Pairing: Kakashi/Yamato
i wish i could finish things before starting more but... the kakayama called to me and i have to answer. i also need to get this out of my system before i can write the gaiden old men holiday story i have in mind so... here it is! plus there is a lot of fallout from the war everyone needs to work through, and i can imagine yamato and kakashi are pretty top of that list. and, you know, the hokage needs a kickass boyfriend and can you get any better than a wood sage? wasted potential there.
Enjoy! The next chapter should be up soon, i hope. Thank you, as always, to upn-the-sky for the partially deaf yamato headcanon, and for your amazing art! Go check them out!
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chapter 1
(naruto)
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"So what do you think?" Yamato asks, leaning forwards. Naruto narrows his eyes, closes them, and hums.
"Sure," he says, and Yamato gives a small hint of a smile. Even after a war, Naruto hasn't changed. "I mean why not? It would be cool, at least." He grins, opening his eyes.
Yamato realises then that Naruto has changed. He's seen things on the battlefield none of them wanted him to see. He's seen death and destruction first hand, had his bijū ripped from him (something that should have, by all rights, killed him there and then), and reached his goal of connecting with Sasuke again. Except Sasuke had left, and now Naruto is in the same limbo Yamato is. Waiting, waiting for change, waiting to do something, brimming with power yet there's no enemy, nothing to work towards.
Touching his left ear gently, Yamato leans forward. He notices Naruto's right shoulder dip, and knows that they're both thinking of the things they lost in this war.
"I don't even know if I can do it," he confesses, and it seems like such a strange thing to do, confessing to someone. Before, there was only really Kakashi who Yamato could open up to, at least properly, and he feels a relief to be able to talk to someone else.
"But you never know until you try, right?" Naruto says, his eyes bright. Yamato nods, sitting back in his seat and thinking. This could all be a gamble, or it could be one of the best decisions of his life.
He looks around Naruto's apartment. It's not one of the buildings he helped put up, but it's nice enough. There's hardly anything personal, aside from a few scrappy things that were clearly salvaged from the destruction Pein caused. He has a handful of team photos, and Yamato wonders if they could get a picture of Team Kakashi to sit by the Team 7 frame.
"Do you…" Naruto trails off, so unlike him that Yamato looks at him hurriedly. He looks unsure of himself, and so young all of a sudden. He's only 17, Yamato thinks, and while he was a hardened ANBU at that time, Naruto still has so much energy and youth left.
He knows what Naruto wants to ask, of course he does. And there is a small part of Yamato that wants to deny him of it, to tell him that this journey is for Yamato alone. The bigger part, however, craves the company. He wants someone with him, someone who won't give a shit about anything. He wants someone who he can relate to, and at the moment, Naruto seems to be the only one who gets it.
"I can submit a mission request to Tsunade-sama right away," Yamato says, and Naruto looks at him sharply. He looks vulnerable, but the look clears as he nods firmly. "It'll be a two-man unit tasked with tracking down some intel I have about a research facility. I'll get back to you with the details as soon as I can," Yamato says softly, and Naruto nods.
As Yamato leaves, he breathes deeply, resisting the urge to press his hand against his ear. Even now he still feels as if his hearing will return at any moment, but he knows it'll never happen.
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They set out two days later, just after dawn. Naruto picked the time, strangely, and Yamato thinks he wants to get away before anyone notices. There is no one waiting at the gates to see them off, no one aside from a sleepy chūnin at the desk, and they leave without fuss.
As soon as they're out of Konoha, Yamato notices a change in atmosphere. Naruto begins explaining places he went with Jiraiya, asking Yamato whether that was the place they were headed or not, and Yamato listens. Whether he meant to or not, Naruto is on his good side, and he thanks him privately for that.
He has no doubt that Tsunade knows they're not looking for some research base. It was probably a ridiculous excuse, but Yamato knows how to make things work to his advantage. He's unflappably loyal to his Hokage, don't get him wrong, but he needs this journey, as does Naruto. Tsunade, beginning the gradual change to the Rokudaime, is stressed and trying to work through the end of the war. She also refuses to meet his eyes, and Yamato wonders how much of it is misplaced guilt (she isn't to blame for his capture and imprisonment after all) and how much of it has to do with her grandfather.
