Carrie sits at a cafe just a few doors down from the CIA's Berlin station, doesn't like the openness of the location but it couldn't be avoided. At least she's done with the disguise, no longer an immediate target. Yet she still feels anxious out in the open, sips at her coffee nervously as she waits.
FInally she sees Saul leave the station, walk towards her. He joins her at the table, gives her a silent nod.
"Everything's on track," he says quietly, leaning towards her. "Now we wait for her to make a move."
Carrie nods, exhales in relief. Things are finally coming together, the pieces falling into place. Though she doesn't exactly have her life back yet, she thinks there's hope. And then she can finally turn her mind to that other problem, the one she's tried her best to avoid thinking about for days. Her missing Quinn.
But for now, Saul looks like he still has something to say so she tilts her head at him, gives him a questioning look.
And then he says the last thing she could have expected, maybe the best words she's ever heard. Like he heard her thoughts, she was broadcasting them so loudly.
"I thought you should know, Quinn is okay," he says, in short clipped words.
Carrie feels her eyebrows hit the roof, her heart skip a beat.
"You've seen him?" she asks, incredulous. She needs eye witness evidence, something to believe in.
"He's in the building right now," Saul replies calmly, as if this isn't what he should have told her in the first place. Fuck the other thing.
"Where?" Carrie demands, already out of her seat.
"In Dar's office," Saul says, getting up to chase her. "You can't go in there, Carrie. Wait and I'll get you a pass."
She doesn't bother answering, just walks into the station, straight at the security guards. By the time the burly guard is stepping in front of her to stop her Saul has managed to chase her down, breathlessly explains to the guard that he's authorizing Carrie's presence at the station, that security can come up to the Director's office and check if he likes.
Carrie doesn't bother acknowledging any of what's happening, just continues into the building to where she assumes Dar's office will be. Saul chases after her, two security guards in tow until finally Saul stops her at a closed door, tells her to wait.
But Carrie's been waiting a long time for this already, has a lot of strong emotions vying for control. So she doesn't stop, just opens the door which is thankfully unlocked. Strides into Dar's office, her heart in her throat.
And he's really there. Quinn. Looks tired, haggard. But in one piece, not bleeding anywhere.
Carrie freezes, flooded by all the guilt she's been silently carrying, trying to deny, since the day he disappeared. She had let him leave, bleeding and desperate. And now she doesn't even know what to say, what to do. It had been a real possibility that he was dead, though she had convinced herself he wasn't, anything to get through the days of running around, trying to sort out her own situation. Still knowing deep down that even if he wasn't dead, there was a good chance she would never see him again, possibly by his own choice.
So she had almost shut down on thinking about him, unable to handle it while dealing with all the other shit. And now Carrie realizes she's still just standing there after bursting into Adal's office. Also that she suddenly has an intense need to touch him, assure herself that he is real.
But first they need some space. Right now before she completely loses it in front of half of Berlin station.
So Carrie does what has to be done, looks at Adal, demands that he leave his own office.
#
Dar's making some comment about the jihadis when the door to his office slams open suddenly, making them both look at it in surprise.
And really, Quinn couldn't have been more stunned. Is caught staring, blinking blankly.
But at least Carrie's staring too, has a look of disbelief on her face for a long moment. Then she turns, looks at Adal, dead serious.
"Do you mind?" she asks, as if she owns the space.
And Adal may be the director of the CIA, may have the strongest dislike of Carrie out of anyone in the Agency. Has every right to throw her out, have her arrested even. Yet he just sighs in ultimate irritation, gives her his deadliest eye. Then looks around at the situation and shakes his head but doesn't even argue. Just shakes his head again and grumbles; then leaves the office and closes the door on the rest of the gapers that had started to accumulate.
The door's just barely shut when Carrie starts to sniffle, closes the gap between them..
"Oh my god, it's true," she says as she throws her arms around him, crushes him to her, breathes into the crook of his neck.
Quinn's still so surprised he's stuck mid-reaction, just lets her absorb him into her arms. She feels totally fallen apart, emotionally lost. And yet completely open, unguarded for once.
It takes him a few heartbeats to catch up to the moment, take in the feeling of Carrie holding onto him like she's never going to let go.
"Hey, it's okay," he mutters into her hair, wonders what's gotten into her, if something's happened to her in the time he's been away.
"No it's not," she says tearily. "Swear to me you'll never do something like that again."
He's not even entirely sure what she means, though he has a good guess. Wonders what Jonas ended up telling her, if he revealed the hard truths Quinn needed him to understand.
"I did what I had to do," he replies, thinks she has to understand that he would make the same choice every time. It's just who he is, especially when it comes to her.
Carrie's arms loosen around him and he feels her head lift off his shoulder as the warmth of her body slips away. She takes a step away and he resists the urge to pull her back, forget about talking.
But the look in her eyes keeps him in his place, an explosive mix of anger, sadness, pain. Pure fire, and something else.
And then she steps towards him, slaps him hard enough he sees stars, has to close his eyes for a moment to keep his balance. Fuck, Quinn thinks. It was a good shot. And he's taken a lot of shots to the head lately, enough to make him a little unsteady even now.
When he opens his eyes Carrie's expression is still mostly ablaze, with just a splash of concern.
"You don't get to make that choice for me," she states firmly, trying to wipe away angry tears.
Again Quinn thinks she's making a big deal out of something she had no control of, that he must be missing something that would explain how upset she seems to be.
