The Winter air was beginning to pick up leaves and toss them over the cobblestone streets. A week ago she had received his letter; it was neither signed nor addressed, but the owls didn't need that kind of assistance. One look at the elongated scrawls told her by whom it had been written; they were familiar scratchings from what seemed like another life. A lot had changed since the last time they had spoken; just before the family had disowned him.
She was already out of Hogwarts by then. Five years his senior, they shared the school for a very short amount of time. Only months following her graduation the marriage that she was arranged for was completed. He believed in pure blood, pure values and pure families. She wept the night before her wedding. It was known that he had bedded her oldest sister, as a trophy during their years at school and assisted their family by breaking their middle daughter of her chastity, in the hopes it would make her less desirable to the mudblood wizard she had chosen to marry. The Black Family was twisted; but with no others more so than Lucius Malfoy.
Their wedding night had been one of conquest for him. In the bed where she and her sisters were conceived, between the sheets in which he was, his hunger for the Black Sisters was finally satiated. With Bellatrix joined in appropriate forces and Andromeda banished from the family, it was up to Narcissa to provide Black family heirs. His anger when their wedding night came to no conclusion was met with her suggestion that perhaps his potency was not what it should be. A backhand to the face and stunner to the chest later she lay on their bed, tears streaming down her face and her legs shaking in pain. She had suffered him for six long years with no child to show for it. In some ways, this made her a greater failure to the family than had she done as her sister and married a mudblood.
"They would meet their end," her husband told her, as they lay on the sheets, Narcissa's body curled and intertwined in the soft silk that he was so accustomed to. "The blood traitors and mudbloods will get what they so thusly deserve," his voice echoed throughout their bedroom. Nearly as strong as his hunger for flesh was his hunger for persecution and many nights would either begin or end with his disappearing off somewhere, cloaked and masked to do the bidding of the Dark Lord.
The Dark Lord's business was just that to Narcissa; his and not her own. Though her husband had pledged his allegiance as soon as he was able, she had declined on pretense that her family had already given one, her sister Bellatrix to his service. Her strange fascination bordering on obsession was enough and her admittance to his Death Eaters was not required. In some small way, she knew Lucius was to thank; being in the Dark Lord's confidence, he informed her it was his encouragement that had spared her. For this action, she found herself both thankful for his sacrifice and angered; the proposition of being indebted to Lucius in the way was not to her liking.
Even as younger woman she had toyed with the idea of throwing caution to the wind as her younger cousin did; though she respected her family and their ideals she began to realize over time that they were narrow compared to the ways of the world. When her sister had been shunned, she had so followed suit; for a world where she would not be allowed to enter the House of Black was not one in which she wished to live.
However, there were things worth sacrificing for and she stood, her rail thin form easily disguised as but another tree in the dense forest outside the town of Hogsmeade; a place she had neglected to return to since her adolescent days of running from one shop to the next, purchasing sweets and other necessities. Her pace was quick and the dark green velvet cloak her husband had purchased for her on a recent business trip trailed behind her, the ends lifted gently by the Winter air that pushed against her pale face.
She had been the one to show him the cave; during one of her visits to Hogsmeade just after her wedding. It had been the year before his life would change and the family that he had grown to resent would give him no reason to feel guilt for the lack of affections he held. She had been twenty; he fifteen and beginning to enjoy the merits as such. He had followed her up the hillside, through the weaving trees to the place where the cave was. "My secret place, Sirius… You mustn't tell a soul," she had whispered to him as they sat together, staring down at the city of Hogsmeade below them.
The sun shone brightly on the mountainside, but even in all the glow he felt as if they were above all the world. It was in this bright place she shared her darkest thoughts; the abuse of her new husband and his involvement in the dark uprising that was brewing all around them. She found herself crying in the arms of her cousin, the only person she could trust with such information. He had been strong for only fifteen years old; wise beyond his years and experience.
It was in this moment of elation that their eyes met first; hands grasping each other tightly it was not discernable which had initiated the contact. The point was not the beginning, but the result as Narcissa found herself in the arms of her younger cousin, their lips meeting in a forbidden kiss. Their kiss escalated and with her advanced knowledge, she guided him as she had as children, taking his hands and directing them against her body. His touch was different than that of her new husband. It was timid, unsure; a sensation that her body longed for and with her own hands she encouraged him to continue exploring her.
