Finding Peace
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters.
This story takes place immediately following "Deathly Hallows". There are some spoilers…Please read and REVIEW
It was well past 4 in the morning and Hermione was yet again changing positions on the bed, trying to get to sleep. So far, rest had been elusive. The few times she dozed off she was immediately bombarded with images of Harry laying on the ground, still and pale. There was no way she was getting any rest tonight and the nagging urge to see Harry breathing and safe was only getting stronger as the night (or rather morning) wore on. Standing, Hermione groaned in frustration at her exhaustion and inability to sleep. Leaving the room, she quietly padded to the boys dorm, thankful that no one seemed to care tonight whether boys and girls were in their appropriate rooms. Approaching Harry and Ron's room, Hermione quietly opened the door and snuck in. Closing the door softly behind her, she sat on Ron's bed. Ron was staying with his family tonight, understandably. She spied an uneaten sandwich next to Harry's bed and noticed he was still in his clothes, glasses and all. Hermione was immensely comforted by his familiar soft snores, which she spent so many nights falling asleep to. However, tonight his heavy breathing didn't lull her to sleep as it had so many nights in the past. Tonight, all Hermione could do was sit and stare, thankful she could hear his snores at all. Thankful, her best friend in the world was still with her, safe and alive. Thankful Voldermort was finally dead and gone and the wizarding world, herself, Harry and Ron specifically, could finally rest in peace. A shiver went through her as she yet again considered the alternative.
The hours wore on and the sun slowly poked its way through the pain, destruction and triumphs of the night before. Hermione sat perched against Ron's headboard, eyes fixed on Harry's rising and falling chest. No longer thinking or feeling, just staring, catatonically at her friend. After a while, Harry started to stir and his deep breathing became slightly more uneven. As he opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was Hermione staring at him from Ron's bed.
"G'morning, Hermione" he grumbled, seemingly unaware of where he was or what had transpired hours earlier. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, slowing gaining awareness of his surroundings. "Wait, Hermione? What are you doing here?"
Hermione slowly shook her head, awakening from her catatonic stare. "Couldn't sleep," she replied, her voice rough with exhaustion. Harry looked at her more closely. She was pale and her eyes were dark and cloudy. "Did you sleep at all last night? You look awful, Hermione."
"Gee, thanks, Harry. We haven't slept in weeks, what's one more night, give or take?" she chuckled, but Harry didn't laugh.
"Seriously, Hermione, why aren't you sleeping in your room? Don't try and tell me you're not exhausted. We haven't slept in weeks. You're safe now, 'Mione. As unlikely as it seems, Voldermort is no longer after us"
Hermione took a deep breath. She knew she couldn't lie to Harry, so she decided to go for the truth. "Harry, for months I've had nightmares of 'worst case scenarios'. I've imagined in great detail your funeral, mine, Ron's…I've considered what I would say if I had to give a eulogy at one of them. I've contemplated what I would wear, how I would respond to sympathy given from people who didn't even know us," she dabbed at her eyes, and looked up at Harry. He completely understood, she knew he had considered the same things. "And the thing is, Harry, I knew it was what I signed up for. I knew the risks when I first started to fight against Voldermort with you. But yesterday, when Hagrid carried you out of the forest, every nightmare, every contemplation, every fear I've had since we started this was thrown into my face. I thought you were dead, Harry!" tears began to stream down her face, but she held her composure remarkably well. "Last night, when I finally got to bed, your body on the ground was all I could see. I couldn't remember the eulogy I had partially planned or the details of the funeral I had already imagined in my mind. All I could see was you and all I could think of was the complete devastation and despair that I felt and how immensely unfair it was that you were gone. In the less than fifteen minutes that you were dead to me, my whole world fell apart. Everything we fought for was gone and even though you're alive, and you defeated Voldermort, I just couldn't shake those feelings so quickly…so anyway, I guess that's why I'm here. I just needed to watch you breathe." Hermione turned red and looked away, embarrassed at how much she had just confided in Harry and annoyed with her tears, which she never could control.
Harry got up and moved over to where Hermione was sitting on Ron's bed. He pulled her close and had her lean on him, grabbing her right hand in his left and holding it over his heart. "Hermione, I'm still here. I'm safe, and it's mostly thanks to you. I've had those nightmares too, Ron has also, you know. We've faced death so often that it would be more unusual if we hadn't had those thoughts and ideas in our minds. That night after Bellatrix hurt you, I snuck into your room after you were sleeping and stayed up watching you, making sure you were safe and alive, too. It took some time, but I finally realized how strong you are and that you were going to be fine." Hermione looked up at him, surprised that he had done the same thing she had. Harry continued, "The war is finally over, now. We made it through and I swear, that for the rest of our lives, I will keep us safe. So close your eyes, 'Mione. Rest." Hermione snuggled further into Harry's chest. Comforted by his words and steady heartbeat, she gave in to her exhaustion, no longer able to keep her eyes open.
And for the first time in weeks, she slept unplagued by the terrors and nightmares of the past.