Which is really the reason Yamato is out here, listening to Naruto explain how he one had twelve feral cats decide he was their new heating system.
Nothing remarkable happens. It's strange, they meet only one other human in the space of four days – a rice farmer who stops to talk with them. He says most other people are still hiding, unsure that the war has ended. He has rice to plant, he says with a gap-toothed grin, and nods as they walk on by. They don't come across anyone else, and it's cathartic.
"Yamato-taichō," Naruto says one evening. They're on the outskirts of Yu no Kuni, and they can already see the devastation of the war. It hasn't been that long, Yamato supposes, but he had thought nature would grip tighter than it has. It's a shame, he thinks, and he looks away.
"Do you think the world can change?" Naruto asks, and his voice is small, reminding Yamato of a time in a snow-ridden country. Things had been so different back then, and yet not at all. The world is still full of ninja.
"I don't know," Yamato admits. He can admit things now, doesn't have to hide things from Naruto and pretend he knows better. He doesn't, and Naruto can't be sheltered from everything. They both need to grow.
"Neither do I," Naruto comments dully, as if he had expected that answer. He falls into silence, and Yamato leaves it. He's tired anyway, and Naruto is taking first watch.
Yamato spots the mangroves first. They've come to the edge of the border between Hi no Kuni and Yu no Kuni, staring out as if to Ushiogakure. There is a small clump there, a mangrove forest, and Yamato feels excitement curl in his belly for the first time in a long while.
"I'm going to set up camp," Naruto says, holding his fist out for Yamato to bump against. He blinks, not expecting Naruto to stay behind, but nods all the same, understanding even before he touches Naruto's fist.
Something passes between them the moment their skin meets. It's as if Naruto's entire life rolls into him in an instant, and Yamato catches the important bits. He thinks Naruto must see the same, and he wonders if it makes him any different in Naruto's eyes. He pulls back, warily, but Naruto just grins.
"You'll be able to reach me if you need me?" Naruto asks, and Yamato nods slowly.
"Are you sure?" he asks, even though he knows that Naruto is surer than anything. He's the one who's done thing before, after all, but Yamato has to check.
"You understand," Naruto states, "and I'll be here. I don't think it will take you that long, unlike me." He gives a laugh, closing his eyes and rubbing his nose with a finger.
"Alright then," Yamato concedes, and on a whim, ruffles Naruto's hair. Naruto looks at him with wide eyes, all traces of humour dropped, and Yamato thinks he's made a terrible mistake for a moment.
Except Naruto smiles gently, tilting his head. It's acceptance, love even, and Yamato realises he's never really had this before. At least not from anyone except Kakashi, and even then it was hardly a soft, settled thing. This, his bond with Naruto, means family. Team Kakashi, for all their flaws and differences, is a family.
"I won't be long," Yamato promises, and he turns away, stepping out onto the sea.
He uses more chakra than he has in a while, and he walks slowly, letting his chakra burn and strip away. He'll be tired when he hits the mangroves, but that is beside the point. His chakra is his tool to use. If he needs help, he has the strongest man in the Alliance with him. He'll be alright.
The mangroves aren't normal. They are huge, towering above Yamato like the tallest trees that surround Konoha, their twisted roots curling through water. Yamato steps onto dry land with a sigh, glad to not need his chakra any longer. He pushes on, avoiding foot traps the roots make, and continues, only half-knowing what he's looking for. It's more of a feeing than something he knows, he reasons, and he is rewarded when the trees thin.
It presumably opens out to the centre of the island, where a waterfall cascades through a small grove of trees. It looks out of place amongst the mangroves, and Yamato knows these trees aren't ordinary trees. Though they are small, their trunks are thick and marked with time. They look lush, as if someone is tending to them, and Yamato is not surprised when he sees a figure in the centre of it all.
They knew he was coming of course.
