Twilight/New Moon/Eclipse Fan Fiction
By, Faith Weitner
For a while now I have been batting two sides of me. Edward's Bella and Jacob's Bella. Today, I am determined to figure all of my feelings out.
First, let's start with Jacob's Bella. When I am with Jacob I feel like I can share anything with him and that it is the same for him.
He helped me when Edward left, when I could have gone insane. These were my darkest moments of life…and yet there was some light to it because of Jacob. But not just a light. The sun. He was my own personal sun.
He didn't know that I was completely insane…yet, when I asked him if he could fix up those motorcycles. I'm sure he just wanted to help me out, since I looked so beaten that day.
But he didn't know that it was because of the voices…well voice. Edward's voice. Although, when I think about it now, he wouldn't have cared if I was completely and utterly chaotic. Love does that to you.
And considering that I was not in the right mind—what with my heart being shredded into tiny microscopic pieces—I think that somewhere inside me, I knew that I loved him, even though every part of me denied it. Some things are just out of our control.
The thing about Jacob's Bella that Edward's Bella can't compete with is that when I am with Jacob, I feel so much younger. More immature than I normally do. I also feel more free. I feel like I can say anything to Jacob as a joke and know that he understands me and laughs with me, instead of thinking I really am an insane freak.
The things I question about Jacob's Bella are these:
Is feeling immature and childish necessarily a good thing or just a new kind of trouble?
Is it really healthy for me to be best friends with someone of the childish and immature nature, considering that I need someone to make me better and smarter, rather than dumber, yet more durable?
And lastly…Is it really healthy for me to be best friends with someone I love and who loves me, even thought this love can't even compete with that other love I feel? Even though every bone in my body feels so fragile—like they can't take any more of the pressure or stress—when he holds me close, because I know that each time he does this it is a straight forward betrayal to me, Edward, Jacob, and each part of me, too. Both Edward's and Jacob's Bella.
These are some things to ponder.
Now let's see about Edward's Bella.
When I am with Edward I feel safe and protected. But not only that. I also feel like I can be anyone I want to be because I know that no matter what I do or say is going to change the way Edward feels about me.
And vice-versa.
Our love is strong enough to handle that.
The thing about Edward's Bella that trumps Jacob's Bella by far is that:
Edward is way more mature than Jacob and that makes me more mature. I learn from and with Edward.
I think the reason I feel so free and happy with Edward is that when I am with him, the look he gives me is like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time.
Much like the concept of imprinting. We can't really ignore that amount of adoration and commitment.
I feel like I can do anything when I am with Edward. I feel like I can take on 20 newborn vampires all by myself, or take on one very strong, sadistic vampire on my own. He gives me courage as much as I give him strength.
…
…
…
Which is why I have come to the conclusion that Edward's Bella is just too much a part of me to let go. Edward and I are just meant to be together.
One can compare this love story to a twisted form of Romeo and Juliet:
Edward would be Romeo. He sweeps Juliet –Bella--off her feet. Juliet's parents--mostly Charlie--wants Juliet to marry—or in this case, love—Paris, who is Jacob. But, Juliet doesn't love Paris like she loves Romeo. She loves Paris like a brother more than anything. But nothing can be compared to her love for Romeo, which is why in the end, both Romeo and Juliet die for mourning of each other.
I am so glad that I have worked out all of my thoughts and I am happy with the decision that I have made. I will stick with this decision. Edward will never see me shed another tear for Jacob Black ever again.