Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters so don't sue me
The fellowship had only left that morning on the start of their quest, but already they were sick of each other. Legolas and Gimli had been arguing non-stop about anything and everything. Aragorn and Boromir were constantly trying to out do each other by bragging and making up exaggerated stories. Merry and Pippin wouldn't shut up and were irritating everyone. Every 5 minutes Sam kept asking Frodo how he was and if he needed anything, and Frodo kept asking Gandalf how much further it was till they reached the cracks of doom.
"Hey Boromir" Aragorn started another of his wild heroic tales, "Did I ever tell you about the time I saved Lady Arwen from a pack of wild wolves?"
"A pack of wild wolves? That's nothing I once saved um…. Elrond from an um… giant…man eating…uh prehistoric… carnivorous… uh swamp rat," Boromir finished with a smirk on his face.
"Well once I saved a whole city from a tidal wave," Aragorn boasted
"Of yes and how did you do that?" Boromir asked with a raised eyebrow
"Easy, I uh… hey I don't believe I told you about the time I….."
And on and on they went. Meanwhile Gandalf was having problems of his own.
"Gandalf, how long till we reach the cracks of doom?" Frodo asked for the hundredth time that day looking up at Gandalf with his bright eyes.
"Ahh, a long time yet my dear hobbit," Gandalf answered as he surveyed the scenery.
"Are you alright Mister Frodo Sir?" Sam asked Frodo, "Is there anything I can get you?"
Frodo rolled his eyes and sighed. Sam had been asking him how he was every 5 minutes for the last 3 hours. He had tried to run away from Sam several times but gave up as he realised that it was impossible.
"I'm fine thanks Sam," Frodo said then turned back to Gandalf and said quietly to him, "I'm starting to regret bringing him, Gandalf, you couldn't imagine how annoying it is to have someone ask you a stupid question every 5 minutes," Frodo said shaking his head. "Now how long till we get there?"
Gandalf rolled his eyes and muttered to himself. At that moment he turned around just in time to see Legolas smack Gimli over the head with a stick.
"OWWW, what did you do that for you bloody elf?" Gimli said rubbing his head.
"Yes what is the meaning of this Legolas?" Gandalf questioned the handsome elf that appeared to be very angry.
"That, brute told me I should cut my hair because I look like a drag queen," Legolas said pointing to Gimli.
"Hey who you calling a brute, Blondie?" Gimli shot back
"You call me Blondie, like it's an insult, but its not so there," Legolas stuck his tongue out at Gimli.
"Don't poke your tongue out at me, or I will cut it off, " Gimli said and he pulled out his axe.
"Alright, alright that's enough you two," Gandalf said stepping between them. He opened his mouth to say more but closed it as he realised something was wrong.
"Where are Merry and Pippin?" he asked looking around.
Boromir stepped forward with a guilty expression on his fair face and dropped a wriggling sac at Gandalf's feet.
"What is this?" Gandalf said looking down at the sac, "Why have you put Merry and Pippin into a sac?"
For the first time in hours the whole fellowship was silent as they all watched what was happening.
Boromir looked down at his feet and mumbled, "Well they wouldn't shut up, honestly Gandalf we couldn't put up with them any more, so I grabbed them and put them in this sac." Then Boromir looked towards Aragorn and said loudly, "Reminds me off the time I captured two orcs and put them in a bag to take home to kill, because I had forgotten my sword………"
And so the blissful silence had only lasted a few minutes until all nine voices could be heard talking at once.
"Gandalf, how long till we get there," Frodo asked Gandalf who was trying to untie the sac.
"Not now Frodo, I'm trying to untie this blasted sac,"
"Mr Frodo! Mr Frodo! Are you ok? Do you need anything?" Sam asked worried that Frodo might
think he was neglecting him, as he hadn't asked how he was in at least 10 minutes!
"Once I wrestled a shark who was as big as a baby whale!" Aragorn said to Boromir.
"Well once I wrestled a baby whale who was as big as a shark!" Boromir said without thinking.
"Only last week I saved an entire kingdom from a deadly virus," Aragorn said
"Once I saved the whole world from extinction…" Boromir started
Behind them Gimli had Legolas in a headlock and was scuffing up his hair. Legolas was screaming like a little girl.
"No no! Not my hair, it took me hours to do this morning," Legolas whined as he struggled and thrashed at Gimli.
Gimli chuckled gleefully to himself and laughed at Legolas's attempts to escape.
"What's wrong little elf? Am I to strong for you?" Gimli said and started laughing so hard that he didn't realise he had loosened his grip on Legolas.
Legolas easily slipped out of Gimli's firm grasp and ran off and climbed up a nearby tree.
"Come back down here and face me like a man," Gimli shouted angrily at Legolas who sat on a branch laughing at him.
"You come up here and face me like a man," Legolas yelled back then he threw a pinecone at Gimli, which hit him on the head.
"Grrrrrr, that's it I'm coming up," Gimli yelled furiously. He strode over to the tree and attempted to climb it, but kept sliding down the trunk.
All while this was happening Gandalf was still trying to untie the sac. Several times he called out for assistance but the rest off the fellowship were busy with their own dramas.
He finally got fed up with the sac so he grabbed his knife and slit the bag open.
Merry and Pippin climbed out, stood up and stretched.
"Thanks Gandy, it was starting to get a bit stuffy in there," Pippin said.
"Yes we will defiantly have to pay that big oaf Boromir back for that, fancy putting US in a sac!" Merry said incredulously.
"Gosh I'm starving Merry, what do you have to do to get some food around here?" Pippin said.
"Hey Gandalf, me and Pippin are starving, how long till lunch time?" Merry asked the wizard.
Before Gandalf could reply the two little hobbits started talking again.
"Fine, don't worry, we will find our own food," Pippin said.
"Yes, Oh! Look over there Pippin, I think I see some mushrooms," Merry said excitedly.
"Mushrooms! Oh great! Where? I can't see any mushrooms, you must be seeing things."
"No look, come on I will show you."
"I still can't see them, I'm not walking all the way over there for some mushrooms I cant even see."
"That's because your looking in the wrong place, they are behind that big rock."
"Well how can you see them if they are behind the rock? Unless you can see through the rock?"
"No I can see some peeking around beside it as well."
"What? No you have gone bonkers, there's nothing beside that rock except some weeds."
Gandalf sighed as he listened to the hobbits go on and on. He now understood why Boromir had put them in the sac. This was going to be a very long, tedious journey.
"Gandalf, how much longer till we get there?" Frodo piped up from beside him.
"Keep calm," Gandalf muttered to himself.
"Master Frodo, how are you? Do you need anything?" Sam asked
Gandalf glanced around at his company.
Gimli was trying to climb a tree whilst Legolas threw pinecones down at him, laughing hysterically. Aragorn and Boromir were now showing each other their battle scars while making up ridiculous stories to go with them. Merry and Pippin were talking a mile a minute whilst looking for mushrooms. Sam was annoying the hell out of Frodo and Frodo was annoying the hell out of Gandalf.
"This is the best middle earth could offer," He thought to himself.
"How much further Gandalf? We must be there by now."