"Only one other has sought us out," the creature says, its voice low. It is old, Yamato knows, older than the trees it tends to and the mangroves that protect this place. This creature, who looks like a woman and yet has skin that would belong better on a tree, has been ruling over this place, protecting it, for so many years. It's only because of its curiosity that Yamato was able to step past the first mangrove roots, and he knows this very well.
"Senju Hashirama," Yamato said, and the creature nods, pushing hair back from its face. It rustles like leaves, and it looks at Yamato, eyes crinkling.
"You have some of the same spirit, I can see," it says, turning its back on the trees and looking at Yamato fully. "But you are not Senju Hashirama."
"My name is Yamato," Yamato supplies, and a cold sliver of fear runs through him. Names are important, but he's never known his birth name. He's had so many identities too, what if his name is unacceptable.
"I know who you are, child," the creature says, waving its hand and closing its eyes. "And I know why you are here."
Yamato thinks of a grey-yellow room, of the mass before him, and how it had felt when Hashirama had been reawaken. He remembers the man himself, and while they'd never met in person, they had still spoken.
He can remember it as if it had just happened. It had taken Yamato a while for to register the presence, but before he'd been used against the Allied force and after he'd been captured, Yamato had… connected, for lack of a better term, with the Hashirama clone he'd been stuck alongside. He'd felt the Edo Tensei ripple through him, and it had been as if Hashirama was standing with him then, the two of them in this exact clearing.
"Ah," Hashirama had said, eyes widening as he'd looked at Yamato. "I'm sorry."
The apology had shocked Yamato to his core, but those words had stripped away decades of pain and suffering, all for the mokuton. They didn't need to say more to understand each other, and even now Yamato still feels the peace Hashirama left behind.
He remembers sitting with Hashirama in peace, soaking in his knowledge, and it's what prompts him to sit down. He lets the world wash over him, trying to accept peace as he's never been able to before.
It takes him hours, he thinks, but he learns so much. Yamato can hear the birds on the other side of the forest, can hear the trees as they sway, thinks he can even sense Naruto sleeping. He comes out of his trance and meets the forest guardian's eyes. It smiles, gesturing for Yamato to peer in the water, and so he does.
Even though it's what he's spend the past weeks dreaming about, seeing sage marks on his skin takes Yamato by shock. They are, unsurprisingly, similar to Hashirama's, though he only has rings around his eyes and curves over his cheeks, and the mark on his forehead has a line through the centre. He is only able to obtain this technique due to Hashirama, but he is more than just Hashirama, and Yamato feels himself well up with tears.
He bows low to the guardian and it laughs, flower petals catching on the wind of its voice. It lets him go in peace, looking at him as if Yamato were its child, letting him know should he need peace or want to leave the human world then he is welcome here, and he leaves the mangroves slowly, taking time to savour the world in this new clarity.
His sage mode wears off before he meets up with Naruto again, but he can still feel Naruto's presence long before they're together. Naruto is grinning, practically bouncing off the trees, when Yamato arrives, and he looks as if he's about to burst from the questions he wants to ask.
"Did you do it?" he asks, eyes narrowing in a squint. He grins at Yamato's silence, ignoring all personal boundaries and latching onto Yamato's arm, pulling him close to his tent.
"Taichō," Naruto says, pulling at his sleeve eagerly. Yamato knows what Naruto wants, and they sit opposite each other, letting the darkness surround them.
It's easier than he'd thought it would be. Returning to sage form is an art, and Yamato knows that he'd never be able to do this without Hashirama's genes. But he has those, has been forced into using the highest level mokuton techniques via the enemy, and he has the knowledge now, guided into him by Hashirama and the guardian of the mangroves.
Naruto is looking at him when he opens his eyes, feeling the world curl around him. He is in sage mode, and Naruto beams brightly.
"You have cooler marks than me," he says, eyes darting all over Yamato's face. "What did you learn?"
Yamato thinks of the techniques Hashirama has already walked him through, and the ones he was able to use when fighting the Allied force, techniques he's never been able to accomplish before and will never again without sage chakra. He remembers wooden dragons and hulking humanoid figures, and Yamato shakes his head.
He places his hands on the ground, closing his eyes and concentrating. He feels the earth stir, life coaxed to the surface as Yamato pours his energy into the ground, and he keeps pushing, pouring, making use of the new energy he has.