"Carrie, it's over. I'm fine," he says, hoping to calm her down, figure out what the hell is going on with her.
But Carrie is still far from calm, eyes rimmed red with fury and distress.
"Well, fuck, I'm not!" she fires back at him. "You ran off to die and it was my fault. I left you after I said I wouldn't. And then you were just gone. I should have been there, I would never have let you leave."
With that the tears she's been fighting come back full force, start pouring out as Carrie shakes her head angrily, stares at him accusingly.
For a moment Quinn just stands frozen, doesn't know what to say. Just knows there's no point arguing with her, especially when she's so upset. And doesn't want to fight with her anyways, just wants to fix whatever it is he's fucked up.
So he doesn't say anything, just steps towards her and pulls her towards him. Holds her tight and rubs her back as she sobs into his shoulder, heaves gasping breaths.
They stand like that for a long while, until Carrie's tears have finally run their course, her breathing almost back to normal. And even when she's finally calm Quinn still doesn't let go, thinks he might just have to hold onto her forever.
"I thought I lost you," she murmurs, her breath hot against his skin.
He still doesn't get why she thinks any of it is her fault, what she thinks she could have done differently. As always, this whole situation was on him, just another thing he managed to fuck up. And now seeing how upset Carrie is just makes him feel worse about it all.
"Carrie, you didn't lose me," Quinn reminds her. "I left."
Carrie sniffles again, then lets go of him, gives him a look somewhere between anger and exasperation.
"You left bleeding to death. To do something incredibly stupid," she snaps at him. "Did you not think how I would fucking feel?"
Really he had convinced himself she wouldn't feel much at all, would just accept that it was what needed to be done. Sure he knew she'd be upset that he ran off but had figured it would pass quickly. Especially with everything else she was dealing with, he had to be the least of her concerns.
"I thought you'd be alive," he says with a sigh. "You had other things to deal with."
"What the hells the point of being alive if you lose everything you care about?" she fires back. "If you can't save what matters?"
And Quinn has nothing to say to that, suddenly realizes that she might actually mean this. That it's not just shock, overwrought emotions. That she's really this upset that he disappeared, almost died.
The thing is he definitely knows how it is to lose the only light in his life. It's why he did what was necessary - to save the only thing that still mattered to him.
It's just that he never considered she would ever feel the same.
So Quinn just stands and blinks a bit stupidly at her, still not quite able to wrap his head around the situation. And Carrie doesn't back down, looks at him intently; though now her anger seems to have morphed into an emotion he can't quite define.
She wipes away the last of her tears, shakes her head at him again. Then looks up at him, gives him a long once over before biting her lip nervously, silently reaching for his shirt.
Quinn freezes, reflexively resists her intentions by taking a step back, holding down his shirt.
But Carrie doesn't stop, steps towards him and gives him a sad, stern look.
"I need to see," she says softly, yet sternly.
Quinn takes a breath, nods. And this time when she tugs at his shirt he doesn't try to stop her. Lets her raise it halfway, tries not to flinch as she runs her hands over his scars.
"See, good as new," he quips softly as her fingers run current against his skin.
Carrie doesn't reply, just stares at his scars for another long moment. Then eventually lets his shirt down, seemingly satisfied with what she's seen.
"Okay now?" he asks quietly, wonders what she's thinking.
Carrie seems to think for a moment, then finally nods slowly.
"If you promise not to disappear again," she says in a vulnerable voice, as she's afraid of his reply.
Quinn wonders again at how strongly affected she seems to be, what it means that she cares this much. And of course she asks the hardest thing, the one thing he has never been able to promise anyone.
But this is Carrie, asking him so sadly, so sincerely, he's already completely shattered. So it doesn't matter that he always runs, that it terrifies him to stay. He will do anything for her, whatever she needs. Even if what she wants goes against his every inclination, his very sense of self-survival.
"If that's what you want," he replies, sure she won't want it for long.
But Carrie nods like she's sure, still looks so sad he can't quite stand it. And right then Quinn finally stops resisting it, lets himself love her the way he always has, accepts that she may even feel the same.
It's not something he would have ever believed, can barely comprehend it now. But Carrie's finally exchanged her tears for a small smile that makes his heart ache just looking at her. And, for the first time, Quinn thinks that he's awfully glad the doctor found him, that he isn't at the bottom of the river.
"I'm sorry I hit you," she says suddenly, as if just remembering that it happened.
Quinn reflexively puts his hand on his cheek, feels a bruise already starting.
"I probably deserved it," he replies. Especially if he had really made her that upset by taking off. And anyways, there was something about being hit by Carrie. A badge of honour.
Her hand follows his and she puts it overtop, her thumb brushing over his cheekbone, right where she hit him. She burns against his skin, makes him close his eyes briefly, sigh at the feeling.
And yes, he's nervous, terrified to let himself be human, open up after being shut down for so long. It was what made it so easy to try and die for her - he had given up on everything so long ago. And what made him think she wouldn't really give a shit, that he was obviously already dead to the world.
But of course Carrie had woken him up, made him remember wanting something, loving her. And now she's still here, smiling at him with a look that he tries to mentally capture forever. Equal parts admiration, exasperation, anger, love. Everything he has always felt about her, what makes him come back to her every time.
"Wanna get out of here?" he asks, lets a small smile of his own escape.
Carrie nods and Quinn steps beside her, puts his arm around her shoulders and pulls her close. Opens the door and walks her out past all the lingering rubberneckers - including one very pissed-off looking director of the CIA.