What the Water Gave Me
A Zutara piece that takes place several years after the finale. Written to Florence and the Machine's song of the same name.
The woods around them were silent. There were no cricket-mantises chirping in the darkness. There was not even the distant, muffled hooting of a crane-owl in the distance. All was so deathly quiet, she could hear each individual member of her team breathing. She could hear their hearts beating. She could feel them beating. High overhead, a fat, silvery moon beamed down upon them and painted everything in whites and grays. She thought she could see Yue's kind smile in its curve.
Then the silence was shattered like a rock thrown through a window pane. Every bit of peace was decimated and sent skittering across the grove that they stood in. Suddenly, the woods were bristling with weapons and bodies. She could hear curses and grunts ringing out around her. Gouts of fire burst into life and then vanished just as swiftly as they had come. The earth shifted underfoot as benders fought against one another for supremacy.
She did a quick mental calculation and came to the worrisome conclusion that they had greatly underestimated the numbers of their enemy. They had known they were waiting for them. They had known that there was going to be an ambush. It was inevitable, but this had not been foreseen. They were outnumbered nearly five to one. Aang was with them, but she knew he was hesitant to enter into the Avatar state. Its power frightened him. He feared he would accidentally take someone's life while he was not in full control of his body. After all, not all of the past Avatars were as aversive to the thought of shedding blood as he was.
She threw out a rope of water and lashed someone hard across the face. She could not make out who exactly her opponent was in the queer light of the moon. It didn't matter. All that did matter was that someone was trying to kill her and her friends, and she would not allow that to happen. She would never allow that to happen.
Soon she was wielding two waterwhips, and then she split those into two as well. They snaked out from her hands like living serpents. They flailed and slashed. Bodies were knocked aside like children's toys. Still, it was not enough. The earth shook underneath the soles of her boots causing her to fall to one knee. Her hold on two of the waterwhips weakened until they tumbled to the earth as nothing more harmful than droplets. She sucked in a hard, dry breath and struggled to stand. A blow from the side caught her and sent her tumbling. She landed on her back staring up at a spinning sky full of stars.
Someone leaned over her. There was the harsh glint of a blade. She kicked out. The heel of her foot caught someone's knee with a satisfying crack, and the person disappeared from her view. She came to her feet and looked around. The fighting was still thick and heavy. She could make out the familiar shape of Sokka's boomerang. She heard Toph yell out in triumph as another enemy was defeated, but there were always more to replace them. So many more.
She saw a slim shape flit through the sky like a bird. Aang was still fighting. That was good. He had not been hurt. Yet. Yet was a very dangerous word to Katara, and she did not like it. She had never liked it.
She dashed through the skirmishes, lashing out with the remainder of her water and desperately trying to call up more. That was the trouble with fighting in the Fire Nation. It was so hot and dry there that it gave her little to work with.
A hoarse cry alerted her to Zuko's presence. She watched him fighting wildly, using his swords and flames in equal parts to keep the ring of enemies around him at bay. He landed a slice with his sword and blood glittered like wine in the night as it fell to the dusty earth. The man screamed and backed away into the gathering crowd.
She swiveled her head in a frantic circle. He needed her help. Toph needed her help. Aang needed her help. Everyone needed her help. She didn't have enough water to deal with all of the threats surrounding her. If she had been near the ocean or even a river or stream it would have been different. She would have drowned them all without a second thought.
She wasn't the soft girl she had once been. The war had hardened and changed her in ways that years alone could not. She had seen cruelty and had met it with cruelty in return. She did not kill needlessly. She took no pleasure in it, but the guilt that had once plagued her was now only a dim echo. An eye for an eye left the world blind, but better to be blind than dead. Toph would tell anyone that laughingly. The little earthbender wasn't laughing now. She was fighting tooth and nail to hold her position, but it was clear to Katara that she was surely losing ground.
