I do not own Resident Evil, nor its plot or characters. I own only this abomination of a talent show :3

Also this is my first fanfic of Resident Evil… so… hope you enjoy!

Opening

"Hello, audience, I am your absolutely gorgeous host Leon!" says the man on stage.

"Not to mention conceited!" says Albert Wesker, emerging from behind the stage curtains.

"Look who's talking!" shouts Chris Redfield, and the two begin a duel until Wesker shoves Chris through a wall.

"Uhh… well, the show must go on! Regrettably… "Says a tired Leon… before Wesker shoves him through a wall also.

Scene 1 Act 1

Music sets the scene, and a beautiful Alice in a red dress dances on stage with Luther West. The audience stares with boredom… until Jill Valentine jumps on stage.

"You are not even on the movie, Bitch!" she yells as she drags Alice off the stage, leaving a baffled Luther to chase after them… to which he then gets his ass kicked out of the theatre by Jill.

Scene 1 Act 2

"All the feelings that I get" sings a blonde Alfred Ashford in a voice so high pitched peoples ears bleed, "but I still don't miss you yet."

"Only When I stop to think about it" sings back Alexia Ashford in an equally annoying voice, "I hate everything about you"

Together they sing "Why do I Loooove you? IIII-"

BAM! Nicholai Ginovaef runs them over with a 60- foot semi-truck.

"I HATE YOU!" he yells, and the audience gives him a standing ovation.

Scene 1 Act 3

Carlos Oliveira stands in front of a window balcony holding Claire Redfield.

"But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks?

Is the east, and Juliet is the sun.

Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,

Who is already sick and pale with grief-"

"Shut up, you creep! I don't like you!" Claire yells a she runs away, and Carlos falls to the ground crying like a baby.

"You ass, trying to hit on my sister!" yells Chris as he beats up Carlos.

To which Carlos replies, "Get off me, you jacked-up man-ape! Lay off the steroids!"

Scene 1 Act 4

"I will show my talent of how awesome I can fight!" yells Krauser on stage… and he flees like a little girl when El Gigante pops up.

Sadler then jumps on stage, yelling "I can take you on!"

They fight, quickly moving there large brawl towards the audience.

As Sadler mutates and beats up El Gigante, an audience member yells;

"AAHHHHHHHHHH! IT GODZILLAAAAAA!"

Scene 1 Act 5

"Sorry, but we must close the show early due to some bowl movement difficulties!" says an agitated Leon on stage. "Sorry that the other acts are not as cool as me-"

BAM! Leon falls to the floor, a bullet in his head.

"I hate you" mutters Nicholai from where he sits on the audience's second balcony, a sniper in his hand.

The audience gives him a standing ovation.

The lines done by Carlos are from Romeo and Juliet; the song by Alexia and Alfred is "I hate everything about you", by Three Days Grace. Seriously though, the actual song is way better ^_^

Comment please, and suggestions would be welcomed! I need more ideas for the next one, if you want more! XD