Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Warnings: Slash, potential spoilers for season 5 of supernatural or AU.
Pairings: Dean/Castiel
Beta: CatJetRat
A/N1: Okay! First attempt at a Supernatural fanfic. Hope it will go well. I should warn you that only reviews will keep this story alive.
Chapter 1
It was the deep hour of the night, but Dean couldn't sleep. He had gone out of the room of the small roadside inn that he and Sam shared. Half seated on the trunk of his car, his mind was racing back to the last few hours. By some miracle, they'd found themselves on a plane just as Lucifer was breaking free from his prison. They had actually seen, from up in the air, the church exploding in light.
Upon landing, he and Sam hadn't talked much, they had simply agreed to go find the Impala and head out to Chuck's house in hopes of finding out what to do for now; if anything could be done.
Thoughts of what had happened the last couple of days plagued Dean and he was fairly certain that Sam was in a similar situation, but at least he seemed able to sleep a little. It was a relief that no signs of withdrawal had appeared yet. Dean dreaded the moment his brother started craving the high and the power the demonic blood offered him.
"So much has changed," Dean said, his brow furrowed. He glanced up. The stars were curiously visible. The night was a bit chilly but almost pleasant. There was still no real indication that the end of days was just around the corner.
Almost a year had passed since he had been brought back from the depths of Hell. He remembered how content he had felt when he had escaped the clutches of the demonic torturer, even though it had taken him some time to remember his terrible sojourn in the pits. He couldn't help but reminiscence about the relief he had felt upon seeing Bobby and Sam, and he smiled, a sad smile, at the memory of how the both of them had reacted upon seeing him. Not that he could blame them. They were hunters and they knew what kinds of evil were out there and how those evils preyed upon the weaknesses of humans.
Yes, it felt good to be back, but that was only a fleeting thing in his world. Then the angels had come into the picture and things had gotten even more out of control. Thinking back, he would have never thought that things could have turned out this way. He had, deep in his heart, nurtured the hope that eventually they would get the demon that had killed their mother and then maybe, just maybe they could have had a semblance of normality in their lives, especially Sam.
Yeah, like that could ever happen after having witnessed everything we have. You can't go back to normal once you have seen what is out there.
Still, the escalation of the war had been something he had never imagined. It was one thing to be a hunter, moving from place to place trying to exterminate the evil creatures that stalk humanity. It was quite another to be a pivotal chess piece in a war that could very well consume the world. The mere thought of it was...overwhelming. The whole situation was out of their league. He had never felt so powerless. If that wasn't enough, his memories of his stay in hell came back full force, filling him with despair and pain for all the things he had done there. He could not escape himself. Then, he learned that the true cause of all that was happening was none other than his actions during his time in hell.
oOo Flashback oOo
He woke up in a hospital bed, feeling every wound and broken bone. His throat felt like it had been ripped off. Glancing about his eyes caught sight of Castiel's figure almost slumped on the chair beside his bed. The angel seemed deeply troubled, even sad, the lines of his face edged more deeply than he had seen them before.
"Are you all right?" Castiel asked, before turning to face the wounded man.
"No thanks to you," Dean replied. His voice was coming out with difficulty.
"You need to be more careful," the angel said. Dean heard the concern in his voice, but there was something else as well, something he couldn't place.
"You need to learn how to manage a damned Devil's trap," Dean coughed.
Castiel shook his head. "That is not what I mean." After a short pause he added, "Uriel is dead."
Good, never liked the bastard.
"Was it the demons?"
"It was disobedience .He was working against us," the angel responded.
Dean could hear the anger in his voice. He managed a slight nod. He took a deep breath, trying to compose himself. He knew he had to ask, but he had a feeling that he wouldn't like the answer.
"Is it true? Did I break the first seal? Did I start all this?"
Castiel peered into the man's pleading eyes, part of him unwilling to answer.
"Yes."
The hunter squeezed his eyes shut as if in pain, but the pain wasn't just physical.
"When we discovered Lilith's plan for you we laid siege to Hell and we fought our way to get to you before you-"
"Jump started the apocalypse." Dean nodded.
"We were too late," Castiel said regretfully.
"Why didn't you just leave me there then?" the hunter asked, anger lacing his voice.
The face of the angel softened. "It is not blame that falls on you Dean. It is fate."
After a brief pause, Castiel continued, knowing that the hunter should be aware of what was expected of him, at least part of it. "The righteous man who begins it is the only one who can finish it. YOU have to stop it."
Dean's eyes widened. "Lucifer? The apocalypse? What does that mean?" he asked almost pleadingly.
Castiel averted his gaze.
"Hey!" Dean protested "Don't you go disappearing on me you son of a bitch!"
The angel turned back to him, his eyes peering into his, "I don't know."
"Bull!" the hunter protested.
"I don't. They don't tell me much. I just know our fate rests with you."
Dean turned away from the piercing blue orbs that seemed to penetrate his soul. "Then you are screwed," he muttered.
He could feel a burning sensation develop in the center of his chest. His eyes burned.
"I can't do it Cas." A single tear traced its way down his left cheek. "It's too big."
oOo Flashback oOo
Dean had never been a person to run from his responsibilities; he was no coward, but that time, that one time, the weight of it all had broken him. He had started the apocalypse and he couldn't live with himself; it was too much.
Its not blame that falls on you Dean, it is fate.
The words of the angel rang in his mind. Castiel had helped him so much; he had risked everything to give Dean a chance at succeeding in averting the end of the world, and he had failed.
We will all be hunted down. We will all be killed.
Cas had warned him of the risk they were taking, of the risk he was taking. In the end the angel had but all his trust on him, staying behind to hold off the archangel in order for Dean to reach his brother in time.
"And what a banged up job I have done!" Dean muttered.
He had failed in every single thing since his return. He had managed to disappoint everyone that had believed in him, everyone that had any expectations of him, and what was even worse, the consequences of his and his brother's actions would result in the end of the world. They had doomed humanity.
"It would have been better if I had never returned," he whispered, his face contorted into a mask of profound pain and internal turmoil.
The righteous man who begins it is the only one who can stop it.
"Damn it Cas!" he snarled, but somehow, the presence of the angel in his head gave him comfort, even if it was just a memory.
Deep down Dean knew that despite everything he felt, he had to keep going, no matter what. Even if there was only a glimmer of hope that he could do something to stop, even now, the destruction of the world, he had to take action. He had to keep going, even if everything he did was to no avail. He had to try, one last time. He had one last chance to defeat the great evil and that meant finding Castiel first.
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A/N2: If you like it, review and tell me. If you dont, review and tell me ^^
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