She spun on her heel and sent her remaining waterwhips looping around her body in a tight concentric spiral. For another moment, she could breathe without fear of being hurt or killed, but it wouldn't last. It seemed as if their defeat was inevitable, and everyone was aware of it. The stakes were terribly high. If even one of them was captured or killed it would be devastating to their cause. The whole world would shake with the reverberations of that one action.
She had to find the leader. She had to find the leader and take him out. Azula wouldn't be here. She was far too smart for that. She had been as elusive as a ghost ever since she escaped the mental asylum, but it seemed that everywhere they turned she thwarted their efforts somehow.
In a flash of thought, Katara saw them all dead and bloody, their bodies lying as limp as broken dolls. They would die here if something did not change.
She started running again, searching frantically for someone who looked as if they were in control of the situation. Someone with power and confidence enough to command this sort of obedience. Her hands moved of their accord to defend herself as she studied the faces she encountered. Bending was now second nature to her. She did it without thinking like breathing.
It was slow work fighting her way through the mass of bodies and elements. Her water supply grew less and less as she counteracted flames aimed at her back and face. She could hear each drop sizzling as it evaporated. It was the most awful sound she had ever heard. It was the sound of her failure to protect the ones she loved most. It was the sound of her mother screaming in pain as the flames consumed her. It was the sound of Azula's lightning striking Aang in the caves beneath Ba Sing Sei. It was the sound of Zuko's body hitting the ground in front of her eyes as he took the shot meant for her. So many people dead and injured to protect her, and what had it all come to? Nothing. She was powerless. She was useless. She was helpless with her only form of defense literally disappearing before her very eyes.
She had to do something. She had promised she would not allow this to happen again, and she wouldn't.
Her eyes kept roving over the sea of people to spot that one person who was the force behind this attack. Her gaze alit on someone. He was a young man, clearly a Fire Nation aristocrat. Nobility seemed to drip off of him with that little half smile and those lean, sharp features. He reminded her of Zuko the first time she had seen him but without any of the potential for humility or redemption.
It was odd but she would be forever grateful to Yon Ra. He had taught her a valuable lesson that day out in the rain as he had begged for his life and offered his mother's in return. He had taught that there was not good in everyone. He had taught her that some people were inherently evil and selfish. He was in many ways even worse than Azula. There was no doubt in anyone's mind that the Fire Nation princess was insane and cruel and ruthless, but she was at least honest about it. She made no excuses for her actions. Everything she did, she did for herself, and she was unapologetic about it. There was some deep, hidden part of Katara that secretly admired the other girl for being able to be so boldly and openly selfish. Sometimes she found herself wishing she could be a little bit more like her.
She looked at the young man with his easy and graceful swagger as he casually deflected blows and dodged around his opponents. She knew just by looking at him that he wouldn't break under interrogation. He would not give up any useful or truthful information. That left only one alternative to ending this fight, to saving everything she held dear.
Her eyes flicked from him to the sky. The moon was still shining down on them as benevolently as before with that same mischievous smile. It was like Yue was commanding her to do it. It was all within her power to stop it. She saw that now.
She became afraid for a moment. She was about to embark on a dark path that she would not be able to turn back from. Then again, hadn't she already embarked upon it all those years ago with Zuko? She had done it then without a thought and without remorse. What was stopping her now? Simple, herself. Well, Katara being the practical woman that she was, she would remedy that.
She used the remainder of her water to dispatch of any enemies surrounding her and standing between her and her target. She didn't have to be close. She just had to have a good view of him. When that was done, she narrowed her attention to him only. She felt his heart beating in his chest, a strong, steady drum. She felt his muscles pull tight as he maneuvered his body deftly like the perfectly trained instrument that it was. She felt his lungs expand and contract as he drew another breath.
