Secret Swooper 2012
Recipient: The ever awesome miss_m_cricket from LJ who prompted Fenris/Anders or Fenris/Anders/Nathaniel.
Title: Little White Truths
Rating: M (for M/M slash obviously, lascivious drunken talk and dodgy use of someone's Maker given gifts)
Characters: Fenris, Anders, Nathaniel, Delilah, mentions of other characters.
Word Count: Roughly 3390
"Elf."
"Human."
Nate glanced sidelong at Fenris. He took another swig of wine from the bottle before handing it across the giant potted plant to the enigmatic elf, who was leaning against the wall. As usual, he was sporting a scowl that was truly heroic even by the rogue's own standards. And if Nathaniel Howe excelled at anything, it was scowling... well, that and killing people... and killing Darkspawn of course... but scowling was definitely up there... and if he was rambling at himself this enthusiastically then he really needed to slow down on the wine...
The dark haired man shook himself to clear his head and looked past the (in his opinion - very gaudy and ugly) potted plant to peer into the elf's(in his opinion - incredibly pretty and intense)eyes. And Maker, weren't they eyes you could just get lost in; turbulent and roiling like an angry sea...
He waved his hand, refusing the bottle that Fenris offered him. He definitely needed to slow down a bit.
"So, Fenris was it?" Fenris nodded, taking another long swallow of the wine. "I'd ask what you were brooding about, but..." He followed the elf's line of sight and then looked back at him with a smirk.
"Clearly you have been talking to the Dwarf too much. I do not brood." Fenris scowled, triggering an very unmanly giggle from Nate, who was tipsy enough not to care at this point. He didn't get the opportunity to let go and relax very often, so when his sister arranged a party in his honor he resolved to make the most of it.
"Oh I beg to differ, my angst filled Elven friend, you are most definitely brooding. I only brought it to your attention because excessive scowling will give you wrinkles, or so the Hero of Ferelden keeps telling me." He chuckled to himself, remembering how hard it was to maintain his patented 'I hate the world' scowl until Amell was out of earshot so he could laugh at her outrageous teasing without her hearing him. This strange tattooed warrior beside him reminded Nate of himself some years back.
"Well, since I am not brooding, you need not concern yourself with my impending facial decrepitude." Fenris' mouth twitched, before attempting to melt the wine bottle he was looking at with the strength of his glare. He looked out into the crowd of people again, looking at everyone except the Void ridden man his eyes seemed to gravitate towards.
"Anyway Fenris, as I was saying, I do not need to ask you what you are brooding about, because it is standing in the patch of courtyard you are trying so hard notto look at." Nathaniel chuckled, throwing caution to the wind. He swiped the bottle from Fenris before the elf had a chance to crush it in his hand, thereby wasting the precious liquid inside. He was rewarded with bland look.
After taking a small sip he handed the bottle back. He leaned on the plant pot and pointed towards the mage that was leaning against a birdbath at the opposite end of the garden.
Fenris' eyes widened for a second then flicked to the 'patch of courtyard' in question, before settling back on the rogue standing next to him.
"Of course I am avoiding looking at... that... The abomination is lucky I don't go over there and choke that self righteous look right off his face." He hissed, taking another gulp of wine in an attempt to hide the blush that he could feel rising up from his neck to the tips of his ears.
"Oh-ho! Such disdain! There is no denying it! Our little Sparkle Fingers has gotten to you too, hasn't he?"
"What do you mean...?" Fenris growled, biting off the 'you too?' from the end of his question.
"Let me show you."
Nate smirked, rolling his eyes. He waved at his sister to summon her over.
She skipped over to him, cheeks rosy and eyes glowing. He swept her up into a bear hug.
This was the happiest he had seen her since before he left Ferelden in his youth. He felt a small pang of guilt that his life as a Warden could trigger this kind of celebration upon his return. While the party was an enjoyable diversion, he knew that she was beside herself with worry every time he was on duty.
Placing her gently back on her feet, he slid an arm around her shoulder and whispered conspiratorially in her ear.
