A/N: And this was supposed to be another one shot. Thanks to Dee for inspiring the muse.
Let Sleeping Tank's Lie – A Cautionary Tale
Prologue
Lester gathered the cosmetics off the desk and dumped them back in Steph's makeup case.
"Put it back in her desk drawer," he whispered to Bobby.
Bobby slunk off, hand over his mouth to suppress a snigger.
"Fuck, we are so dead," Zero giggled as he deftly arranged the pink feather boa.
"Gotta catch us first," Les replied with a shit eating grin, snapping a few pictures with his phone. He hit send, emailing them to his computer.
"You are so evil, man," Bobby chuckled as he returned. "You need to send those to the other offices."
"Oh, yeah. Don't worry, I'm on it." Lester said. "You know, I think he's missing something though."
The three Rangemen looked at the comatose Tank snoring at his desk, face covered in makeup and the feather boa around his neck.
Bobby snapped his fingers. "Got it. What he really needs to go with this is a tiara!"
Let Sleeping Tanks Lie – A Cautionary Tale
Chapter 1
"Ulk," Zero moaned as he woke up. His limbs were stiff and sore, like he'd gone 10 rounds in the ring with the boss. He cracked open a sleep encrusted eye and shut it again swiftly.
No, he thought, this cannot be right. He opened both eyes this time, ignoring the almost blinding pain in his head, and groaned. They never, ever, ever should have covered Tank in makeup, bedecked him with a hot pink feather boa, and emailed the picture around the whole company with the tag line: 'What he really needs to go with this is a tiara!'
Zero looked at his comrades in horror. Both Lester and Bobby were stark naked – apart from the tiaras they both had on top of their heads. Thankfully, the not-so-dynamic-now duo were still out of it. He reached up gingerly to touch his own head. Yup, he was wearing a tiara.
With a shaking hand he grabbed hold of the thin wire and pulled. Nothing happened. He pulled again – still nothing. And it was then that Zero took in his surroundings. The three of them were dumped at the back of a large, dirty cargo plane hold. Shit! How could they have been so stupid?
After three years at Rangeman, Zero had always heard the rumors about getting shipped to a third world country, but he'd always believed it to be an idle threat – a bit of a joke to scare the crap out of the new recruits.
But what about Hal? A little voice at the back of his head yelled. Sure, the boss told you that he'd sacked him for letting Steph out of the building and for getting zapped by his own stun gun, but was that the truth?
Had anyone actually seen Hal since he was fired? And Slick, and Eddie – Zero couldn't remember the last time he'd seen them either. He'd called Eddie not long after he left Rangeman, wanting his new address so he could post him back a DVD that he'd borrowed. The little tinny voice on the line had informed Zero that the cell number he'd dialed was no longer in service.
Fuck! The rumors were really true, and they were being shipped off to Namibia, or Uzbekistan, or god knows where, for making Tank look like an ass.
Movement at the corner of his eye made him look over at Lester.
Santos pulled himself up into a sitting position and groaned. "Not again," he muttered as he punched Bobby on the shoulder. "Wake up, bro!"
Bobby grunted and rolled over. "Not now, baby, l'll make love to you again later."
Les rolled his eyes, grimacing a little, and then punched Bobby again. "Oi, hot stuff, we have a situation here."
Bobby sat up with a start. "Who, what – oh not again!" he wailed.
Zero was shocked, this kind of thing had happened before? "Um, guys, what's going on?"
"Ever been to a third world country before?" Lester said with a grin.
"No," Zero answered warily.
"Well, I hope your shots are up to date, boy, 'cos we're going on holiday."
"But I thought it was a joke…"
Bobby hauled himself off the floor and brushed the dirt off his ass. "Nope, guess we pissed Tank and Ric off good this time. Still, I'm sure that it won't be as bad as the last little expedition."
"Do I want to know?" Zero asked apprehensively.
"In a word, no," Lester said. "We need to look for the envelope. There should be a manila envelope somewhere with the terms of this FURAR'd situation in it."
"How do you know there is going to be an envelope?"
Bobby grinned. "Well, there was the last three times. Just think of this as on the job training and you'll be fine. I suspect that we have three weeks to get back to Trenton to keep our jobs. Don't worry Zero, it'll be a piece of cake."
"Yeah," Lester smiled. "Stick with us and you'll be back home in no time."
"Stick with you?" Zero yelled. "If I'd ignored you two clowns in the first place, I'd still be in Trenton, rather than on my way to some third world hell hole!"
"Nah, guilty by association," Lester replied. "Unless you'd ratted us out to Ric or woken Tank up, you'd have still been in the shit. Look, we need to bust these crates open to see what we've got to work with. Go look for that envelope."
Resigned to his fate, Zero shuffled off on stiff legs to find the envelope. This was hell, and he was damn sure it was never in his contract of employment. Ten minutes later, he hit pay dirt, finding the afore mentioned envelope between a couple of crates. He extracted it carefully in case it was rigged to explode – anything was possible now, he figured.
Gentlemen, please remember that company time is not to be spent in the pursuit of cheap laughs at the expense of a superior.
You have three weeks to return to the Rangeman Trenton offices in order to safeguard your jobs. If you fail to return in that time, your contract of employment will cease. Though, if you are fortunate enough to return to base in the stipulated time frame, your misdemeanor will be forgotten.
Ricardo C Manoso & P 'Tank' Thibideaux
"Same old shit," Lester said with a shrug, as he tossed the note on top of a crate.
"We are so fucked!" Zero yelled.
Bobby patted him on the back. "It'll be a walk in the park, man. Nice tiara by the way."
A/N: Do you ladies want more? Where has Ranger and Tank shipped them to? Will they ever get back to Trenton armed with nothing but their good looks, charm, wit and tiaras? Comments and suggestions please.