Her fingers arced into claws as she drew her arms out to either side of her body. She targeted his heart with her heightened senses, tapped into the red blood flowing through his veins. The moon rose within her until it filled her, until she thought its light was shining out through her eyes and mouth. She could taste the cold air of night and the chilly thoughts of stars on her tongue. What did they care for one stupid, swaggering boy? What did she care? She didn't.
Her fingers waved and his muscles twitched just a bit, just enough for him to notice. He raised an eyebrow in puzzlement but soon returned to his beautiful style of fighting. She swept her arms together and watched in detachment as he lost control of his body. He yelled out in fear, stumbling midstep and landing on his knees.
His eyes went wide as she forced his right hand to his belt where he kept a knife sheathed. With stiff, clumsy movements, she made his fingers slip the blade out and grip it. He yelled in frustration and rage and incomprehension. He was beyond fear. His brain wasn't even registering the entire thing as reality. His comrades ignored him. They were too busy fighting their own battles to pay attention to him. The ones who did notice stared on in rapt horror.
Katara let the strength of the moon and the night and all the hidden lakes beneath her feet surge through her in one mighty wave. She forced his arm to move up and out until the tip of the knife was aligned with his heart. His eyes bulged until she could clearly make out the whites of them. He twitched the fingers on his left hand to try and regain control. She gritted her teeth and strengthened her hold on him.
Bringing her right hand down in one swift chop, she watched as his right arm drove the blade through his chest and into his heart. She felt it splutter and convulse as it struggled to continue pumping his blood through his veins before it gave out. His mouth worked silently as his throat tried to produce some final sound. Blood flecked his lips as he gave one last gasp and toppled over onto his side.
Her hands relaxed and her arms fell to her sides. Nausea roiled in her stomach as she realized what she had done, but she quickly pushed that aside. There was no time for that now, and there never would be. This was nothing to regret or be sorry for. He was dead, and she had killed him. Nothing would change that. Nothing brought the dead back.
The others around him finally seemed to notice what had become of their charismatic leader. They stopped their fighting, stared in shock for a few moments, and then began a swift and chaotic retreat into the woods. Katara stood motionless and watched as her companions pursued them into the woods. She heard yelling and shouting, but she could not have said if hours or minutes passed before someone approached her.
She blinked.
"Katara," Sokka said in a worried voice as he gave her shoulders a shake. "It's over. It's okay. We won, sort of."
"I know," she answered, staring at him owlishly.
"Then why are you just standing there?" His voice went higher as he spoke, a clear sign that he was worried she had finally cracked.
"I'm just tired," she said as she took his face in her hands to examine his wounds. There was a small cut on his forehead that was bleeding profusely, but he seemed fine aside from that.
"Oh, you need to rest then. We'll be making camp soon."
She jerked her head and went to go sit under a tree. She knew she should be helping, but for some reason, she just couldn't make herself take up such menial tasks right now. She had killed a man and felt nothing.
They were all huddled under the tarps of their tents as the rain fell outside. It helped to dilute the strong, iron smell of blood in the air. The waterbender was sitting in a corner with her knees drawn up to her chest, staring into the flames of a fire that Zuko had built. He was in a tent on the other side of camp probably discussing what should be done with the prisoners they had managed to capture. There weren't many.
It was just her, Aang, Toph, and Sokka. Suki was being tended for a sword wound in another tent. Katara had insisted on trying to heal her, but when everyone saw her, they had all agreed she was too tired to do anything. She had uneasily relented.
"I can't believe they just scattered like that," the earthbender said as she picked dirt out from under her nails.
"Yeah, that was kind of weird," Sokka added as he wiped down his boomerang and club.
"Zuko said it was because their leader died," Aang murmured, sipping on a cup of tea. "He said that with rebel groups like this, they tend to lose heart pretty quickly once their leader is gone. It's weird though how he died."
Katara shifted nervously and kept her eyes focused on the golden tongues of flame in front of her.
"What do you mean?" Sokka asked, suddenly serious.
Aang shrugged in confusion. "There was a knife stuck in his chest, straight through his heart."
