Fighting Desire
part 1
At sixteen, Leonardo's world became a confusing kaleidoscope of change.
His mind and body, which he had held under such rigid control his entire life, seemed to be pulling against themselves. Leo understood perfectly that his physical reaction to certain stimuli was hormonally based; he was after all, a teenager.
Leo also understood that because he was a strange mutated being, his choice for dealing with his needs was very limited. He easily made the transition towards comprehending that his hand was just another tool to be used as necessary.
The problems began when his mind told him that was not enough. He fought those thoughts during meditation, willing himself to accept the reality of his existence and that fate was not something he could circumvent.
More and more though, the act of pleasurable and necessary relief became a burdensome activity. In the beginning, the touch of his hand and a few quick strokes took care of the painfully extended problem. In a short period of time he found that he also required mental stimulation in order to acquire a much needed release.
Once again he could only fault his mutation for the difficulties he began to have with that. It was the only conclusion he was able to arrive at when reasoning out what was happening to him. The time and effort spent to reach this logical conclusion did nothing to assuage his guilt. The guilt did not help with his attempts to push past what Leo could only hope was a phase.
In short, Leonardo was becoming physically attracted to his brothers.
He dreamt about them, waking to find that he was fully aroused. When he smelled their individual scent as one of them walked past him it would send him scurrying to the bathroom to relieve the sudden tension between his legs.
Touching any of them often led to an abrupt quiver of desire, wholly unexpected and unwanted.
Behind locked doors, Leo worked feverishly to bring himself off without thinking about them. He tried other mental images, women and men alike because he didn't define his own sexuality. None of them worked. He imagined every type of scenario; every type of kink that he'd ever seen or read about. None of that helped.
Into his mind would come unbidden the sight of Michelangelo's firm hips, or Raphael's flexing biceps, or Donatello's pristine plastron and a guttural cry would be wrenched from his lips as he leaped over the final hurdle.
Leonardo would pant and shake after each release. He would curse his weakness and his lack of control. He would lament his inability to bring the focus he was famous for into the equation. He would pray that his family never find out.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
For several months Master Splinter had been acutely aware that something had changed with his sons. Leonardo was withdrawn, his emotions masked even from his Father. Donatello was anxious, spending more time outside of his lab, yet jumpy when around the others.
Raphael's moods began to swing like a pendulum, prone to bellicosity and just as quick to fall into fits of dark depression. Michelangelo seemed perplexed and in need of constant company, shifting between brothers in an attempt to find one who would share their time with him.
As was his habit since the boys had grown older, Master Splinter had turned to the oldest for an explanation. Leonardo could not provide him with one, or would not; it was difficult for the aged sensei to determine that answer from his star pupil.
If they were suffering from a serious malady, Master Splinter knew that Donatello would have approached him to speak of it. His most intelligent son did not do so and that led Master Splinter to only one logical conclusion.
His children had reached the point in puberty where their hormones were most active.
He could see that Leonardo was being much harder on himself than the situation warranted. Master Splinter knew that his oldest was something of a perfectionist and the changes inside of him were causing him an overwhelming amount of stress.
There were a few things that offered Leonardo enjoyment, but none of them appeared to hold his attention. It was at this point that Master Splinter decided that Leonardo required something that he did not have on Earth. The company of a good friend.
As he had done once before, Master Splinter reached out to Miyamoto Usagi.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Leonardo-san," Usagi said happily as he stepped through the portal into his friend's home.
"Usagi!" Leo cried out in surprise, rushing forward to meet the ronin.
"It has been too long," Usagi told him. "How has life treated you since we last met?"
"Well," Leo answered. "And you? Do you still serve Lord Noriyuki?"
Usagi laughed lightly. "My position is quite unique for a samurai as Lord Noriyuki is both Lord and friend. It affords me many freedoms, for which I am most grateful."
Leo smiled. "One of those freedoms is finding the time to come for a visit?"
"Exactly," Usagi said with a bow.
"Usagi! Hey guys, Usagi is here!" Mikey yelled, racing down the stairs to greet their friend.