"There," he says, and opens his eyes, ignoring Naruto's quizzical look. "It's not much but…" Yamato trails off, feeling the last dregs of his sage power fade. He'll need to train more if he's to continue using it.
Naruto stands, inspecting the area around them. Yamato can tell the exact moment he realises what's happened, for he lets out a noise of disbelief, eyes wide as he looks back at Yamato.
"Yamato-taichō," he whispers, sounding as spooked as he does when Yamato makes scary faces. "You…"
What he's done is replant a forest, yes. It's only a tiny portion of the area damaged by the war, and the forest is still so young compared to what they destroyed, but it's there. This is what Yamato wants to use his powers for, what he'll only use sage mode for. He doesn't want another weapon; he wants to heal.
"I wasn't there," he says, voice thick. He struggles for words, and Naruto waits, so patient and still that Yamato can easily see the Hokage he'll grow into one day. "I couldn't help. They used me and…" Yamato closes his eyes.
"I remember when Ero-sennin died," Naruto offers, voice quiet and calm. "It's what fuelled me to undergo sage training. I wanted to hurt Pein, wanted to get back at the world… but I realised that wouldn't do me any good when I fought him."
Yamato looks at him, waiting.
"I realised that I'd been training wrong my entire life. Everything was about power to show off, to be the best. Sure I blabbed on that I wanted to be the Hokage, but it wasn't because I wanted to protect everyone. Back then, all I wanted was acknowledgement." Naruto shrugs. "We've all been doing this for the wrong reasons, but it's never too late to change our minds."
They have history on their shoulders, Yamato thinks, and Naruto knows this better than most. They have a duty to change, to make sure the world will never see another war, and Yamato wants to be a part of it. He thinks he'll follow Naruto with all his heart when he becomes Hokage, but there is someone else to consider before his reign.
"Please don't tell anyone," Yamato says, and he sees a flicker of surprise in Naruto's eyes. He tilts his head, squints, and stays like that.
"But why?" he asks, and Yamato looks down, fingers pressing against the ground. He scrapes some dirt in his hand, rolling it over his skin. It grounds him, and he sighs as Naruto shifts, clearly waiting for an answer.
"I need something for myself, just for now." Yamato glances up. "I'm happy to share this with you, but no one else yet. Especially not…" he trails off, and Naruto nods slowly.
"I don't think I understand," he replies slowly, "but I promise not to tell. If… if when you're here, can I come with you?" He sounds just as unsure as he was the first time he asked, and Yamato doesn't waste any time wondering if he wants Naruto here or not.
"I'm sure you have meditation techniques that will help me, and it'll be easier getting out of Konoha with the two of us. I can speak to Tsunade-sama, see if she'll place us on a repeated mission every two weeks or so."
Naruto nods firmly. "Pretend you're training me in tactics or something," he says merrily, and then considers his words. "Can you train me on tactics? I feel like that's the sort of thing I should know more about."
Yamato nods, and their deal is sealed. It won't be their secret forever, but Yamato needs this for now. He thinks Naruto might need it too, and he falls asleep to the rumble of a new forest burning inside of him, one he'll be able to create and set right the destruction his mistake caused.
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Yamato slips back into active duty as soon as his weight and mind scores peak over the acceptable line for active duty. Tsunade is still Hokage, though she spends longer and longer making sure her successor is up to scratch, and Yamato swerves between ANBU missions and the occasional Team Kakashi mission. They are few and far between now, admittedly, for mission organisation isn't high on any priority list, and often missions that should get complete teams are broken up. Yamato finds himself working alone often, sometimes with a partner, and rarely with the complete team.
Well. As complete as it will be now that their team leader has other duties.
Yamato isn't alone for this mission, and surprisingly, it's Naruto who he's been paired with. He had thought Tsunade hadn't wanted them together, seeing as they headed out every two or three weeks together anyway, but here they are, tasked with hunting down a group of renegades who thought stealing classified information on cell regeneration was a good idea.
Yamato doesn't know why such things are written down anyway, for whoever wants the knowledge is bound to fuck things up, but that's none of his business.
