walked through the door.
"Nikki" Diane exclaimed quickly shutting the door behind the women that had started to walk down to the all familiar lounge room.
As Diane sat down, Nikki spoke up.
"Di, what do you feel for me? Is this just a fling or is there something more?"
Nikki watched her lover. She could see the shock in her eyes, and with baited breath she waited for the answer.
"Are you going to be angry at me?" Diane asked, trying to give herself a moment.
"Never." Nikki gently whispered.
"Nikki, when we started out I liked you, sure, I really did. You're attractive and an amazing person. I know we had a rule that it was only sex, but I broke that rule months ago, Nikki."
Nikki's body shook. "What exactly are you saying Diane?"
"I love you, Nikki."
Nikki was silent for a minute; she had to get this right.
"Di, I think I broke that rule as well." Nikki whispered shakily.
The next thing Nikki knew, Diane was beside her, kissing her passionately. Yet a moment later they were apart.
"What happened at work today?" Diane asked stoking some hair out of Nikki's eye.
"I held a guy until he died. He was talking about doing what you really want to in life, to be happy. And lately I haven't been happy in most of my life, the exception being when I am with you."
"Nikki, what are you saying?"
"I'm going to divorce Doug tonight."
"Nikki…"
"Di I am sure about this and please don't feel guilty. You are the reason, but it was bad before you came along. You're not making me do this."
The bag was packed. Nikki took one last glance around the room that she used to share with Doug, now it never would be again. The talk with Doug had been hard, but not something that shocked him horribly. He had seen it coming and agreed that it would be for the best. The hardest part had been dealing with the kids, but she knew they would come around eventually. Yet it wasn't until twenty minutes later she was being hugged by Diane, that she really feel that yes, this was right.