Amir was doing some work on his computer when his doorbell rang. He looked at the clock and it read 10 p.m. He sighed. It was probably a neighbor asking for sugar or something. But once he opened the door, it revealed Jaz Khan, his best friend. She was holding a half-empty whiskey bottle and had a somber expression on her face. Amir opened the door wider and stepped back so Jaz could enter.
"What happened?" he asked once the front door was closed and they were in the warmth and safety of his apartment again.
"Men are assholes, that's what happened," Jaz replied stumbling her way to Amir's couch, which made him think that she was even drunker than he suspected.
"Hey! Not all of us are!" Amir retorted, trying to lighten the mood. That earned a small smile from Jaz but it was gone as quickly as it appeared.
"Okay, Victor is an asshole," Jaz corrected herself as Amir came to sit down next to his best friend with two glasses in his hand.
"What did he do?" Amir questioned, wondering what exactly Jaz's latest boyfriend could have done to lead her to drink. It must have been bad. But, then again, it usually was, since Jaz's type was bad boys with sad eyes and problems that she thought she could help them solve. Maybe it was because her own father hated her ever since Jaz was born a girl and took it out on her when he got drunk? Amir wasn't sure…
But then he stopped himself from that line of thought. Jaz wasn't one of his patients who he needed to analyze. She was his best friend. And frankly, also the woman that he was in love with. Although he was trying not to think about that because that would mean that the psychiatrist in him would force himself to deal with it.
"What didn't he do?" Jaz laughed humorlessly, "Cheated, got angry that I caught him, almost hit me, should I go on?"
"He what?" Amir raised his voice in panic. Cheating and anger was nothing new to him as far as personality traits go for Jaz's boyfriends, but none of them had tried to hurt her.
"Relax, he didn't get that far. I had him in choke-hold as soon as he made a move," Jaz replied.
'Of course, she did,' though Amir. She was one of the best snipers in the army after all. And a capable undercover operative whose job took her all over the world. That's actually how the two of them met. Amir was the army shrink who got assigned to Jaz after her first deployment. And they hit it off almost instantly. Okay, not instantly. They hit it off after Amir proved to Jaz that he wasn't out to get her and prevent her from doing her job.
"I don't doubt that you did. But, still, hit you? Why do you always chose such assholes as your boyfriends?" Amir sighted not understanding why Jaz couldn't find someone who actually treated her well. Not that he particularly wanted that to happen, because it would mean that he didn't have a chance with Jaz. But at the same time he wasn't quite ready to face his feelings for her yet, so he wanted her to be with someone decent in the meantime.
"Not everybody is as good as you, Amir," Jaz replied taking a big swing from the bottle.
Amir made a face at that comment. Partly glad that she thought that he would treat her right, which he would. But partly scared about the fact that she didn't know some of the darker parts of his mind. But Jaz didn't notice that, she just dropped her head on Amir's shoulder and exhaled loudly. Soon enough she was asleep, snuggling closer to Amir.
He let her rest for a bit, but when he started to get tired as well, he carefully maneuvered himself away from Jaz, placed the bottle that she was still holding on the coffee table, picked her up and brought her to his room.
This wasn't anything new for them, Jaz staying the night at his place. But usually, she insisted on taking the couch. This time though, he'd let her take the bed while he settled for the couch. It was, after all, a surprisingly comfy couch. Though he had picked out an exceptionally comfortable couch once it was time to replace the old one, given how often Jaz stayed the night because she was either too tired or too lazy to go back to her apartment a few blocks away.
Jaz woke up disoriented and with a pounding headache. She wasn't in her or Victor's room, but she was in someone's bedroom. Yet a quick look around and her panic subsided because she realized that she was in Amir's room. He had given her his bed.
Upon further inspection of her surroundings she noticed that is was nearing 10 a.m., there was a faint coffee smell in the air and she heard Amir moving around in the kitchen, no doubt cooking them one of his famous gourmet breakfasts. 'He is a really good cook,' she thought to herself smiling.
A few minutes later Jaz gathered her wits to get out of Amir's comfy bed, rummaged around in the dresser drawer that he had given her for some clothing and went to grab a shower.
Only in midst of washing her hair, she realized that she not only had her own drawer full of clothes here, she even had somehow accumulated almost a full set of her shower thing along with other knick-knacks scattered throughout Amir's apartment. It basically looks like they are dating. And that made her pause. Why hadn't they tried it?
She admitted to herself a long time ago that she thought that Amir was very handsome. He carried himself with this quiet confidence that Jaz found extremely sexy. He was caring, always there for her and they probably spent more time together than your average best friends did. But the most important thing was that only now she realized that she cared for Amir a little more than just a friend.
