Hey Guys, so this is my first ever fanfic. It was beta'd by my awesome friend Elphaniss. She really is awesome. You should check her out. Thanks also to CrlkSeasons who helped out. Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek or anything connected to it. I guess that's it so enjoy!
She watches him from afar as she sits in her command seat. The way his hands fly over helm control send butterflies fluttering in her stomach. When he flashes her his cheeky smirk she cannot help but wish she could see it more often.
She allows herself to pretend sometimes. Putting her hand on his shoulder, flirting with him while on duty, occasionally eating a meal with him. They're all small things she allows.
She knows Chakotay knows but she cannot gather up the effort to care. All her effort is being put into not doing something she regrets. It leaves her drained. The only thing that gives her energy now is the encounters she has with her Chief Con Officer.
Sometimes she sees him in the mess hall with her and it sends pain shooting straight to her heart. The jealously takes over and she cannot see anything but red. What the hell does that bitch think she's doing with her man? After a thought like she snaps back to reality, horrified at herself. She passes them and sits with Tuvok or Chakotay, talking of some boring report but her eyes keep drifting over towards him.
At night she dreams of encounters between them when his girlfriend was never part of her crew. She wakes and she tries to dispel the images her brain has conjured up. She keeps reminding herself of protocols. What would Star Fleet think if she began a relationship with one of her subordinates? It's not even worth thinking about and yet she cannot help but wonder…
So here she sits in her command chair, watching him from afar. The one person who would forever be out of her reach.