"So?" Toph raised an eyebrow.
"It was his knife," Aang explained. "Our fighters don't carry knives like that. Zuko identified the seal on it. It was a weapon specific to this guy's family. It was his."
"Okay, so he killed himself," Toph suggested carelessly.
"But why would he do that?" Sokka questioned, resting his chin in his hand. "It doesn't make sense. They were winning. Why would he do something like that when his victory was almost guaranteed?"
Katara hunched her already tense shoulders and wanted to fall in on herself like a building collapsing. She heard the blood roaring in her ears.
"That's what I was thinking," said the Avatar thoughtfully. "I don't think he killed himself."
"So what does that mean?" Toph shifted until she was roughly facing the others, her eyes large and inquisitive.
"That means someone else did," the airbender said in serious voice.
"But who?"
"Why?"
Katara began to lose track of the conversation. The questions seemed to pile on top of each other. The other three went back and forth as to who could have gotten close enough to do it, and why. They couldn't come up with anything. They had no one on the inside of his group, and no one of their group had owned up to it. It was a mystery to them, but it wasn't to her.
"I killed him," she whispered.
They ignored her and continued speculating on possible suspects.
"I killed him," she said more forcefully, lifting her head from her knees to stare them fully in the face.
The conversation stopped abruptly as they swiveled their heads around towards her.
Silence began to fill the tiny space.
Aang swallowed. "What do you mean, Katara?"
"I killed him," she repeated simply, turning her eyes towards her boyfriend.
"Katara, you couldn't have," Sokka began gently, clearly thinking the shock of the events were still affecting her. "You said yourself you didn't have any water left."
No one said anything for a moment.
"She's not lying," Toph murmured at last, her voice filled with disbelief.
"B-but how?" Aang asked, his face stretched into a look of confusion and fear.
Katara sighed, the tension running out of her and leaving her weak and limp. The exertions of the day seemed to have finally caught up with her. "I used bloodbending," she replied numbly.
The other three stared at her, not quite sure how to respond to that.
Aang recovered from the shock first. His eyebrows furrowed and his mouth turned down into a frown. "But why? Why would you do something like that?"
The rain beat down harder. It was coming down in sheets now.
Katara shrugged and met his eyes with an icy blue stare of her own. "It needed to be done."
"You know that violence is not the answer. How did you kill him with bloodbending?"
She hid a dark smile. He wasn't going to like this. "I made him drive the knife into his heart."
The horror settled on them more heavily. Sokka looked away. Toph kept her features calm and composed as if she was still undecided about what she thought of the turn of events.
Aang held no feelings of confusion. He got to his feet. "That's terrible! How could you use that? You said you hated bloodbending."
"I did what needed to be done."
"Needed to be done? How can you say that? What gives you the right to take another person's life, Katara?" His voice was trembling with the emotions churning within him.
"What gives me the right?" She got to her feet and looked up into his face. All of the boyishness in it was gone now. He looked like a man, but he wasn't quite. He still thought like the little naïve child that Katara had abandoned years ago. "He gave me the right when he decided to attack us. He gave me the right when he tried to kill us."
"I know, but Katara still. . . what you did . . . it was. . ." He dropped his eyes to ground, unable to meet hers.
"It was what?" she said coldly.
"It was wrong. I thought you would never do that again." He ran a hand over his bald head and sighed in disappointment.
"Wrong?" She couldn't help it, she laughed. It was a bitter sound even to her own ears, but she couldn't believe what he was saying. "Wrong is letting your friends die when you can prevent it. Wrong is letting scum like him and Ozai get away with their crimes when innocent people have died because of them. That's wrong, Aang."
He looked up at her again, and she could tell that his disappointment was being replaced by a swift anger. "I didn't kill Ozai and I still managed to stop the war, didn't I? How is it wrong that I don't think I have the right to decide another person's fate? Every life is precious. Everyone deserves to live. Neither I nor you have any right to decide who lives and who dies."