After that realization, she tried to compartmentalize those thoughts like she has been taught to do with her feeling whenever she is in the field. But it wasn't easy. By the time Jaz got out of the shower, dressed in one of Amir's shirts and comfy leggings because she was not about to ride out her hungover in real clothes, she felt frazzled. Luckily, her years of training and undercover work let her school her facial features in a mask that said I am hung-over, heartbroken, but good. But then another realization hit her, she hadn't thought about Victor once this morning. Her thoughts were consumed by her best friend and his handsome face.
As soon as Jaz opened Amir's bedroom door, she was assaulted by the smell of caffeine and shakshuka. She almost moaned. Why Amir didn't become a professional chef instead of a psychiatrist she will never know.
"Good morning. How's the head?" Amir questioned as she walked into the kitchen and sat down.
"Like I drank two-thirds of a whiskey bottle by myself," she replied and Amir laughed at that.
"Well I tried to help, but I couldn't really keep up with you," he joked returning to the stove he was standing at.
"The thought counts right?" Jaz cracked and got up to rummage in the cabinet where she knew Amir kept painkillers. Now that she was up and properly awake, it turned out that the hangover was worse than she thought.
But Amir's painkiller stash was on the upper shelf. So while she was trying to reach the pills, Amir came behind her, placed his hand on her shoulder to still her, and reached for the meds to give them to Jaz. He wasn't much taller than her, but the slight height difference was enough for Amir to be able to reach the medication more easily. Jaz stiffened at the closeness of him. But then quickly forced herself to relax, not wanting to give her previous thoughts away. If Amir noticed anything, he didn't comment on it.
After that breakfast was uneventful. Jaz drowned the pain meds and water while Amir finished cooking. They joked around while they ate like they usually do. And after breakfast, they refilled their coffee mugs and went to sit on Amir's balcony to take in the warm morning sun that was streaming through Amir's apartment's windows.
Amir didn't want to break up the calm of the moment, but he had to know what Jaz will do when it comes to Victor. And not just to ease his mind about his best friend's well-being. But also to find out if she will get back together with him. Because ever since the previous night the thought of Jaz as more than just his friend was slowly parking itself in a permanent spot in Amir's brain. Just beside the thought that he should finally acknowledge his feeling towards Jaz.
"So, returning to the reason for your drunken visit yesterday, what are you going to do about Victor?" Amir quietly asked.
"Nothing," replied Jaz a bit too quickly, but then paused and continued, "I mean, we are over. I dumped his ass then and there. But I think that the funny thing is that we were over for a while now. None of my stuff was at his place.."
"Yeah, because all your stuff is here," Amir quipped, interrupting Jaz, but then motioned for her to continue.
"Like I said… none of my stuff was at his place and we haven't been spending time together at all. Yesterday was the first time I'd seen him in two weeks. Two fucking weeks. So maybe it's for the best," Jaz finished looking off into the distance. "And not all of my stuff is here, just the necessities," she added.
"Jaz, I found one of your Ka-Bars yesterday when I was cleaning the apartment. I think it is a bit more than the necessities," Amir continued trying to lighten the suddenly heavy mood again.
"Hey! Hey, hey, hey, a Ka-Bar is a necessity," Jas reasoned turning her face towards Amir and smiling. And it struck to her how easy it would be to be with Amir.
"Whatever you say Jazzy," Amir smiled back at her. The conversation was officially over after that.
And they continued on to relax the rest of the day. Amir adapting to Jaz's lazy and hungover state.
But in each of their minds, they were mulling over the idea of being with the other person as more than just friends. Jaz was trying to understand just when did she start seeing Amir as more than her best friend. While Amir was finally trying come to terms with his feelings for Jaz and what that could mean for their relationship.
That night they were watching some TV show on Amir's flat screen, Jaz deciding to stay another night at Amir's when she suddenly had the urge to get out of the apartment and get something sweet and caffeinated. Yes, in her mind she knew how late it was. But then again, when Jaz wants something, she won't stop thinking about it until she gets it.
"I want coffee," she whined from her place next to Amir on the couch.
"It's almost midnight. Wait until the morning," Amir replied still seemingly focused on the TV. Although in reality, he was trying to figure out just how to find out if there was a future for him and Jaz as more than friends.
"But I want it now," Jaz continued, badly wanting some caffeine in her system. Amir sighted loudly.
"The coffee pot is right there," he replied pointing in the general direction of the kitchen. But Amir's answer didn't satisfy Jaz.
"No, but I want one of those fancy, sweet coffee drinks. Let's go to that coffee shop that is open all night," Jas said suddenly leaping up from the couch.