Don came out of his lab and Raph stepped out of his bedroom. Leaping to the floor below without bothering with the stairs, Raph reached their guest at the same time as Mikey.
"What, no Gen this time?" Raph asked with a touch of humor.
Usagi shook his head. "Gennosuke has undertaken the duties of elite bodyguard to Lord Noriyuki. He quite relishes his job. When travel is required, it is done in the most comfortable manner possible, he has a suite of his own within Lord Noriyuki's palace, and he never misses a meal."
Mikey laughed. "Where can I sign up?"
"I do not think you would find my world entertaining enough Michelangelo," Usagi said with a smile. "There we do not have television or microwave popcorn."
"And no baseball," Raph added.
Master Splinter joined them and greeted Usagi warmly. He quickly instructed Michelangelo to move in with Raphael and it was arranged that Usagi would have the youngest brother's room during his visit.
There were many opportunities for Usagi and Leo to be alone together in the following days. Usagi did not tell his friend that the visit had been arranged by Master Splinter. He could see for himself the changes in his kame friend.
Usagi kept his observations quiet until he was sure of what he was seeing. Three days into his visit, Usagi and Leonardo were alone together atop a building as they watched the boats out in the harbor. Both of them rested their arms on the low wall that surrounded the rooftop, enjoying the cool breeze that blew off of the water.
"Leonardo, something troubles you," Usagi said, turning to look at his friend. "You have been most amiable during my visit, but I can see that a part of you is withdrawn. If you need to talk to someone, I can assure you that I would never break a confidence."
Leo's eyes remained turned to the harbor for several silent moments and then he glanced at Usagi.
"I'm sorry for being a bad host, Usagi. Letting my worries affect your visit is unforgiveable," Leo said.
"On the contrary, you have been a most thoughtful host, Leonardo-san," Usagi replied. "I would like to think that I am friend enough for you to share your burden without a feeling of guilt."
Leo laughed lightly. "You are indeed a great friend and one with whom I would find comfort in discussing my troubles, if I could define them. Perhaps it is merely a phase I am going through."
"Phase?" Usagi asked.
Turning to lean his carapace against the low wall, Leo crossed his arms over his plastron and sighed. "Growth and change," he explained. "I suppose I'm feeling . . . restless."
"Ah," Usagi murmured, scanning the skyline. "This city is vast and holds much excitement, but it is of a type you are familiar with. In contrast, my life as a ronin is unpredictable and rarely safe. I enjoy my visits with you here because it provides a needed change. Might not the opposite hold true for you?"
That got Leo's attention. Looking hard at Usagi, he asked, "Are you proposing I come visit your world?"
"Why not?" Usagi straightened, standing tall as he observed his friend. "As you told me, most of your enemies have been vanquished and your family is well-equipped to care for themselves for a short period. Return with me to my world and travel for a time in my company. There are many dangerous duties that I perform for Lord Noriyuki and having someone I trust at my back would be most advantageous."
"You think to cure my boredom with adventure, Usagi?" Leo asked with a slight twinkle in his amber eyes.
"If the malaise you suffer is indeed boredom, then yes, Leonardo," Usagi answered. "I will also admit that my life is often quite lonely and your companionship would be most welcome. Gen no longer cares to relinquish his new found comforts to travel with me," he added with a laugh.
A thoughtful expression crossed Leo's face and Usagi waited. He had often thought of Leonardo during his travels and had frequently imagined what it would be like to have his friend at his side. They were so much alike that even though they were ninja and samurai, Usagi felt a deep kinship with the kame.
Over time he had begun to feel something more as well. If Usagi could persuade Leonardo to journey with him, then it was possible Usagi could find an opportunity to pursue those feelings.
"I will have to ask Master Splinter's permission," Leo finally said, "but I can't imagine his denying my request. I would enjoy travelling with you in your world, Usagi. I think it might be exactly what I need."
The friends smiled at one another. Behind their smiles lay two separate agendas.
TBC…