I'm not sure if I want to continue this. If I do, I'm gonna need a LOT of motivation. I'll continue if I get reviews telling me to :)

Anyway, this is kind of an experimental fic because I wanted a darker, edgier side to Bella and Edward, who belong to Twilight, which I don't own. I wanted Bella's innocence, and Edward's feelings of being a monster and a bad person to stay the same though. So here we go :)

There had never been a time she hadn't loved him.

Since she was a small baby, he had been her protector, her friend; something of a big brother to her. When her parents screamed abuse each night, it was him she'd call. When she fell off her bike and skinned her knees, it was him she asked for.

The night her mother died, he held her and wiped her eyes and brushed her hair back and cooled her face. When she finally slept, she whispered his name.

Bella's love for Edward had started off as the love that a sister might have for a brother. Later on, she loved him as a friend. Then a crush. But now...

She was cruel to herself. She thought about him every hour of everyday. She dreamed about him. He was all she thought of, and the cruelty in it was that she knew it was one sided.

She had seen the girls. Dark haired, delicate beauties, dancing into his bedroom and dancing back out again. She envied them in every way possible. They were outgoing and mysterious and smelled of smoke and sandalwood. They captured Edward's heart when she couldn't.

Bella was at his house so often, she may as well have lived there. Her clothes were thrown around the flat, and her toothbrush was in the holder in the bathroom, and the juice that only she liked was in the fridge.

Laying on the couch, watching Amelie, she could hear Edward and the last girl faintly. She hummed softly to herself and tapped her fingernails against the coffee table until she heard the click of the bedroom door and saw the girl step out, smoothing her wild hair. She looked up suddenly, right into Bella's eyes.

"Who the hell are you?"

Bella blinked and sat up. "I'm Bella."

The girl swore softly, pulling out a ciggarette and lighting it before strolling out the door.

When she heard the shower start, Bella lay back down to finish watching her movie.

A few moments later, she heard Edward's voice calling her from his bedroom. She got up and gently pushed open the door.

Edward stood at the window in just a pair of dark wash jeans, towelling his bronze hair.

"You staying tonight?" He asked in his calm, level voice.

"If that's ok?" Bella still felt shy about staying overnight at Edward's place. She had known him since birth, but she still felt bad when she didn't arrange things first.

Edward chuckled, tossing his damp towel over the desk chair, shaking his disheveled bronze hair.

"Bella, you're my best friend. You don't need to send me a letter to formally ask me to stay over or anything." He had the same conversation with her every time she stayed over, but each time made him smile as he watched her blush and hide behind her hair.

"Yeah, I know. But one day you're gonna get sick of me being here all the time, and-"

"Not possible." He pulled her into a hug, lifting her off her feet.

Secretly, she breathed in the scent of his skin, but smelt the other girl on him still. She pulled away and made herself comfortable back on the couch as Edward pulled on a black shirt.

He made coffee (he still made the best coffee she had ever tasted) and she tried to concentrate on the movie, but her mind kept wandering back to that girl...

Who the hell are you?

I'm Bella...

"Bella, I know you saw her come out of my room, like the others." Bella nearly choked on her drink. It was unlike Edward to broach this subject. In fact, they had never spoken about the girls that came in and out his room.

"Okay," she replied in a small voice, looking down at the last few sips of her coffee, wishing they could talk about anything other than this.

"And I..." Edward paused, trying to find words. He pulled at a lose thread on the hem of his shirt.

Bella didn't want to hear any of it. She didn't want to hear what he did with them, or feelings he had for them, or any identification of who these women were. But she was his friend. She was so close to him, she felt his pain as her own. She knew he had to talk about it.

She swatted his hand away before he unraveled his shirt. "You what?"

He let out his breath in a gust that tingled against her face. "I don't want you to think less of me because of it."

Bella watched his eyes dart around the room.

"I don't," she replied firmly. "I really don't."

"I mean, it's just that when I-"

"Edward, you don't need to explain it to me. I don't judge you for it." she spoke softly, her voice barely reaching him at the other end of the sofa. "I'd be a pretty crap friend if I did."

"I don't know what I'd do without you, Bells." He looked up and smiled, making her heart leap in her chest.

She smiled back before turning off the movie and washing their mugs out. "You'd probably drown in all the goddamn dishes. Do you seriously ever clean anything around here?" Bella wrinkled her nose, spotting a crunchy looking bowl.

"You're here often enough," Edward laughed. "Why don't youclean them?"

Edward watched her push his cat, Sweeney, away with her foot. "I clean pretty much everything else in this house, Ward. Including my own dishes."

Edward made a high pitch mimic of her scolding him, earning a smack with the wet tea towel.

"I am so hungry," Bella complained, glad she and Edward were back to how they were before. She grabbed her stomach and groaned as it grumbled.

Edward laughed and shrugged. "Well, I don't know, B. If I'm gonna get us some food, I'll need somebody to do those dishes. Don't want ecolon or anything."

Bella snorted. "Ecoli, genius. And God, you're an ass sometimes, Ed."

"But you love me anyway, right?" Edward pulled a cheesy grin.

"No. I'm about ready to knock you unconscious with the remote, roll you under the couch with my foot and let the goddamn cat slowly devour your facial features."

"Well, I love you," He smiled, making her heart jump again. "Come on, B. Let's blow this joint and get some Chinese." Edward stood up and jingled his keys.

Bella laughed softly, grabbing her coat and shoes.