As young and foolish as they were they remembered themselves. A few awkward parting words and they took off in opposite directions. Sirius returned to the castle and Narcissa to her husband. The incident was not breathed between them again.
The cave was just as he had remembered; the very same cave she had shown him while exploring the hills of Hogsmeade; Buried between trees and rocks and other foliage that dotted the hillside. Finding it was as simple as if he had never left and he sat on a large rock just inside the door, waiting for her to arrive.
There was nowhere else for him to turn; essentially he had no family to speak of, though his brothers the Marauders were more family than any of the Blacks had been in recent years there was a growing distance between them that could not be explained. Since Hogwarts, James had supported them all with the Potter money, a fact that Sirius detested. Just less than a year ago, his best friend in the world married a girl that they all agreed, he did not deserve. It was in this joking manner that the Marauders continued to exist as best they could.
In recent days he had found himself short of breath; drowning in a sea of orders, decisions and actions that were not his own. He had never been 'for the greater good.' Many months before as he watched James and Lily twirl about, their first dance as a married couple, he realized that it was James who had brought the do-gooder out of him. It was this resentment, this realization that perhaps the life he had been living was not his own but simple that which came with riding the coattails of James Potter which brought him to write the letter.
Sirius had always been fond of her; even as children tramping about the manor. She was the fairest of his cousins; though all were beautiful. Bellatrix's wild nature matched her unchecked beauty; Andromeda while attractive was rather plain; it was Narcissa whom was the most stunning. She was a classic beauty in the best sense of the word and he closed his eyes, remembering her scent, her eyes and her heavy breath as they had sat together in the cave only four years ago.
He wanted her then as he wanted her now; to simply be close, to assure him as she had when they were children that things were not always how they seemed. As a youngster, her five advanced years seemed such an insurmountable distance. The wisdom and knowledge she had been able to acquire ahead of him only magnifying his innocence, his ignorance to the world and the ways in which it worked.
Ignorance was quickly replaced by confusion, which in turn became the force behind his swagger. He had been popular with the girls before the incident with his cousin of which he never spoke to a soul. Unable to be with her again in such a way, he began to take conquests in her place. The halls of Hogwarts swarmed with girls eager to sneak away from class and the watchful guise of professors in favor of less worth pursuits. No, he was not James Potter, but he was his best friend and for many of them, that had been enough. If he could get them into an empty classroom and convince them to let his hands explore their bodies he would have them.
The women after school had came just as easily and were all the same; Long blonde hair and blue eyes, but none so bright and shining as those of his forbidden cousin. His bedroom door opened and closed with a frightening speed as girls, witch and muggle alike bowed to his charms. Each night was spent in bed with another woman; his days spent fighting the good fight with James; his mornings however were his, and the hollowness which he knew to haunt his cousin in her empty marriage haunted him as well.
A fire was quickly started from a brief light at the end of his wand. Not a sound was uttered as he rubbed his hands together over the flickering flames and waited for a salvation that had not guarantees of arriving. The light crunching of the ground beneath soft-stepping feet told him she had arrived. "Sirius," her voice called out to him from the darkness and her long narrow face came into the view of the fire; orange and red flames dancing against her piercingly blue eyes. "My secret place; you did remember."
"How could I have forgotten?"
The fire was a welcome sight and it sprang to life as she reached the mouth of the cave. He looked well for someone on the other end of the attacks Lucius relived for her in such graphic detail. Certainly the four years had done him good; the rest of his body having grown into his erratic spurts in height which plagued him as a boy. The prospect of seeing that body against a glowing firelight excited her in a way that Lucius had never been able to manage.
"I don't suppose you could have," she said, entering the cave and lowering the dark hood of her cloak, revealing her face; relatively unchanged since their last meeting. He noticed that her eyes appeared heavier, darker and the long flowing white-yellow locks that had lain against her shoulders as a young girl were now twisted and knotted behind her head. She was just as beautiful as he had remembered her and the swell from between his legs told him that his feelings for her had not changed in the slightest.
He moved toward her slowly, his own cloak long forgotten, spread on the ground near the fire. He placed a hand to her arm; so thin and frail that for a moment his thoughts turned to her health. She could see in his eyes that despite their longing he was concerned for her in ways he needn't be. Narcissa knew she could assure him of her own well being soon enough. She reached for him, pulling him toward her with a strength that seemed to come from somewhere deep inside her. For a moment, they stood together holding onto each other, bringing themselves back to the afternoon of illicit play from earlier years.