"No, Jaz. I don't want to go anywhere," now Amir was the one who was whining. He really didn't want to move from his comfy couch. But more than that, he still didn't have the answer as to how to make sure that their friendship doesn't fall apart if they don't end up working out.
"C'mon, Amir! Please?" Jaz said while tugging his arm and giving Amir her best puppy-dog-eyes to make it a full-frontal attack.
"Okay, okay," Amir finally gave in, not being able to resist the look Jaz was giving him. "What I do for you, woman," Amir quipped finally getting up from the couch as well.
Twenty minutes later they were sat on Amir's car's hood shoulder to shoulder in one of their favorite spots overlooking the city overpriced coffee drinks in hand. It was summer so despite the late hour it was still warm outside.
Amir could see the light reflecting from Jaz's dog tag chain that she always had on. And from her eyes that looked out to the city. He had the urge to kiss Jaz because she looked so beautiful. But instead, he nudged Jaz's arm and pointed up towards the stars that were littering the dark sky. He knew that he couldn't rush this. He had to be completely sure about her feelings before he made any moves. Or he risked losing her for good.
At the nudge, Jaz turned her head towards the sky to admire the stars and enjoy Amir's company.
"You know I never did this as a kid. Stargaze in the middle of the night." Jaz whispered after a long moment of just watching the stars.
That might have been what Jaz said, but Amir new what she meant. She was thankful that he suggested they come out here to drink their coffees. And she was thankful that he was by her side.
So Amir just took Jaz's hand and squeezed it. And with one touch they both dared to finally admit their feeling to themselves.
They sat on top of Amir's car for what seemed like hours, their hands intertwined, looking at the stars and content of the moment they were sharing. Content of their relationship. Content with having only one another. And Amir finally got the confirmation he was seeking. Because Jaz continued to hold his hand, their fingers laced tightly together.
A few weeks later…
Ever since the Victor fiasco and the day that followed it Jaz and Amir both felt their relationship changing.
Jaz was still at Amir's place more than her own. And they were still dancing around their feelings. Yes, there were more light touches than usual, a physical closeness that wasn't there before Jaz's breakup. And Jaz didn't even react anymore when Amir put his hand around her shoulders as they walked down the street or on her waist when they were in the kitchen and he wanted to brush past her. It was just them.
But they also weren't ready to acknowledge this change or their feeling out loud yet.
That was until one evening. As per usual they were lounging on Amir's couch watching a movie. But neither of them were really seeing it. Amir too keyed up with wanting to finally do something about their relationship. Wanting to acknowledge his, their feeling out loud. And Jaz worrying that she still wasn't one hundred percent sure of Amir's feelings for her.
Suddenly Amir, not being able to take this uncertainty any longer, turned his face towards Jaz. And when she did the same their faces were inches apart. He eyed her lips but instead of just kissing her he opted for words, needing her to make a move, to acknowledge what was happening between them. So he can be sure that he is not making a mistake.
"You're my best friend, you know that right?" Amir said quietly looking into Jaz's eyes.
Jaz didn't recognize the strange look that Amir was sporting on his face. But suddenly, just like lightning from a clear sky, she realized, that it was love. Love was written all over his face. And not just love towards a friend, but deeper, more intense love. The kind of love that could burn you. But also the kind of love that could save you. And at that moment Jaz decided to just go with it. The hell with her being unsure. It was worth the risk. He was worth the risk.
"Yeah, that will never change," she replied glimpsing down at Amir's lips as well, hoping he understood what she actually meant by those words. That they might be best friends but that they have been more than that for a while now. And that she was okay with that. Because this is Amir, the man with whom she could be herself. With whom she could let go of all her insecurities and fears, all her past relationships and the horrors of her job. And just be.
And he did because a second later he pressed his lips to Jaz's. Unsure at first. But when he felt her responding, surer and surer.
After that night everything changed, yet in some ways, it also stayed the same. Jaz was still constantly at Amir's place. But instead of sleeping on the couch, they both shared Amir's bed.
They still went out for the occasional midnight coffee run. But, instead of just holding hands while stargazing on top of Amir's car, they were cuddling and kissing.
And Jaz still showed up at Amir's door drunk. But it wasn't because of a breakup. It was because of a bad mission or memories of past ones that kept her up during the night. So Jaz was at Amir's door seeking the comfort of his love. And after the third time that happened on one of the rare nights, which Jaz did spend at her place, he asked her to move in with him.
Suddenly, it wasn't just some random stuff Jaz left at Amir's. It was her things mixing in with his. His books with her sniper gear. His fancy herbs with her protein bars. A picture of her took residence in his downtown office. And his picture was in her pack every time she went out on a mission. They were in love.
But more importantly, they both finally understood why so many people were longing to find that other person, who loves you passionately, unconditionally and with all their heart.