She scoffed at him. "I didn't decide anything for him. He did it himself when he decided he would attack us in the middle of the night like a coward. He sealed his own fate. I was just the one to carry out the sentence."
His face fell. He shook his head sadly and slowly. The Avatar glanced at her, and she knew that he saw a stranger where his girlfriend had once been. He didn't know this person she had become, and he didn't understand her. His face said what his voice didn't. He didn't understand, and he never would. A gulf had opened up between them that neither one of them could ever cross. It had been slowly forming through the years, but now it was out in the open. They couldn't ignore it anymore.
She felt cold all over on the inside and the outside. He was her boyfriend. He was supposed to love her and support her. He wasn't even trying to understand why she had done what she felt was necessary. He simply judged her. He was right and she wrong. The world was black and white as simple as that. She was a murderer and a monster. She looked down at his long fingered hands and knew that they would never feel the same when they touched her again. He would never touch her the same way. She was tainted now. She was something dirty and unholy.
She rapidly blinked back tears. It wasn't her fault. This was what she was. It was what the world had shaped her to be. She was her element. She was water. When the world put an obstacle in her way, she found a new way around it. She changed because she had too.
"I'm going to go," Aang whispered as he headed for the entrance, clearly uncomfortable with the tense air filling up the tent.
Katara held out her hand. "Don't worry about it. I was just leaving." Without another word or a backward glance, she sidled past him and went out into the rain and the dark.
She was soaked instantly. The rain was coming down hard and fast. It beat against the ground like a million tiny drums. She didn't bother to bend it off of her though she could have easily. Instead, she let it slide down her skin and seep through her clothes. The water was cold and clean and refreshing. She welcomed it as she tipped her head back and let it slide down her neck. The moon could still be seen even through the downpour. Yue still wore that hidden smile.
She spread her arms out wide and began to move through the motions of bending. The water followed her through one form and then the next. It never questioned her or asked anything of her. It simply gave what comfort it could. She lashed out hard at imaginary foes, taking out all of her anger and frustration. Why didn't he understand? Why couldn't he even attempt to? How could he not realize that she had only done what she needed to do to save him?
Soon she realized that the water streaming down her face wasn't just rain. She was crying. She touched her fingers to cheeks and then to her tongue. She tasted the salt from her tears. She looked around the campgrounds and saw a red tent on the other side with a fire glowing within it. She began to shiver. How long had she been out there? But it wasn't just the rain that was making her shake, it was the coldness inside of her that fed a sense of isolation she couldn't contain anymore. She needed someone. She needed someone who was not afraid of what she was.
She half-walked, half stumbled to the tent. She didn't know how but she knew who was inside that tent. There was no special insignia to mark it, but somehow she found her feet leading her towards it. She took a deep breath before daring to pull back the flap and present herself to the occupant.
Zuko was sitting in front of his fire examining a map. He looked up from the sketching and stared at her. "Katara? Come in." He got up and went over to her. Taking her by the shoulder, he gently guided her inside and forced her to sit down in front of the fire.
"What are you doing here?"
She didn't answer but warmed her hands by the fire.
He frowned at her silence but quickly put a cup of steaming tea into her hands. "Here, drink this. You look like you're freezing."
She accepted it gratefully and blew on it to cool it off. The Fire Lord took a seat in front of the fire beside her. He left his scrolls and maps laid out carelessly on the floor.
"Is there anything else you need?" he asked, voice laced with concern.
"You saw what I did," she stated as she took another drink of the hot tea.
His eyebrow rose in surprise before he nodded wearily. "Yes, I saw it."
"And?"
"And what?" he replied as he stood up and went to get a spare blanket from the corner of his room. He draped it around her shoulders.
"You don't care? You aren't bothered? You don't think I'm a horrible person, that I'm a monster?" The words spilled out of her mouth so fast she didn't realize what she was saying until it was already said.
