A/N: What if, when teleporting out of Disaster Area's ship just before it took a sun dive, Ford and Arthur didn't end up in the Golgafrincham B-Ark after all, but instead were both teleported to completely different places. They wouldn't have ended up on Prehistoric Earth, for one thing.

Warning: Contains Yaoi (that's a man and another man having sex. Gasp. How sinful.) Don't like, don't read.

Pairing: Ford-Arthur (of course).

I don't really care whether you review. If you hated it, tell me why. Erects heat-proof shield - as you can see, flames won't hurt me, so fire away.

Oh, and I almost forgot - Disclaimer: Ford, Arthur and the Guide are owned by Douglas Adams, who is spending some time dead for tax reason but is, and will always be, a hoopy frood who really knows where his towel is. I own the Gellopians though.

Stars streaked past, bright pinpricks of light scattered across the dark fabric of space. The ginger haired man from a planet somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse watched them with only mild interest. Once upon a time he'd been able to stare up at the stars for hours on end, wondering what was out there.

Now… well, when you've been to a few hundred planets, you've been to them all, really. Stars are just balls of gas, when it comes down to it. Ford Prefect had been back in the hitchhiking business for a year now, and he was starting to wish that the earth hadn't been demolished to make way for a hyperspace bypass. Admittedly, the people had irritated the hell out of him and you couldn't get a decent drink anywhere on the planet, but for fifteen years Ford had been able to call it home.

Besides, there had been one thing about living on earth that had made it bearable. Something that Ford had been missing for some time now, after the incident with the teleporter on Hotblack Desiato's ship. There had, of course, been no guarantee that they'd end up in the same place, but sometimes he lie awake at night wondering what would have happened if they had. Ford just hoped that he was out there somewhere, alive and complaining about the lack of tea.

Something was beeping at him. Looking down at the console, Ford realised that he had no idea what all the little buttons did. He'd assumed that flying a stolen ship would be a piece of cake, but in his imagination, there had been quite a few more labels than he saw on the panel in front of him, and quite a few less buttons.

Shrugging, he pressed a button at random. By an extreme coincidence, it was exactly the button he was looking for. A message appeared on the viewscreen. It said:

"Hitchhiker detected. Allow to board?"

What the hell. Ford could do with the company. He pressed another button, hoping that it was the transporter beam, rather than the self-destruct.

There was a flash of white light and the sound of someone collapsing very suddenly into a heap on the ground. As he swivelled his chair to see what was going on behind him, Ford realised that this was because someone had collapsed very suddenly into a heap on the ground.

Here's what the Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy has to say about Gellopians:

"They are extremely friendly, peaceful beings who have lived for five thousand years without war. If you visit their planet, they will sacrifice their best llama in your honour.

Incidentally, their entire planet is made of delicious jelly. One taste will fill your heart with joy and ease your pain and suffering. The Gellopians themselves feast on it daily, which explains why they're such froody guys.

Until a few hundred years ago, tourists arrived from all over the galaxies for a taste of this jelly ambrosia. As a result of this, the planet was eroded to such an extent that the Gellopians banned anyone but themselves from eating the jelly.

You must never – under any circumstances, even if you're seconds away from starvation, take a bite of their jelly. To do so will result in a fate worse than death. Worse even than Vogon poetry. Any sensible hitchhiker would rather eat their own leg than risk the punishment for ingestion of planetary terrain.

It's just not a good idea, OK? Don't eat the jelly.

You have been warned."

Arthur opened his eyes and then rather wished that he hadn't. It wasn't so much the blinding light that exploded somewhere behind his retina and then proceeded to pound his brain into senseless mush, it was more the effort of trying to bring anything into focus that made closing his eyes again seem like such an excellent idea.

The swirling darkness behind his eyelids was making it easier to think clearly. Things started to come back to him, things he wasn't sure he wanted to remember. They were dark and disturbing and seemed to have something to do with… jelly?

Suddenly having his eyes closed wasn't all that it was cracked up to be. He opened them again. Somehow, despite the stabbing pain in the back of his head, he managed to focus on the person standing over him. The curly ginger hair and terrible dress sense were familiar, but it was the sweet yet slightly terrifying smile that made Arthur recognise his old friend.

"Hello Arthur." Ford said, beaming happily before everything went dark again.

Having returned to the cockpit, Ford sat staring out at the stars once again. He wasn't incredibly surprised at the extreme improbability of his reunion with Arthur. He didn't even wonder what his friend was doing floating in space. This kind of thing kept happening to him.