"Taichō," Naruto says, almost whining, and Yamato nods, seconding the feeling.
"They're idiots," Yamato confirms, looking down at the group of three men huddled in an onsen. Instead of dropping off the goods, they've come to spend money they probably don't have, leading them to a town on the outskirts of Konoha.
"They don't even have the brains to leave the Fire Country," Naruto mutters, and Yamato gives a huff of laughter.
"We need to find out who paid them for that information," Yamato says, more to himself than Naruto. He'd like nothing more than to get rid of these idiots here and now, but there's a higher mission, one Yamato needs to remind himself.
"Sai's cooking tomorrow night," Naruto pipes up suddenly, shifting until he's right tucked up beside Yamato. His automatic response is to shift the tree they're sitting in slightly, and then he figures he might as well go all out. Naruto grunts appreciatively as Yamato makes seats for them, altering the branch growth to cover their shifted position.
"He wanted me to ask if you wanted to come," Naruto continues, bumping against Yamato's arm again. He's on the good side, the side people forget to stand on, and it's caused Yamato a fair share of embarrassment as he's had to turn, remind people that he can't hear as well anymore, and while some take it well, some treat him as an inconvenience. He didn't earn that particular battle wound heroically, after all.
"I'm not sure…" Yamato begins, drifting off. In truth, he'd love to taste Sai's cooking. He's been trying really hard lately, trying to learn from his team and friends how to be a decent human and fit in properly. He doesn't want to be a ROOT brat anymore, and Yamato's proud of him.
"Kakashi-sensei won't be there," Naruto says firmly, and Yamato can sense the disappointment in his voice. Yamato's stomach eases up, and he nods, agreeing to go.
He wonders how it came to this. Once upon a time, Yamato couldn't wait to spend time with Kakashi. Now, any prospect of seeing him and Yamato is off, either hiding at home (a house that Kakashi has no idea of the location or address) or running off into the forest, calming himself by gathering sage chakra. If the forest around Konoha is looking especially plush for this time of year, well Yamato will feign ignorance.
"He's been weird lately," Naruto continues, wrinkling his nose as the men below laugh obscenely. "Detached, unhappy… lonely."
It's not an accusation, because Naruto would be direct with such things. It's a general comment, and Naruto has no reason to believe that Yamato could be behind Kakashi's sudden mood dip. Maybe he isn't, Yamato reckons, but it's not a coincidence that Kakashi's mood has dropped after Yamato refuses to see him.
"I wondered if he was upset about people," Naruto says, looking at Yamato as if he thinks Yamato will agree, that Yamato holds the key. He does, just perhaps not in the way Naruto imagines. "He still sees Gai-sensei most days, so it can't be that. I wondered if it was about Obito, but… maybe."
Yamato looks down, a spike of guild lacing through him. He remembers hauling Kakashi's mistakes before him once, long ago, and he knows Kakashi will be hurting with the betrayal and loss of Uchiha Obito. It's not his position, not anymore, and he touches a hand to the tree below him, closing his eyes for a moment, listening to the life all around him.
"I haven't spoken to him since I left the hospital," Yamato admits, and he looks around, just in time to see Naruto's eyes widen, his lips parting.
"I thought you were close," Naruto says with a small voice, as if he's trying to reassess the world.
"We were," Yamato says quickly, noticing the men below begin to make their way back inside. He wishes they'd been able to get a seed tracker on them, but with sage chakra between them, Yamato supposes that they'll be covered tracking really.
"What changed?" Naruto persists.
Yamato has never wanted to have this conversation, even to himself. It's not going to be easy, and he knows he shouldn't be considering this on a mission, and yet this is Naruto. He's become close to Naruto, understands him, and feels like Naruto is the only one who can understand him in return right now.
"I got captured," Yamato starts, frowning. "No that's not right. That doesn't matter." He pauses, fingers stroking the branch they're on, shrugging.
"I don't know. I fought against the Allied forces. I killed hundreds of people by myself, bar a strange clone creature." Yamato turns to Naruto. "I don't know who I am anymore, and I need to do this without Kakashi. He's been there every other step of the way, but I can't… I can't depend on him."