"So dear sister, looking at this strapping example of Elven masculinity here..." His sister looked up at Fenris, smiling in greeting.
"He is indeed as you say, dear brother." shereplied, looking up at Nathaniel with a suspicious glint in her eye.
"Look closely, sister. Where have you seen that look before?"
Delilah looked at Fenris, peering at him until he had to force himself not to squirm under her scrutiny. He was just getting to the point of fidgeting when she looked across the yard to where his gaze had been when she had come over to them. Suddenly her face broke into an impish grin. She looked up at Nathaniel, her eyes full of mirth.
"Why brother, I have indeed seen that look before, directed at the same person!" She patted Nate's face fondly.
"When I was visiting you in Amaranthine. You had that look!" Her face blushed beetroot redas she threw her brother a sassy look. "Later that night I walked into the library to see my brother on his knees with the Mage's little warden... Ehem, well, you get the idea... I take my leave brother, before talk of your conquest' make me die from blushing!"Delilah ruffled her brothers long hair, turning an evenmore vibrant red.
Muttering about manly men and their weakness for handsome mages, she turned and rushed off to find Merrill. At least the pretty dark haired elf wouldn't have her reciting tales that would make even a Grey Warden blush.
The two men drank in silence for some time, gazing at the Mage who was now dozing on a bench next to the bird bath. Fenris let out a sigh that sounded almost wistful.
"He looks so peaceful when he sleeps, doesn't he?" Nathaniel whispered.
"I'm sure even a Demon is peaceful when it sleeps." Fenris growled, draining the bottle he had been cradling before opening another.
"So is a wolf my friend, but he is no more a demon than you are a dog. You both have tragedies in your past, as do all people who are destined to change the world." He took the bottle that Fenris was offering, taking a large gulp before continuing.
"That 'demon' as you call him, is my friend Justice. He is most definitely not a demon, incidentally. Anders has been fighting the same fight as you his entire life. All he has ever wanted is the freedom to simply be."
Fenris grunted and took a breath to speak, but Nate cut him off.
"Before you deny it, I will say it again. Anders is no more evil than anyone is who was tainted by abuse in their past, and Justice is no different. He did not chose to be here any more than Anders chose to be dragged off to a glorified dungeon as a child. Anymore than you chose to be enslaved and tortured by the man who kept you caged."
Nathaniel let out a sigh filled with regret. Fenris scooted around the plant pot to get a better look at the rogue. He sat with his back propped up against the terracotta and stared into gray eyes with an enigmatic look on his face. Nate slid down to sit next to him on the grass.
"You actually cared for him, didn't you?" Fenris asked, looking more glum now than broody.
"Both of them, yes."
"What do you mean, both of them?" Fenris looked a little horrified.
"I mean both of them. The spirit, Justice, was a dear friend to me. He was the only one of our group who had no idea who I was. As a result, he was the only person I trusted to listen to my thoughts and ideas and not pass judgement." He snickered to himself, remembering. "I suppose no one really thought that badly of me, except the Hero herself, but it felt like it at the time. Even she warmed to me faster than I expected, but Justice... He was special."
"How so?"
"Well, for a start he would have loved you! He had a thing for lyrium. Totally blissed him out! He didn't have any human preconceptions. Everything was refreshingly black and white. There was no political agenda, no emotional blackmail, just honest opinions. He was lonely, lost and unable to get back home. He loved humanity, and all he ever wanted was for everyone to be treated in a fair and just manner."
Fenris nodded, looking thoughtfull. "And what about Anders?"
"Well, Anders is also a special man. He was more carefree back then, he grabbed life by the balls and milked every ounce of pleasure and fun out of it that he could. He lived life like a man eating his last meal." Nathaniel huffed a small laugh before continuing.
"He once said that all he ever wanted was 'a pretty girl, a decent meal and the right to shoot lightning at fools'. He never knew when he was going to be dragged back to the tower and killed or made tranquil, so he really lived. At least at the beginning." Nathaniel picked at the wax around the lip of the bottle, lost in thought for a moment.