His eyes went dark at her words and his mouth thinned into a tight line. "No. I have seen you bloodbend before, and I won't lie it isn't pleasant to watch, but I do not think you are a horrible person. I have lived with real monsters, Katara, and you are not one."
"Good," she said in relief, taking another sip of tea.
"What made you think that?"
"I told Aang about it, and he. . . did not understand." Her voice was soft and sad as she spoke, but she wasn't as sad as she once thought she would be. Something had changed between her and the Avatar, but she couldn't quite bring herself to be sorry about it. It almost felt liberating to be free of the ruse.
Zuko sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose with this thumb and forefinger. "I was afraid of that."
"He just doesn't get it," she murmured. "But you do?"
He turned to stare at her. "Yes, I think I understand why you did what you did. I can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing. We were losing. It was obvious."
Katara said nothing, but basked in the glow of his words as she finished her tea. His words were like a balm. Aang and perhaps others thought she had done something irreprehensible, but for now, there was at least one other soul in the night who understood what she had done and why.
"That's what I like about you," she whispered as she set down her tea cup.
"What?"
She smiled at him for a moment and let herself really look at him for the first time in years. He was handsome. She couldn't deny it anymore. For years, she had not allowed herself to snatch more than a glance at him for fear that might it stir up some old emotions that she had preferred to be left alone at the time.
"I like that you can see both sides of people, of me, and accept them. You aren't scared of what I am." She drew her hand over her body and sucked the last of the water from her skin and clothes. It collected on her fingertips where she shaped it into anything to came to mind.
He lifted his hand next to hers and did the same with a small ball of fire he conjured up. Slowly their bending found a rhythm, and Katara began to realize that their shapes were starting to tell a strange story. It was a story of secrets and hidden things.
"I have never been afraid of the water," Zuko said softly as he leaned into her.
She didn't back away as she might once have. "I used to think Aang wasn't, but it seems as if I was wrong."
The Fire Lord blew a breath through his nose. "He only loves it when it fits the picture he wants it to, but that's the tricky thing about water, it will always find a way out. I can accept all of its forms whether it is a river or the ocean or a storm. I have come to love all of them."
Katara's breath caught in her throat at his words. She could feel his warmth pressing against her, familiar and inviting. Their knees were touching, and she could smell the strange spices that always seemed to perfume him. It was heady and intoxicating. It was like a long draught of good, strong wine.
She turned her head towards him. What did she have to lose? She had already done the most terrible thing she could in Aang's eyes. She leaned into the man in front of her without thinking and pressed her lips to his.
He didn't hesitate like she was afraid he would. His lips worked with hers letting her lead. His hands came up and cupped the sides of her face. His fingers tangled in her hair.
She let her hands wander to his waist. The kiss deepened as his tongue darted into her mouth. All of the confusing numbness of the evening was washed away in the golden warmth he seemed emanate. His skin was hot and flushed beneath the tender touch of her fingertips as she untucked his shirt from his pants.
He pulled away from her lips, leaving her puzzled and breathless.
"Not here," he whispered against her neck.
"Then where?" she sighed.
"The storm's still raging outside." He got up and offered her his hand.
She took it and allowed him to lead her out of the comfort of the tent into the wildness of the night and the storm.
Hmm, you know, I was really excited about this when I first started writing, now I'm not so sure about it. I do realize that Katara is somewhat OOC, but I think that it is possible that she would act this way. After all, we caught a glimpse of this side of her in the episode Southern Raiders, and some years have passed since the finale. I personally think that Katara will continue to grow into a tougher and harsher person as the Gaang continues to fight rebels and secure peace for the Nations. I honestly think that this would cause a rift in the relationship between her and Aang since he is so pacifist. I just think they are too different to work out in the long run, but hey, obviously, I don't own Avatar otherwise it would have turned out much differently.
Well, comments as always are appreciated.