Naruto tilts his head, humming to himself, mulling Yamato's words over.
"You want to be able to come back whole," Naruto surmises, and of course he'd find a way to sum up the jumble of Yamato's emotions. "The war scattered you, pushed you further than you thought possible, and you have to figure out who it made you."
"And Kakashi is the next Hokage," Yamato adds, feeling it's important. "I don't know if it's a good enough reason, but there it is."
Naruto nods slowly, as if he understands completely. He's become more perceptive since the war – even if he doesn't understand things, he'll pretend he does if it's an appropriate moment. He's always been a people person, but it's calmer now, someone who listens as well as talks.
"It is what it is," Naruto comments, and then he falls silent, in a pose Yamato recognises as one to collect sage chakra. He leaves Naruto to it, turning his eye to the onsen.
"Hey, Taichō," Naruto says, nudging Yamato. "You should collect your chakra too. Even if you don't want to fight with it, you could use it for surveillance. You should use it."
He supposes it won't hurt, and it'll help him focus. Yamato begins meditating, and the world blossoms around him. He can feel the men they're tracking, and another, a strange chakra that fills the pit of his stomach with unease.
"You can feel it?" Yamato asks, and Naruto hums low, an unhappy sound.
"There's something wrong with their friend," Naruto says hurriedly, standing and clenching his fist. He flickers for a moment, entire body glowing golden with Kurama's chakra, and it's amazing to see him fully formed. Yamato hasn't seen it properly before. "We need to do something," Naruto says, his eyes wide.
Yamato is about to say they should wait when he feels the gathering of powerful chakra. He curses, nods to Naruto to follow, and manages to get a shield up as the entire onsen is blown apart, His wooden dome shelters them, though he is surprised when the dust settles a little and Naruto is still beside him.
"Do want to deal with this?" Naruto asks, and the question almost takes Yamato aback. He can't think though, and he does want to do something, rather than sit back as he has been. He stands, and there's no time to try and disperse his sage chakra. He'll have to fight with it, and the thought doesn't petrify him as much as it once did. This chakra is his power, a gift he alone carries now, and he doesn't need to fear using it.
The mokuton springs forth, livelier than it ever has been, and if there's ever been proof that sage chakra and his jutsu go hand in hand, it's this. He secures crumbling buildings, knowing he'll be back to fix them properly later, and faces their villain. He's a brute of a man, hunched shoulders and a wide grin. He's not had a healthy life, that's for sure, and Yamato stands before him, watching as he slaps the back of a glove, something huge building between his hands, most likely another explosive.
It's a second nature to move his hands together and create something, but Yamato's thoughts are far from humanoid figures or dragons. He thinks of something else entirely, and a beast not too unlike the lions Sai uses, springing forward to pin the man down.
It's easy after that, almost laughably so. Yamato seals the man's hand in a knot of woodwork. It splinters with the explosion, but is contained, and the creature he created sits obediently, keeping the man in place as Yamato snakes wood to trap his arms and legs. It's good, really, that this was so easy, but Yamato had been ANBU all of his life. He can't help but itch for a decent fight, especially as his sage chakra still flushes through his system.
"Nice dog," Naruto comments as he joins Yamato. Of course it's a dog, Yamato thinks, what other animal would he think of first?
"It's hardly something out of the legends, but I think I'll leave that sort of stuff to you," Yamato replies, and he plants the dog in the ground, letting it thin until it's a handful of saplings. The onsen owner can choose whether they want to keep them in the gardens or get rid of them, but once Yamato has created something with his sage chakra, he doesn't want to waste it.
"That was easy," Naruto sighs, hands linking behind his head. "It's good, but…"
"But," Yamato agrees, crouching down. His palm touches the floor and he gathers the very last of the sage chakra he has stored. He sends it into the damaged buildings, fortifying the remaining structures and reworking what he can. He's had practice from the forests he's nurturing, and the rebuild of Konoha of course, but it's different this time. It's almost easy, and Yamato rebuilds a handful of establishments in under a minute.