He was mainly concerned about how to act around Arthur. The sudden arrival of the human on his ship had rekindled old emotions. Gazing down upon the unconscious body of his friend, Ford had wanted nothing more than to ravish him. He was sure, however, that Arthur would object to this. (Well, fairly sure. Sure enough not to risk it.)

After fifteen years of ignoring the way he felt about the man, Ford wasn't sure he could continue for much longer. The confines of a spaceship as small as this intensified emotion and brought it to the surface. Sooner or later, his urges would get the better of him. He only hoped that their friendship would survive.

"Ford?"

The alien in question turned to see Arthur standing unsteadily in the doorway, his favourite towel draped over his shoulders like a blanket. He looked so sweet and helpless that it took all of Ford's willpower not to tackle him to the ground and have his way with him.

Instead, he settled for a manly hug, pulling Arthur close and holding him in his arms. Arthur leaned on him a little, tired and disoriented. For the second time in his life, he had almost died of asphyxiation, and this time the torture beforehand had been even less pleasant.

"I don't suppose there's any tea on this ship?" he asked weakly, head resting on Ford's shoulder, hands loosely placed on the alien's hips. Ford suppressed a smile. You never know how much you've missed something until it's gone.

"I think you should still be in bed" he murmured, aware of how close his mouth was to Arthur's ear. A little nibble couldn't hurt, could it? The earthman was so tired that he'd probably think he was dreaming.

Shaking his head to clear the thought, Ford pulled away from the embrace and escorted Arthur back to bed. After tucking him in, he turned to leave, but a cold hand found its way into his, and wouldn't let go.

He turned back and saw Arthur gazing up at him. Warm brown eyes met Ford's blue ones.

"Could you stay with me for a little while?" he asked. "Just until I fall asleep."

Ford nodded wordlessly and took a seat by the side of the bed, watching over Arthur until he finally drifted off. The earthman looked so peaceful when he wasn't busy worrying about things. The creases in his face disappeared completely and he curled up like a puppy, fingers tightly clutching Ford's towel as if it were a lifeline.

Shapeless beings drifted across Arthur's mind. They were angry about something and seemed to want to take it out on him. He tried to tell them that it wasn't his fault, he couldn't have known, but they were coming closer, muttering something about jelly.

His hands were tied, bound by some invisible rope. He was powerless to stop the sinister beings as they approached, holding things that looked unmistakably like torture devices. You could always tell with torture devices. They had too many pointy bits.

When they reached him, they held the devices close to Arthur's face, letting him know exactly what they were going to do to him. After they were done with the torture, they told him, they planned to drive him out to the outskirts of space and throw him out of an airlock.

"Stop, please." Arthur begged as sweat poured down his face. "No! Ford! Help me!"

His words turned into screams as the aliens began their punishment.

"Wake up! Arthur, wake up!"

The earthman was thrashing about, shouting his name and something about jelly. His hands flailed blindly, searching for something to hold on to. Ford shook him awake.

Arthur's screams turned into panting as he gasped for breath, staring around wildly until his eyes focused on Ford. The bed was drenched with sweat. Tears rolled down one cheek as Arthur desperately reached out for Ford, who was all too happy to take the man into his embrace.

"I've got you." He whispered, stroking his friend's hair. Arthur was whimpering into his chest, clutching him tightly as if he might disappear at any second.

"I've got you."

They held each other for what seemed like an eternity but was probably closer to five minutes, Ford's protective arms wrapped around Arthur, whose face was buried in Ford's chest. When the human calmed down enough to breathe properly, he raised his head and gazed into Ford's eyes, seeing a spark of something that made his mouth go dry and his heart beat faster.

"Thank you," he murmured. Ford was holding him so close that their lips were almost touching. Realising this, he tried to move away and give Arthur some space, but the earthman just pulled him closer. Now their lips really were touching, Arthur's tongue gently seeking entrance. Ford complied, parting his lips to allow the tongue to slip past and explore the inside of his mouth. His hands journeyed upwards to rest upon Arthur's shoulders, massaging them gently as Arthur ran his tongue along Ford's teeth and their lips pressed together. Their noses brushed past each other as Ford broke the kiss and raised an eyebrow, surprised that Arthur would do something so… well, so surprising.

Arthur smiled uncertainly. "I've missed you, Ford." he said shyly, unable to look the Betelgeusian in the eyes.

