He isn't sure how this started.
It may have been a mission, he's not sure.
He can't really remember anything else , this is just how it is ,and he can't escape.
Every now and then, Yassen will cruise in his car along his house ; most often before some stupid mission, and Alex will get in and go.
Alex hates it, hates how Yassen has control of him , hates how Yassen can take all he wants from him and he won't say a word because he needs it.
Needs it because what Yassen does is the equivalent of telling the whole criminal underworld to stay the hell away from Alex Rider because he's under Gregorovich's protection.
Needs it because he's not sure what Yassen puts in the cigarettes he always offers Alex, but it's effects seem to last about a week and he can never resist them ,he hates this..addiction ,to the cigarettes and absinthe he consumes.
At least Yassen is gentle enough[most of the time] ,and he is constantly draped in luxury – he lies in the kings sized bed ,laden with silk sheets and down pillows,Yassen's arms circled protectively,and Alex laughs when he thinks how Yassen should be the father he never got.
Sometimes..Yassen can be in a bad mood, and Alex will switch from pet to punching bag to whore again. Yassen's backhand is as familiar as his kisses and he finds it increasingly difficult to explain the welts to Jones and Blunt [although it would be harder with Jack ,he misses her so much ,what would she SAY?] but is pretty sure they already know ,don't care, and are keeping him around for pillow talk.
He knows the routine – Yassen will get some bad news, storm into the flat, find Alex,beat him, fuck him, sleep, wake up ,apologise, bandage him up ,apologise,buy him something lavish and expensive like a new Rolex, rinse repeat every few months.
He has to force himself to stand still when Yassen walks towards him,smother the instincts wailing for him to turn and run, force himself to stay calm when his hand trails down his back,keep from flinching when the lips are pressed against his neck.
But mostly Alex hates how lost he is , how utterly stuck. He doesnt love Yassen, he knows that, he knows it when Yassen slurs that he loves Alex,and the words 'I love you too' are forced out of his mouth.
Alex hates how he can't see any way out – this is what he knows- what he's known since the tender age of 15 and he can't imagine a life without.
Hates how much he's addicted to all this- all hotels, and diamonds,alcohol and nicotene.
But most of all he hates how he ignores how he feels, pretends that Yassen loves him,hates how his first time was stolen from him.
He hates how he gets in Yassen's car perfectly willingly,hates how he gives consent, hates how he ends up begging for more.
Alex is a whore,Yassen's little pet and he can't keep from loving it.