They leave with their new prisoner quietly, ignoring the outcry from the people they're leaving behind. They want to thank Yamato, they say, and Naruto too. Naruto just turns his shoulder, looking up at the sky as it darkens, as Yamato politely declines, explaining they must get their prisoner back. They don't listen when he says he doesn't need thanks, of course. It takes them longer than they want, and their prisoner has tried to shuffle off at least five times, but they eventually make it out onto the road back to Konoha.
"I'm not tired," Yamato says simply, and Naruto looks at him as if he's lost his mind. Something eventually clicks, and Naruto clears his throat.
"Ah, I get it," he says, chuckling. "That's the beauty of it. You're taking strength from nature itself – it's an endless energy. I bet you could do some really cool stuff if you really wanted to, like the giant dragon thing."
Yamato nods silently. He doesn't want to do that, he just wants to create a forest, to fix the mess he made. That's all he's ever wanted, in truth, but it seems the world has little regard for what Yamato wants and what he actually ends up doing.
They hand their prisoner off when they get back to the village, and Naruto says he'll check in for them. Maybe Kakashi will be there, Yamato thinks, and he thanks Naruto, glad to let someone else do the work for once. He needs to process and think about what fighting in sage mode means.
It wasn't a fight though, not really, Yamato reasons, opening his door with his finger. He does have a proper key, but it's not for him. Maybe he had it made with a particular person in mind, Yamato tries not to remember.
His house is still, quiet. It's large for his needs, in honest, settled at the edge of the village. The garden is wild, Yamato's waiting until most of it dies back to clear things properly, but nothing seems to be dying. Perhaps it's because of his mokuton, he thinks, or perhaps it's because their winter is unusually mild and the plants hardy. Either way, Yamato will need to sort it out soon, or risk becoming lost under the foliage.
It's nice to be in peace, Yamato thinks. He wonders what the rest of his team is up to – Naruto mentioned something about catching up with friends at Ichiraku Ramen, and he knows Sakura will be busy at the hospital this evening. She's off tomorrow, and Yamato only knows this because she requested her help with something. He's not sure what yet, but he couldn't say no to her. Sai, well. He has no idea what Sai is up to, but Yamato bets he'll be at Ichiraku with Naruto.
He has no desire to eat, so Yamato hurriedly munches a ration bar to make sure he gives his body what it needs, and then he moves to his bed, sinking under the sheets in just his underwear. He doesn't close his eyes, mind whirring and too much energy flowing through him, and he stares up at the ceiling.
Is Kakashi sad? Yamato wishes he knew for sure. He thinks he'd be able to tell Kakashi's mood from only just a glance, but a glance risks everything. He doesn't want to speak to Kakashi, just wants to glimpse a look, see if he is okay. Yamato hopes he's happy.
He's a coward, deep down. Before he left the hospital, there was one person he'd been terrified of seeing. Yamato knows his reasons are petty – Kakashi probably doesn't give a shit he was captured and used by the enemy. Kakashi probably doesn't give a shit he's now partially deaf and dabbling in senjutsu. Kakashi probably doesn't give a shit about anything other than the fact they both survived, but something always stops Yamato. He can't do it. He can't see Kakashi, can't accept that his on-again-off-again partner is heading somewhere he can't follow.
Yamato scrunches his eyes up. Maybe that's what all of this is about. Maybe he's mastering sage chakra to keep up with Kakashi. Maybe he doesn't want Kakashi to leave him now he's going to be the Hokage. Maybe this is all a ridiculous cry for help and attention, and Yamato is just waiting for Kakashi to knock the door down, demand where he's been and then kiss him passionately, just like all his porny romances.
Or maybe not. Maybe Yamato just wants to find himself. Maybe he wants something new, something salvaged, and maybe he needs to be alone to do this. Maybe he wants to fix the mess the war left inside of Yamato, heal what Sakura couldn't inside his head, and then maybe he can return to Kakashi and show him how the world never got to him.
Who knows. Yamato sure as hell doesn't, that's for sure. All he knows is that he wants to continue building his forest. He wants to use his sage chakra, and that's that.
He sits in the dark for a long while, waiting, listening.
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