Ford ran a hand through Arthur's hair and lovingly nuzzled his neck. His reply of "I missed you too." was a little muffled. He kissed Arthur's neck down to his shoulder blades, then looked up and said, "I can stop, if you want. Just tell me."

Arthur merely shook his head and slipped his hands inside Ford's jacket, sliding them upwards until they rested in the small of his back. Satisfied with this, Ford reached down and untied the cord of his friend's dressing gown, pulling apart the gown to expose his bare chest. He then proceeded to run his finger slowly down the centre of Arthur's chest, over his stomach until he reached the top of his pyjama bottoms. Arthur shivered at the contact and gripped that back of Ford's vest tighter, his breathing heavy. He was eased gently backwards until he was horizontal and Ford's weight was pressed on top of him.

Ford kissed each nipple, catching them gently in his teeth, then ran his tongue slowly around the edge. A soft moan escaped Arthur's lips. Ford's hands were resting on his hips, thumbs tenderly massaging the skin. The Betelgeusian sat up and quickly removed his jacket, vest and shirt, so that when he lay down again their bare chests were touching. He kissed Arthur hungrily, as he had wanted to do every day since they had met, and his kiss was returned with equal passion.

When he pulled away, a mischievous grin had appeared on Ford's face. After a few seconds of searching, he found the dressing gown cord. The look on Arthur's face showed that he knew what Ford was thinking, and that he wasn't going to let him get away with it, but when he struggled to get up, Ford just pushed him down again. Moving swiftly, he straddled the earthman, pinned down both of his arms and secured them firmly to the bedpost with the cord. Nipping and biting his way down Arthur's chest, he reached the belly button and probed it with his tongue, eliciting another moan of pleasure from Arthur, who decided to stop struggling and start enjoying himself. Ford pulled down Arthur's trousers and enveloped his erection with his mouth.

The sensation of Ford's tongue massaging his cock made Arthur gasp the man's name out loud. His entire body felt like it was on fire and he arched his back, pushing himself further into Ford's mouth.

Ford grasped Arthur's buttocks, struggling to hold him still as he writhed in pleasure. Arthur screamed Ford's name again as he came, spurting his fluid into Ford's mouth. Panting heavily, he relaxed as Ford swallowed, licking his lips appreciatively, and lay back on top of him, pressing their bodies close. Arthur could feel the pressure of his friend (no, his lover)'s erection against his thigh and his hands strained against their bonds.

Ford kissed him again and this time Arthur tasted his come in Ford's mouth. He sucked Ford's tongue, cleaning it of the sticky substance.

"I want you" Ford mumbled into Arthur's mouth.

"What?" Arthur asked. Ford pulled away so that he could answer.

"I want you." He repeated breathlessly. "I've always wanted you."

"I'm yours." Arthur replied, equally breathless. "I always have been."

Ford untied Arthur's hands, rid himself of his trousers and put one finger in Arthur's mouth.

"Lick it." He instructed, the mischevious grin back on his face. Arthur did as he was told, licking and sucking the finger until it was slick with spit. Ford took it away and circled Arthur's hole, preparing him for what was to follow. He slipped the finger inside, hearing Arthur gasp in response. A second finger was added, loosening the tight muscles that surrounded the hole. When the gasps of pain had turned into moans of pleasure, he removed the fingers and inserted himself in their place. Arthur grabbed his shoulders, digging in his fingers hard enough to draw blood as Ford began a rhythm, moving slowly out then pushing himself back in. Every time he slid all the way in, Arthur's moans increased in volume.

"Ford!" he moaned, wrapping his legs around Ford, making the ginger haired man redouble his efforts. Both men were slick with sweat and moaning incomprehensibly. Arthur was the first to come, his muscles tightening around Ford, forcing him to come soon after, collapsing onto Arthur and burying his face in the earthman's chest. Arthur threw his arms around him and held him tightly. He had just enough strength left to pull the covers over them before sleep claimed them both.

"Arthur."

"Yes, Ford?"

"You smell delicious."

They had both woken at the same time, finding themselves in the same position as they had ended up in last night – Ford using Arthur as a pillow.

"You don't smell so bad yourself." was Arthur's reply. He found himself idly stroking Ford's hair. The alien sighed happily.

There was a moment of contented silence, during which Ford decided that being a hitchhiker probably wouldn't be so bad if you had someone to travel with.

A/N: If you can think of a better ending, I'm open to suggestions.