So I read The Hunger Games Trilogy about a million times and then read some fanfics...You guys should check 'em out! Anywhoo...this is a lemon. If you still giggle at the word penis click the big red "x" in the top right corner now. If you giggled at the word penis and then tried to act like a serious adult...keep reading:D
Disclaimer: I don't own the Hunger Games Trilogy...if I did then Mockingjay would have had a big fat lemon at the end...:D
It's funny how things work sometimes. My name is Katniss Everdeen. I'm 18 years old. I was the face of the Revolution. I was the Girl on Fire. I am nothing but embers now.
I'm bent over the kitchen sink trying to fix the pipes when I hear him come in. "Finally come up for air, Haymitch?" All I get is a grunt in turn.
It's been the newest routine since the Capitol. I wake in the mornings and spend a few hours hunting, shutting myself into a tiny box in my head to make it through the day.
On the outside, I'm simply an 18 year old girl who could stand to gain a few pounds with to many scars to have had a normal childhood. On the inside I'm a tangled mess of webs and poison. Hatred for everyone trying to leak through my pores. Trying my hardest not to let everyone know that I've finished letting my skin crack open. I'm covered in tiny fissures that have all of me leaking out of them.
I cook for Haymitch. When he leaves I walk up the stairs and shut myself in one of the many closets in this huge empty house. Then I let myself go. I tell myself that I'm healing. I know that it's far from the truth. I'm festering.
We're almost through with breakfast when Haymitch blows our comfortable routine out of the water.
"So when are you going to pull your head from your ass and talk to him?"
"OUT!"
"Katniss. Now listen!"
I'm balling my fist ready to punch him if he says another word about the subject.
The subject I refuse to discuss. The one that lives right across the street with his sweet baked bread smell wafting to my windows all day, everyday.
Haymitch stops. He looks me in the face and stands. "You have to make a choice, Katniss. You can either sit here for the rest of your life trying to glue yourself back together or you can walk across the street and live your life. If you choose the first one then you might as well find some of those poisoned berries of yours. You'd be stupid to live like that and if there's one thing I know about you, Katniss... It's that your not stupid."
He leaves. I'm facing the clock on the wall. Shattered. I've finally done it. I've finally broken. I let my little shattered self fall to the floor with a measure of relief, because if there is on thing I can not do it's walk across the street and hear how much he hates me.
Suddenly I know. It's silly how long it's taken me to realize what I must do. Hearing Haymitch lay it all out so clearly is comforting. Like someone has given me a Holo that maps out my own little destruction.
So simple.
Then I'm running up stairs and grabbing my bow. It seems like after everything I've done with it in my hands at least Beetee's bow will finally be the one to end it all for me.
I walk out my front door and give it a good slam. Hilarious how just a few years ago I would have killed for a home like this.
I did kill for a home like this.
Walking down the street I'm smiling. So very happy that it'll all be over soon. The quiver with my fire arrows rubs uncomfortably on my back but I just keep smiling. Never looking up to the sorrowful face in the window.
PPOV
It's funny how things work out sometimes.
How just a few short years ago I would have killed to own my own bakery and live so close to her.
I did kill for it. Would kill for her.
I'm trying my hardest to bake some of her favorite cheesy rolls without thinking of her.
The slam of a door draws my attention away from the dough that is starting to lump from my frustration with it.
Walking to the living room and wiping my hands on my apron I peer out of the window.
It's her.
She dressed normally with just her bow and quiver slung on her back.
Smiling.
She's smiling like a maniac.
Happy.
I feel the tears well. The loneliness starts to take me over but I hold myself together long enough to watch her walk out of sight.
Sliding my back down the wall I cup my face in my hands and I cry.
Katniss.
What I wouldn't give to walk beside her. To just look at her with her knowing.
To touch her.
I pick myself up from the floor and make my way slowly to the kitchen and start trying to recover the dough I've ruined. I can't stop thinking that I had seen that smile before. That it should look familiar to me.
It's another few minutes before I realize that the dough is hopelessly crumbled and a peek through the kitchen window tells me Haymitch is making his way over to Katniss's house.
Walking to the front porch I call to him.
"She just left for the woods."
"How long ago?"
"Maybe 10 minutes."
"Did she look okay?" He stuffs his hands in his pockets and looks to his feet. "We had a bit of an argument. I was coming to apologize."
"Well yeah, I guess. She had her bow from Beetee and she was smiling."
Something about his eyes as they look at me in horror tells me that I've missed something crucial.
"Peeta. Did she have her game bag?"
"No." I can't see why this matters but I can tell he thinks it's important. "Why?"
"Peeta, Katniss doesn't hunt with Beetee's bow."
I don't understand what he's hinting at but then it hits me.
I have seen that smile before.
It's the same one she wore when she put the berries in her mouth in the arena. The one she wore when she knew that dying was better than living and had resigned to the fate.
Suddenly I remember the conversations with the District 13 doctors after President Coin's death as they tried explaining to me that Katniss had given up. That she kept trying to kill herself.
"My God. She's going to kill herself!"
I'm running then. Haymitch grabbing my arm and pulling me back shocks me.
"Peeta, it'll be to late! You shouldn't have to see it. Let's just call the death crewmen."
"Stay then! Don't follow! It's not too late!"
Running. Willing my feet to move faster than my heart as it pounds rapidly. Knowing despite my bravery that it's to late. Knowing that Katniss is just brave enough to bury that arrow into her own skin.
Knowing she won't have reason for pause because of how stupidly selfish I've been. Ignoring her in fear that I'll have a flash back in her presence and hurt her.
The though of never hearing her, seeing her, telling her. It's enough to make my feet pound the ground faster.
A.N. aaannnnndddd...BAM! That's all for this chappie. Check out my other Twilight current fanfic "My Own Descisions" and as always...review!