"We all thought that he had finally found his freedom. He was happy for a time. We were happy..." Nathaniel felt a lump forming in his throat and took another gulp of wine. "Well at first we bickered almost as much as you and he do, but eventually..."
"How did you two come together?" Fenris asked.
"Well, that is a personal question! But if you really want details!" Nate laughed, watching the elf's face turn a lovely shade of pink that made his tattoos stand out even more against his olive skin. He watched, fascinated as the elf raised the bottle to his lips, sipping before murmuring into it.
"That... is not what I meant, and you know it rogue. Although I will admit to being curious. The pirate says he uses Magic." He barely managed to keep the growl from his voice as the word tumbled out of his mouth. "I cannot imagine such a thing could be pleasant for most people."
"Ah my friend you are missing out!" This time it was Nathaniel's turn to blush. "That man has abilities that would make him a king's ransom if he ever decided to channel his energies into making gold rather than starving himself. Not that his work isn't important, but he really is wasting some other impressive talents."
"Like what?" Fenris stared at Nathaniel, who was looking a little dazed, lost in memory. He knew he was being unforgivably nosy, but he was extremely curious and by now there were very few people left outside Delilah's house to hear the conversation.
He looked over to the Mage again. The blonde was still sleeping on the bench, thrashing slightly in the throws of another one of his ever present nightmares. Fenris had noticed the mage's disturbed sleep at camp. For years he had attributed it to Anders being weak and soft, or possibly consorting with demons while he slept. This opinion had only started to change over the last year or two when he had seen Bethany and Nathaniel similarly afflicted while they slept.
Anders moaned and thrashed before calming down. He ran a hand across his belly and threw the other arm over his face before falling fully back into the Fade. Fenris dragged his eyes back to the man beside him, waiting to see if he would continue his tale. Finally Nate snapped out of his reverie and took a deep breath.
"Well, since you are so curious, the first time he used magic in that context with me was was the first time we were together." Nate tried somewhat unsuccessfully to quell the leer that suddenly plastered itself to his face. "I've never been squeamish about magic so I didn't object."
"We were sparring up on the battlements in the middle of winter. We had been bickering a lot, and we just kept countering each move the other made. Apparently my poker face frustrated him. He started making lurid comments about people that we frequently traveled with in an attempt to distract me." Nate grinned, eyes sparkling.
"Finally, after around a quarter hour of getting no response out of me... which by the way was a heroic fete, the man has a delightfully filthy mouth... He started describing what he would do to me if I were to let him, starting with kissing me. I told him he didn't have the balls, and of course I was wrong. Maker but that man can kiss." Nathaniel felt himself blushing furiously, heat was pooling low in his belly just from remembering a kiss. Flames, it had been far, far too long.
Fenris waited for the man to continue, watching in fascination as Nathaniel's skin flushed. He swallowed hard, as his eyes traveled up Nate's neck across his lips, and to his slightly too bright eyes. He nodded for the man to continue.
"It was rough at first, but maker when he used his tongue... He made lightning run along his tongue, it was like an orgasm in my mouth. I still don't even know if he does it intentionally. We kissed for a long time - just kissed. Every time his tongue slid against mine, little points of pleasure exploded in my mouth and behind my eyes. He has quick hands too...
He somehow managed to get me from the middle of the practice area to the wall and have me half naked before I realized what was happening. Fortunately for us, everyone was inside avoiding the oncoming snow storm.
The thing I loved about my time with Anders the most, was how he reveled in his pleasure. He would stay silent as long as he could, shaking with the effort to hold it in. I asked him about it once, and he said it was due to the need to stay silent in the Tower. But once he lost control, Andraste's lacy knickers, he could scream. There is nothing as satisfying as watching that man lose control and knowing you were the one to make it happen.
But I digress. He had backed me up to the wall, and pinned me there. He wore the most devilish smirk. He said 'I have more than enough balls for you, love' and launched himself at my neck. He bit hard enough to draw blood, but every time the pain got too much, he would send healing energy through the same spot. It was a constant flicker of pleasure, pain, pleasure, pain pulsing hot and cool through my throat.