He leaned forward and she raised her hand to the side of his rough face, directing him toward her. Their hips met first; an indication of what was to follow. In the flickering fire she saw lust in his eyes and closed her own as she was brought forward; their lips finally coming together, releasing the passion they had kept a secret for so long.
Sirius was better equipped than he had been four years ago and it showed as he gathered her in his arms, sliding her cloak from her body with a certain practiced skill. Their lips never parted and their kiss intensified. Narcissa playfully bit at his lower lip; the thought of doing so with her husband was unthinkable, but the nights they had shared were far from her mind as she pulled her cousin toward her and began to unclasp the silver buckle of his belt.
Longing had overcome him for so long that he felt an aching for her. His hands ran up and down the sides of her body, he tugged at her hips, pulling them closer. His eyes opened for a moment in surprise at her forward play of biting his lip. Certainly her husband, who he had envied in silence for so many years would not allow such a display of affection, but Sirius savored it. He brought one of his hands to her face, resting it against her soft blonde hair. When her hands found his belt a cunning smile parted his lips from hers. With ease, he lifted her dainty frame and spread her legs, pushing her into the tall, smooth walls of the cave. He grunted lustfully and brought his lips to her neck, covered mostly by a tall-collared number with lots of green, black and frills – no doubt something HE had chosen for her.
She inhaled sharply as he raised her from the ground; it was forceful, but in a different way than Lucius, for she did not feel fear as he pushed her up against the cold stone wall, only longing. Her legs spread to either side of his hips and she felt him pushing against her. Bigger than she had remembered, but perhaps it was the lustful haze that now wafted between the fire and the mouth of the cave. Another sharp breath filled her lungs as he pulled her away from the wall and she took the opportunity to release him from her grasp and find the zipper that went high up her back, trapping her in the ugly frock Lucius had gotten on his last visit to Paris. She found her feet and the dress slowly fell from her corseted frame to the dirt floor below them.
He protested only slightly as she pulled away from him, allowing the dress to slip away and reveal more of his cousin than he had ever seen before. Had she been anyone else, he would have worried about the shocked look which covered his otherwise calm, demure face. She was more breathtaking than he had imagined, even during those late nights he had lay in bed, eyes closed and stroking himself to the memory of her body on top of his. He watched her and felt an animalistic urge tremble inside of him; the large black dog wanting desperately to ravage the pale beauty that now lay before him on the floor of the cave, legs crossed, begging to be teased apart on that high-collared dress. The buttons of his shirt were forgotten as he pulled it open ravenously, tossing it to the ground. He finished her work, unbuttoning his pants and letting them fall to his ankles.
Narcissa did not have to lay long on the hard ground, the cold night air prickling her skin. Her cousin was soon atop her, gently licking and biting at her now exposed neck. Her head reeled back as he lowered himself upon her, putting only two very thin layers of clothing between what they had both come here for. She arched her back as she felt his rough fingertips rub against her. The breathing between them was deep and heavy and she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. A soft moan left her lips as his fingertips found the place they had visited only once before. The dampness he discovered surprised him. Bracing himself against her, Sirius waved his hand in the direction of the fire, which blew out with a sudden gust of wind that covered the moan they shared as he thrust inside her.
Much later as the moon shone brightly, they lay side by side on her dress. He covered her with her green velvet cloak, finally good for something; Narcissa's head resting against the still heaving chest of her cousin. Not a word was spoken between them and the only sounds that came from the cave were the progressive slowing of their breaths, finally returning to a resting pace. He lay back, one hand tucked behind his head and the other entwined in her golden locks, now freed from the knot she had so carefully arranged on her head that morning.
Eventually one of them would find their voice; it would tell of their longing for those few years, their wonderment that they should end up together, and their good fortune that the other would share such affections. It would not be long however before the cold night air would begin to chill their skins and as they donned their clothes the voices would turn to the repercussions of her husband's betrayal and their act… Words would be exchanged which would leave the cousins, now lovers farther apart than they had ever known. In one night, they would entertain their incestuous feelings for each other and part in agreement that for both of their reputations it was best to never speak of what had taken place.
For now however, they lay in the glow of Sirius' fire, lit again by a light at the end of his wand which held back the cold night air and the harsh reality of the world around them.
End