He worked his way down my neck to my chest, to my nipples..."
Nathaniel's breath caught in his throat, somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that he should shut up, but he just couldn't stop now that the flood gates had opened.
If he had the presence of mind to look over at the elf he would have noticed how enthralled Fenris was, green eyes glazed over, breath coming in short bursts. His gaze was intermittently flickering between the rogue and the Mage asleep on the bench. He was getting painfully aroused, but he wasn't sure whether it was because of the mental image of Anders acting with such wanton abandon, or because of the hansom man sitting next to him reciting such alluringly dirty private memories to him. Fenris wondered if he should end the conversation, but he couldn't seem to make his voice do as it was told.
Nathaniel cleared his throat and continued, deliberately not meeting Fenris' eyes.
"When he reached my nipples he suckled on one as he pinched the other. He had somehow made frost in his mouth, and warmed his fingers. Every now and then he would swap hot for cold.
As he dropped to his knees he looked up at me. Makers balls... he is so beautiful when his pupils blow wide and he smiles up at you...
And when he takes you in his mouth, and that lightning coated tongue hits your flesh..."
Nathaniel heard a strangled whine next to him. Snapping back to the now, he sucked in a shuddering breath and forced his fists to unclench. His exhale came out as a hybrid of a whimper and a moan.
He looked over to his impromptu drinking partner, his face burning with shame now that he was thinking a little clearer. This man was in love with Anders and here he was regaling the poor elf with stories of his escapades with the same man! He was such a heel.
"Fenris I am so sorry, I had no right to..." He started to apologize.
"No. Please Nathaniel, do not apologize. There is little chance of Anders and I ever arriving at a time and place where we would... work. I do not even know if either of us could ever trust the other enough to try." The elf looked at him with such a look of tortured confusion that Nate had bite his tongue to keep from apologizing again.
"I wish. I truly wish that I could forget what he is, but I do not know if I can. Listening to you, hearing about him from your point of view, it is... helpful." He looked over at the sleeping Mage again and let out a huge sigh.
"Fenris, may I ask you a personal question?" Nate asked, finally looking up into the elf's boundless green eyes. Fenris let out a self depreciating laugh.
"Ask what you will, I could hardly deny you a small part of my history after tonight's conversation." He shot the rogue a rueful grin.
"Very well, how did you come to realize that you wanted Anders? You obviously bore him no love for a long time. What made that change?"
Fenris thought in silence for a few long minutes before answering.
"It was gradual, and it is hard to pinpoint exactly when it started. The moment I truly realized, even if I told myself it was the magic that did it, not my true feelings... It was when we were in the Deeproads looking for you. I didn't tell him about a cut on my leg because I didn't want him to touch me, to heal me. When he noticed the wound he flew into a panic. He insisted on healing me and checking for taint. It was the first time he had ever used a spell on me specifically. The spell, it affected my markings. I had never felt anything like it." Fenris shivered at the memory, he had never felt pleasure so intense in his life. That small spell almost undid him right in the middle of camp.
Nathaniel nodded. He had suspected as much. He was the only other person in the camp at the time who had been on the receiving end of that kind of reaction from the mage. He knew that look.
He sighed and took a swig of the wine he had been nursing before handing it back over to Fenris. Hesitantly he reached over and twined his fingers through the slender tattooed hand that was resting on the ground near his thigh. They had all been telling themselves little white lies. Himself, Justice, Anders, Fenris. Maker, even the rest of Hawk's group. It was a wonder that any of them could function properly, they lied to themselves so much. Would it really hurt if he told the truth just this once?
"Well, if my meager tales can bring you a strange kind of peace, then I shall not deny you my friend." Nathaniel whispered. "Let me tell you of what happened after the blizzard started in full force and we retreated to the library to defrost..."
Nathaniel felt Fenris' head gently lean against his shoulder as they both watched Anders sleep, free for now, under the stars.